I got her call right away. She's the only one whose notifications are allowed to override the "Do Not Disturb" thing.
But I couldn't do it. I couldn't finish the entire voicemail for so many reasons. The pain in her voice, the hint of betrayal, the fact that she thinks I abandoned her.
Her? The only person I've ever wanted to have a future with? Impossible.
But I couldn't get myself to answer her phone call. For the same reason I couldn't get myself to face her. She carried the pain of living as an orphan for fifteen years, and I thought I was doing a good job protecting her. Instead, I was the reason she's been living in this chaos to begin with. The girl I found myself head over heels for in no time -- her.
How am I ever supposed to face her? What am I even supposed to say?
The day she told me about what happened, all I could think about was how I was going to comfort her after she was done telling me. How I was going to make her forget all the hardship she faced. Until.... Until she told me who caused all this pain.
My father.
My. Father.
As soon as I heard that, I felt utterly sick. My head was numb and I could almost swear my heart was about to beat itself into a cardiac arrest. I didn't know how to react — so I just left.
What else was I supposed to do?
I drove to the apartment I shared with Landon, packed a bag, and then I took our private jet back to New York. I thought that if I submerged myself in something, anything, that it could help take my mind off of this.
I didn't know what else to do, but I did know that nothing is able to help me take my mind off of this. Regardless of what I'm doing, or how focused I tried to be, I always find myself drifting back to what she said. And nothing kills me more than the look on her face when she tried to spare my feelings. The way she said it was him, the one man who I can always count on to be the biggest let down.
I mean... all he's ever done is be the worst possible father in existence, but now he's a killer? I couldn't even defend him, because I knew he probably did it.
Oh man, what was I going to do? This would absolutely wreck my mother and she really has nothing to do with this. Her biggest and only mistake was loving this man - this monster.
A knock on the door took me out of these crazy thoughts, it was Janet our housekeeper.
"Hello Axi. Your dad is here to see you dear." She had an apologetic look on her face, because she also doesn't like my dad.
Who can blame her?
"Okay, let him in please. Thank you."
"Of course, hun." She opened the door even further and the terminator himself walked in.
"That would be all Janet." he said as he closed the door behind him.
I sat up in my bed, disgust evident in my face, and he sat on the chair across from me.
"It's 4 am. What is it my boy," he started," do you need my assistance with setting up the launch of your compa...."
"What did you do?" I interrupted him.
"What ever do you mean?"
"Don't do that..." I started.
"Do what? I don't like your tone young man."
"This! Treat me like I'm a child. How many horrible things have you done in your life for you to be acting like you don't know what I'm talking about? Good God man!"
"Axel... what the hell are you talking about?" He looked at me like he really didn't know what I was referring to.
"Dad... I... I need you to be honest with me."
"For the love of God, just spit it out." He said, a little agitated.
"Did... did you ever...kill people?" I asked, the pain in me materializing into anger.
He looked shocked for a mere second, before he masked it again with the same stoic stare.
"What makes you say that?"
Is this man serious?
"Can you for once, answer my question without giving me the run around that you always do? Did you or did you not kill people?"
I don't even know why I was asking him when I knew Sophia wouldn't lie about something like this.
He sighed.
"I did some terrible things in the past that I am not really proud of."
He didn't look phased in the slightest.
"Oh my God." I felt my heart beats in my ear. "What is the matter with you? How are you not in jail?"
I got off my bed and started pacing around my room.
"You need to understand that I had to make some tough decisions, in order to protect this family. My family that...."
"No! None of the shit you did was to protect us. You did that to protect yourself. You're a coward- and you would rather kill people than face the consequences."
"Enough! I will not stand for this disrespect, especially not when I don't even know what it is you're referring to. You may not like me much, which is something I'm working very hard to change, but I will not stand for this. Now, sit down, and slowly explain what the hell it is you mean."
I had to take two deep breaths to compose myself. I sat on the chair across from him.
"Oh, you want to be specific -- sure. Fifteen years ago, you ordered a hit on a family working in the air force..."
I watched his eyes, the sudden realization that he masked again with a blank stare.
Damn, Sophia was right. Of course she is, my girl is smart.
"I'm sorry, 'ordered a hit'? What do I look like, the Russian mafia? Don't be so rash, my boy." He laughed a sort of maniacal, humorless laugh.
Oh so that's how he wants to play it.
I remember Sophia wanting to show me evidence about what he did, so I know for a fact that he did it.
"Be rash? No, sir. I have evidence, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you end up in jail for hurting the one person I truly care about."
He looked at me with calculating eyes, like he was trying to tell if I was truthful or not.
He sighed.
"Okay, I'm going to tell you, but not because I'm afraid of your meaningless, empty threats. No. Because that was the time I promised myself and your mother that I would leave the life of crime behind..."
Mom knew of this crap? What the hell is this family. I took out my phone and pretended to do something, when in fact I was turning on the recording. He messed with the wrong girl.
I didn't want to get back to her until I have enough proof, and I know I will get it as long as I continue playing the role of the obedient son.
Barf.
I can already hear Soph in my head saying, "Hey! That's your father mister, show a little respect even though he's clearly a horrible human being." That's the kind of person she is, even though he ruined her life.
