"can't you see it's you i'm watching?
i am hot for you in every way."
- Move Your Body, Sia
☾
I greatly enjoyed talking to Bucky in a more casual and relaxed manor over the weekend. Any subject open for discussion, no one-hour time limit. We really got to know each other better.
He even became Bucky, instead of James.
I started using his nickname for Bear, as the dog responded to Bucky more, compared to James. But somewhere along the way, it stuck. I like it, it suits him.
Everything with him felt so natural. We were practically joined at the hip the whole weekend and never once got sick of each other.
It was a beautiful weekend. Special. Sacred almost. I don't think I've had that much fun since before the blip.
But now it's Monday again. Back to reality.
Only, Bucky is my first client of the day. So I get to ease back into reality.
He walks into my office and makes himself at home, now more than comfortable in this room and my presence.
He seems in a chipper mood, too.
He informs me he slept on his couch last night and it's obvious he's chuffed. Happy for him, I praise and admire his progress and he smiles, almost proudly.
Seeing him pleased with something he has done, warms my heart and soul.
Bucky also tells me that he's planning on using Netflix this evening to watch more movies.
"Oh, that reminds me-" I say. "They're re-showing the movie Jurassic Park at the cinema this weekend, for its 30th anniversary. I'm currently going solo, so, if you're interested, feel free to join." I put pen to paper, writing today's date in my notebook, while Bucky thinks over my offer.
"Now, back to why we're here-" I continue, bringing us back into session. "I'd like to talk more in depth about your time as the Winter Soldier and what you remember. You've mentioned before that you remember it all. I'd like to work through that, work through accepting the lack of control you had, and letting go."
Bucky starts to talk about his HYDRA memories, but I can tell he's holding back still, his voice full of shame. Once I remind him that I care more about how he feels about what he did than what he actually did, he stops holding back.
If not for the weekend we just shared together, I don't think he'd be as open. Which makes me all the more grateful for our time spent together.
He's improving, he's progressing and it fills me with so much joy. I'm elated for him. Whether he sees it or not, he's healing.
This is why I do what I do.
Today's session has been a little taxing for Bucky, though. It's a tough subject. He's ashamed of his Winter Soldier past, ashamed to admit who he once was forced to be. But he's done very well and given so much. I couldn't be prouder.
"Thank you for today, Bucky. I appreciate your openness. I know it was difficult, but you've done very well." I inform him.
He smiles at my words but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Thanks doc."
"Take it easy, okay? You've done enough today."
We both stand up out of our chairs and I move to my desk.
"What time's the movie?" he asks, softly.
I stop fiddling with my notes and look up at him, still standing by the couch. "Six-thirty." I answer.
"Pick you up at six?"
A warm smile spreads across my face. "That'd be nice." I reply.
"See you then."
I nod. "Have a good week, Bucky."
"You too."
He leaves, closing the door behind him.
I sit at my desk and complete todays session summary, my brain conveniently blocking out the fact I made a date with a client, during a session.
☾
Saturday evening finally rolls around, after a long week, and there's a knock on my door, right on six o'clock.
"Hi." Bucky greets me with a smile when I open my door.
"Hey you." I smile back. I've missed him.
We take in each others appearances.
"You look nice." Bucky comments and I try not to blush.
"So do you."
He's looking suave in all black. He usually wears the black jeans and shirt, but he's sporting a different jacket tonight. This one's a nice leather one, matching his leather gloves.
I myself, am wearing white high waisted dress pants, a white turtle neck and a brown leather blazer.
"Ready to go?" Bucky asks.
"Yeah! Just gotta grab my keys and phone." I pocket my phone and collect my keys from the kitchen bench and exit my apartment.
Both of us more than happy to walk, we take the twenty minute journey, arriving at the cinema with ten minutes to spare.
We go all out, buying a bucket of popcorn, two large drinks, a packet of whoppers and icecreams.
I want him to have the full cinema experience.
We take our seats in the middle of the cinema and settle in.
"I saw this movie when I was scrolling through Netflix the other night." Bucky says to me.
"You didn't watch it, did you?" I say, playfully narrowing my eyes at him.
"No." he says with a chuckle.
"Good. This movie deserves a cinema screen, rather than a tv screen."
"That good, huh?"
"This movie is an absolute classic and a revolution of cinema for its time." I gush. "I'm excited to watch it with somebody who hasn't seen it."
The rest of the seats slowly fill up around us and soon the lights are dimming and the adds start to roll. We chat quietly to each other until the movie begins.
I frequently look over at Bucky during the film, watching his reactions to all the dinosaurs, when they finally make an appearance.
He looks at me in amazement when the T-Rex shows up and I grin at him.
In the light from the screen, I see all the emotions in his eyes as the film progresses. It's actually more entertaining than the film.
When the movie's over, we leave the cinema and stroll down the street, discussing the film. I'm glad to hear he enjoyed it.
On our way down the street, Bucky looks into one of the bars and comes to a stop.
I turn back and look at him, his expression melancholy and pensive. "You okay?" I ask him gently, stepping closer to him.
"It's Yori.." he replies.
I look in the window and spot the old man at the bar. He looks quite well, all things considered. Which I'm grateful for. If Yori had looked in any less condition.. it would hurt Bucky all the more.
But he takes it fairly well, smiling sadly before continuing our walk.
I put my hand on Bucky's arm, to stop him. He looks at me and I wrap my arms around him in a hug. His hands are gentle on my back.
"That couldn't have been easy.." I say as I lean out of our embrace. I stay close, looking him in the eyes. "I'm proud of you." I state.
