"What do you mean you can't pick me up?" Esi tried to keep the annoyance out of her voice as she spoke to Lena. She hadn't gotten much sleep, and all the travel just to get to the train left her worn out. It was a learning experience. Next time her work would have to wait, she would just drive down to New York and face the city traffic going into Queens.
Her annoyance was increasing because Lena previously insisted that Esi didn't have to park her car at the lot across from the train station. She swore that she would've been there to pick her up. Esi knew that Lena had a meeting for a potential fellowship with a Brazilian orchestral group that weekend. There was a strong possibility that they would be interested in her, and who knows how long the meeting would be.
Her friend was so stubborn with her insistence, and now Esi was left stranded.
"I'm really sorry, Esi. I didn't expect them to like my piece or even ask me to lunch," Lena tried to temper the excitement in her voice, but Esi could hear the undertones, and beneath her annoyance, she was happy for her friend.
"It's fine, I'll call someone to get me."
"Is it really ok? Who are you gonna call?" Lena asked, then she muffled the phone, and Esi could hear someone calling her name in the background.
"Lena, go! It's fine I'll just call my parents or something."
"Ok. Thank you, girl. I'm sorry again," Lena replied quickly then hung up.
Esi stood in the chilly air contemplating what to do. She looked at the time on her phone. There was no way that she could call her parents, they were probably at their church since it was a Sunday morning. She knew that her dad wouldn't have his phone with him, and her mum would be too tuned into the worship to even check her phone.
Esi couldn't even ask Mrs. Chandler because she had her bag of kids to deal with.
The idea flew into her mind before she could even stop it, but she would be a hypocrite if she asked him. She still hadn't responded to his texts, and their friendship hadn't even progressed to the level where they would call each other. Although, they did send each other voice notes, so maybe calling him could be seen as continuous voice notes? Esi tried to justify her actions.
She did have some of her classmates' numbers, specifically those that she did group projects with, but she wasn't that close with any of them. It would have to be Porte.
Her nerves were a bit frazzled, but she tried to work up the courage to call him.
Excuses kept popping up in her mind. Suppose he was busy. He was probably spending time with his family. Maybe he had a girlfriend that he was spending the day with. She did know that he wasn't at church because from their many texts and voice notes, he told her that he usually went to the 6:00 am service—which she told him was ridiculous. Sundays are meant for lounging. It's fine to get up early on weekdays, but the weekend was her time to relax.
There was a wooden bench about three feet away from where she stood. She eyed it cautiously; there was a high probability that it was not sanitized, but she needed the support to make the call. Esi grabbed her weekender bag that she had laid on her feet, and shuffled over to the bench. She could almost see her breath in the air as she breathed; she shivered and the thought that she should have brought another jacket popped into her mind.
Okay, Esi. Stop stalling. She mentally chided herself. Just call him. If he says no, he says so.
She scrolled down to the letter "P" in her contacts, and pressed his name. Her finger hovered over the call button. Esi closed her eyes and winced as she pressed it. Anyone else around who happened to be observing her must wonder what was wrong with her.
She lifted the phone to her ears. There was no one near her, yet she couldn't put it on speaker. Because she didn't want the rejection to be heard out loud.
The phone started to ring. I'll let it ring four times then I'll hang up and find a taxi.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring—
Esi moved the phone from her ear, a wave of disappointment crashing over her. She was about to press the red button to end the call when she heard his voice.
"Hello...Esi?"
She was relieved when she heard Porte's voice, but was startled at the fact that he had actually answered.
"Esi? Are you there?"asked that low voice again.
"H—Hi. Porte."she replied, but didn't continue. Could she really ask him for a ride?
"Hey....Is something wrong? Are you ok?" He asked with concern in voice. As she listened to his voice, she could hear him panting short breaths. Esi realized that he was probably busy. She shouldn't have called him.
"Oh...nothing. You're probably busy. It's fine. Bye...have a good day," she rambled, hoping to get him off of the phone.
"No. Wait!" He interjected. "You're fine...I'm not busy."
"You sound out of breath...so I figured that you must be busy."
"Yea, I was working out when you called," Porte informed.
What?
It wasn't her business, but the thought niggled at her, and before she knew what she was saying, the question flew out of her mouth.
"Working out? On a Sunday?" She laughed. "I've honestly never met anyone like you."
