The door opened at an unbearably slow speed, only making my heart beat faster as the blonde hues of hair appeared in my sight.
Gahyeon was fast. She found Siyeon in no matter of time, but I doubt now that this was a good idea.
I breathed in harshly, but Siyeon moved carefully, walking inside the room and closing the door behind her as slowly as before.
Her eyes looked blurred with confusion and I felt a pang of ache in my chest.
None of us uttered a word, though, and Siyeon stepped in front, taking my arm carefully in her hand, her bare forearms noticeably strained. I tried to retreat, but she didn't let go, only changing our places and trapping me in between her and the door so I wouldn't run away just like before.
She said, "You are avoiding me."
I had to close my mouth to swallow, not being able to move under her strong gaze. I held onto the doorknob like a shield as she stared me down with her gaze, and...
"Yes," I admitted, not so simply.
She frowned, staring. "Why?"
I did not answer. I couldn't. And her expression grew more wary.
"Bora..." She whispered my name in the sweetest of ways, wrecking my heart before mending it completely. She tore her eyes away, looking down. "You're having regrets."
Her voice was shallow, and my heart shattered once again. "What? Siyeon, no, I'm not regretting anything."
"You must be," She mumbled, still not meeting my eyes. "You're regretting what happened last night, hoping it never happened in the first place, because if not so then why would you-"
"Siyeon," I took her hands in mine, tightening my hold around them to make her look at me, to make her stop this nonsense. "I don't regret it. I promise." I whispered, leaning my forehead on hers. "How can I?"
Siyeon's expression seemed to soften, because she held my hands back, releasing a sigh while closing her eyes, her shoulders looking more relaxed. "Then... why?"
I held her cheek, making her open her eyes and all I knew was that I couldn't help but pull her in for a deep kiss.
I could feel her stiffen in my arms only to relax in just a few seconds, both of us taken by surprise by my action but every thought disappeared once I felt a cool hand touch my cheek, Siyeon kissing me back.
And no, it wasn't as soft and careful as yesterday, it was faster, felt more desperate, and I wanted to think, but at the same time that was the last thing in the world I wanted to do when I was feeling Siyeon's body clung on mine, pushing me against the door as her mouth lingered on mine, dwelling our lips together with harsh breaths in between.
We look at each other, through the kiss, for a heartbeat. Another. There was a hot swooping sensation in my stomach, and I felt that the ground might given way beneath me - but it didn't. Have I got a fever, I thought weakly, as a tiny, shy smile flickered on Siyeon's lips - one that I felt with my own. Am I going mad? I thought. I did not understand the way I felt, but I knew her lips had an answer.
I was actually thankful for the door, because if it wasn't there I might have melted into the floor. But we both reduced to this trembling mess of our lips gliding against each other, and I felt so dizzy once she pulled back, chest heavy with breaths, her gaze tearing from my lips to my eyes with struggle.
"I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing this when I saw you," I bit my bottom lip, overwhelmed emotions filling my guts. "And doing that in front of everyone else..." I spoke breathlessly, still holding onto her arms, clawed at her shirt as if I needed something to keep me anchored.
She watched me, opening her mouth in silent ecstasy, her eyes shut in an instant. "Strange how complicated we can make things just to avoid showing what we feel."
I knew what she was saying was true. But... how can we avoid showing what we feel when we don't really understand the feeling at all?
That didn't make any sense.
All I knew, was that every questioning of my frustrating mindset went insanely silent once I had her lips against mine.
I tucked on her neck, begging with my eyes for her to lean in once again. She was just a few centimetres away from my lips, and as she was about to pull me in, I heard, and I felt, a hard knocking against the door, right behind my back.
We broke from each other, looking with wide doe eyes. We were frozen for a few more seconds just like that, but the knock was louder this time.
I glanced at her for the last time before turning to the door, knowing it surely wouldn't be Gahyeon... for so many reasons.
And I was right. It was my mother standing right by the door, confused as to why her daughter needed this much time to open the door. I was actually so glad and relieved that mom still thinks she should knock before entering the room, even if it's her daughter's one.
