Glancing around the kitchen, I started to fidget anxiously, shifting around in my seat at the same four-person round breakfast table that had always been in this massive kitchen. I clenched and un-clenched the cup of coffee in my hands trying to think of something to say, but I was at a loss for words especially when my first attempt didn't really go so well.
What do you say to one of the boys, now men that you loved after all this time? That you love still after five years of no contact, no information about how he was. What happened to him in those lost years? Has he moved on and fell in love with someone else? All of these questions were running wild in my mind.
I mean come on I was barely fifteen years old and he and Dante were only nineteen when we had last seen each other, been together. How do you start a deep, painfilled conversation with this huge gap of space and time between you?
"So." his husky voice finally broke the deafening silence that had been filling the room. Instantly I perked up at his voice thankful that he chose to start. "What finally brought you back?" the question was just above a whisper, but that simple question was asking so much more than the one answer.
"Uh, uhm... well I got a letter from Ms. Caroline... your mom... She said she wanted me to come home, that she didn't have... a lot of time... to explain why she sent me away..." I mumbled, letting my voice trail off slightly when I noticed that his eyes narrowed with spark of anger as he snapped and clenched his jaw tight, so tight I thought for sure he would crack a few teeth from the pressure. "uh...she also said... that she wanted to fix things... to fix her mistakes." Muttering out the rest, avoiding eye contact as I spoke, the expression on his face was frightening, if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought that this was Dante not Dimitri sitting across from me.
"So..., You rushed right back after one single pleading letter from her?" Dimitri snarled through his clenched teeth, keeping his intense stare on me.
My heart broke at how different Dimitri had become, how cold and distant he now was. What did I really expect from them, a warm welcome with their arms wide open? I knew it wasn't all my fault that I was taken away, but I was the one who gave up trying to get back to them. I was the one who stopped writing, when I never got a response from either of them.
So, despite the agony it caused me, I tried to let them go and every day for the last few years that was the first thing I did every morning, forced myself to let them go and live my life. It was at night when the dream would take over that facade would crumble around me, engulfing me in all the gut-wrenching emotion that I pushed aside all day long so that I could make it through without breaking down into a pathetic heap.
"I guess so." I whimpered, suddenly confused by why I had felt so desperate and urgent about getting back here after reading her letter.
Why was that all I could think about? Even though I had built this whole life for myself far away from here, finally got my GED, started community college and allowed myself to care for someone as much as I could, none of it mattered after I read that letter. After I read her words begging me to come home.
"Well..., Dante took her to a doctor's appointment... Since she's the reason you came all this way... The one you managed to make it back to." He snipped, his voice was strained and emotionless like he was trying to keep himself from getting to attached, like he was trying to sever any ties to me.
"Dimitri... that's not fair." I whispered in defeat, hating that he felt like I didn't want to see him or Dante. That I didn't care enough about them to fight my way here.
"What's not fair? Did you even try before you got her letter?" he scoffed in a condescending tone. I gasped out a sharp breath at his harsh words as a piercing pain stabbed at my heart and for just a moment, I saw his eyes soften with concern, before he pulled his mask back into place.
"Did you... Did either one of you try?" I snapped back, struggling to channel my anger when I spoke, yet my voice betrayed me as it came out in a weak sob.
"Every day... for years we tried." he hissed, his beautiful blue eyes narrowed accusingly at me, questioning whether I made a real effort like they did.
"YES! I DID." I snapped back, finally finding my anger. "For years I tried to find my way back... Uncle Mick... he always found me somehow... And for some reason when I did manage to get away from him, I could never for the life of me remember how to get back here... how to get home." Hissing back at him through clenched teeth as tears started to sting my eyes, pissed and irritated that he believed that I could have just walked away from him and Dante without another thought, like they meant nothing to me. I was hating how cold and callous he was being. Suddenly a thought accrued to me "Until last night... when Mick told me I would remember everything once I got here..., it was so strange... the moment I got off the plane everything came rushing back." dazing off, thinking about how everything had suddenly clicked into place and I remembered how to get back to Havencrest.
How was that possible? How did I forget everything about home until I stepped off the plane? Why didn't I have the overwhelming desire to come back until I got that letter? The urge I only ever felt from when Mick first took me away.
"Mick huh? Mick McCoy?" Dimitri probed staring at me attentively as if something had finally snapped into place for him. I furrowed my brow in confusion, what did he understand that I wasn't getting?