"Sorry...I didn't know that there are set days for working out," Porte answered her sarcastically.
"That's not what I mean...I know that you went to the early service, right?"
"Right." His answer sounded like a question.
"Who goes to the gym after church?" She asked rhetorically. The more she thought about it, the more she figured that maybe something was wrong. She wanted to ask him about it, but she knew that it wasn't her business. He answered without her even having to ask.
Porte sighed. "I don't usually go to the gym on Sundays. I use that day to relax after service, but stuff...happened. I just needed to forget about some things."
So many things flew through her mind at his words. She wanted to know what happened. Even though she'd regrettably ignored his texts all weekend, she now wanted to be there for him.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Esi asked softly.
"No!" He answered sharply.
There was silence between them.
She heard when he released a ragged breath.
"No," he repeated himself softly. "Sorry...it's just that my family...things can be difficult sometimes. But I don't want to talk about them now."
The noise from an incoming train caused a pause in their conversation.
"What are you doing at the train station? Are you going somewhere?"he asked.
"Actually...I just came back from New York. I went to visit some friends."
"Oh...Did you have a good time?" Porte asked.
"It was...interesting." Esi could not recap all that happened over the weekend. Her brain hadn't even fully processed it yet.She was hoping that Lena would have come for her so that they could talk about it and even discuss some way to help Alicia and Lauren.
"That doesn't sound too good. Seems like you've had some drama of your own." He seemed to be able to tell that something was wrong from her tone.
"Yea...something like that," she supplied, still thinking about the friends that she just left.
"So are you on your way home now?" Porte asked. She heard a door close his background and wondered if he was just leaving the gym. She let her mind go as far as to imagine how he looked. To imagine what he wore. She didn't have to imagine too much because she did have a foundation—the picture that he took after swimming.
"Not quite. My friend Lena was supposed to pick me up, but—
"Send me the pin." It wasn't a question that came out of his mouth.
"What?" She asked incredulously.
"Send. Me. The. Pin." Porte pronounced each word. "I don't have anything planned. I can pick you up."
"Porte.." Esi breathed his name softly because she was a bit overwhelmed at his offer. "You don't even know how far I am..you can't just...you can't—
He interrupted her. "It doesn't matter how far you are. I'll come."
Her reaction was silly because she called him.
"Ok." That was all she could say to him.
"Esi?"
"Yea?"
Porte chuckled. "Please send me your location so I know where I'm going."
"Oh..sorry," she was a bit flustered.
She put him on speaker, found her location on the map and sent it to him.
She heard the shuffle of his phone when he received the message.
"Okay...I'll be there as soon as I can," he said. "You should go inside the station and wait. It's too cold for you to be standing outside."
"I was about to head back in, and I stupidly didn't pack an extra coat," she chided herself loudly.
"I'll bring one for you," he offered. "And Esi?"
"Yes?"
"After I pick you up....you won't have a choice but to tell me why you weren't answering my texts."
Porte hung up as soon as he said that, and left Esi standing there in shock. There was a sternness to the way he spoke to her that gave her goosebumps. The deeply hidden depraved part of her liked it.
When she caught herself, she shook her head in disbelief. Esi grabbed her bag and headed back inside the station for warmth. Based upon how smooth the conversation was, she honestly thought that he had forgotten about the unanswered texts.
She sighed, then determined to herself to face the music with the truth. A truth that might make her vulnerable, and she hoped that she could trust him with that.
~~~~~~
It had been nearly thirty minutes since Porte had hung up. Esi stood near the station's door, which was silly because everything someone entered or exited, the cold draft would blow in on her. She had to stand there if she wanted to to see when he arrived. The windows of the station were too smeared for her to see anything outside. Her head fell back against the brick wall, and she closed her eyes and clutched her bag as she waited.
Esi didn't know how long she stood waiting, and there was a small possibility that she fell asleep standing. A warmth coated her where she stood, and she furrowed her brows. It was strange because she remembered that she was standing near the door. Her eyes fluttered open, and she squinted as her eyes adjusted to the light. A tall shadow stood over her.
Porte.
He was dressed in a long cashmere black coat that contrasted his pale eyes and hair. He had something hanging off his arm—a brown coat.
"Hey," he greeted.
"Hi," she answered groggily. Her hands flew up to rub her eyes as they focused on him.
"I texted you...and called. You didn't answer so I came in."