I can't even manage to think about what would happen if she just attempted to open the door, finding Siyeon pressing me against it.
"Mom!"
"Bora,"
"Miss Kim-"
"...Siyeon?"
Certainly, I saw this go better in my head.
Mom looked between us curiously, before her eyes stopped on me, "I wanted to inform you that I need someone to send back to Parks mansion, I forgot my gloves." She said, surprisingly not asking about the reason of Siyeon being in my room, or about the fact that our faces looked quite a lot frightened. "But I couldn't find Yubin, nor Gahyeon, for that matter. Do you perhaps have any idea about their whereabouts?"
I cleared my throat, visibly flustered by the situation. "No, but you can send any of the guys, Mom, I believe they finished working in the fields."
"I can go, ma'am." Siyeon interrupted, taking a step in front. My mom took her gaze to her, lingering on her face with an expression that was fully unknown to me. Which felt terrifying. I usually know what she thinks.
This was the first exception.
"No, it's alright," My mom said in the end, "I'll just send one of the boys, just as Bora suggested. Thank you for the offer, though." She smiled, taking her eyes to me once again. I felt Siyeon falter, taking a step in front of me.
"I better get going, my shift is done already." She looked at me one last time, giving me a small smile on the corner of her lips before walking away.
I felt every bit of my calmness leave along with her steps, now that I was left alone with my mother. And I actually don't know why it affected me this much; most of the time I'm alone with her, but this felt different. I was just kissing someone, a girl, while pressed against the door, and... I would not want to know the reaction of my mom after knowing that information.
Surprisingly, though fortunately, she just smiled at me and told me she had something to do down in the kitchen, before closing the door in front of me and leaving, along with the clicks of her heels as she disappeared in the distance.
Only after I was left alone in my isolated room once again did I feel everything just flow over my body like harsh freezing water, and I felt dizzy, backing my steps before my legs fuddled with the bed and I fell on it, hitting my head on the bed and just staring up on the ceiling.
Whatever this is that I feel towards Siyeon... It's getting stronger; and I don't know how beneficial that will be to me. To us. To the whole situation that is going on around my family and this village.
And whatever it is-
It as surely as the sun rises feels heavenly.
-=-
The weather was getting much worse once Yoohyeon closed the diary in her hands.
She looked up to the sky, the clouds moving dangerously fast this time. She closed her eyes and breathed in the cooler air, which she didn't notice getting colder because of her reading session.
She walked down the hill with no hurry, whatsoever, granting her eyes with the vision of the small village that had gotten grey, with the mist getting Yoohyeon's curled-up bangs a little damp.
Walking back into the house, she found Siyeon clothed up in one of the outfits she wears when she goes out to the town for business, and she smiled at the younger girl as she closed the door behind her, leaving all the fumbling of searching for something. "Are you feeling any better?"
Yoohyeon watched her, smiling though looking a bit... nervous. Which was a first. Yoohyeon had never seen Siyeon nervous.
"Uh, yes," She said, taking off her coat, "What is up with you, though?"
Siyeon chuckled, fixing her earrings. "You might want to wear that coat back, we were invited to the Kims."
Yoohyeon furrowed, "The Kims?"
"Eli and Minji; they want us to visit them for dinner." She breathed as an answer, exhaling a sigh as she stood right in front of Yoohyeon this time.
Now it made sense... the reason why Siyeon was so- hysterical.
"Oh," The younger girl said, slowly wearing her coat once again. "I see." She tried not to show the way it made her feel to even think of seeing Minji at the moment, but it was obvious how pale she got out of nowhere. And she didn't want to add up to Siyeon's nervousness, so she gulped down around the pile of tears that came stuck in her throat like a ball, and just nodded her head.
Even if Siyeon noticed the change in her expressions, she didn't comment on it, which Yoohyeon felt thankful for. And as they settled in the blonde woman's carriage, it all fell silent once again.
Though Yoohyeon had questions.
How did this invitation happen? Siyeon has not been contacting Eli, or Minji, at all. And suddenly, this invitation seemed quite out of... nowhere.
