"There's really no need for that, you know," Eren tells you quietly, sliding his gaze over his shoulder to the gun you have pointed to his head before stealing a glance at you. "How are you feeling?"
Your scowl deepens. "I suggest you not test my patience unless you want me to bury you here under this tree with my bare hands."
Seeing how on edge you are, Eren makes no sudden moves—wise enough not to agitate you any further. But the look of fear you usually expect from someone whose life is being held at gunpoint remains absent from his face. It's as if he's fully confident you're not going to pull the trigger on him despite your murderous tendencies.
"You have every reason to be upset. I know that," he says in a low tranquil voice before his face twists down in anguish. "But I couldn't just leave you there with them after the way you collapsed like that..." He shakes his head. "Besides, they wouldn't have believed me. And you were so adamant on them not knowing... So I did as you asked and brought you here instead. To rest."
You pause.
What I asked?
You recall the exact words you told Eren in your father's office. You will not say a word to Historia or Mikasa, or any of them, about anything because there is nothing to tell. Is that clear?
You scour the area with hawk-like eyes from where you sit on the hill. There's no sign of anyone else nearby except you and him, and you don't know whether that should comfort you or give you further reason to be more suspicions of him. The terrain is much too open for your liking. If there's any sign of enemies nearby, you'll spot them easily enough, but the lack of buildings and woodland offers you no protection or shelter from an attack.
You drag your eyes back to Eren, voice low and dangerous. "You're telling me... no one knows where we are right now?"
Eren averts your gaze. Hearing the weight of your words out loud seems to have finally hit him with the reality of what he's done, but he seems less worried about what that might entail and more concerned with your reaction and how that might effect your view towards him.
You clench your jaw. "Since when?"
Eren swallows, hesitant. "Since this morning."
You close your eyes with a groan and lie back on the ground miserably, throwing an arm over your face, already imagining everyone's reactions. "Levi is going to murder you for this."
Eren, noticing the gun you were using to threaten him is now lying on the ground next to you, momentarily discarded, says to you gently, "I don't think you'll let that happen."
You remove your arm from your face to raise an eyebrow at him. "That's one hell of a wager."
He smiles faintly. "Is it?"
But he's looking at you with eyes full of trust and possibility that the sight of it unsettles you. He really believes you'll protect him, enough that he's willing to stake his life on it. And that blind faith he has in you is what makes him dangerous. Because for the first time in a long while, you've found yourself in unfamiliar territory. In the hands of someone you can't read and whom you know little about. You know better than to let down your guard around someone like that, but for some reason you don't feel threatened by him at all. In fact, you've never felt more at peace.
Still, you turn away. "Just because I haven't killed you yet, doesn't mean I won't get to it eventually. Or that I won't let anyone else have a go at it for that matter."
Eren merely draws his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them to rest his chin on his knees. "I've only done as you've asked," he sulks beside you. "Or would you rather I have left you there for Mikasa and all them to find —"
"I'd rather you not interfere at all," you cut him off with a growl. "Your goddamn presence keeps giving me migraines, I'm beginning to think you're here just to torture me."
Eren gathers some small sticks by his feet and starts snapping them in half mindlessly. "I don't see what the big deal is. You're safe here. And we're not even that far away from the city."
"Where is 'here'?" you demand.
"In the outskirts of the Karanes District."
You sit upright, eyes wide in alarm. "That's a whole town over! How the hell did you even get us here?" And how had you not woken up for any of it?
"I took a taxi from the office to the train station," he answers simply. He gives a small nudge with his chin to the open field at a faint snake-like trail you hadn't noticed before in the distance. "At the end of that path are train tracks. If we follow them north, they lead back to the train station. We can take the next train ride over back to the city. Your father's office isn't far from the station."
You narrow your eyes at him. "You really expect me to believe that you alone brought me here without anyone stopping you or thinking you suspicious for hauling around an unconscious person across town?"
Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha...They were all stationed at areas of exits. He couldn't have left the building without any of them knowing about it.
Eren shrugs. "We hardly came across anyone. Other than the taxi driver who took us to the train station, but the train itself was empty and the driver probably just thought you were intoxicated or something."
You roll your eyes.
"Either way," Eren insists, "your hair covered your face most of the time, and without Mikasa and all them hovering around you, no one was going to think it was you."