Esi peered outside as the automatic door flew open again. An enviable sleek black Audi was parked next to the curb. There was a 'No Parking" sign next to it.
"Porte! It says "no parking'" there." She gestured to the sign.
He smiled with amusement at how flustered she was. "Technically, I had to park there because you weren't answering."
Esi narrowed her eyes at him.
"Whatever..."
He held out his hand to her. "Need help?" Porte gestured towards her bag.
"No, it's fine."
"Shall we?" He tilted his head towards the door. She nodded her head and followed him to his vehicle.
He opened the back door. "Let me put your bag in the back." Esi handed him her weekender bag, and he placed it on the backseat. She attempted to step around him because he stood between her and the front door, but he stepped to the side and blocked her. His scent engulfed her, and she silently applauded herself as she controlled her expression. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes at the smirk on his face.
Porte closed the rear door and took a step back. He then proceeded to open the front passenger door for her. She raised an eyebrow at the chivalry, but all he did was grin at her.
Esi settled herself into the seat and reached to buckle the seat belt.
Porte slid into the driver's seat and asked for directions to where she lived. He drove off after he plugged it into his gps. He didn't say anything as he drove, and she wondered if he had forgotten his question. Esi was able to observe the interior of his vehicle from. The charcoal leather seats added to the sleekness of the vehicle. The edges of the dashboard were overlaid with dark grey trims that imitated a wood finish. It was extremely neat, and she wanted to run her hands everywhere. She even glanced around for a stray receipt. There was nothing. The only oddity was a small hand sanitizer placed in the drink console. There was one thing that stood out to her. A scent that engulfed her. That worked at her nerves. His scent. His car smelled like him. How he smelled now, how he had smelled months ago in that bookstore. Like crisp bergamot and something woody, but not too heavy.
The slight citrusy smell of bergamot brought back memories to Esi. Though his scent was fuller, it was enough to remind her of her friend Sabine.
Nostalgia threatened to over take her as flashes of her friend ran through her mind.
She missed her so much. It was as if she had this never needing ache that reminded her that she would always have that absence in her life.
Her nerves were slightly on edge at the onslaught of thoughts, and she tried to keep still in her but kept shifting. Porte must have thought that she was uncomfortable because he flicked up the volume button on the steering wheel.
She gasped, not inaudibly, and she cringed at herself. The sweet soul-filled tone of Ledisi wafted through the car. Esi was judging him in her mind. What would he know about Ledisi?
Well...he obviously knew a good amount because when the chorus of "Pieces of Me" started, the words tumbled out of his mouth. He probably didn't even remember that she was there as his long fingers tapped along to the music on the steering wheel.
Something about it made Esi want to smile, seeing him in this zone where he just vibed to the music. It was a contrast to the times that she had seen him on campus and even at church. Around others. There was such a stiffness— such a controlled tightness to how he acted around them. A small part of her found joy in the fact that he wasn't always like that with her.
"I'm going to get a coffee. Would you like something?" Porte's voice lulled her out of her reverie. Esi looked up and realized that they were pulling into a drive thru cafe.
"Oh...sure."
He pulled up to the box and ordered a large coffee, one sugar. He turned to Esi, " What size do you want your Earl grey latte?"
She was baffled by the fact that he knew her usual order, but still managed to mumble the word 'large'. He also added two lemon muffins to the order.
There was a car at the window ahead of them so they had to wait.
She shifted to turn to him, confused. " How do you know my order?"
"You always have a cup in your car. At church on Sundays and even that Saturday when you came to the art group," he narrowed his eyes. "I'm not stalking you, if that's what you're thinking." He must have seen the look that she gave him.
"Wha—What? I didn't say that." Esi stuttered out an answer.
"You might not have said it, but I can see it all over your face," he responded wryly. Esi honestly was not thinking that. What she thought was that he paid attention—to her. Her mind even strayed to the fact that his girlfriend, whoever she was, was lucky. They had never spoken about it—whether or not he had a girlfriend—but someone like him had to. Someone that looked like him had to have someone.
The car in front off, and Porte pulled up to the window. While the cashier gave him the cost, Esi reached into her bag for her purse. By the time she had taken it out Porte had already tapped his phone to the contactless reader.
"If you give me your info, I'll send you back the money," she offered.
"It's fine," he answered as he handed her a paper bag and her latte.