"You're thinking too much again," Siyeon tapped Yoohyeon's forehead, right where the frown had emerged.
"I am not." She denied, though wasn't able to clear her furrow. Siyeon just shrugged with a sheepish smile on her face, continuing to look out of the window and into the foggy atmosphere. Yoohyeon almost already doubted this whole thing just being Siyeon's some kind of an evil plan. It was evil, if it was a plan at all, because only thinking about meeting Minji felt suffocating.
Reaching the familiar yard, the carriage stopped. Yoohyeon's eyes immediately caught two horses right next to the house, eating grass calmly. She remembered the first time she met Pie and Cherry, when she got to ride them with Minji. She felt so free then... So unrestrained. There was nothing that could be better than that feeling, and Yoohyeon wanted to cherish it again.
She didn't realize how they got to the front door, Siyeon raising a hand to knock on it. Yoohyeon watched carefully from behind, how the blonde woman hesitated a bit, clenching her fist before her arms rose up with a breath she took, and then finally knocking a few times.
She must be nervous... As nervous as she was - Yoohyeon thought, and immediately felt bad.
What if Siyeon's really doing this only for her? Would that be fair?
It didn't take long for Eli to open the door, her eyes fleeing up to find the blonde's ones, a smile melting onto her face. Yoohyeon watched the wrinkles around her eyes morph into a beam as her arms moved up to invite the younger woman into her arms.
"Oh, Siyeon," She said with a warm undertone in her rough voice. "I'm so happy you decided to come."
"I'm happy you invited me," Siyeon said, her voice muffled because of the hug, and Yoohyeon fought the urge to chuckle.
Eli said hello to Yoohyeon, too, but a hug wasn't included. Well, they did grow closer after all the times Yoohyeon visited them throughout the last weeks and helped with the farm, but Eli was still Eli, not that fond of showing affection, even if it was her own daughter--Minji.
Talking about Minji, Yoohyeon roamed her eyes around the whole house right after they walked inside, trying to spot the black-haired girl somewhere, maybe washing the dishes or setting the dinner table.
And as Yoohyeon guessed, Minji was in the kitchen, fiddling around while getting the food ready. She grinned as soon as she spotted two guests walking closer, waving her right hand that wasn't occupied with a plate like the other one. Yoohyeon waved back, though it was more like raising a hand in the air and it freezing right there and just like that, her face looking as pale as the white walls of the living room.
Minji didn't notice, or maybe she just didn't give it much of a thought, and continued with serving the dinner.
Eli made them sit down, sitting right in front of them as they waited for Minji to join, which she did in almost no time. Yoohyeon felt the inside of her palms getting sweaty when Minji sat right next to her, and she tried to smile just like the girl was doing, but it was harder than she anticipated.
"How's your business in town going, Siyeon?"
Yoohyeon almost perked up her ears at hearing Eli's question, her eyes staring at the blonde woman and waiting for her response. It had been almost a month since she'd been here, staying with Siyeon, yet she knew nothing about the business she had in the city, the reason she went there almost every morning, or the papers she had to sign around evenings at home. She never asked, not wanting to pry, but she was undoubtedly interested in it.
"It's going well, thank you for asking. People are much interested in newspapers lately;" She sipped water from her glass and took a look at Yoohyeon, who had a surprised expression evident on her face.
"Hold on... You run a newspaper publishing business?" Yoohyeon put down the fork carefully to not make a screeching sound against the plate, chewing down the meat that was deliciously cooked by either Eli or Minji.
Siyeon nodded her head, "Yes," She told, her voice an octave down for some reason. "Along with Yubin."
The brunette almost froze at hearing the familiar name, her brows frowning as she just stared down at her plate. Yubin? So Yubin still has contact with Siyeon? Does she live in the town? So, after all, she's not working for Bora's family?
Lots of questions appeared in her mind right after the mention of the girl, well, now a woman, but she knew this was not the right time nor a place to ask them. So she just nodded her head, picking up her fork again. The meat tasted colder this time.