You give him an evaluating sidelong glance before you lean back on the ground, using your elbows to support your weight as you turn to watch the fading sunset disappear from the sky.
"That must have been some strong stuff you slipped into my drink then," you accuse him casually. "To knock me out cold for that long and bring me here."
Eren looks to you incredulously. "You and I both know I had nothing to do with that."
You tsk. "And yet you were the last person I was seen with last. The only one in my father's office who had full access to the fresh array of beverages Historia had left ready for me. Beverages that I drank."
Eren looks away, jaw tight. His silence is enough to tell you he's already thought of this. In fact, he's had plenty of time to contemplate all the incriminating evidence stacked against him and the possible consequences he'll face for kidnapping you.
And yet...
"None of this looks good for you..." you draw out. A beat later, your siren gaze cuts to him like a knife. "So why are you still here?"
What could possibly be keeping him here that he'd refuse to run away and save his own skin? Did he really not have a full understanding of who your people were? Of what they would do to him once they found out he had risked your safety by taking you away from them without their knowing?
He frowns, taking one of the sticks he's broken in half to draw lines on the ground. "I wasn't going to leave you here all alone when you were still unconscious. And you looked like you needed time alone. Away from everyone. So I brought you here. I knew Mr. Kruger wouldn't mind."
Your ears perk, tense. "Kruger?"
Eren nods to the vast land around you. "This is his property. His home is just down that hill. Behind those trees."
You scan the place, more alert. It was hidden from this angle, but yes, you can make out a wooden cabin peeking from the distant trees far off to your right.
"He helped me out when I got lost one day on my way to the office," Eren continues. "I had relied on Historia to guide us there, so when she couldn't come with me that one day, I got lost and got off the wrong train stop. Mr. Kruger found me wandering around and he helped me out. We got to talking, and well...he seemed kinda lonely. I try to visit him every once in a while." Eren smiles. "I think he enjoys my company."
You roll your eyes. "Of course he does."
Rising to your feet— mildly aware the headache and fatigue you'd felt this morning has subsided immensely— you toss Eren's coat back at him. He catches it with a flinch.
"Who else is with him?" you demand, your eyes following him as he stands.
"No one. It's just him." But Eren notices the dark look in your eye and finds the need to add, "He's a senior citizen, Anya. He's not involved in anything that should concern you."
You scoff, and start heading towards the old man's residency. "I'll be the judge of that."
You hear Eren's panicked footsteps follow after you. "He's a retired physician!" Eren rushes to explain, ready to reach out and stop you. "He's the one who checked on you when I first brought you here."
You whip around. "He what?"
Eren steps back, realizing too late the mistake he's made and that you would never have approved to a stranger examining you without your permission. "I—I was worried. You weren't waking up. But he checked your vitals and he said you were fine. That you'd collapsed from stress and exhaustion and just needed to rest."
You laugh mockingly. "Is that what he said?"
"I swear he doesn't know who you are. He thinks you're just a friend of mine, that's it."
You pull up your sleeve and show him the centipede tattoo on your wrist. "If he checked my vitals, he saw this. And everyone knows what this means, young or old."
You turn back in the direction of the cabin.
"No, stop!" Eren rushes forward and steps in your path. He's looking at you with a fierce expression, his stance firm. "I'm not going to let you hurt him."
You raise an eyebrow at him challengingly, eyeing him from head to toe with a sneer. "You think you can stop me?"
He stands a good four inches taller than you. You've seen him shirtless so you know his muscles are toned despite his lean physique, but his height and weight is all he has over you... No, not even then. You've fought men with twice his build and fighting experience. With or without a weapon, Eren wouldn't last five seconds against you. Of this, Eren is well aware of, and yet he refuses to back down.
"He's a friend, Anya. Please," he says with big pleading eyes. "You have to trust me."
You narrow your eyes. "If he's such a good friend, why don't you stay here with him then?" you reply dismissively, throwing the cabin one last evaluating look before turning your back on it. "Play your cards right and you might even inherit the place after he drops dead."
Eren looks appalled at your words, but when he notices you've abandoned heading towards the cabin and are now heading towards the train station, he follows after you.
"Where are you going?"