He drove away from the cafe and Esi realized that he hadn't taken a sip of his coffee. She supposed that he was one of those people that didn't allow eating in their vehicle.
Her fingers tapped against her cup, the scent of her earl grey latte teasing her nostrils.
"You can drink it, you know," he said with a chuckle.
"Can I really?" She asked.
He must have heard something in her voice.
"Why the sarcasm?"
"I'm not being sarcastic!" She declared. "You just don't look like someone who allows eating or drinking in here." She gestured to the space around them.
There was a pause in the conversation.
Porte replied, "You can eat."
"See," she pointed at him. "You didn't answer me. You don't like when people eat in here."
He sighed.
"I'm the only one ever in here."
"What do you mean? Don't you ever give people rides or—she was about to take a risk, for no reason—don't you let your girlfriend drive it?" Esi asked, her voice may have contained inflections on the latter part.
A smirk overtook his face. "Firstly, I don't...normally drive this car...no one else has ever ridden in it." Porte paused to see her reaction to what he said.
"You don't normally drive this? As in—
"This isn't my only car," Porte finished her thought.
"Oh." Esi already assumed that he was rich, but now there was evidence to it.
"And....I don't have a girlfriend, so no one drives my cars," he explained. "You can drink your latte, Elizabeth."
"Porte, it's fine. Don't change your rules for me," she insisted.
They were at a red light at least ten minutes away from her apartment. Porte turned to her, reached for his coffee in the cup holder, and took an exaggerated sip.
Esi rolled her eyes at him but couldn't help smiling.
"See? You can drink," he insisted.
"Fine..."
He watched as she took a sip of her latte.
Bliss.
She closed her eyes savoring the taste and a moan escaped her mouth.
When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her. Esi saw when his eyes flickered down to her mouth, and she may or may not have licked her lips nervously.
Porte cleared his throat then fixed his attention back to the road as the light turned green.
There was a tangible, but not uncomfortable tension in the air as he drove.
She could finally see her apartment building around the corner. She saw that he was about to drive into a parking slot, so she directed him to the drop off zone directly in front of the building.
"You can just drop me off here."
"Are you sure? I could walk you in," he offered.
"Oh you don't have to. I'll be fine."
Esi passed him the paper bag that she was holding.
"Those are yours."
"What?" She asked.
"I saw you inhale the lemon bars after church last week so I figured lemon muffins were a close second," Porte said with amusement.
Esi narrowed her eyes at him. "I wouldn't use the word 'inhale'. I just like lemon flavored things alot...and apple, specifically Green...oh and passion fruit."
Porte smiled. "Noted. Passion fruit isn't really common here though so I won't be able to help with that one."
She held out the paper bag. "Thank you. Are you sure you don't want any?"
He touched her hand. "I'm good. You enjoy it."
She grabbed her bag and hopped out of his car. "Thanks again for the ride, Porte."
"You're welcome."
She closed his door and waved 'goodbye'.
Esi made her way up the stairs towards the main entrance when she heard Porte shouting her name. She turned around. As he was gesturing to his phone, she heard a notification from hers.
She rummaged through her bag to find hers.
There was a text from Porte.
'You almost made me forget...Why didn't you answer my texts?'
Her stomach rolled.
She looked back up and saw him waiting, so she decided to call him.
"You can leave, you know," she said when he answered.
"I'm waiting for an answer," he replied.
"I see what you were trying to do...bribing me with sweets."
A horn disrupted their call as cars were pulling up into the zone. She saw when Porte touched his deck to transfer the call to handsfree. He then proceeded to drive away.
Esi made her way into the building with her phone at her ear.
"I'm still waiting," was all he said.
She was trying to figure out how to answer him.
"Was it my picture? Was that weird?"
"No!" She said with too much gusto. Esi cleared her throat. "Your picture was fine."
"I like...I really like talking to you...a lot," she started.
"Good. I like talking to you too. Very much."
"Do you think that maybe...we talk to each other too much?" She asked tentatively.
He didn't say anything for a few seconds.
"I wouldn't say so because you didn't respond to me all weekend," his tone was light but she heard undercurrents of hurt.
"Porte! Be serious with me."
"Do you think we talk too much?"
It wasn't really a matter of too much, she just thought that they clicked too well, but didnt know how to say it.
"No...not really."
"Then what is it? Really..."
