Sarah remembers being wheeled down the hallway through the double doors of the operating room. Her mind was going ballistic on her and she feared waking up in the middle of the surgery, being completely aware of everything. Although, some patients do undergo brain surgery wide awake.
Sarah remembers getting up and walking over to the operating table where she met with her surgical team. She lost count of all of them but there were more than ten people there with her, each with an important role to play to make sure she had all she needed to make it through the surgery in the best condition possible, given the circumstances.
Sarah remembers the surgical team trying to make her as comfortable as possible, explaining each step to her and telling her what the medications were for. She remembers being told she was getting the medication to help her sleep.
Sarah remembers being told that once she's asleep, they're going to be doing a couple of procedures before the actual brain surgery. Intubation, another IV insertion, venous catheter insertion, arterial line insertions and catheter insertion among others.
She was nervous and she was scared to death, but she decided to take a deep breath and trust God.
The last thing she remembered was that the anaesthesiologist gave her a mask before she felt her eyes droopy. The world became a blur once more, with only one thing visible: her goal to live. It felt as though she was in the pool, unaware of everything else but the ripples of the water and the goal to victory. She didn't know that the struggle to live and wake up began the moment she closed her eyes.
It has been four days since Sarah's surgery and her doctors had to make a quick decision to put her in a medically induced coma due to the extensive swelling in her brain. When, and if, she would wake up, they could only hope for the best.
"Seventy percent of the tumor was removed. Once Sarah wakes up from the coma, we will assist with her recovery then proceed with radiation and chemotherapy."
"Only seventy percent and she ends up in a coma?" Ariel voiced out his frustration. "I know you said it was a decision on your part but didn't you say she should have woken up already? Doc, we're only getting started. Why does it feel like we're already losing the fight? Why isn't she waking up?"
"Mr. Geronimo, we made a collaborative decision to put Sarah in an induced coma because we wanted to give her the best chances at recovery," the doctor calmly replied. "Our goal was to remove as much of the tumor as we could, as safely as possible, while trying to prevent neurological deficits because of the complex location of the tumor."
"What kind of neurological deficits?" Matteo couldn't help but ask. He felt a ball was stuck in his throat as he listened to the neurosurgeon. He watched as Gelli tightened her grip on Ariel's hand, and Sarah's father held his wife tightly.
The surgeon nodded and proceeded to explain more about Sarah's condition. He went on to talk about neurological deficits like sensory and perception problems, and motor problems in high correlation with those. The doctor's words echoed in Matteo's mind.
"It's not for sure, right?" Matteo asked worriedly.
"Any of those are possible but we won't find out until she wakes up, that's if there is any."
"And when is that going to be?" Sarah's father asked impatiently.
"We're all hoping for the best, Gelli, Ariel. We've already discontinued the sedation, so we're waiting for her to wake up on her own now. Each case, each patient is different."
The surgeon's words from yesterday echoed in Matteo's mind as he walked down the halls of the neurosciences critical care unit, or NCCU, the ICU of the neurosciences department.
Day five today, bubba. Matteo said in his mind as he looked at her from the glass door of her private room. Sabi nila you should've woken up a couple of days ago.
"Love," he said softly while he sat on a chair beside her. He looked up at all the machines around them and he couldn't help but close his eyes. The minute that he did, his tears fell.
"It's day five, love, you've been sleeping for way too long. It's time to wake up, we're all waiting for you. I'll be right here waiting for you to open your eyes again. I miss you, bubba," Matteo said as his voice cracked. "Gosh, I miss you so much."
One hand held her hand, while the other pinched the bridge of his nose as he bent down to try and contain his cries. Marge looked at her son from outside the room and the scene in front of her broke her heart. She couldn't help but tear up when she saw Gelli beside her trying to be strong as she watched the one-sided interaction inside the intensive care unit.
Having gone through the same thing when Matteo was fighting for his life, Marge could imagine the pain Sarah's mother was going through at that moment. She comforted Gelli in the days that she and her husband, Martin, accompanied their son to the hospital to visit Sarah.
"Ayokong payagan si Matt noon na umalis mag-isa because I was worried na baka hindi na siya makabalik sa amin, or maka-balik nga sya pero hindi na sya yung anak na kilala ko dahil may nangyari sa kanya," Marge said while watching her son beside Sarah.
Gelli looked at Marge without saying a word, urging her new-found friend and support system to continue.
"And the latter happened, Gelli, in a good way," Marge said with a smile as tears ran down her cheeks. "A very good way. Our son came back as a happy and motivated man. He was finally excited to live his life again. Kahit nakita namin yung takot at pag-aalala nya kay Sarah, alam kong the time spent with your daughter changed him for the better. Masigla na ulit sya, masayahin na ulit sya."
Standing at the end of the hallway were Ariel and Martin having a conversation of their own. They looked towards their wives and found them embracing each other in the midst of an emotional conversation.
"The moment he called me and said that he wasn't coming home, that he was going to Hawaii instead, alam ko na noon pa lang how important Sarah was to him. It's not the conventional story, Gelli," Matteo's mother said, to which Gelli agreed. "Pero sa phone call na yun, Matt poured everything out to me about the week he spent with your daughter. Noon pa lang, I looked forward to meeting your daughter already, pero hindi ko inasahan na sa unang pagkakataon, nasa ganyang kalagayan sya."
