I don't know how long it took me to trust again,but I tried my best. It was almost the end of the summer break, I was kind of excited to go back to school, so that I can actually forget everything, even so I knew this year is going to be harder and if I don't get myself together, I'm going to fail, which would make my parents furious and do things I don't wish to happen at all. I believed in myself though, no matter how hard it is going to be, I will face everything and get through the year.
It was on a Thursday morning, I came home from the grocery store, when I saw a notification on my phone. I was hesitating whether I should open or not, but at the end I decided to open snapchat and I saw that the guy, I added back days ago, texted me something. I was still hesitant about it. I couldn't really decide whether I should start everything over again, I mean trusting that it could actually turn out well or not. I was thinking for a while and I eventually embraced myself to do it, I was really scared, but I did and to be honest the message surprised me.
'Hi, I'm Arjun, nice to meet you! I hope we can be great friends!' - he said.
'Hey, nice to meet you too. I hope the same way, by this time I have gone through so many bullshit and if this goes wrong, I'm forever giving up on trying to get friends.'- I replied with the message.
'I understand your worries, I really this generation is fucked up. Friendships and even relationships are fake. People leave behind everything they had, they forget all the good things that has happened to them. They don't appreciate anything anymore and it's just so sad. I wish people would change, I still believe in change though. I have been there too, I have been used, cheated, bullied and my situation is not the best neither. I don't have such a great relationship with my family, so yeah, I understand you, but I promise that I'm not like others, you can trust in me. I will show that kindness still exists in this generation.'-he replied.
I was speechless and lost for words, it seemed that finally someone understood me, felt the way I did, thought like me, in addition the person was kind too. I couldn't believe in my eyes nor what i just read. It seemed impossible, after all that has happened, something good is happening to me?
'Where are you from?' -I asked.
'From India.'-he replied.
'Oh that's really far away from here.'- I said.
'I don't know where you live, but I suppose yes, anyways you can tell me anything, whenever you feel comfortable saying so.' - he replied.
My heart felt so much happiness at that moment, I thought finally I found the one with whom I could be best friends with. We started talking to each other every day, nonstop, even if the time difference between us was 3h 30min. We tried to keep each other updated every day, so that we can actually make our friendship bond stronger than ever, but then something unexpected happens. I have to mention that, he has got school, so he would has to get up early to get there.
It was an ordinary day, at least that's what I thought. I would get up and check on my phone, but there was no message, he would wish me good morning every day at 3 a.m., that would be 6:30 a.m. in his time, but today I got none, so I started to worry. 'What happened to him?' 'Is he alright?'. I tried to wait patiently until I get a response. A lot of hours passed by and finally I got a message from him after worrying for the whole day, still I was hesitating to open the chat, I didn't know what to expect now. I was just scared and worried whether he was doing fine or not. I waited for like 10 minutes and after that I decided to open it. As I was reading it, I started feeling pain and felt so sorry for him, it was unacceptable what has happened ad I kinda wish I could have helped him, but I failed as a friend again. In the message stood things that a normal person could never imagine that could ever happen to a teenage boy.
'I'm so sorry for not being able to text you through the day, I probably won't be able to be here as much as I was before. My dad took my phone and broke it in a half, so I'm using my brother's phone. After we talked, I'm gonna delete the conversation, so don't text me back okay? I'm going to tell what has happened. It was in the moring my teacher called my parents and told them that I failed the chemistry exam, so my dad got furious at me and told me to bring my phone, so did I. After I got downstairs, he took it and in front of me, he broke it too, in addition I got beaten up with a stick. I'm in so much pain, he was also yelling me for hours, plus in school, I got bullied by a few classmate. Remember when I took my phone to class? They found out about you and they are going to add you too, just to mess around, they even tried to call you, but I quickly ended back then, I'm so glad you didn't pick up. There's also something I wanted to tell, it's rather confessing, but I have no time to hesitate, every moment is a chance to live with. I have been thinking lately how to tell you this, but I think I love you and I can't live without you by my side. You see how much I'm suffering, all I ever wanted in life was love, care ad bit of attention. I would love to be your boyfriend and then your husband in the future. I love you honey. Please be my girlfriend, so I can call you mine finally.' -he said.
I was probably shocked for a while and couldn't say a word after I read that all. I felt so much fear, like what is going to happen next. Of course as a normal friend, I would care a lot, to the point I would do anything to help. About the confession part, I probably had no words left, I was just simply speechless, but I knew I have to answer with something. I was thinking for a while because I actually didn't want to hurt his feelings in the first place, all after that has happened to him, it would be so desperate. I tried to think of the best answer, but somehow all led to the point I have to reject him.
