Elias:
I wait for addy and Diego to safely get inside before confronting my girlfriend who has been acting more like a god damn stranger than the girl I love for the past few days. She hasn't spoken to any one of her friends outside of that Lucy girl who everyone really fucking hates. But the worst part is she looks so empty and tortured and I don't know why, I don't know how to fix it when she won't even tell what needs to be fixed!
"Ever since Friday you've shut the whole world out including me and I need to know why Moore. I want to help you but I can't if you keep pretending that there's nothing wrong" I step forward my voice projecting across the gap she's keeping wide, away from me.
"I don't need your help!" She insists frustratedly and for the first time in three days she's shown an emotion. It's anger but that's better than nothing. Anything is better than nothing because it shows she's still there and that she still cares.
"Then talk to Mal or Kim or Malcolm or any fucking one but please stop isolating yourself" I know exactly what she's doing because anytime anything goes wrong she tries to deal with it independently but this time she's taking it too far.
"Stop acting like I need help I'm fine!" She screams back and I laugh sarcastically.
"you're choosing an old druggie over your actual friends and boyfriend! If you call that fine then I really don't know you" I raise my hands as my volume climbs to new heights. How can she seriously try and lie to me?
"That's exactly it, you don't know me. Not really and I don't want you to" my face drops.
"What are you talking about?" She smiles but it's a spiteful curve of her lips.
"The only reason I said yes to being you're girlfriend is because I felt bad for you. You'd asked so many times that I was bored with saying no, I pitied you" she takes a step with each insult and I stumble back feeling like she physically ripped my heart out and tore it into two.
"You're lying" I shake my head, refusing to believe what she's so adamantly telling me.
"Of course you'd want to believe that, you're so desperate to be loved it's pathetic" she laughs and the sound that used to warm my heart burns it to ash. "Why are you doing this? What did I do to you? What happened?" I press for an answer because I still believe my Moore is in there somewhere, behind all of this cruelty.
"You're still making excuses for me? Oh god Elias you really have embarrassed yourself" she smirks like this is all amusing to her. Like tearing me apart is fun for her. "Listen up, I.don't.want.you" she annunciates every word with venom and it breaks something inside of me. "Fine I'm just some charity case you decided to help but tell me Moore, why the sudden change? You were telling me you loved me on Thursday and now this. It doesn't make any sense" she shrugs.
"I'm tired of pretending" now that, that I believe.
"Then stop. I'll still be here when you do" her body relaxes for a second before she realises and snaps her back into it's stiff posture once more.
"I don't want you to be here"
"Well I want to be here"
"Are you not listening?! I want you to leave my life, just get up and go. I don't love you, never have and I never will. You were just a distraction but I'm over that now and I'm over you"
She jabs her finger in my chest and that really does it, shes throwing punches and I don't have it in me to fight my corner anymore. "Okay if that's what you really want then you got it. I'm going" I step backwards. "Finally , it's about time" my hand clenches into a fist. How could she be so wicked? "I really did love you Iris" I feel the need to tell her. "I know, but I never loved you back"
It was all a lie? All a bit of fun, messing with my whole fucking life. I would have taken a bullet for her, I would have sacrificed my whole career for her and she breaks my heart like it's nothing.
"I hope you realise Iris," I say as I walk backwards because I just can't help myself.
"you're only unloveable because you refuse to let people love you. I've proven that you can be loved and you've proven that you won't let me" with those last words I turn away from the girl I still love more than myself.
But I don't go home because there is still two kids who are expecting my presence and I won't let them down. They've had enough of that for one lifetime. Throwing the door open, I have to take a few seconds to gather myself before approaching addy and Diego who are sat at a table by themselves, looking as disappointed as ever.
"Hey" I force a closed mouth smile that addy replicates but Diego pouts.
"I want ris ris" he huffs and I crouch down to his level. "Me too buddy" I whisper and he doesn't catch it but by the look addy is giving me I can tell she did. Clearing my throat I pull on a smile again. "I-"
"You made her cry" he accuses with a miniature version of Lu's scowl and I'm lost for words.
"Don't make her cry" Diego warns me with anger seeping into those big brown eyes of his.
"he didn't rocket" my heart freezes as her voice flows through my ears, sounding so close which she may be physically but in all the other ways that matter, she's so far away.
"Ris ris" he gasps, rushing into her arms.
"Elias is here for you so let's not be rude, he's done nothing wrong" Elias. I don't want to be Elias to her, I want to be newbie. Her newbie.