"Where else?" you growl over your shoulder. "My disappearance will have caused an uproar within my household, so until I clear things up with them, I suggest you lay low for a while if you wish to see another day." It will honestly be a miracle if your father hasn't declared war on the rest of the crime gangs by now.
"Or maybe..." Eren begins to say, "we could just stay here."
You stop in your tracks.
A murder of crows fly past, their harsh cries drowning out all other sounds, but you heard Eren clear as day.
"No one knows where we are," he presses forward with a tinge of hope when you don't outright protest. He comes as close enough behind you as he dares. "We can take the next train away from here and leave all of this behind."
Slowly, you turn to face him curiously, arms crossed over your chest in a relaxed manner. There's no rush in getting home — to what awaits you. So you decide to entertain him for a little while, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of your lips.
"And why would I do that?"
But Eren is looking at you with a grave expression. "Because whatever it is that's keeping you here—it's poisoning you. The way you collapsed at the office this morning is proof of that. You can't keep going on like this." His voice softens, turns sorrowful. "You are too young to hate the world so much."
The playfulness in your eyes withers like smoke and you lower your gaze, voice low.
"You have not seen the things I've seen," is all you can get out before turning away from him, resuming your way down the hill.
It is painfully clear Eren has never known darkness, never witnessed the cruelest side of humanity. And you envied him for it. All his life he has walked in the light — a path you might have once walked had your mother still been alive. But...you are not of that world anymore. You can't keep holding onto the faded traces of a life that could have been. You could only move forward.
Eren follows closely after you. "Maybe not," he agrees with lament. "But if you continue down the path you're on..." His footsteps come to a stop behind you. "I fear there will be no coming back from it."
You smirk bitterly, continuing down the path through the field and refusing to turn back for him. "Wasn't planning on it."
But Eren reaches out and takes your hand without warning, forcing you to halt.
You tense, startled.
A strange sensation courses through you at his touch. A burning, dangerous feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach and starts to spread through your system like sweet, treacherous poison.
Sever it. Sever it before it consumes you.
But you hesitate. Eren's hand is warm and soft, and clings around yours tightly, as if expecting you to pull away any minute.
You should pull away. You need to pull away. Pull away!
"You don't have to pretend with me," Eren says behind you, unaware of your struggle as you try to smother this feeling from overtaking your senses. "I know you're in pain. I can see it in your eyes — from the moment I first met you." He then adds in a voice laced with sympathy, "I know you're suffering."
You let out a sharp laugh, his words snapping you to reality. "You think that suffering?"
Yanking your wrist out of his hand with more force than necessary, you turn on him with a snarl. Any signs of him ever igniting a reaction out of you, nonexistent. "You haven't had enough of the real thing to know what it looks like on a person. Or to know of the damage it leaves behind."
You step towards him menacingly and Eren flinches at the open resentment he finds in your eyes.
"You seek my heart?" you jeer. "Hunt all you want. The deeper you dig, the darker it gets."
Eren's expression hardens. "Is that what you tell your enemies? To make them fear you? Or is that what you've forced yourself to believe?"
Your face twists in disgust. "You're delusional." You turn to walk away, having entertained this nonsense long enough. But Eren follows after you.
"No, I don't think I am," he counters boldly behind you. "And I know you don't think so either."
You shake your head with disdain, refusing to listen, but Eren stalks after you.
"That mask you wear to keep people away," he taunts behind you, "you don't just carry it like a person in desperate need of hiding something."
You freeze in place at his words, stricken.
"You wield it like a shield..."
Too close. He is getting too close.
"...like there's something underneath still left to protect."
You whirl on him, eyes murderous.
"Enough!" you exclaim, slicing the air in front of you with your hand like a knife, as if to cut off whatever link Eren had just tried to form with you. "You think yourself better than me because you've got some moral high ground over me?" you demand, your strides brisk as you advance towards him. "You think I need fixing? That there's something wrong with me?"
Eren steps back, startled by the unhinged look in your eyes, and you force yourself not to back down. To not soften up to his poisonous words. "I have done terrible things," you add on with a menacingly low growl. "None of which I regret. Everything I have done I've done to survive. Had I not I wouldn't be here."
Eren looks heartbroken. "Anya—"
"So you can stop shoving your self-righteous bullshit down my throat!"
