Bill POV
'Morning' came quicker than I wanted it to. Dipper slept fitfully for a little before eventually settling into deeper throws of sleep. Having to wake him felt wrong, but if I didn't get up soon I'd start twitching. Holding still for this long was a bit too much like being stone, which was way too boring to do again.
Sitting up slowly and bringing the sleeping form with me he stirred at the movement. Lashes heavy from sleep flutter open, not really seeing the world around him. Turning to shield his eyes for the magic made sunlight against my collar, arm encircling my back to pull himself closer, "just a little longer." he uttered under his breath. Alighting a new sensation across my throat, the skin that coated it physically responded.
His hair smelled strongly of cedar trees, "Just a little longer of what?" I whispered back though I'm sure the comment wasn't meant for me.
The long sigh that followed conforming that suspicion, "To pretend this is real." The forest around us ebbing now as my magic turned it back into my office.
"The day has to start at some point." I answered, a bit louder this time to reach through the fog of sleep surrounding him.
He nodded into my shoulder, abruptly pulling away. He pushed backwards on his hands, half getting to his feet with eyes fully awake and alert. "Yeah, I have to start that spell..." He straightened his shirt, patted down his hair, while looking everywhere but at me.
"Yes." I hummed, getting to my own feet. I produced the pages I'd taken from the journal in his memory, "This is what I grabbed, only one of the pages actually mentions the weirdness field but I didn't get to take a closer look at the surrounding so I just took them too." I handed the papers to him.
He thumbed through them quickly with a nod, "Ok." Dipper looked over his shoulder at the door, pausing as a thought crossed his mind. He looked at me, meeting my eye for the first time sense waking up. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Air filled lungs I didn't need, heat rushed through veins that served no function. "I'm going to meet with Ana, but I should spend more of the day in the throne room after that. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask." I tapped the side of my head indicating he could just think it and I'd be able to hear him. His features soften, brown eyes filling with something new before flitting away to look about my office once more. The rush of human bodily functions quickened met with the jump of my own power's response to it all.
"Thanks." Dipper answered stiffly, "I'm gonna use the desk in my room, and probably be there for a while if- if anything comes up."
He kept distance between us as we left my office, parting ways in the hall as he disappeared into the adjoined room.
I retreated quickly to find Ana.
The halls of my fearamid quietly echoing my own footsteps back to me, another thing I'd not expected when taking a human form. The environment and lights all seemed so much more colorful, everything felt more, just more. I could feel everything, touching things was different, things looked different though two eyes, things smelled different through a human nose and tasted different through a human mouth. It was all fascinating.
Ana had an office of her own, where we met now, full of shelfs similar to Dippers and a desk piled high with works and a never used couch. I fell onto it right away, stretching out with a sigh.
"What's wrong Cipher?" She closed the door softly, peering at me from behind a shadow of doubt.
"You've had a human form for a long time now right?" I sighed.
She squinted at me, obviously this is not what she was expecting me to ask her about, "Yes."
"So you know what it means when different things," I rolled my wrist turning my hand in a waving motion in the air, "happen or change."
"Things?" She asked intrigued, joining me on the couch.
"Feelings. The way the skin feels, or reacts, or my own reactions have changed."
Her brow lifted, "Bill I'm going to need you to be direct and just tell me what's going on if you want any help."
I shrugged, for the first time words failed to compare to the physical reactions I was experiencing. "I got the spell to bring down the weirdness field from Dipper's mind, to get it we both had to watch a traumatic memory that had not been fully processed."
Thoughtfully she hummed, "When did you start calling him Dipper?"
I blinked at her, she just stared back. After a moment of thought I found the moment when he shifted, my view of him fully adjusting to who'd he become and really who he could be now that he's free. "It was yesterday, I guess, a lot has happened."
"Including the new 'feelings'?" She gestured air quotes around feelings, smiling a bit.
"If you're not going to help then I will just leave." I huffed with no plan to get up, just trying to get a laugh out of her.
Which I did, she tossed her head back, "Wait wait, ok fine. So you have new feelings which is fine, it's just what happens when you make a human form for yourself. The human brain comes with all the hormones and responses that a normal human has. It happens to me too, it's one of my favorite parts of the human form." I leaned back, quietly letting her explain more, "Our demon forms may be more pure but only when power is concerned, outside of that we are lacking in everything else. Which is why a human form can feel like a very big change. You're just experiencing human emotions, if you explain them to me I might be able to tell you what they are from my experience."
That was what had started to become frustrating, putting words to the warmth in my chest, or the prickle of my skin when touching him. How his voice sounded like warm sunlight feels, or the rush that accompanied the hard edge of his gaze when he pinned all his attention on me. "I don't even know where to begin, it's all new so how am I supposed to know what's what?" I threw my hands in the air.
Ana, unamused, sighed, "It's fine I think I know already. These new feelings have to do with Dipper don't they?" I nodded and her smile broadened, "You like him."
"Of course I like him, he's smart and hasn't put up any fight about our deal." My brow furrowed, that wasn't a new feeling, I've liked and disliked beings before, and I already knew that I like Dipper. He's one of a very small list after all.
"No, that's not what I mean. When I say you like him, I mean romantically. Those new feelings, are they something like a rush, electricity over your skin, hot when he's near. Do you find yourself looking at him even if he's not looking at you?" She leans closer, her eyes softer and her hands folded in her lap. I squinted at her, demons can't read other demons' minds but still...
