I woke up with July's quiz on my chest and everything about her on my mind.
I must have dozed off. It was finally dark out. Lynn had to be back from her shift at some point. I had to talk to her. I'd tried Reagan, but she didn't answer. I was sure she had enough on her plate with her mom tonight.
I guess I just really needed Lynn's voice of reason. I was going nuts not being able to walk out the door and make sure everything was still standing and right in the world.
Where was she?
Had she gotten back from that damn lifeguard thing, and what was she thinking?!
Was she thinking about what happened? I had to know; I wanted to see her. I wanted to ask her. I wanted to tell her that I ... That I what? Holy shit! I wanted her.
Whether I was truly coming to terms with it at that moment or not, I had never been so absorbed with anyone. Ever. So... I chose to ignore her? No, I should tell her that this thing, this recurring thing between us, I just couldn't shake it no matter how hard I tried, and ultimately, I didn't know why I would want to.
What if she thought I crossed the line or forced her to do that? Had I gone too far with her, and now she'd despised me more? This was so bizarre. I'd never been in this position before and wasn't sure what was next.
I saw Lynn's headlights pulling up her drive. I flashed my bedroom lamp multiple times to warn her I was calling. She had a private line in her room. Still, I hated the idea of waking her parents up with aimless rings.
My phone rang before I could dial. It was Lynn.
"Did you get your assignment?!! Did Reagan get it to you before she left with her mom?"
She didn't know, which meant she hadn't stopped by July's or heard from her. She knew nothing of what weighed on my mind, chest, and other places every time I saw July's face in my mind or caught a whiff of her here in my room.
"Yeah, no worries, I got it." I paused on the line for a moment. "Actually... July ended up having to drop it by."
"Oh, thank God! I never heard back from Reagan, and I worried my whole shift that you were just sitting here, unable to study."
That was a fair assessment.
"Wait, July dropped it by? She had to go back and pick it up from math lab? I thought she had her first day at the pool?"
"She just dropped it by before she left, I guess Reagan caught her on the way out."
"Oh, I see."
"See what?"
"Nothing. It was just a really big day for her, that's all."
"Well, I didn't ask her to bring it by." I usually never had any trouble reading Lynn. Still, I didn't understand her tone, especially if she had no idea what had gone on here.
"Not everything has to do with you and your knee you big baby. I just meant I was surprised she made time to drop it off. It was a really big night for her."
"I thought she already had the job."
"Exactly, she's a returning lifeguard, she's a boss, and look at her now, she's gonna knock em' dead this year! I was a little anxious to hear about her night. I heard a rumor at work that Spencer's back for the summer."
"Spencer Pearce? He works there?"
"Did, work there a couple of years ago. I think just the summers of his junior and senior years. that's how he got to plow through Prairie's finest and then some." Great, and that would be her summer. Awesome.
"Don't you remember he always had these obscure hot girls he brought to parties or prom as if the bastard was too cool to date his own kind? Like somehow going to the school over and dipping in their stock made him a God."
"No, I don't. Jesus, Lynn, we must have been in the eighth grade when he was a junior." I actually did remember. He was a God. "What, you were invited to those parties back then?"
"Shut up! I got invited plenty. I was a hot freshman!" That year, July was a freshman cheerleader, so she would have been invited, too." Lynn just casually threw that last part out there.
I couldn't help wondering the significance of Lynn's obsession with Spencer's homecoming, and I HOPED it had nothing to do with July.
"Anyway, a couple of the guys came in tonight and I heard Jed and Angel say he was home from UT for the summer and going to work there. I didn't get to warn her, that's all."
"What's it matter?"
"Hmm, nothing for July other than I would imagine he can't help but run that place like he did our hallways. I know she wanted a break from all that. You know, Pure Pines scrutiny. It kind of sucks to be under the gun all of the time. Not all of us got an extended break! No knee pun intended! Spencer's not as bad as his rep. I just hope she wasn't intimidated and got to hold her own that's all."
Trust me. If you'd seen what Reagan had her wearing... she held her own.
"Look, she can't have a break just yet. She's got her trig final this week, doesn't she?"
"I don't know. What are you, July's dad? If you want to run over ours, I'm good for another thirty on the phone before I have to crash."
