— 9.02 PM _ JEONGHAN
My gaze was kept fixed on them until they completely disappeared from my sight as they walked into a restaurant.
"H-hyung, let's go to that store. Look, they have some really nice collections. Let's go" Mingyu slightly pulled me by my arm. He sounded hesitant when speaking, he stuttered, which is unlike him.
I just simply nodded and started walking into the direction he was pointing at with him following me.
We both walked into the store and Mingyu immediately started looking through the clothes that were hung on display.
Meanwhile, my mind was all over the scene that had unfolded in front of me just a few minutes ago.
How he held her hand. How they laughed together. How she hit him playfully. Just how happy they are together.
Unknowingly, tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I was fast to wipe them off before anyone could notice.
The scene of them laughing and enjoying their time with each other broke my heart more than when I had left her, honestly.
I am well aware that she can be with anyone she wants to be with and that I have no say in anything she does. But, I'm sure I have the right to feel like this if it's my very own best friend who I trusted more than anything in my life, betrays me this way.
He knows me more than anyone. He knows more than anyone everything I have hidden from most people. The things I was never able to talk to my other friends about, I talked about them with him. Because I believed he would help me. But he did the exact opposite by going on a date with my girlfriend.
"Hyung, look at this" Mingyu pulled me into an aisle and held up a sweatshirt in front of my shirt. "Isn't this nice? You should get this" He said and pushed the cloth to my chest and I automatically held onto it.
I didn't even look at the sweatshirt, I just took it because I'm too lazy to fight him right now — I have no need for any new clothes, I have more than enough already.
"Hyung, how do you think this one looks? Do you think I should get this?" He asked me, showing me the shirt as he held it in front of his body. I barely paid any attention and just nodded my head.
The fact that they're still in this mall and we could encounter each other made me feel somewhat angry. With Seungcheol. Jiyeon is no one to blame here. Even if she has fallen in love with him, I can't blame her. The only person worth blaming here is Seungcheol.
"Hyung, let's go. I'll pay for these" I just followed behind Mingyu without speaking a word. I feel bad that I'm being like this with Mingyu who's not at fault here but I can't help it. My anger towards Seungcheol keeps increasing every second that passes.
"Hyung, should we go to a restaurant for dinner?" – "Outside the mall" He added right after.
"Why not inside the mall?" I raised my eyebrows. What's the problem with going to a restaurant inside the mall?
"No, I was just thinking we should go to that restaurant we went to last week. You liked the food a lot, so did I. We should go there" He suggested but something about him seemed off. He doesn't always talk like this. He seems… nervous?
"Sure. Why not" I shrugged, seeing no problem in going there because the food there was in fact one of the tastiest foods I've had in my life.
"Thank you" Mingyu thanked the cashier, taking the shopping bags and walking out of the shop with me following behind him.
We both walked out and walked towards the entrance of the mall. I looked back one more time towards the restaurant that they went into — though it is barely visible from this distance.
We walked out and went to the parking lot. Spotting Mingyu's car, I immediately went in as soon as he unlocked the doors.
A few minutes later, after attending a call, Mingyu entered the car as well and started the engine. "Who called?" I asked as he got in.
"My dad. I had told him I would call him but I forgot so he called me instead" – "Oh" Probably the driest reply I've ever given.
Mingyu started driving as I stared out through the window, the scene of them together, holding hands flashed in my mind once again.
Am I overthinking this? It's not like they have never held hands before. Just holding hands doesn't mean they're in love. But they looked so happy together. They were laughing together.
Unknowingly, I let out a loud sigh, gaining Mingyu's attention. "Is everything alright, hyung? You seem to be in deep thoughts"
I just bobbed my head up and down, not bothering to look at him. "You look sad. And angry. What happened? You know you can tell me"
I sigh for the hundredth time today, finally looking at Mingyu who is focused on the road in front of him. Should I tell him? He definitely recognized her, what's wrong just telling him, right?
After a few seconds of debating in my head, I finally decided to talk to him.
"You know how we just saw Seungcheol a while ago, at the mall?" Mingyu nodded, still having his eyes on the road. "The girl he was with" I stopped, trying to read his mind through his emotions to know whether he recognized her or not.
He gulped. And I find that weird. He definitely knows.
"You know her, Gyu," I finally let out. "It's Jiyeon. He was with Jiyeon. The so called colleague of his, is her"
"H-how are you so sure that it's her? She isn't even in Seoul, hyung. You know that" he stuttered? That's unlike him.
"She is. And I know that you know that as well. You saw her with your own eyes just now, Gyu. I won't believe you if you say that you didn't recognize her, even after I just told you that it's her"
"And don't tell me I saw it wrong. There's no one that knows her better than I do" I state the obvious.
I kept looking at Mingyu and all I could sense from his reaction was, nervousness? He knows. He knew it the whole time. He hid it from me. Even Mingyu.
"Stop acting, Gyu. You can't lie to me. I practically raised you. Don't think I will fall for you acting" He finally let out a sigh.
"Fine. I'm not good at acting to begin with so I will just tell you. Yes, I do know about her being in Seoul. But it was Seungcheol hyung that told me. And now you're possibly angry with Seungcheol hyung. So you should sort it out with him. Please don't be mad at me, hyung. I swear I have no role in this"
"Yes, I knew they were out together today. He told me this morning that he was going out with her. I'm sorry for hiding it from you, hyung, but I was told to not tell you anything. And I may know why–"
"She doesn't want me to know about her" I cut him off.
Mingyu sighs once again. "I haven't met her yet, hyung. I haven't even talked to her. So I believe I cannot tell you anything. You should talk to Seungcheol hyung"
I nodded my head with a sigh, shifting on my seat, feeling somewhat uncomfortable about this conversation. I've never really talked to Mingyu like this.
I leaned my head on the window, looking out at the streets. Nothing is making me feel better. Everything is a mess.
Joshua, my bestest friend of all time, won't talk to me. And I believe he has every right to be mad at me. But have I not been trying enough? I have tried anything and everything in my will to make him forgive me, or to at least talk to me. But he won't.
Jiyeon is back in Seoul, hanging out — or possibly dating my own best friend. I met her. But I wasn't able to do anything. I walked away. Just like I did the day I had left her. I left her crying on the ground. And this time, I did the same. I left her crying.
Not being able to control my emotions, I let my tears flow out. The image of her eyes filled with tears is still so clear in my mind.
She didn't let me see her crying. I wonder what she was thinking when she saw me. Was she happy? Was she angry? Did she wanna talk to me and hold me as much as I wanted to? Or did she want to slap me and hit me?
"Hyung…" I wiped my tears quickly as Mingyu's palms landed on my shoulder. I looked out the window to hide my face from him as much as possible. I can't cry in front of him.
He retreated his hand a few seconds later and put it back on the steering wheel again. "Should we go home instead? I don't think you can stay out now"
"I'm fine, Gyu. Just go to where we were going" – "Okay"
My phone started ringing, startling me by the sudden vibration on my thighs. I slowly wiped out my phone from my pocket and turned on the screen to see the caller ID. I read the contact name and had to recheck what I read at least five times.
"Who is it?" Mingyu asked as I didn't answer the call despite it having been ringing for at least 30 seconds now.
I checked the contact name for the nth time before finally accepting what I read is right and that my eyes are alright.
Joshuji. Joshua Hong who I have been trying to talk to for the past months.