"Do you know who I am?" I started, surprise taking over. I prayed to god that he just remembered me from the time we met at that charity event, and he not that time he had seen me before, at the party where I openly asked if Remington had been wearing any underwear.
I was too scared, too ashamed to look into Emerson's face. "Yes," I heard him say, and my clenched heart felt like it could relax a little.
"This might come as a shock to you but I was there because... I am with your brother. Or well, I was... Until I did something really bad and I'm really sorry, I came here from Bristol to apologise and..." I took a deep breath, my brain suddenly void of anything to say, "so please let me in. I need to see him."
One corner of Emerson's mouth quirked up. "I know exactly who you are."
"You know exactly who I am?" I repeated his words. What did Remington tell his brothers about me? "I thought Remington only told you he liked someone. Not that that person was me."
Remington's younger brother raised a brow at me. "My dear brother likes to think he is good at hiding stuff from us, but in reality, he is terrible at it."
"Does that mean you know me well enough to please let me in?" I pressed, shooting a glance at the time on my phone. Ten minutes left before Palaye was supposed to hit the stage.
Emerson paused, as if he was thinking about the question, then turned to the security guard who had denied me entry less than five minutes ago. "She's with me. Let her in. Get her a backstage pass."
The security guard nodded, took a key, and opened a smaller door within the gate. Thankful, I stepped through. "Thank you," I flashed a smile at Emerson, "you won't regret this."
"I surely hope I won't." He took the final drag of his cigarette and pushed the butt against the wall as we walked into the concert venue.
And once again, there was hope in my chest.
"I remember talking to you before," Emerson said as he guided me through the hallways of the concert venue, filled with those big, black crates and crew members hastily making their way up and down the floor. "You were at that charity event in London."
"Yeah," I admitted, voice small, "we talked about how shit it was to be there." Phew, he does not remember where else he could have seen me.
A corner of Emerson's mouth lifted, "so is that where you guys met?"
"I, uh," I answered, not wanting to admit where Remington and I actually had met. "I'm not sure if I can tell you that."
"Let me make the question easier for you. I have seen a lady much like you roaming around our hotels for weeks now. Rem thinks he is smart, but Sebastian and I have known about you for a while. You were in our elevator in England. You were the one that kept me awake when..." He let the sentence bleed out, raising a brown, and I was sure I was blushing. "And you were at the charity event, as we've established before. But I just want to know, were you the girl at that event we played a couple of months ago, that drunkenly asked her friends if Remington was wearing a kilt, when our equipment was malfunctioning?"
My heart sank, and I stopped dead in my tracks, my face burning hot in an instant.
"I think that reaction tells me enough," Emerson smiled, his hand landing on my shoulder softly. "Sorry to catch you off guard like that. Sebastian and I," he paused, suppressing a smile, "we might have a bet going. One that I just won."
"Oh." Normally, I would either get angry at this information, or laugh along, but now, as we walked further into the wasp nest that was the venue, the louder my heart started beating. Remington could literally be around any corner, and I needed to have my speech ready to spill. But here his younger brother was, distracting me from that.
"I hoped that you guys had forgotten about that," I whispered.
"I don't think anyone can forget that, Rylin." Emerson smiled. "At least it'll be a good story when people ask how the two of you met," he paused, rounding a final corner and stopping in front of a door with a paper posted on it, saying Remington Leith, "that is if you can heal whatever you broke in him..."
"How is he doing?" I asked quietly, suddenly unsure of this whole stupid fucking plan.
"How you expect him to, I guess. He's been in a terrible mood for the last two weeks. Something else he thinks nobody is noticing." Emerson's eyes overflowed with sadness, even if he tried to hide it. "It sucks to see him like that."
"I know." I knew I did not have to apologise to his brother, but the words rolled over my lips. "I'm sorry. I never meant for this all to happen. I was dumb, extremely fucking stupid. And I regret everything."
"You should tell him that." He nodded once towards the door.
"I know." An awkward laugh rolled over my lips, "I guess this was the test run."
"Good luck, Rylin." The man across from me squeezed my shoulder gently. "I really hope I will see you again soon, and we can get to know each other better." And with that, he turned around, leaving me alone in the hallway.
This was it, the moment that I had been waiting for, the moment I had travelled all those hours for. The moment I had run from, two and a half weeks ago. But now, I was here, and I had to do it.
One, two, three deep breaths, and I raised my hands, knocking on the door.
I did not wait for him to reply or open it. Whatever was going to happen, it was going to happen, and I was going to deal with it.
"Emerson, can you help me with this harness, I-" Remington's face went pale as I stepped over the threshold. "Rylin?"
Once again, I was overwhelmed by the individual that was Remington Leith.