After a few random conversations, mostly between Eli and Siyeon, the elder woman asked a question again, "So, how did Yoohyeon find you, Siyeon? Did you two know each other?"
Siyeon smiled, "Well, no. But I wrote in the newspapers that I was inviting a person to my house for a month or so, any age--well, not underage, obviously--and any gender... but preferably a woman... a man would be too much to handle." She frowned at the thought before clearing her throat and continuing, "I wrote that I felt quite lonely and would be happy to have company, in the meantime I would provide a house, food, and a good place for a vacation in general. But - clearly - it seemed a bit doubtful. Someone searching for a woman as a company in newspapers. But I was lucky that Yoohyeon felt interested, and before she would put in an appearance, I met her dad personally for safety reasons."
Yoohyeon almost choked on the food, taking water and chugging in before glaring at Siyeon with her glossy eyes. "You what??"
Siyeon paused, "...You didn't know?"
"I-" The brunette girl shook her head in a source of distress. All this time, she thought her family finally acknowledged the fact that she was an adult and trusted her for once in her life that she could be held accountable for this trip. But... It appears her parents didn't at all trust her with this, arranging everything way before she would even arrive here.
Everyone around fell silent, feeling her affliction, but it all became quite impossible to take in once Yoohyeon felt Minji's hand touch her thigh, caressing with the intention of comforting her, and Yoohyeon hated the fact that she did, in fact, feel so comforted, so soothed, and that made her panic rise even more.
Her hand felt warm against her skin, her touch felt soft, the caress made shivers go down her spine, and she so desperately wished to hold her back with her own hand.
The chair screeched against the wooden floor as she got up, and Minji's hand fell to her side. "I'm sorry, where's the bathroom?"
Eli taught her the way and she almost ran to hide from all of their eyes watching her carefully in interest.
She took a deep breath in as soon as she was inside the bathroom, leaning against the door with her eyes shut.
"This isn't how anything was supposed to happen," a voice--naturally loud, but louder when it was only her that could hear it, says through her mind, echoing in her skull.
But... How was anything "supposed to happen", though? Was she not supposed to find that article that Siyeon wrote--apparently in her own newspaper, that reached even her town which is quite far from here? Were her parents not supposed to say yes after a while of begging them to let her come here alone? Was she supposed to spend her entire vacation month in her town, along with her mom strictly making her train every day for that new ballet dance that felt like torture once it was taught by her own mother? Was she not supposed to find out about Bora's diaries, start to read them and absolutely fall intrigued with the whole story of her and Siyeon that happened quite literally a decade ago?
Was she not supposed to start falling in love with Kim Minji?
She splashed water on her face and breathed out before finally walking out of there, not wanting anyone to come searching for her.
Oh, but maybe it was a bit late for that thought.
Right next to the door was Minji, leaning against the wall and waiting for her with her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her expression looked conflicted, not really showing what she was thinking when her eyes found Yoohyeon's.
They looked at each other for a second, before Yoohyeon gulped down around that round ball that got stuck in her throat once again, making it hard for her to breathe. So she didn't say anything, starting to walk past her instead.
She heard a huff from behind, hearing Minji turn around, too.
"You are avoiding me"
Yoohyeon froze, her breath stuck in her lungs as she turned back around, staring at Minji with a baffled expression. "What did you say?"
A frown bowed Minji's lips like a bushed eyebrow, repeating what she said, but in almost a whisper as she leaned against the door with her right arm once again. "I said... you are avoiding me."
The words echoed in Yoohyeon's mind, throbbing with each pulse of her headache. Her brow fuddled in confusion as she looked at the girl in front of her, a frigid snake writhing in her stomach and sweat sheening her palms.
"You haven't looked at me since you've arrived. I was sitting next to you, yet you ignored me for the whole time." Minji didn't sound angry, her voice was nothing like that. She sounded disappointed, deeply hurt. Yoohyeon hated to be the reason for that. "Did I do anything wrong?"
"I--" Yoohyeon felt dizzy, the room around them suddenly turning and swirling.
"Yoohyeon?"