You push him against his chest, hard. He lets out a groan as his back slams against the tree you had been lying under moments ago. Cutting the last bit of space between him and rest a hand against the tree trunk, caging him in. You lean in until his breath tickles your face and you can see the specks of hazel in his green eyes as they remain locked on you.
"I don't need to be saved." You bare your teeth at him. "Least of all by you."
Throwing him a final look of contempt in his direction, you start to withdraw.
Eren appears confused. "Is that what you think I'm trying to do?" he asks before you can turn away. "Make you repent for your sins?"
He slowly stands to his full height, pushing himself off the tree to bring himself closer to you. You refrain from stepping back despite how close he now stands in front of you. But he's looking down at you with such compassion and senseless endearment... If you were any ordinary girl, you would be swooning over him the way a princess falls for her prince, thinking this is where it all changes for you. The moment you've been waiting for your prince to come and rescue you and take you away to live out your happily ever after together.
"I'm not trying to change you," Eren says softly, "and I don't think you need fixing either. All I want is for you to see that all this pain and suffering and darkness you carry with you—" He reaches out a hand and brushes away loose strands of hair from your face tenderly. "You think you deserve it, but you don't."
You swat his hand away with a harsh, hallow sort of laugh.
All the bodies you have buried underground would disagree.
Refusing to be swayed by him, you turn to leave. Eren panics, knowing he's loosing your attention. "Fine then!" he relents in frustration behind you. "Let me prove it. Make a business deal with me."
Slowly, you turn on your heels, raising an eyebrow at him expectantly. "Oh?"
Eren notices the glint of amusement in your eyes and considers it safe to approach you. "If I can show you there is still good in the world," he says carefully, "that not all people are bad, that you are capable of good and deserve good things, promise me, you'll walk away from all this."
You blink at him for a few seconds as you process his words before you double over to laugh hysterically at his joke. When he refrains from joining you, you straighten, dropping your smile. "Oh, you're serious?"
Eren works his jaw, but his eyes do not waver.
Your expression darkens as you start to circle around him. "And how do you plan on doing that exactly? Humans are sinful creatures by nature. If you want there to be good in the world, you'll have to wipe all of humanity out of existence." You cock your head to the side, taunting him. "You up for that?"
He glares at you, knowing you're mocking him. "You and your family will be surprised to learn murder isn't always the answer to everything."
"No." You grin. "But it is the solution."
He casts you a disapproving look. "Anya—"
You raise a finger to silence him. "I have a counter offer. One that just might save your life."
You point south, in the opposite direction of the city and the Founding Sector. "I can't guarantee you won't be hunted down by my people after today, but I am more than willing to give you a head start."
Eren looks to where you point, then back at you. But you can see the resolve in his eyes and know his decision has already been made.
"I'm not leaving without you," he tells you firmly before stepping past you. He takes the lead down the open field towards the train tracks, expecting you to follow suit.
But you remain where you stand, watching the spot on the ground where he had been standing just seconds ago with a blank expression.
"You're heading down a path you should be running away from," you warn, your back to him.
You hear his footsteps stop short.
"I'll turn around," Eren promises over his shoulder. After a beat, he adds, "Right when you do."
With your back to him, Eren does not see you flinch as an unwelcoming sharpness hits you square in the chest.
Jaw clenched, you turn to watch him go for a moment longer as a mixture of frustration and unknown sorrow overtakes you before you reluctantly follow after him.
You don't understand how or why—whether it's the clean air, the lack of noise, or the lack of people—but you'd come to notice during your talk with Eren that you'd stopped feeling sick. Your demons are eerily quiet and the girl that constantly haunts your mind has made no appearances since you've been alone with him. It's why you'd allowed your conversation with him to keep going for as long as it did.
For a crippling moment, you wonder if maybe he has something to do with it. That if you keep him close, he might be able to keep your demons at bay the way a ray of sunshine keeps away even the deepest of darkness.
But then you catch yourself. Remember the reality of it all. The danger that comes from such wishful thinking. To runaway from the darkest parts of yourself, to forget the suffering, the grief, the heartache—all the various forms of poison you swallowed down to make yourself immune to this life—was the most dishonorable, despicable, cowardly thing you could ever do. You wouldn't be turning your back on just your family, you'd be betraying yourself.
Everything you were raised to believe and swore to avenge...
