♥
As soon as Milo ran, there was no catching him. He was gone. I search the area of my territory but he's nowhere to be seen. I walk back to the house and lay down on my bed. I send off various mindlinks to him, none in which I get a reply.
I don't know how long I stayed in this position for but I know I didn't sleep, I didn't move, I barely even breathed. What the hell was that?
I shake my head when morning rolls around. My eyes are heavy and sore. I couldn't stop thinking about Milo and how distressed he was. A thousand different scenarios running through my head. What happened after the committee gathering?
After a few moments I sent him another mindlink to which he didn't respond.
Then again a couple hours later. But no luck.
He was devastated. Physically choking on his sobs. Something really bad must have happened and now guilt tips in my body when I think about how I pushed him away. But that Milo that turned up at my door last night, that's not the man I've been spending my time with. That side of Milo concerns me more than I realised.
Instead of talking, he wanted me naked. He didn't want to confide, he wanted to use me.
The thought alone hurts so fucking much.
Mates might be there for one another to take their mind off things, but not to blindly use and not think about the other person. Because he wasn't thinking about me, he was only thinking about himself.
And if he thought I was going to take advantage of his vulnerable state, then he is severely mistaken.
After my back begins to cramp up from laying in this bed for far too long, I take myself to the shower and stand there for a long period of time. Milo might be better today. I pray that he went home, slept it off and wakes up in a better headspace.
When I step out of the shower and cover myself in a towel, I grab some clothes and lay them out on my head. My hand runs through my soaked hair as I stare at the wall blanky.
Let's talk about last night. I shoot down the mindlink with another attempt. Milo, I'm worried about you. I know you weren't in a great headspace and I don't know if you need time, but I'm here. Please, let's talk.
Despite his unhinged mood, I will always care about him. I raise my hand to my lip and touch the tender flesh where Milo left his unwanted mark. It might be mostly healed but it still feels sore to touch. As if the memories outweigh the actual action.
Milo doesn't respond and it makes my heart thump out of time. I'll go over to his pack house later if I don't hear anything. He can't ignore me forever. I don't want him to push me away again and keep himself caged in his bedroom, not taking care of himself.
That has haunted me since. I never want to see him like that again.
Once I'm dressed and head downstairs, the patch between my brows begins to ache. I wish I slept but I have zero energy to even try. The smell of bacon, eggs and pancakes float into my nose. As a pack we always throw a big breakfast after a committee meeting for those who are nursing hangovers.
But right now the thought of food makes me nauseous. Forcing a meal down my neck isn't something that appeals to me right now, not when things aren't settled with Milo. My stomach flips and I know there is no way I'll be able to keep anything down.
"Hey," Viola smiles at me as I stand in the kitchen, watching the pack pick from the never ending food on the counter and tables. "You okay? You don't look so good."
I shake my head. "I'm fine."
Her concerned expression spreads as she tilts her head down to flash me a look that I want to ignore. "Okay," she says after a few moments. "Come eat."
My hand raises to scratch the back of my head. "I'm not really hungry."
Viola huffs out a breath and places her hands on her hips. "Fine," she grumbles. "Least come over and sit with us."
I merely nod and follow my sister as she walks towards Imogen, Elin and Zade. My eyes flash over them and I spot Elin glance at me and then blink quickly, he turns to Zade and then they both look at each other. Something flashes in their gaze, expression turning to a look of discomfort.
My brows scrunch up at the weird exchange. I perch on the bench opposite them and try my hardest to ignore the stench of the fresh cooked breakfast because my stomach is still rolling inside of me.
"What's up with you two?" I mutter and they finally turn back to me.
Zade's mouth is parted as if he doesn't know what to say. Elin chews on his lip, sliding a hand against his temple. It's obvious something is wrong, it's also obvious that they want to say something and they're not fucking saying it.
I'm too tired for this shit. Far too tired.
"Come on," I encourage them. "Get on with it."
Elin leans over the table and shakes his head. "Nate," he starts. "Maybe we should go somewhere else so we can tell you this."
My whole expression changes. "Tell me what?"
"Nate," Zade says my name and I wave my hand at him.
"Tell me what?"
"Let's go outside."
I shake my head and flick my eyes between them so quickly I almost give myself whiplash. My heart is thumping so hard in my chest that I can feel it in my throat, if I thought I felt sick before. I feel fucking nauseous now.
"Tell me now."
Elin glances at Zade, fear floating through his eyes. "Alright," he sighs and lowers his head for a second before meeting my gaze. "After the committee gathering, we went over to Apollo's party. And... and–"
My nostrils flare because I want them to get to the fucking point before I blow. "And what?"
Zade closes his eyes and inhales slowly. "Milo was there," he says, finally opening his eyes to hold my stare. "He was drunk and upset. We tried to go and speak to him but he didn't want to be near us, he didn't want to talk."
The heaviness of the world slams into me like a bulldozer.
I can't see. I can't even fucking breathe.