'I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, I have really no idea how I could help you. Also I'm really sorry, I have been causing a lot of troubles for you, I don't know how long I can do this, I don't want to keep you hurting. I have no idea what I should say to your confession part. I don't feel the same way, but I can promise to be your friend and stand by your side as much as it comes from me. I'm really sorry.' - I replied.
He opened my message right away, but somehow I felt something still wasn't alright, I hurt his feelings, didn't I? He left me on opened and didn't say anything, that's the point where I knew I hurt him by telling the truth. If he wasn't feeling alright with the option that we could be still friednds, I have no idea what else I could have said, so that it would be good for both of us. I still waited patiently, he might about to get caught that's why he wasn't replying. I don't know. A few hours passed by again and he finally texted me. I was nervous to open, because I knew, it would either turn out terrible wrong or will be everything perfectly fine. I started hesitating. At the end I ended up opening it, but what I read was again was something terrible. I started panicking and didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't want to lose another friend again.
'I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this any longer, it's the time for me to go and leave this world behind, I'm glad that we had our moments, we made a lot of memories in this few days. My dad is furious at me, my brother is just laughing and my mom doesn't care at all. I'm really tired of fighting for my life, it is never going to get better. I don't know what I have done to them. They simply think because of an exam, I will never be successful in life. I mean of course it is important to study, but I will just leave this world behind and I hope in another lifetime, I can get a better life, farewell my friend'- he said.
'Just wait a few minutes until I get home, I will call you up and tell what's wrong, I promise to help, I won't let another friend go, I hate the feeling of losing someone. Just please stay strong until then.' - I said.
I spent that few minutes with him, trying to help through text, but it showed no results. I tried really hard and I was still panicking and overthinking. 'What if I fail and I end up losing someone again?' that's the only question that was repeating in my head. I finally arrived at home, quickly took a shower and called him. I spent hours trying to convice him from doing all that stupidity, he didn't seem to understand that. I kept on trying, I didn't give up for a second, but I was kind of getting tired, it was really late already and I was exhausted from all the work from the day. I asked him to tell me everything he feels, thinks. He kept on saying the same thing, so I guessed that was the key to the problem, I had to change that fact in order to help him out and change his perspective on the situation. I think it's really hard to change people's mind to something good, when all they have been living was only negativity. After hours of talking, I think I successfully changed his mind and he forgot completely about committing suicide. I was glad after all, even if we had nothing more than a regular friendship, it still counted as something special to me, as everything else. I don't know maybe I was doing it wrong that I always put people before me, even if I was draining, I never gave up onn helping, not because it was a desire, but I knew exactly how it feels when you have no one to talk to whenever your heart is heavy and your mind is killing you from the inside. That's why I want to help people as much as I can, even if we were enemies, I would still help. Refusing it makes it harder of course, but nothing is impossible.
The next day he would text me again, I was quite in trouble, because of I was staying up real late and talked to someone and didn't let my sister have her beauty sleep. It was really exasperating, but the problem was I got my phone taken away, so I couldn't say anything to him and he thought I was ignoring him, meanwhile on the other hand I was just trying to get out of this. He would call me up and text me nonstop, to the point where it becomes vastly annoying. I told him later on that I got into a trouble, but he said I was just acting up, it wasn't real and etc. I got really pissed and left him on delivered for a day again, but it became more irritating, so I muted the chat. I bet it was the worst I could ever do. What happens next is unexpectedly shocking, I don't even know how, but he found my sister's account and added her. Of course my sister would add everyone back, so did she do this time too. I thought it's the end of the world, it's the worst that could have ever happened. He started asking her questions about me, which was quite alright, it showed that he cared even just a little bit. After a while he started talking shit about me, as he was my biggest enemy. I didn't understand it why would anyone do something like that if the person actually 'loved' someone. He asked my sister for a picture of her and she sent one, so he told her that she was looking anyways better than me. He still continued saying things to her that were never true and he was making it up, even though he told her he had proofs, he didn't, because I knew, I didn't say anything offensive. They started chit-chatting about me, I have no idea what was it about and to be honest I didn't want to know neither. That day I also got my phone back, I quickly opened snapchat and deleted plus blocked him, so he will never find me again. I don't even know why, but I deactivated my account too, I didn't want to be bothered and found again. I actually gave up on everything. It made me feel like I was a piece of shit, who deserved all the bad things happening to her.