No. You could not give that up.
You wouldn't.
Your father had given you all that you needed to survive in this world: power, ambition, strength, purpose. Everything else, he had said, was a luxury meant for the weak. You, being the child that you were, believed it. Which is why, ingrained into your very essence, is the one truth he never let you forget: life is cruel, but you are crueler.
So deep in your thoughts you are, you don't pick up on the heavy footsteps treading behind you as quickly as you should have. You're already halfway down the hill, watching after Eren from a distance — much like the way Jean or Mikasa do when they guard over you — when you finally sense the presence behind you.
In one swift movement, you reach for your gun and direct it at the threat behind you.
"No! Don't!" Eren cries out the second he hears you pull out your gun. Seconds later he stands before you, shielding the mysterious stranger from you and your weapon. "Don't shoot. It's just Mr. Kruger. The land owner I told you about."
You glance over Eren's shoulder. To a man old enough to be your grandfather. He wears a gray wool vest over a white collared shirt that compliments his dark colored trousers. Over his silver hair is a dark-gray flat cap that reminds you of the ones Connie, Jean, and Levi are always wearing. And though the old man carries a walking cane for support and has got on a pair of thinly round rimmed eyeglasses—further assuring you of how harmless he is—you don't miss the way Mr. Kruger glances with sage, glassy eyes from the gun you have pointed in his direction to the wrist on your opposite hand. At the tattoo he knows he'll find there.
For the briefest moment, he locks eyes with you, pinning you in place as he searches for something you have no notion of. The heaviness in his gaze prevents you from looking away, catching you off guard. It isn't until he breaks eye contact from you first that he releases you from his trance. His weary features soften then and he smiles, nodding in Eren's direction as if in approval of something.
"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Kruger asks you and Eren cheerfully, as if he were asking his grandchildren and not a dangerously unhinged woman pointing a gun at him. "I made cabbage soup."
Your face wrinkles in disgust, but not having deemed the old man a threat to you, you slowly start to lower your weapon.
"We should stay," Eren starts to suggest gently now that you appear more at ease. "You haven't eaten anything all day."
A bored expression sits over your features as you start to turn away. "Stay if you want. I have more pressing matters to attend to."
Eren scowls at the dismissiveness in your tone, but much to your surprise, he doesn't press you any further, and with a huff of frustration, leaves your side to join the old man in the opposite direction.
You, however, appear unfazed and keep your attention fixed on the path leading you back home.
You don't belong here, you repeat to yourself like a mantra*. Leave him. Keep walking. Don't look back. Don't you dare look back.*
You almost reach the end of the trail, already surrendering to the idea that Eren has actually listened to you and is staying put for the sake of his own life, when you hear Eren's footsteps quickly catching up to you.
You work your jaw as he falls into step beside you.
"What are you doing?" you demand sharply, glimpsing back at Kruger over your shoulder, having thought the old man would have knocked some sense into him.
Either Eren doesn't hear the hint of warning in your voice or he chooses to ignore it as he continues forward. "I already told you I'm staying by your side," he answers you plainly, as if it were the most natural thing to do in the world. As if there was nothing more he'd rather do than be with you.
You slide your gaze down to the train tracks that have crossed in your path with cool indifference.
"Your funeral," you tell him flatly.
Taking a left, you follow the tracks north, concentrating very hard—and failing—to ignore the sense of contentment you feel at having Eren's bright presence beside you.
But how can you just ignore the warm feeling unfurling inside you after knowing Eren had chosen you over everything else? Was it really so wrong? To let this unfold? To see how this would play out? It was sinful, you knew. Tragedy ran through your veins. This would only end in blood.
And yet, you can't help walk towards it willingly all the same.
—
By the time you and Eren arrive at the Founding Sector in the taxi you'd hailed from the city's train station, you feel more like yourself again. In fact, you feel more recharged than you've felt in a while.
You glimpse over at Eren sitting beside you in the back of the taxi, looking out the car window. He's unaware of your eyes on him, or of the way the moonlight shines down on him through his side of the window.
He looks unreal, and so so terribly out of place. How long did he have before that bright and hopeful outlook he had of the world, of you, tarnished?
Unless, of course, there really was some truth to what he claimed to see in you...That there really was a life out there for you to live without turmoil, a life without death and darkness looming over your shoulder day in and day out.