His dark hair, exactly how I remembered, messy and soft and begging for me to run my hand through it. His lean figure, abs peeking out from under the black ink of his tattoos, the way he moved as he took a step towards me, doubtful, confused. Make-up on his face, accentuating the shape of his eyes, the softness of his lips. Irises dark and immediately full of pain as they met mine.
I stepped closer to him, reaching out for the body harness that he was holding up against his torso, while simultaneously trying to close the clasps at his back. "I'll do it."
"Thank you." He turned around, and my shaky hands grazed the skin of his back. I pulled the highest strip of leather through the first clasp, closing it up. The perfect moment to let the truth roll off my lips, to be done with it. My mouth stayed closed. Then, my hands moved down to the second one. Come on, Rylin, say something. My nervous fingers went down to the last one. This is just getting pathetic at this point.
"You look nice," I muttered, heart beating so loud in my chest that I was surprised he did not hear it. He was wearing a longer, black skirt, chest bare, except for the body harness I had just put him in.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, more venom in his voice than I'd hoped for. He suddenly seemed to remember he hated me, as if he needed the ten seconds I had helped him get dressed to realise that. But I knew he was angry, and he deserved to be. After all, he still believed that I had been with him for his fame or his money.
"To tell you the truth," I whispered against his back, my hands automatically moving down towards his hands, interlacing our fingers. "I lied to you, Remington. And it has plagued me ever since."
"Why didn't you just call me?"
"I knew you weren't going to pick up. I was drunk and... This seemed the best idea at the time."
His jaw clenched, and he pulled his hands from mine as he turned around. His eyes filled with something I could only explain as resentment as he stepped closer, towering over me. "This was your best idea? Sneaking up on me right when I'm about to play a show?"
"I'm sorry." I looked deep into his eyes, letting the darkness slash me into bits and pieces, but hoping, praying to see some of the love, the affection that I had basked in the last time I saw him. "My timing might have been a bit off but I couldn't wait, Remington. I needed to see you."
"For what? So you could fucking break me again? You have already done enough. Go." He turned his face towards the door. It was only a matter of seconds before he would raise his voice and call for security.
"I never meant to. I was selfish. Please give me a chance to explain."
When he did not reply, my desperation stuck to my skin, tiny electrical currents running over my hands, arms, legs, chest. A buzzing in my mind, I scrambled for words to say, the right ones. "Just give me a minute to tell you the truth. You deserve as much."
"You can get thirty seconds. I'm about to go to the stage." He folded his arms in front of his chest, my mind running around in circles. How could I tell him this whole fucking story in just thirty seconds?
"I need more."
"You know I can't give you that, Rylin." He raked his hand through his hair in frustration. "I can't let you take up any more space in my brain than you already are! I have to fucking un-love you and that is difficult when you turn up unannounced!" He threw open the door, yelling that one word that would ruin the whole plan into the hallway. "Security!"
And for a second, the buzzing in my brain went quiet, my shaking hands still again. "You still love me?" I whispered.
"Of course I do!" He threw up his hands.
If he still loved me, then, there must still be a chance, right? A way to fix this all, to make this right?
Footsteps sounded in the hall but I ignored them, ignored the fear about him actually getting me kicked off the property. Before I could tell him the truth about two weeks ago, I had to tell him the truth that was in my heart, but I stupidly had only realised last night, when I was in bed with a stranger.
"Remington," I said, voice soft. "Look at me."
His figure slumped in the doorway. I was getting through to him, finally.
"Please, if there's anything you will do for me, turn around." I pleaded. And he did, slowly, his eyes meeting mine, the pain in them almost unbearable.
"I know that this is going to sound stupid right now but I don't care." I took a deep breath, concentrating on the warmth I felt in my chest that one morning I had woken up wrapped in his arms and my bedsheets, and only hoping that that emotion transferred to my face. "I think I'm in love with you, Remington."
His jaw flexed, and my heartbeat rose again. "Think?"
"I'm like, ninety-nine per cent sure," I admitted, eyes going down to the floor. "That one per cent is only because I'm sure you're going to get me kicked out of the building right now."
At that moment, the Greek security guard from before stopped in front of the door. "What's going on, sir? Do we need to remove someone," his eyes flashed to me, "from the premise?"
This was it, I was really going to lose the only person that had deeply changed me, the only person that I had ever truly loved. And it was my own fault. I stepped to the door, hands outstretched, sending one last look to Remington.
"False alarm," He briskly said, throwing the door into the security guard's face, before turning to me, eyes wet with tears.
"I'm giving you one chance to explain yourself."
"Thank you," I took a deep breath, tears reaching my eyes as well, finally able to relax my shoulders just a little bit. Here we fucking go.
He stepped closer to me, his hand finding its way to my cheek. "Please tell me you lied about what I hope you lied about."
***a/n***
whoops, i realise i might've forgotten to tell you that we are on the last few chapters of this story...
so well, I guess you know now, the final chapters are going up in the coming week!!!!! aahhhh!!
-rosa