"Is it weird how fast we clicked?" She laughed nervously wondering if it was just on her end alone.
"Ah..."Porte responded with understanding."Is it a bit overwhelming?"
Esi didn't want to say 'yes' immediately, so she padded the truth.
"I'm just not..used to this. I meet new people all the time, but no one like you. No one that actively wants to push a friendship with me," she paused. " I do have friends, you know, but you and I...we just vibe. We're so similar..."
"We are," he agreed. "And there's nothing wrong with it, I think."
"I know there's nothing wrong but—
"It's unexpected," Porte finished her thought.
Yes.
She thought that it was unexpected, that it felt too good to be true. Esi was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her. Not to put herself down, but she never expected that someone like him would want to be friends with someone like her.
From what she'd heard of him and his family, their circles were completely different.
"Yea," she breathed softly. "It's definitely unexpected. To be honest..." She felt like telling him about these past two months had affected her. How their sudden friendship had added a little drop of joy to her life. There was something about him—about his way of thinking—that she'd realized over the past few months of talking to him. Sometimes they would talk about their friend, just little things—light things, quirky things. He would always have some tidbit to add about how people's minds work.
The first time that he made an observation, Esi remembered pausing. She was reminded of Andrew lauding his knowledge of psychology over her. And also of his observations and remarks, but there was a difference with Porte's. She could hear what she believed to be was genuineness, whereas Andrew's were normally jeering and taunting. Sometimes, they were even directed towards her, and she remembered times when she would fall asleep on the verge of crying.
Even now, Esi could not believe that she had allowed herself to fall into that trap. She was determined to do things differently this time, even though she and Porte were only friends.
She decided to test the waters.
"Esi?" Porte said softly into the phone. 'Tell me what you're thinking."
If that voice didn't make her want to give in immediately—to tell him her whole life story.
"I've felt like this before, you know. Meeting someone. Getting on well with them, investing myself, then realizing the joke was on me." She didn't tell him about how Andrew treated her. The things he said and did to her.
Esi pushed the door to enter the first floor of her building, she decided to take the stairs instead of risking a dropped call.
"So I need to know Porte...because you insisted on this friendship. I need to know that it's not a game," She now stood in front of her bedroom mirror, having made her way into the house. "I need you to be honest with me." She added steel to her voice.
Esi held her breath, waiting for him to answer.. She knew what she wanted his answer to be, but above everything, she hoped that he would be honest with her whether or not his answer was favorable to her.
She didn't know where he was, but through his phone, she heard his car door close.
"Esi...I understand your reluctance. This is new, we've only known each other for a while. So, it's normal to have reservations." She heard him exhale.
"But I'm asking you to give me the benefit of the doubt. To prove to you that I'm nothing like him. That I genuinely want to be your friend. Give me a chance," Porte pleaded with her. "Please." He grounded the word out as if it wasn't something he was accustomed to saying. It made sense to Esi—with his looks, his eyes and his presence, she was sure that he was accustomed to getting his own way.
The smart thing for Esi to do would be to cut it off now. A small part of her knew...knew that if she said yes, if she agreed, that Porte Danvers would change her life, but she wasn't sure if it would be for the better.
She had made a promise to herself after Andrew, but she had promised her friend Sabine, on her deathbed, to not let that bad experience ruin all others for her. That promise to Sabine had been broken—it actually had never started.
Since Andrew, she had gone on dates and even had one "relationship" if she could even call it that. The only reason she had said yes to Remi was because of her cousin Afia's influence and the fact that he was funny and didn't take himself seriously. So, she figured that it could be called a relationship and still not one. Neither of them even realized when they broke up. One day she was living in London, in a relationship, and the next, she was back in Connecticut doing her masters.
Esi thought logically about Porter's request, Sabine's plea ringing in her ear. It was just a friendship, she tried to convince herself. It couldn't hurt her...so she agreed.
She would think about this moment months later, how she could have told him to leave her alone, but didn't.
~~~~
Only when she was comfortably in her room that evening did she realize how much of a joke she was. The thought of taking a taxi didn't even cross her mind. Esi wanted to ask herself why, but she didn't have to because a part of her already knew the answer. Subconsciously, she wanted to call Porte. She wanted him to pick her up. She had wanted to see him. In order to justify her actions, she told herself that it was their potential friendship that motivated her.
And...maybe it was the truth.