“did you miss me?” ishan grins, plopping down on surya’s bed.
his sheets are always clean and smell fresh, unlike the ones back in their room because shubman likes to eat on the bed and you could probably find wrappers tucked under pillows.
(“no one is going to marry you,” ishan would tell him.
“tu hai na, meri jaan,” shubman would reply.)
surya turns to the doorway, waving shubman over. he stops by the edge of the bed, deliberately falling on top of ishan.
“fucking giant, get off me!” ishan squeals.
shubman grins, wiggling his fingers in the air to announce his tickle-attack. ishan cries out in defense but it’s inevitable. shubman knows all his weak points.
“face my wrath,” shubman says, laughing along with ishan.
“stop-!” ishan says in between his laughs. “you better stop- befo- before i kick your balls. let go!”
shubman easily takes ishan’s weak punches. “beg me first,” he laughs.
ishan kicks his feet lightly, trying to push him back. “fuck off. not there-! you fucker.”
shubman shakes his head. “try a little sweeter.”
“let me go, shubman,” ishan tries to sound stern but ends up guffawing.
“say please.”
“please, you son of a-”
shubman finally pulls back with a satisfied smile, as ishan glares at him.
surya stands staring at them with the most unamused expression.
“what d’ya wanna drink?” he asks.
shubman turns to him, sighing dramatically. “did you call us for company? you need to make more friends, surya bhai.”
surya turns to ishan. “vodka or beer, ishu?”
“vodka,” ishan grins.
shubman gasps. “how can you just ignore me like that? hey, ask me too!”
“i just did.”
shubman paces behind him as he uncorks the bottle. “why don’t you love me, bhaiya? is it because his cheeks are more pullable than mine?”
surya hands him a glass. “what is even your thought process? but yes.”
“oi!”
ishan snickers, reaching for the glass in surya’s hold. “by the way, you and rahul bhai totally ghosted us back in the zoo,” he says.
“thank god we did,” surya mutters, taking a sip.
shubman is still whining about surya ignoring him but ishan is skeptical of his tone. maybe it’s paranoia but he’s been restless since the kiss they shared in the zoo. stupid shubman’s stupid idea. on the way back home, ishan could feel stares on his back. he felt like he got caught doing something, which is a bit of a reach but forgive a man who’s never kissed a girl in public before, much less a man.
ishan smiles up at him. “so? what did you wanna talk about?”
now this is the issue. surya is not sure how to bring it up. confronting teammates about their homosexual tendencies was in fact not a part of his cricket training.
he thinks about ways he can phrase his words.
how long have you been gay?
no, that sounds like an interview.
are you two fucking in secret?
no, that is too abrasive.
“how long have you been fucking in secret?” he blurts out, mentally facepalming.
shubman spurts out his drink, followed by a coughing fit. ishan’s eyes widen as he’s at a loss of words.
“wha- why- what are you even saying?” he tries to laugh it off but his throat feels so dry and his face feels on fire.
surya sighs to himself. what a great start.
shubman stares at him, a flash of nervousness in his eyes along with disbelief. maybe surya’s just kidding. yeah, that's right. he always calls them boyfriends anyway. he's just being a silly goose…
“i saw what happened in the zoo.”
…or not.
shubman is about to babble on about his justifications, that they're just messing around. ishan tries to get a grasp on the situation. “what did you see?”
shubman blinks, nodding rapidly. “did you see the orangutans-”
“no, shubman, i did not see the orangutans having sex. why do you keep talking about it? anyway, y’all can’t gaslight me out of this. i saw you two kissing, alright?”
ishan hides his face behind his hands, groaning to himself.
shubman almost lets out a yelp. “now let's not jump to conclusions, alright? maybe you misinterpreted it.”
“you’re saying people just stick their faces so close together,” surya says, rolling his eyes.
“...booping noses?”
“i clearly saw your lips joined, shubman, cut it out.”
“that's how they boop noses in new zealand.”
surya looks at him with a deadpan expression. “shut the fuck up.”
“sorry,” shubman mutters. it's over now. it's all over.
ishan peeks from behind his hands. “are we in trouble?”
surya shakes his head. “not yet. you're lucky i was the one who saw.”
shubman sighs in slight relief. “you're not mad at us?”
“i don't know what to be mad about. i am warning you to not pull anything like that in public again though.”
shubman fidgets with his fingers. “ishan is not at fault. it was stupid of me…im sorry. please, just don't hate him-”
sensing the panic in his voice, surya pats his back. “kiddo, if i mean anything to you at all, don't you dare think i'd ever hate any one of you.”
shubman's eyes soften, a small smile appearing on his face. “yeah, i know.”
ishan huffs with a smile. “it's surya bhai, idiot. of course he'd always love me, dunno about you though.”
shubman pouts at surya to which he laughs and ruffles his hair.
“you better thank me for today. rahul sure wouldn't have discussed this over vodka,” surya says.