"No, um, I'm straight, unless you need a refresher before tomorrow, but I figured you had the notes for a bit. I actually need you to help July on hers."
"Trig final?"
"Yeah, I think it's Thursday, at least that's what her quiz notes from Keagan say."
"Did she tell you that or say she needed help?" Lynn sounded tired and defensive.
"No, she just left her quiz in the notebook, or when Keagan gave it to her it was stacked on the back of mine. It's not good. She needs to nail this one or it could hurt her final average."
"I'm sure if she needed our help she would have said something. What's the matter with you?"
"What? I'm just saying she needs to rework these equations before her exam, and no, she would never say anything to me. You know that." I could tell Lynn took a moment to contemplate the relevance of what I said.
"She probably wouldn't have said anything to any of us."
"Look, Keagan obviously marked them for her to review for the test, which is a gift as you know."
"Okay. Alright, you're saying you just need me to pick it up from you and get it to her so she has time with it before Thursday..."
"No! I mean, yes, but we should help her... YOU need to help her. She knows how to do this; she's just not recognizing the exceptions. Those last groupings of equations she stops showing her work on. She's not acknowledging the exception to the rule. It's like she doesn't recognize them, but she's shown she knows what they are on the previous page. Those last few have multiple exceptions, and I think she just stopped. Will you work them with her and show her the steps she missed? I already reworked and marked them."
I waited for Lynn to land into me or ask me what this was really about, as she intuitively did when it came to any concern on my part for July. I had to admit, it would seem slightly psycho, my pretending she didn't exist, then suddenly demanding information about her to make an effort to keep her GPA up.
"Hello?? Lynn!"
I heard a yawn on the other end of the receiver.
"Yeah, I'll give it to her or you can give it to her or tell her I... I'm so tired. Tomorrow." Lynn hung up.
I stared at the phone as I hung up the receiver, wishing I had the guts to make another call or hoping it would ring with a voice at the other end that had never called before.
A door slamming and some commotion down the hall interrupted my silent wager with the phone. Had Samuel just gotten in? No, he was home for dinner, and I don't think he left again.
"I don't want to hear it. Just get in here and shut the door before you wake the boys up. And, don't slam another door! They have exams tomorrow." My stepmom's voice chimed down the hallway as if she and my dad had been arguing over something. I didn't hear a response from him. "Or don't you remember?"
That was the last thing I heard her yell, but it was strange to describe it as yelling. There was something odd in her voice. It was full of concern more than anger. I wondered what they were fighting about. They never really fought about anything.
My dad was pretty spectacular and unique that way. He had that quiet, stoic thing about him, but it was much more thoughtful than brooding. The opposite of the silence that drove most women nuts. He listened first. Then he offered sage advice that mattered. I loved that about him.
It was a level of kindness he offered and genuine patience as opposed to something strategic for his own gain. So it was truly rare that they fought, if ever. Maybe he had to work late and forgot to tell her. This was his busy season, and he had been coming home later and later.
He'd also been super forgetful with all the stress. Come to think of it, it was unlike him to not check in on me before a major exam. And, just in general, when he got home late and missed dinner with us. We were close that way.
He didn't ask me about my finals to follow up and make sure I studied. He knew I was always prepared. He checked in over genuine interest and curiosity about what I had going on. He was the polar opposite of his own father. My dad didn't make me do anything. He cared that I had what I needed to succeed and was striving my best at what I wanted. That is why I worked so hard. His excitement over my interests and achievements made me want to aim higher for him.
I wondered what had him so occupied at the shop and if it was my fault for being of no help with the knee. Usually, he would knock on my door before going to bed, especially lately with me being trapped in my room. The hallway had quietened, and their door closed softly. I left it that we'd catch up when he took me in for my calculus exam.
With one last glance toward the phone on my nightstand, I turned my lamp off and succumbed to the loneliness of my room. It wasn't that lonely, not with the smell of July surrounding my sheets and my thoughts of her replaying in my mind.
I took a deep breath in the dark. I marveled at how the unexpected invasion of July to my mundane day felt more like home to me and even made my room more... mine than anything constant or missing from my current routine had.