"Yeah." I finally answered, nodding as he leaned back in his chair with an exasperated smirk, shaking his head furiously.
"What does Uncle Mick have to do with it?" I pressed wanting to understand what he was suddenly getting.
Dimitri stood so abruptly it sent the chair he was sitting in scrapping against the kitchen floor as it flew back behind him hitting the kitchen island with a loud bang. He clenched his fist as if he was controlling himself from hitting or breaking something and started to pace to room manically.
"He has everything to do with this... Him and our mother." he snarled, a growl rumbled in his chest, his appearance being coming more frenzied and irrational.
A sense of dread started to take control of my body, I've never seen Dimitri this anger and I didn't know how to maneuver around it. Standing slowly, I started to back up toward the kitchen door, my survival instincts were kicking in, telling me I needed to get away before things got out of hand.
Closing my eyes, attempting to gather my courage, I tried to quicken my pace to the door, when two arms, more like bulging steel bands, shot out and hauled me back into a hard chest, knocking the air from my lungs. I panted in fear not sure what to do, whether I should scream in panic or stay still and wait to see what he did next.
Snapping my eyes open I unexpectedly felt Dimitri dip his head into the crook of my neck, burying his head in my flesh. His hot breath was fanning across my neck, causing my body to shiver with longing as goosebumps prickled across my skin.
Running his nose along the crook of my neck, he started to inhale and exhale deeply. I tried to stand perfectly still as he did this, if this is what helped him to calm him, I was oddly okay with it. I had remembered him and Dante both doing this few times, when they were upset or anger about something when we were younger and it always seemed to help bring them back from the edge, calming them down.
"Dimitri." a familiar voice called from the front of the house, pulling our attention, well at least my attention.
"Someone... uh, someone is here." I managed to blurt out, practically panting with need from being pressed this close to his tight muscular body, with his breath on my neck and his smell, oh wow he still smelled so good like rain, black Stetson and masculinity.
I took a few deep breathes of my own, inhaling his scent, committing this moment to memory, it was pure bliss, it was home. He grunted tightening his hold on me. I kept repeating to myself not to get wrapped up in all of this, that I couldn't get swept up by them again, that I had a home waiting for me. A life I was going to have to go back too. That I couldn't get attached to them, because it would hurt so much more when I had to leave again.
"Dimitri." the voice was growing louder and closer.
Slowly Dimitri pulled back gazing deep into my stunned expression, his hand came up and his fingers lightly brushed down my cheek and along my jaw. Staring into his eyes I tried to etch everything about him into my memory, all the new manly features, not wanting to forget anything about him.
Suddenly the kitchen door leading to the foyer swung open, causing me to jump back from Dimitri's hold as a growl of protest rumbled in his chest. I snapped my eyes at him, curious at the noise coming from him, that was the second time I heard that growl and it was freaking me out, just a little and slightly turning me on. He flicked his gaze toward the door directing his furious glare at whoever was interrupting our blissful moment. Following his gaze, I spotted my best friend, whom I still wrote and got heavily redacted letters back, thanks to Uncle Mick, Rebecca (Becca) Williams.
A huge smile broke out on both of our faces as soon as we spotted each other and instantly we both squealed with excitement.
"MIA." she screamed, crossing the room in seconds to engulf me in a vice like hug.
"BECCA." I shrieked as equally as excited as my oldest and closest friend squeezed me tight. I missed her so much.
"What are you doing here Becca?" Dimitri questioned with an edge of irritation and anger still in his voice.
Glancing over my shoulder at him, I noticed he was leaning against the kitchen island his muscular arms crossed over his well-built chest. My eyes flitted over him, his tense stance was showing off all of his bulging muscles, my mouth hung open. I could feel my pulse start to race and my belly clench at how incredibly hot he still was. Definitely a Greek God. Gulping I quickly looked away and smiled back Becca who seemed unfazed by Dimitri's harsh tone.
"I brought your mom home for Dante..., he had to head to the club for some problem or whatever... he said he probably won't be back till late." she smirked glancing between us as if she knew or sensed she had interrupted something.
"Where's mom at?" Dimitri questioned pushing himself off the island and stocking toward us. His muscles bunched and flexed as he moved, causing an overpowering heat to build between my thighs once again. I shook my head taking a deep breath to control myself, only to catch a whiff of his smell. I need to snap out of this teenage lust I have for the twins.