"Romantically? Really that's your answer." Dejected, I turned up my nose, "I don't think I would be confused by something so... rudimentary."
"It's more complex than you think, and don't talk down on something you don't understand." She sniffed, flicking her wrist dismissively, "You could go back to your demon form but something tells me that the boy wouldn't approve of that." Turning away from me, in profile the smile fell from her lips, "We are just as likely to develop romantic feelings as they are."
The stars align, "Ana, did you?" I meant for it to come out mockingly but instead my tone curved to something more akin to understanding.
She shot me a dubious look anyways, which is far I don't think I come off as caring all that often, "Would you find me 'rudimentary' if I said I did?"
"No."
"Good, because I did and I stand by my assertion that you did too." Ana twirled her fingers into her long hair, braiding the ends of loose stands that'd fallen over her shoulder.
"How can I be sure?"
"You have to talk to him, be in his space, let your body lead you. You'll know."
Dipper POV
Irritation buzzed at the corners of my mind, eating at my attention span. Ford had used completely different codes before he'd perfected the set he used for the third journal. Meaning that only one or two symbols even remotely resemble something I recognized. It was a start but not a very good one.
I was having a harder and harder time focusing, deeply painful memories crawled their way out of the lock box I had to open for this spell. Raking through the corners of my thoughts, whispers of past horror that followed the events of that memory grew louder and louder as I tried to force them back. The nights of restless sleep were met by paralyzed hours of demons, true demons, wretched and disfigured creatures of darkness and claws, with deep bone shaking growls and teeth and eyes that pierced the flesh, crossing my bed. The mornings that always followed, trying so hard to return to the land of the living.
Around it all I could still breathe, the thoughts and memories weren't overwhelming me in the way they used to. The demons huddled to the edges of my mind standing between me and them, a shield, strong and glowing in a soft bath of moonlight, was the weight of Bill's arm over my waist, the press of his hand on my hip. The rise and fall of his chest with his breathing steading my own, the press of his chin in my head keeping my mind from spiraling out of control.
You're losing your shit Dipper Pines. Absolutely losing it.
The silence, broken only by the scratch of a pen on paper, sat heavy on my shoulders and pressed against my ears where my own heartbeat rose to meet it. I groaned and dropped the pen. I hadn't been able to push past the first line for over an hour and it was starting to make my head hurt. This was turning out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be and residual panic was settling slowly in my gut.
Bill and I only made the deal because he believed I could be useful. I couldn't fail here, not now that I've only started to readjust to life now. I can't go back now, not after what I said or how I treated them. That box of worms was open now and there's no closing it and frankly I don't want to. I cringed at the idea of returning to my Grunkles and Mabel as everything was before.
Rubbing the heels of my palms against my eyes, causing my vision to blur for a moment before refocusing on the page, to no avail. It was still just several handfuls of symbols that all look like they make sense but don't.
I had to stand up, walk away from the bright desk light and ink covered pages. Wandering into the bathroom, I cleaned the ink smudge off the side of my hands and brushed down the wild waves of my bed ruffled hair with my fingers and some water. I rinsed with cold water against my cheeks, over my nose and eyelids. Putting my hands back down in the skin I scrubbed a little harder at my fingers, digging out dirt from under my nails. The memory might have been real years ago, but now sometimes I could still smell the copper tinged blood and still feel it in my nail beds. I gave them another scrub before reluctantly drying them off and returning to the center of my room. I'd only sat back down for a few minutes before going back to take a shower, letting the scalding hot water burn my skin.
Reluctantly I eventually returned to the desk. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Closing my eyes I brought forth the image of my hand resting on Bill's chest, moonlight making my pale skin practically glow against his deep black vest.
"Pinetree?" The man himself cut through my thoughts. Scaring me out of my skin because I hadn't heard the door open, but there he was standing in the open door way with one eyebrow raised in a question. "What are you doing?"
Forcing my teeth to unclench I shook the nervous energy out through my hands, "Just taking a break, Ford's codes are giving me a headache."
Cautiously he stepped inside, letting the door close behind him, "How far have you gotten?" He scanned the room, to the desk to peer at the pile of nothing I had going on.
Groaning I sat back on the end of the bed, it wasn't worth looking at it again especially not with any disappointment or disapproval he might hold against me, "Not enough. Everything is done in a really early version of the codes I've memorized. So nothing makes sense, everything means something else now and there are new symbols I've never even seen before." Bill looked over his shoulder at me. "Sorry but it's going to take me longer than I thought it would."
He shrugged, turning away from the desk to come stand near me. I had to look up at him from my place on the bed, "That's fine, I have all the time in the world." He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning his weight onto one foot, "Do you need a break? Humans need to eat right?"
My stomach growled at being provoked, "Yes. Do you eat?" I asked, trying to ignore it.
He thought for a moment, eyes scanning the air above my head in thought, "I guess I could in this form, but I don't normally need to. Tell me what you want and I'll try it." Bill stepped back, waving his hand in the air between us. A small wooden table placed for two people and chairs appeared in the middle of my room. He gestured for me to join him and take one of the chairs.
What followed could be considered a psa on what is not chicken alfredo pasta, it took several tries before I could actually eat a bowl of my comfort food.
______________________________
I'm sorry this is later than I expected! I will be posting one more and then the next post should be sooner, I got in the habit of posting two chapters every 10 days. Let me know if that works or if you guys would rather I posted one chapter once a week, probably on Fridays or Sundays.