"Before I met your mother, I was in an old Russian crime family -- still am of course. The Nikilson's were known for trafficking and weapon distribution. When I was completing one of the drop off's, I came face to face with one of the prettiest faces I have ever seen. We were conducting business with a family next door to them in London, and I spotted your mother, and she me. She had a glow and her eyes were the prettiest I have ever seen. She smiled at me and I just knew -- she's the one. We went out a few times before I asked her to marry me. She knew her father would never approve so she proposed we run to the states. It felt like a good idea since I've always wanted to leave that crime life behind me. My brothers and uncles disagreed since I basically helped run the whole thing, but my father was very welcoming of the idea for some reason. He always thought I was too soft -- even with the amount of people I have had to kill over the years. A year later, he helped me start my company in New York and we moved there. We had you, then Julien, then Liliana, and then Daisy. My construction company was doing well, and your mom's family also opened another branch of their fashion company and made her the manager here. We were very happy, I was off the crime roster and we were content raising you guys for almost nine years -- until my past life decided to catch up with me..."
What the hell.
"What do you mean? Liked it jumped on a plane from Russia?" I don't know if he's hearing just how ridiculous he was.
"My brother made a bad deal after my dad retired, and the idiot got himself into so much debt that they kidnapped him to demand a ransom. My father went completely off the grid and no one was able to reach him, and my uncle swore that he wouldn't pay a dime, because Angelo got himself into that mess... so I was his next option. By that time, my company had taken off to include architects and interior designers, so it was well known. Bottom line, they threatened me with you and your siblings. They knew our every move, including the passcodes to the security system and everything about your mother's family and their business. I had no choice but to help him with the money, but once you're in again -- you never really leave. So I started doing a little business here for them once in a while. Slowly, they started demanding more guns and more drugs to be transported, and the bigger the shipment, the bigger the pay day..."
Weapons and drugs? Wow, I really don't know my own father. The hands on the back of my neck stood on edge.
"By the time you were in middle school and already in basketball teams and winning championships, I wasn't able to attend a single one of them because they always coincided with meetings I was forced to attend..."
"No.."I whispered.
"What do you mean 'no'?"
"I mean you weren't forced to do anything. You chose not to attend them. You chose not to be a part of my life growing up. I grew up without a father. I had no one when I needed you the most, and I don't care what bullshit story you spew on me, I'm never forgiving you for making me an orphan when you were still alive. Now cut to the chase, what did you do to Sophia's family?" The vein in my head was this close to bursting wide open.
Whoops. I shouldn't have said her name.
You're an idiot Axel do you know that?
I've had all of this bottled up in me for years, for the one day I get to confront him about it. I'm sure it's supposed to start feeling better any second now...
"Her parents were in the Air Force, and a part of Intelligence. Somehow they caught whiff of my underground weapon smuggling operations and were dangerously close to handing me and my companies over to the FBI and Interpol. Believe it or not..."
"I choose not..."
"Okay. But I promised myself that that operation was the last one I'd ever do. I wanted to actually be there for you and attend your matches and tournaments without seeing them through your mother's lens. So, I had to do what I had to do. I thought that getting rid of one of them would stop them from pursuing this any further, I mean I was so close. Just one deal and I was done for life. But no... they wouldn't stop. The only good thing was that they kept it between themselves...."
"Meaning...?" I asked. But I already knew the answer, my heart beat viciously in anticipation.
"Meaning that they hadn't shared the intel with anyone else. It wasn't hard to track down where they lived, and.... well you know how it ended." He took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
So now we add 'serial killer' to the mix of unpleasant names I call him on the daily? My breathing was audible at that point.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" I yelled out. The frustration and anger was bubbling beyond what I could contain. I shot up and the chair just flipped over.
"But...." He started.
"But what? But that was the last one, and you left? But you never killed after that again? But you tried to protect this family? Because I can guarantee you that the only thing you did was ruin families and displace children! And her... you destroyed her life..."
"Sophia you said? I remember her well."
"Excuse me?"
My body went numb. Did I just put her in danger? Did I just out her? To a frickin Russian mobster serial killer who gives no damn about no one's health?
Oh, shit.
He looked at me, like he was contemplating what to say.
"Don't look at me like that, what's even left to say that you haven't already said and ruined? Just spill it!"
"The day we went to their house, I was aware that there was supposed to be four people, but my men only shot three. I thought..." He took a deep breath.
What? Was he lost for words now?
"I just thought of you. That girl was your age or a year younger... I just couldn't.... I couldn't do it. It felt like letting you down, like I've constantly been doing my entire life. Anyways, after that I disappeared for a few years to lay low, until I made sure the FBI and Interpol weren't hot on my trail. I faked my departure from the country, and a couple years later I came out of hiding. Of course by then, it was already too late. I lost my family - the one thing I cared about. I lost the chance to watch you grow and to be there through your highs and low. I'm sorry, son." He said, his face buried in his hands; in shame, no doubt.
At that point, even I was at loss for words to say. That was when I knew that we were both meant to be together, because as cruel as fate was, he let her live because of me.
"Get out." My voice was shaking, but I was not about to break down in front of him, he lost that right when he decided to take his own safety over mine.
"Axel..."
"Get. Out! I'm not going to repeat myself again."
"Son..." He tried pleading.
I'm not having any of it.
"Now, Victor." His name felt like poison that you can't seem to spit out.
He stood up, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking or what was going through his mind.
"Very well. Just know that whatever I did, or will do, has always been and always will be for the good of this family. And this time, I don't care who I kill."
What?
Before I had the chance to comprehend what he could possibly mean, he walked out, slammed my door, and locked me in.