"Laying down on the couch..., she's pretty tired after this trip out." her smug expression falling as sad one replaced it.
"Do you know what's making her sick?" I finally asked, the question has been nagging me since I found out about Ms. Caroline being ill. Dimitri and Becca gave a knowing look between each other, staring at one another as if they were having a silent conversation, before glancing back at me.
"We'll let her explain it to you." Becca smiled pushing open the kitchen door, leading us down the hallway.
I followed them into the living room and stilled when I saw how thin, weak and worn-out Ms. Caroline looked as she rested on the couch. Slowly I brought my hand up to my mouth, hoping to stop myself from letting out a sob as I watched her furrow her brow and wince in pain.
Taking a tentative step, I silently walked into the room as Becca and Dimitri remained in the archway, kneeling next to the couch I started to run my trembling hand through her thinning, dull brown hair. Her eyes fluttered slowly opening and her blue eyes finding me, I tried to give her a reassuring smile.
"Mia..., my sweet girl... you came." her voice was harsh and weak as she struggled with the words. Forcing a smile, she attempted to bring her hand to my cheek, seeing that she was not strong enough I gently gripped her hand and placed it against my cheek for her, letting the gesture comfort us both.
"Of course, Ms. Caroline... I'll always come when you call." my voice cracked as I tried to hold back the tears brimming in my eyes. My heart clenched as pain lashed a crossed it, I couldn't bear the thought of losing another person I loved, another mother.
"Stay." she whispered as her hand went limp and her eyes closed. Panicking I skimmed my fearful gaze to Becca who had walked up to the edge of the couch to join us. Slowly she ran her hand over Ms. Caroline's forehead and gave me a small smile.
"She's just tired... Don't worry." She reassured me, I folded Ms. Caroline's hands over her stomach and stood back up.
Dimitri brought over a plush grey blanket and draped it over his mother, tucking her in before dropping a quick kiss to her forehead. My heart swelled that apart of the sweet, caring Dimitri I knew was still in there somewhere.
After a few silent moments of watching Ms. Caroline sleep, I headed toward the front door with Dimitri and Becca both trailing behind me. Gripping the strap to my purse, I had retrieved from the kitchen, hoping it would calm my fidgeting.
"I should go... I need to find a hotel room... Didn't think of that when I headed down here... I'll come right back as soon as I get a room figured out." Blowing out a deep breath as I went to open the door. I heaved at the door but it refused to open. What the hell? I quickly glanced around to see what the problem could be and found Dimitri's strong, muscular arm holding it closed. Confused I turned to face him as he towered over me, staring into my eyes.
"You'll stay here." he demanded with a tone that wouldn't except 'no' for an answer.
"I don't..." I started to object, yet he cut me off.
"You're staying here... Your room is still as you left it." he insisted boring his blue eyes into mine. The look on his face was haunting, pained, desperate and I knew I couldn't, wouldn't added any more anguish to that look with something so small as staying at a hotel. "Mom would want you to be in the house... In your room, like old times."
"Okay." Finally nodding in agreement with that, if it made Ms. Caroline happy I would do it. I watched as his whole body instantly relax with my submission.
"Great... Since that's all figured out and your finally here after five unbearably long years, we're going to go hang out tonight." Becca beamed with excitement. I bit my lip as I grimaced at the thought.
"What about Ms. Caroline? I just got here... and I want to be here when she wakes up." I started to protest, not to sure how I felt about taking off to go have fun with how miserable and frail she looked.
"She'll be alright... She sleeps most of the night anyway, plus one of her nurses will be here to take over soon... You should go see the town, like Beck's said it's... been... five years." Dimitri jumped in with a smile, before gritting out the five years with an agitated grunt.
My stomach rolled nervously as my heart tightened at how hurt he looked when he mentioned the five years. Like he felt the loneliness and pain I felt all these years from being away from here, from them. I pushed that thought aside, it wasn't possible that they missed me as much as I missed them.
"Fine... I need put my stuff away first... and I want to sit with her for a little while... Just in case she opens her eyes again, I want to be here for that." I insisted folding my arms over my chest.
"Agreed... I'll get your bags for you." Dimitri grinned, a really genuine Dimitri fun loving smile. There he is, my Dimitri.
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Holland Roden as Becca Williams