"Ayaw naming payagan si Sarah noon na mag bakasyon sa time na maselan yung health nya, lalo na gusto nyang umalis mag-isa. Pero alam mo, Marge, bihira humiling yang anak kong yan. Hiniling talaga nya yung bakasyon na yun, and as reluctant as we were, pinayagan namin. Hanggang sa nag meet na silang dalawa ni Matt. We had our own doubts about him, Marge, but he proved us wrong. Katulad nyo, masaya din kami ni Ariel dahil umuwi ang anak namin na may bagong pag-asa na pinang-hahawakan."
Gelli paused as she stared at her daughter who lay unconscious in front of them, tears pouring out of her eyes. "Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko bilang isang ina kung wala ng planong lumaban ang anak ko, Marge," she continued as Marge rubbed her back, trying to console her while she cried. "I can only convince her to fight, pero desisyon niya pa rin yun."
"She has you to fight for, Gelli," Marge said softly. "And, I'd like to believe that she now has my son to fight for, too."
Matteo kept his eyes on Sarah, oblivious to the heart-wrenching conversation between their mothers who both know very well what it's like to watch their child fight for their life.
"Bub, remember when we were in Vancouver? When you left me in the middle of the trail because you saw the lake with the log?" He swallowed the huge lump in his throat as he smiled at the memory, tears running down his cheeks.
"Do you realize that every time we arrived at any of the beaches in Hawaii, you'd also run off by yourself at lagi mo akong iniiwan? That's how much you love the water. My swimmer, you would always leave me behind because it excites you so much."
Matteo wiped his tears and kissed her hand softly, careful not to dislodge any of the tubes or wires attached to her. He tried to keep his voice steady before speaking again. "Love, it's okay. It's okay that you always leave me when you run off ahead of me. It's okay if you do that again. Love, just don't leave me for good, please? Don't go where I can't follow you. Don't do that, bubba, okay? Don't do that." He hung his head low as he wiped his tears that poured out continuously from his eyes. His heart was breaking repeatedly in his chest, screaming for help, screaming for mercy.
"Bubba, the three weeks that I've gotten to know you and spent time with you are not enough. You gotta wake up, bubba, you gotta wake up. Three weeks is not enough. Kulang na kulang pa, bub. Kulang pa ang three weeks of adventure with you. Kulang pa ang three weeks to see you smile and hear you laugh. I refuse to believe that all we're given is three weeks, kaya, love, please, wake up. Wake up."
Matteo's voice trailed off as he said the last two words, with only the sound of his sniffles and the machines radiating the white, large private room, closed in with a glass wall. He has been trying to stay positive in the midst of Sarah's health status and its reality, but he could only take so much until he breaks down. At that moment, he poured his emotions out quietly while holding on to her hand. He wasn't sure how many minutes passed while his head was down; all he was sure of was the sound from one of the monitors made his body jerk up and he pressed the call bell vigorously.
In a split second, he felt Sarah weakly wrap her hand around his finger and Matteo's tears came pouring down as he watched her slowly open her eyes. He broke down again but, this time, it was because of gratefulness and happiness that Sarah was finally waking up.
Matteo gave way to the health care team and stayed out of the room with his parents and Sarah's parents. With the curtains closed behind the glass wall, each second that passed was nerve wracking as they waited for an update. It took the team almost an hour inside before nurses came out one by one, until the NCCU physician finally came out.
"How's my daughter, doc?" Gelli asked in an instant.
"We finally have her back with us, Mr. and Mrs. Geronimo," the doctor answered with a hopeful smile. "I'd like to talk to both of you."
"May I go in to see her?" Matteo asked excitedly.
"Yes, you may."
While Gelli and Ariel spoke to Sarah's health care team outside, Matteo swallowed the lump in his throat as he opened the door, stepping aside to let the last nurse in the room come out.
Hearing the door open again, Sarah slowly opened her eyes to look in its direction. She still looked weak and exhausted, and she was still on oxygen but she was no longer intubated. He saw a weak smile form on her lips as their eyes met. Seeing her in such an uncomfortable and exhausted state made the lump in his throat double in size. Despite that, Matteo gave her the sweetest and most courageous smile as he took a chair beside her, holding her right hand as he planted a soft kiss on her cheeks.
"Love," Sarah heard him say, closing her eyes as she carefully listened to his voice.
Having been told of the events that happened since the moment she closed her eyes while on the operating table, she wanted to savor every waking moment she now had.
"How are you feeling?" Matteo asked as his thumb gently caressed her right hand, his left hand gently placed on her cheek.
"Tired," Sarah answered with a hoarse voice. "I'll be okay," she said with another weak smile, barely able to form a sentence.
Matteo smiled at her, never taking his eyes off of Sarah's, and nodded. "I'm so proud of you, love. You have no idea how happy I am to be talking to you and to see you awake. Just get some rest, okay? Save your energy and rest your throat, I'm sure it's very sore. I'll be here when you wake up."
"Promise?" Sarah mouthed as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"I promise, love." Matteo gave a gentle squeeze on her hand, before standing up to give her a loving kiss on the forehead.
"Bubba, hold me," she whispered with her eyes closed, her voice barely audible.
He smiled and gave a gentle squeeze on her right hand. "Of course, bubba. I got you. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."
"Hold me, please," Sarah softly said again without opening her eyes. "Hold my hand."
Matteo looked at their hands, and in the corner of his eyes, he saw her left hand reach over to him, wanting to be held. Confused, he reached for her left hand and gave it a gentle rub, and he saw Sarah relax and tighten her hold on him.
He gave another gentle squeeze on her right hand, but it was only then when he noticed that Sarah has not been responding to his touch on that side.