"Sorry" he mumbles shyly and I raise from the floor. "Don't worry about it little man" I ruffle his hair and he giggles. My eyes stray to the girl holding him on her hip but she doesn't look at me and I try to force myself to accept that she won't be coming back to me any time soon.
"Now may I have this dance, rocket?"
"Yes!" She turns toward the dance floor but not before raising my hopes by looking me in the eye. However, it's only to subtly give me the hint to dance with addy. Of course she only spares me attention for one of the kids benefit, that's the only reason she does anything nowadays. I was going to do ask addy without her encouragement but it still reminds me of how she cares so much about the kids. That side of her she could never erase, no matter what she tries.
"May I have this dance addy?" Her eyes snap up to mine in a shocked instant. "Me?" She questions disbelievingly and I nod with a soft grin. "Of course you"
"Well I'm not a very good dancer..." I take her hand and pull her up from her seat gently.
"I'll teach you" we step onto the dance floor that's filled with kids from a range of different ages and genders dancing with one of their parents.
"I'm worried about Iris" she admits when we have finally found a rhythm we are swaying to.
"Iris is strong, she'll be okay" I assure her though I'm starting to doubt it myself. Even the strongest people can only take so much and I'm afraid she's hit her limit. I just don't know why or how.
"Will you?" Her question catches me off guard and I'm unsure of what exactly she's asking but her unrelenting eyes, that watch my face force me to speak.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
"The only thing you love more than family and football is Iris and the only thing she loves more than us kids is you. And now you don't have each other so will you be okay to live without her" Jesus Christ this girl is perceptive.
"You sound like Iris you know that right?" She laughs shortly. "I wish I could read people as well as she does" I nod with a smile.
"She is the best at that" my gaze travels to the topic of conversation and I watch her twirl Diego around as he breaks into fits of laughter. Her own face is lit with amusement but she can barely muster up the slightest raise of her lips. "I didn't think that real love existed until I saw you two together" addy draws my attention back to her. "I didn't either...until I met her" I smile sadly.
"Then keep fighting because everyone knows that what you two have only comes once in a lifetime"
"I want to but Iris...is a complicated girl" to say the least. "But she's worth fighting for"
"She is." I agree and she gives me a look that has me sighing, "But I can't fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for" addy remains quiet after that because she knows I'm right.
"I think one day you'll be together again" her eyes are steeled with belief in a relationship that is non existent at the moment, though that isn't entirely true. We'll always look at each other as more than friends but for now it'll just have to be less than lovers.
"I hope you're right addy but for now let's talk about something else. How are you getting on in school?" She watches me with a smile for a second before describing how everything is going on the school and home front. I listen intently, asking appropriate questions and adding my input to keep the conversation going. We talk for a long time before pausing for a drink and when we return the dance floor, she dances with Iris and i with Diego.
Addy was shy at first when dancing with Iris but quickly got over that as my girl-sorry ex girlfriend spun her around. She giggled as she turned before taking ahold of iris' hands again. All four of us danced and spoke in our respective pairs until people started to leave and the music got quieter and quieter. That's when we decided to head back to the car.
Diego was falling asleep on iris' shoulder as she carried him outside after saying goodbye to miss Amy. I followed after them, my jacket draped across addy's shoulders, as we crossed the parking lot. She doesn't murmur a singular word as she buckles him in and climbs into the front. Even as we drive back to her house, Iris remains mute. And I'm too scared to say anything in case she decides to shoot another round of sharply pointed arrows at my defenceless heart.
It really feels like I've lost her and I don't think I can bring her back this time.
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"What happened with you and iris? I know she's ignoring all of us but surely not you as well" Mal poses the questions and my heart seizes when I hear her name.
"We are done, it's over. She broke up with me" I inform the group as I fall back into the sofa and avoid their shell shocked faces.
"What?!" The girls all but screech along with Malcolm of course. "That can't be true" Kim shakes her head and I shrug.
"Go ask her yourself"
"I would but I don't want her to slam the door in my face again" Kim frowns, eyes zoned out like she's remembering the painful memory.
"At least that bitch Lucy didn't remove you from iris' room like a god damn bodyguard" Mal grumbles angrily. "She texted me back on Iris' phone the over day how fucking weird is that?" Aidan questions rhetorically.
"I was tempted to run her over in the parking lot" Jake murmurs seriously, a little too seriously.
"I don't get why they are together all the time, is she some secret comedian because if not we are much better than her" Malcolm's nose wrinkles in distaste.
"Maybe they are trauma bonded" Mal suggests and we all simultaneously stare at her weirdly.