“how did you stop him from seeing us?” shubman asks.
“naked dancing man.”
“huh?”
ishan snorts. “using my diversion trick for me. i thought it only worked on shami bhai though, im impressed.”
surya grins. they clink their glasses together. “so,” he asks. “are you two dating?”
shubman purses his lips, hesitant to reply. ishan takes a momentary pause.
“no way! what makes you think we would be a good idea,” he says with a chuckle.
shubman feels his stomach drop. that's an expected reply. that's not surprising at all. they never agreed to be anything exclusive. hell, they haven't ever talked properly about what they're doing. what are they even doing?
ishan doesn't owe him anything. besides shubman doesn't have feelings for him either. his ego is just hurt probably, he is not used to hearing such a blunt rejection.
but this is ishan. his best friend. they might have kissed, and made out, and jerked each other off. but at the end of the day that's what ishan is, his best friend.
he is off-limits. shubman can have anyone he wants but not ishan. that is the price of friendship.
surya glances at shubman, noticing his shift in demeanor. he's still smiling but he's staring at his glass, not looking up at them.
“so then, just…casual?” he asks.
ishan rubs his neck. “yeah, pretty much. as long as it's in our comfort zone, right?”
he turns to shubman, who nods with a feign smile. “a little bit of kissing ain't ever harm no one,” he says with a wink.
surya decides not to intervene in their business. they are visibly lying through their teeth (shubman at least) but if they want to play pretend, sure.
“i figured, either you’re bored or you’re gay.”
“god, no,” shubman says.
surya raises an eyebrow at him but doesn't question him further. so we’ve decided to forget the mall incident, okay.
ishan smiles, taking a sip of his drink. he doesn't want to lie to surya but he is not ready to come out to him yet.
surya shrugs it off with a sigh. “kids these days, man.”
ishan throws a cushion at him. “you’re not that old, surya.”
“excuse me?”
“...bhaiya.”
“you little shit, come here.”
ishan laughs, running away to the balcony. shubman looks at them messing around, following them out soon after.
things are going their way. surya isn't judging them and he didn't interrogate them like shubman thought he would.
everything is fine.
so why does he not feel happy?
“man, i thought we were so done,” ishan says when they're back in their room.
“i thought he would hate me,” shubman mumbles, lying down on the bed.
“why’d you think that? he knows about when we kissed for the first time.”
shubman turns to him. “huh, how?”
ishan grins. “i told him.”
shubman thinks about all he talked to surya about ishan. it feels a bit embarrassing now.
surya is a great friend and he always listens even though his advice rarely works. however, sometimes it feels like he can see right through shubman and that makes him feel unguarded.
“it's good that he took it well.”
shubman looks up at the ceiling. he always tries not to because that's when he starts to overthink. it's one of the reasons why he likes to have a roommate (preferably ishan), he feels a strange sense of anxiety in hotel rooms.
“i think i can tell him sometime soon, about me being bi. he’s like a brother to me so i’d like him to know first,” ishan says, smiling to himself.
“you should, im sure he’ll be supportive.”
shubman hesitates but he adds, “i guess he thought we’re dating.”
ishan chuckles. “well, he does call us boyfriends all the time. hey, can you imagine us dating?”
shubman can, actually. it wouldn't be very different than it is. they’re already attached at the hips and intimacy is normal for them. they know each other’s boundaries and vulnerabilities. they spend most of the year traveling and living together. they have the same sense of fashion and humour. both of them talk a lot but they always hear each other out.
sometimes they are worlds apart but still they complete each other.
yin and yang.
but he can't say all of this out loud for the sake of his own sanity. once you accept something, it is bound to turn into reality.
and he can't afford to risk their friendship. it's dangerous, whatever is tucked away in the corner of his heart. he is happy with the illusion they have crafted together.
he fakes a laugh. “you might have to wear a wig for us to date.”
ishan huffs. “i’d be hot.”
“you are hot.”
ishan elbows him playfully. “with or without?”
“clothes.”
ishan laughs, “you think you’re soooo smooth.”
shubman shoots him a half hearted smile. “how else do you think i got you under me?”
“im flattered to hear that's something to boast about.”
it's quiet for a while. shubman turns his back on him, facing the window. “im gonna turn in, i think.”
he feels ishan’s arms wrap around his chest.
“good night,” ishan whispers, leaving a kiss on his shoulder.
shubman says it back, wondering if this is what ‘just friends’ do.
he hopes he doesn't wake up to an empty bed. ever.
—x—
author’s note:
i know you guys have been asking for the update, sorry!!! i’ve been busy with my studies and i’ve got important exams approaching so im not sure how frequently i can update.
i don’t have drafts written to just edit and post because i write a chapter on the spot at one go. so it does take a good mood and some free time, which are vanishing now because of exam season lol.
thanks for reading and i hope you’ll be patient once again ♡