A page from Estella's journal back home
Jealousy is a disease, one that I've suffered from all my life. Although I am the envy of those in other districts, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of hurt when someone does better than me because I was supposed to be the blueprint. I strive to be the greatest, yet that is not good enough. Those who don't work at least half as hard as me are getting their flowers, so when is it my turn? Huh? Why does the man get to take all the credit while I have to sit back and be the assistant? This was MY project, MY time to shine, yet he takes all the credit. This was MY chance at a better life, so why does he get all the credit? He didn't even write his name on the paper, so WHY tell me why he is considered better? Why is he allowed to be intimidating while I have to smile, or I'm being difficult? Why does the world consider him better? What's up with Carnation getting all the credit when I put in the most hours?