"Do you think something bad happened to them both?" Kim wonders and I frown. Something had did happen to Iris but that wouldn't explain why she is acting like this now. It happened years ago.
"If it did she'd never tell us" Aidan sighs.
"Maybe she's just gone back to her old ways, I always thought it would happen eventually" Mal shrugs and my face hardens at her words.
"Even if she has gone back to her old ways do you not want to help her become better again?" I ask gruffly. "We spent months trying to do that last time and we failed. I doubt this time will be any different" Nobody verbalises their agreement but they make no show of disagreeing either.
"We can't just watch and do nothing as she slowly disappears from our lives"
"Jones you never met Iris back then, she was ruthless and a bitch. When she wasn't high she was getting into physical fights, her sisters were heartbroken. Besides after all the shit she said to you and everything she's done to shut us out, do you really think we should be the ones grovelling at her feet?" Mal arches an eyebrow and I don't say anything.
"But she'd grovel if it was one of us" Malcolm counters. "It's true, she would" Kim agrees.
"Then let's agree to try and help her" i glance around at every one of my friends, taking in their weary yet determined expressions. "That's what family do right?" I know every single one of them wants to help her, especially Mal, but they're scared. Like I am. "Yeah it is" Kim smiles at me while everyone internally debates.
"Alright what's the plan Jones?" Malcolm leans forward, a serious aura around him that I've never seen before, not even on the football field. Though he does love Iris as a second sister, if he'd be serious for anyone it would be her.
"I'm not sure" I admit but only Mal sighs like she knew this would happen, the rest start to brainstorm. "Well she'd never say no to anything the kids ask so maybe we could use that" Kim suggests unsurely but I reckon it's great thinking.
"Yes, that could work" i pinch my chin between my pointer finger and thumb.
"Ava and Gracie could ask to have us girls round" Mal finally adds a helpful idea.
"What about us boys? I want to see my best friend" Malcolm complains.
"Football lessons" Jake's low voice simple states.
"Football lessons?" Aidan repeats with evident confusion. "Convince Lu to ask for them and say that we need to use Iris' yard" he deadpans and I think it over for a second.
"That could work" i hum. "You think you can convince Lu to do that?" Mal half scoffs, half sarcastically laughs. "Iris is a mother figure to him, he'd do anything for her" I think aloud and everyone nods their heads in agreement.
"Maybe that's what's wrong, she's tired of taking care five kids. God knows she never had a good parental figure yet she's become one for her twin sisters, a three year old, a fifteen year old and a thirteen year old. That's in no way easy" Kim ponders aloud.
"She makes it seem easy" Jake says.
"She does. But why would that make her push us away and turn back into her younger self?" Aidan questions and I'm stumped again.
"Why don't we focus on getting her back first, and then we can ask what happened" Kim suggests. "She'd never tell us" Mal shakes her head. "Well we aren't entitled to know anything more than she wants to tell us" the small girl rests her face in a determined expression as she clasps her hands together.
"So should we talk to the kids now or...?" She searches the faces in the room and we collectively shrug. "Might as well" Mal gets into action typing away on her phone while Kim hovers over her shoulder watching what she does.
"Should I ask Lu?"
"He likes me better" Malcolm smirks and I roll my eyes. That little shit does like him better.
"Fine you ask him" I dismiss a possible argument with the wave of my hand as I sink back into my seat. Sipping on my drink, I wait for merely two minutes before Mal and Kim jump up.
"They invited us over, they want their sister back too" it physically hurts thinking of how the twins lost their mom and fear they are losing Iris now too. I rub a palm over my chest, trying to ease the sudden burning sensation.
"Luis is a slow replier we'll text you when he messages Malcolm back" I tell them as they pull on their shoes and make their way out of the house. "Alright see you boys later" Mal waves over her shoulder with her back to us while Kim gives us a bright smile before she scurries after her friend. "Maybe he realised you're actually really fucking annoying and blocked you" Jake suggests when Malcolm still receives no reply.
"I'm not annoying! He loves my daily good mornings"
"Nobody loves you're daily good mornings" Aidan corrects him. "Iris did" he mumbles back saddened. "Not anymore" I whisper, gulping down half of my drink afterwards. I need something stronger than this shitty soda.
"Where are you going?"
"For a beer" I answer, walking out of the room and into the kitchen.
I open the fridge and fetch a can from the door without realising Jake had followed me in here.
"How are you doing?" I startle slightly but regain my composure quickly and turn toward him, shutting the fridge door simultaneously.
"I'm fine" he hums entirely unconvinced.