He looks down at me, eyes a little glossy. The corners of his mouth begin to lift and he nods his head.
I link my arm with his and we keep walking. "You're amazing, Bucky Barnes." I tell him.
He looks at me and I give him a smile. "I might just believe you, one of these days." he comments, softly.
We happen across a night market in full swing, beautiful fairy lights and Christmas decorations everywhere.
We stop at one of the venders and grab some food. And then we pass some children dancing to Christmas carols.
"Is there anywhere to go dancing around here?" Bucky asks thoughtfully.
"Yeah. But going out dancing these days, I assume, is very different to what you used to do." I reply. "..You wanna see?"
I haven't felt like going out for a very long time. But right now, as he deliberates, I'm liking the idea. Only if it's with him.
"..I'm game if you are." Bucky finally answers.
I beam at him and reach for his hand. "Come on, Buck. Let's hit the clubs."
☾
"Do you do this often?" Bucky asks, while we wait in line for entry.
"No. It's more of a young persons scene." I answer.
"You are a young person."
"By your standard, yes." I reply with a chuckle. "But no, clubbing's not really my thing. I do love dancing, though."
We finally gain entry and step inside, heading up the stairs, the bass pumping behind the closed double doors.
"You ready?" I ask Bucky excitedly.
"As I'll ever be."
"It's gonna be great." I push through the door and hold it open for him.
Blue and pink lights flash and zoom about the large room, bustling with patrons.
There's people gathered just inside the doors, talking and drinking. There's lines at the bar on the far left of the room. And there's people filling up the dance floor.
Bucky follows me through the room as we make our way to the bar.
We down a drink each, before making our way to the dance floor. The bass pumping through me gives me more of a buzz than the alcohol.
Bucky looks around, taking everything in. His eyes fill with a brief panic when we get separated momentarily, as a group passes between us. I can't help but laugh.
When we reunite, I notice a small group of three woman beside us, ogling him.
Bucky looks at them and smiles politely.
"You wanna talk to them?" I ask, yelling over the music.
"Absolutely not." Bucky states firmly, making me chuckle.
I clasp his hand and take him to the middle of the dance floor. It's crowded but the venue is so spacious, we're not rubbing bodies with everyone else like a mosh pit.
I let go of Bucky's hand and look to the DJ as I start to dance. When I turn back to Bucky, he's not dancing. He just looks uncomfortable.
I laugh silently and take his hands in mine, moving them back and forth between us in an attempt to get him grooving.
But he still looks stiff.
I pull myself to him and go on tip toes, leaning up to his ear. "Loosen up, Sarge."
He gives me a closed lip smile.
I keep hold of his hands and try to get him to bounce with me to the beat of the next song. He eventually cooperates.
"There you go!" I yell. "Look at the people around you, move like they do."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, a drunk man passes by, dancing chaotically, with no rhythm at all. Bucky and I look at each other before bursting into laughter.
"Don't move like him." I yell in his ear.
"Why not? He had some good moves." he yells back in mine, his lips so close to my skin, I feel his warm breath hit my ear.
I lean back in to reply when someone suddenly barges into Bucky, pushing his ear lobe against my lips.
I hear someone yell out a 'sorry' but my eyes are fixed on the shocked look on Bucky's face as his whole body tenses.
I cover my mouth with my hands and laugh into them.
He looks at me and I move my hands, revealing my smile. "Sorry." I laugh.
The intro to one of my favourite songs fills the room and I gape for a brief second before I'm grinning from ear to ear. I grab Bucky's hands and jump with excitement. He watches me intently, an unsure smile on his face.
I sing along to Be My Lover by La Bouche and move enthusiastically to the beat. Bucky laughs at me but soon tries to move with me.
I keep dancing and singing the whole song, having the time of my life. And before the song is out, Bucky really does loosen up.
As the next song begins, I notice a few of the women around him, giving him looks. And blush fills my cheeks when I see he only has eyes for me.
I do a little turn and make eye contact with a man nearby, but quickly avert my eyes to avoid him. Unfortunately, it's not quick enough.
I feel the man's body close in behind me, and in the light of the flashing colours, I see Bucky's eye darken before me.
I turn around and look at the man, who smiles down at me. I shake my head at him and move away until I rub up against Bucky's side. I reach back, grabbing his hand and bringing it around my waist.
The man looks at Bucky and I see the intimidation flash over his features. He plays it cool, giving us a defeated smile before turning away.
I laugh and look up at Bucky but he's busy following the man with a hateful glare.
"Hey-" I yell, placing my hand on his chest. He brings his eyes back to mine and I smile at him. "It's all good."
Bucky nods his head. His eyes bore into mine and I realise just how close we are and that his arm is still around my waist.
There's a tiny voice in my head, trying to remind me that we shouldn't be this close, but it's getting drowned out by the music,
I smile at him and get us dancing again. His tense body starts to relax as we dance together, song after song. Until Bucky asks for the time and I pull out my phone and see it's just past midnight.
"Ready to go, Cinderella?" I ask him.
"Yes, Fairy Godmother." he replies.
I laugh as I grab his hand and lead us off the dance floor.
We go down the stairs and back out onto the street, into the fresh winter air. It starts to snow as we try and hail a cab.
We finally nab one and climb inside.
When the cab starts driving to my address, I start to feel tired from this big night. I rest my head on Bucky's shoulder and let out a sigh.
"Thank you." I tell him. "Tonight has been magical."
"Thank you for sharing it with me.." Bucky says softly.
My hand finds his, interlacing our fingers.
Everything feels so much more special and exciting with him around.
It leads me to wonder what else he could make me feel.