Minji rushed to her when she lost balance - Yoohyeon guessed she did, because in a second she had Minji's arms around her, holding her tight with so much strength. Watchful eyes conveying more care and tenderness, more concern and fear than Yoohyeon had ever seen anyone with, especially when it was meant to be towards her.
"Are you okay??"
Yoohyeon closed her eyes for a second, not being able to open them without seeing everything start turning again, but she still nodded her head to the question. She guessed Minji didn't believe her, because in a second, she was carefully dragged towards the girl's room, finding herself sitting on her bed in a minute.
"Strange how complicated we can make things just to avoid showing what we feel..." Yoohyeon whispered almost only to herself, eyes confused, nearly widened, reminiscing the scribbled letters on a paper.
"What?" Minji questioned, but after a while of not getting an answer, she asked instead. "Do you want me to bring you water?" She sounded so concerned, her eyes still tightly holding Yoohyeon's arms as if once she eased up the touch the girl would melt away.
The younger girl shook her head, "No, I don't want to worry Siyeon and Eli. I'm okay, really." She honestly felt better once she was sitting down, and she tugged on Minji's dress, asking her to sit next to her and after she obeyed, Yoohyeon leaned against her, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry..." Her head found its home in the crook of Minji's neck and the sweet fragrance of her hair. Yoohyeon didn't know why she was crying so suddenly, but it wasn't for too long, not very hard, too exhausted to wring more emotion from her wearied body.
"Oh, Yoohyeon," Minji secured an arm around the brunette's shoulders, keeping her held close. "What's the matter?"
Yoohyeon's watery hazel eyes remained fixed upon Minji after she quieted, yet still not answering Minji's question. She honestly didn't know how that would be possible. "Am I hurting you?" She whispered instead, head resting upon Minji's shoulder with a feather-light weight.
Minji's lips curled upward at the corners, "No," She smoothed her hand over the plains of Yoohyeon's back. Her face was in her neck, blurry but close, touching distance. Each time she blinked, Minji felt the lashes flattering against her skin, giving her goosebumps that she wished weren't so much noticeable for the younger girl. She stared at her and could make out the cupid's bow of Yoohyeon's lips and the very faint dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose beneath the tracks of salty tears, now drying.
"Is this because of your father meeting Siyeon?" Minji assumed, and even though she didn't fully understand the topic, she still felt interested.
Yoohyeon shook her head, "Well, partly, but not the main thing."
"Then is it because of the diaries? I knew it would become too much at some point, you're so very emotionally fragile..."
Yoohyeon chuckled, straightening her head and watching Minji back. "Was that an insult?"
Minji grinned, but with a strange undertone that wasn't fully understandable. "You know what I meant."
Yoohyeon did know what she meant, but she also did not wish to talk about it at the moment. "I- I think it's time to go back. Siyeon and Eli must be worrying."
Minji looked disappointed to hear the sentence, but she tried not to show, just nodding her head and getting up, holding Yoohyeon's hand for support. "Are you sure you're okay now, though?"
"Yes," She nodded her head and gave the black-haired girl a clench of her palm around her hand.
The evening went smoother after that. Yoohyeon received concerned looks from Siyeon from time to time, knowing that she would be under interrogation after going back home, but for now, they all continued eating dinner along with a simple conversation, a few laughs here and there, Eli looking happier than any time Yoohyeon has seen her, Siyeon finally bonding and opening up even without talking about nothing complicated, and then there was Minji holding Yoohyeon's hand under the table, both of them with relaxed smiles.
Everything felt calm for a moment, yet the thought of Bora was still there in Yoohyeon's mind, as clear as a day, filling up her head with so many questions and ideas. But the thing that made her want to twirl her brain upside down was that...
It all fell connected.
The whole thing with her feelings towards Minji...
It felt connected.
And that made her feel miserable.
To not know how it was possible.
Though she knew she was close to finding out about everything. She just had to reach her hand out without no fear in the blurry mist, attaching her fingers with the truth and hopefully making a happy ending out of it.
The day had been so awful, so suffocating. Yet as Yoohyeon settles into the rambling carriage along with her rambling mind, she almost grins.
To Be Continued