"So fine that you couldn't complete a single throw yesterday" he arches an eyebrow.
"I don't need a lecture thanks, coach gave me a good enough one" I grumble, still sour over how fucked up I actually am over Iris.
I've barely slept since Sunday and it's only Tuesday but I feel like a walking zombie. Worse I feel like a heartbroken zombie.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Nope" I gulp down some beer while he eyes me warily. "Don't go getting drunk out of your mind without me" he gives me a serious look and I nod, that's his way of saying I'm here for you.
"I'll invite you to all of my pity parties don't worry" he huffs out a laugh as I smile.
"Yippee" he half mumbles and i laugh this time.
"He replied!" Malcolm's scream could break glass it's that high pitched. "What did he say?" I yell back, making my way toward the living room once more with Jake by my side.
"He said and I quote: fine full stop don't invite jones" all three sets of eyes fall onto me.
"I'll kill that little weasel" I grumble, rolling my eyes with slight amusement at his bluntness.
"But he is right, I can't go with you guys"
"Why?" Aidan immediately jumps to ask.
"Because she doesn't want me there and she'll break my heart all over again if she kicks me out" I clear my throat after they all just keep staring at me with an uncomfortable concoction of pity and unsettledness.
"I think you just broke my heart" Malcolm pouts, raising a hand over his chest. I roll my eyes again and Aidan pushes him into the sofa.
"Shut up you idiot"
"Hey just because I'm in touch with my emotions does not make me an idiot!" He huffs, pushing himself up from between the cushions.
"I'll stay with you Jones" Jake offers but I have to decline. "What and miss out on seeing Iris?" The corners of his lips turn downward.
"I'll still be here after, go, make sure she's alright for me" I pat his shoulder and he slowly nods.
"I will" he sounds like he's making a promise and I force out a grin. "Good, I'll head home but update me afterwards" Aidan nods in acknowledgment and Malcolm waves energetically as I raise my hand as a goodbye.
Heading outside, I lift my leg over my bike that I've been riding more often recently, and fix my helmet on before riding off toward my house. The house that had started to feel like home because of Iris and the kids has a cold eeriness to it now. The lack of warmth serves as a cruel reminder that it's only me now.
I came into her group of friends, i wormed my way into her life and she's what made living here feel like I belonged. Now she's gone and she's took all of that with her. I'm left with the memories and pictures that remind me at every giving chance what I've lost.
I've got one arm out of my jacket when my phone begins to blare familiar music. I fish it out with no haste and press the green button as I shrug my other arm out of the sleeve of my jacket.
"What's up Mal?"
"Iris isn't at home, she's at a party" my lips tug down into a frown. A party? On a Tuesday?
"Has she gone alone?" Her safety is the only thing I can think of. "No Lucy went with her" of fucking course she did. "Can you pass me over to one of the twins?"
"Sure"
"Thank you" I wait for a second, never moving from my place by the door. "Elias?" Gracie's voice fills my ears. "Hey Gracie"
"Oh hi what's up?"
"Has Lucy been spending a lot of time at your house with your sister recently?" She doesn't need a second to think before she answers.
"She's here literally every day and She's been sleeping over most nights" I can hear the irritation in her tone.
"Does she look after you're sister? Is she a good friend?" I'm glad that I'm speaking to Gracie and not Ava when I ask this because Ava would say no simply because she doesn't like her, even if she treated Iris amazing. Gracie on the other hand is only ever truthful.
"Yes, as much as I hate to admit it. Lucy is a really good friend even when my sister is arguably the worst right now" a breath of relief leaves my lips. Thank god she's still keeping one person close that's good for her.
"Okay thank you" a beat goes by in silence.
"I wanted to say thank you to you actually..you did a lot for me and the rest of us kids when you didn't have to"
"Gracie you don't-"
"No I do because you most importantly made my sister happy again, you managed to bring back her smile even when she fought it so much. So thank you Jones" she's rendered me speechless.
And I realise in this moment that I'll continue to show up for Gracie and her siblings for as long as and as much as possible.
"You know just because me and your sister broke up doesn't mean I'm not still here for you. You can still text me any time, I'll always answer and I'd like to still come to some of your games. Only if you want me to of course"
"I'd love that" I smile.
"Okay then I'll be there oh and Gracie?"
"Yes?"
"Make sure you remind your sister that you love her, sometimes you might think people know but they don't" my fingers twist around the material at the hem of my shirt.
"I will goodbye Elias"
"Bye Gracie" my thumb hovers for a moment of hesitancy before I end the call and my shoulders slump. What am I going to do now?