But the moment the taxi turns into Trost Lane and gets close enough for you to see your townhouse, your childish hope for peace fades. From the car window you can catch a glimpse of your cadre gathered together in the front porch with overly stressed and worried expressions. Seeing them now for some reason makes you recall the state you'd found them all in when the world had chewed them all up and spat them back out, leaving them battered and ruined and utterly hopeless.
Shadows approaching from down the street catch your attention and you quickly identify them as Levi and his two guards, Furlan and Isabel. It's Levi who appears the most agitated and murderous out of your cadre though, as he and his guards arrive seconds later and join your cadre up your front porch, as if to exchange intel.
A sense of comfort and belonging settles over you, like a warm blanket on a cold winter day, at seeing them all together.
These people knew you, understood the reason for your cruelness, had seen the worst parts of you, and continuously choose to stay in spite of it. They deem you strong, powerful, untouchable. You cannot be any of that if you're pining over a pipe dream, a false sense of peace that is as fragile and unattainable as the hopes of restoring whatever goodness there might still be left within you.
When the taxi pulls up in front of your home, everyone standing on your front porch turns to it with sharp, wary eyes, subtly reaching for weapons concealed under coats. With everyone's focus on finding you, they know not to put it past your enemies to try and take advantage of the current situation to attack the Ymir clan. Not to mention, it's almost midnight. The lack of lighting does not allow them to see who's inside the vehicle so they don't realize it's you until you step out of the car.
At the sight of you, Historia drops to the floor in relief as Mikasa exclaims your name in surprise.
You smirk, standing before them as if nothing is amiss. "Why the long faces?" you ask, shutting the car door behind you and sliding your hands casually in the pocket of your trousers.
They continue to stare at you in disbelief, trying to process the fact that you've appeared before them of your own accord.
"You're... okay," Mikasa musters out, starting to break out of the shock of seeing you again to stumble towards you.
But Levi beats her to it and pulls you in his strong embrace, not bothering to hide his relief at the sight of you. You collide against his chest, and for the briefest moment, you submit to him, enjoying his warmth and solid form pressed against you as you inhale his familiar scent. But before you can pull away first, he pulls back to grab your face in his hands.
"Where is he?" Levi demands while subtly looking you over to make sure you're unharmed. "Did he hurt you?"
As if in answer, Eren steps out of the taxi from the opposite door.
Immediately, your cadre tense.
But it's Levi who, at the sight of Eren, steps in front of you protectively and positions you behind him. "Take her inside," Levi orders to your cadre, starting to move towards Eren. "I'll deal with him myself."
You laugh at Levi mockingly before he can take another step closer to Eren.
"Trying to swoop in and play the hero now, are you?"
Levi halts, hearing the underlying meaning in your tone. He turns to you with a frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"
You turn away from Levi with a pointed look before dragging your gaze over to your cadre, demanding their attention just as the taxi pulls away and Eren subtly comes to stand behind you.
"Why is it that everyone here always thinks I need saving?" you ask with a hint of annoyance. "You think I can't hold my own ground without you lot there watching over me? I survived well on my own before any one of you came into my life." You run your eyes over each one of them meaningfully, leaving Levi for last. "Don't think I can't survive without you."
Levi scowls. "You disappeared without a trace," he reminds you with a growl. "For hours. No one knew where you were. How the hell did you expect us to react?"
You sneer. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I just wanted to get away from you?" You flash your eyes over to Mikasa and Jean, the wound of resentment towards them in particular still fresh in your mind. "From all of you."
A sleek black automobile pulls up just then. A car you recognize all too well, and you turn to throw Levi a murderous glare. But Levi is looking back at you unapologetically. His deadpan gaze is tinged with anger out of your disregard for others.
Beside you, Eren wisely shifts away from the car and further to your left, where neither your cadre or the newcomer can reach him without getting to you first.
A well-dressed man in a suit and long, dark coat steps out of the parked vehicle. His black patent shoes grind against the pavement as he comes to his full height, a devilish grin forming at the sight of you.
Thomas Ymir stands before you and your inner circle—notorious ringleader to one of the biggest criminal empires in the Paradis underworld.
A ruthless, power-hungry, vicious man and ... the one you so boldly call father.