Milo went to a sex party after seeing me? My stomach lurches and I wrap my hand around my mouth. Fuck. I don't want to throw up but I feel like I'm seconds away from doing so. Pressure begins to build behind my eyes and I shake my head. No, this can't be real. This can't be real. He wouldn't do that to me... would he?
He promised me he wouldn't go back to them. Not now that he's met me.
I'm staring at the table, running a thousand different scenarios through my head. What if he... what if he got with someone else? A single tear rolls down my cheek and I rush to wipe it away before pressing it into the table.
"Nate," Elin says cupping my hand but I rip it away. "It might not be what you think. We didn't see him with anyone."
I stand from the table so abruptly that the stool rocks behind me. "I need some air," I mumble under a jagged breath before walking across the kitchen with my head down.
My chest has never felt this tight. It actually feels like I'm suffocating.
As soon as I burst through the back door and step down the patio, I place my hand on the nearest wall and attempt to catch my breath. Tears keep leaking from my eyes and I somehow wish this never happened.
Bile rises in my throat but I push it down. Elin's right, it might not be what I think. But it means something. He didn't want to stay around to talk to me, instead he went to find comfort in someone else. Another man.
I wretch at the thought but nothing comes up.
I'm sobbing by the time I sink to the floor and perch on the bottom step. My head is buried into my hands and I shake my head. Fuck. No. This isn't real. Nothing happened. I pray nothing happened.
But he still went there. He still went to the one place that fucking haunts me.
He promised me. He promised.
Now why all of a sudden do I feel like I was never good enough? I was probably never good enough for him and his needs. I know he's unwell, his addiction is serious but does that mean I can't have my own feelings too?
Because right now it feels like someone has ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it in two.
The door opens behind me but I don't dare glance up and look at who is there. As soon as I take a big inhale, I know it's my sister because I could recognise that lavender scent from miles away. She perches beside me and wraps an arm over my shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand and twist my head to look at her. Those eyes are studying me closely and I pull away from her grip. "I bet you're happy," I grumble heavily.
She flinches from my words. "Why on earth would I be happy?"
"Because now I'm not in a happy relationship. I'm not rubbing it in your face." I say with a harsh tone.
Viola blinks at my outburst and I have no idea why I've done it. Of course I have an idea. I'm being spiteful because I don't know what my mate did last night. I don't know if he went home with someone else. If he even thought of me whilst he did it.
"Nate–" she shuffles closer to me. "That is not true at all. I want you to be happy, I've always wanted you to be happy."
My eyes clench together, more tears escaping. "Well I'm not."
"I know," she whispers and places her chin on my shoulder. I glance down to find her snaking her hand against mine and squeezing gently. "But you don't know what happened. You heard Zade, he said he was upset. It might not be as malicious as you think."
"I'm sorry, that was unfair. I'm hurting." I scrunch up my face and shake my head. "He's been ignoring my mindlink. That's something someone who is guilty would do. Don't you think?"
Viola bites down on her lip. "There could be more to the story."
A scoff leaves my lips faster than I anticipated. "The story? He went to a fucking sex party, Viola. Something he promised me he'd never do again, or feel the need to do. He left me to go and get company off someone else. That speaks volumes."
"I'm sorry," she whispers again.
I shake my head and glance towards the trees in the distance. "I always knew this was too good to be true."
"Are you going to talk to him?"
For a moment I'm silent and Viola raises her head, squeezing my hand to remind me that she's there. "I don't know," I admit. "He won't even let me. So how can I?"
I'm not sure I could face him if he told me that he was intimate with someone else. I tell myself to calm down before I break down into a panic attack. I've fought so hard against my insecurities but this is really the icing on top of the cake.
That would shatter me to pieces. I'd never be the same.
I'd never trust anyone again.
I thought I was special to him. He made me feel special. He made me feel like I was the only person in this world to exist and everyone else was merely here for show. I was his world, his soul. Everything.
Now I feel like an idiot. I should have known better.
Milo was never going to want me and just me.
No matter what happened between us, I'll never be enough. That's clear now.
I wish I knew that at the start to save myself from this agony.
"Come inside," Viola whispers. "Let us take your mind off this."
My nose sniffles but it's blocked. "I can't, I'm a mess."
"We're your family. We want to be there for you." She says again and I finally look at her through my blurry eyes. "Even if we just go for a walk or watch a movie. They all love you, they all want what's best for you. We want to be there as much as we can."
I stare at my sister for a long moment before I nod. If I push everyone away, I'll just deteriorate. I should be around my family and my friends, even if I don't want to. It'll keep me distracted and I'll be kept sane for the time being.
She stands up and tugs me with her. "Come, I'm not leaving you alone today. And anything that you need, I'll be there to get it for you."
My lips twist into a frown. I doubt a new heart is on that list.
♥ ♥ ♥
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Author's Note
OH MY GOD. MY FUCKING HEART.
Milo went to the sex party? Yikes😬🥺💔
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Seeing Nate like this breaks my heart because Milo is absolutely everything to him!😭
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Love Savanna x
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