Rowan and Amira kept things simple for Christmas. He showered her with many gifts, unveiling presents he got months in advance, and Amira did the same. In the end, they both were happy with their gifts.
As they reflected over the past year, Amira noted how much Rowan had grown since they first started dating. Although he still had difficulties opening up, Rowan attempted to talk more and be more vulnerable. It wasn't until Eliza reappeared that things went downhill. Rowan's father was simply the icing on the cake.
Rowan realized he couldn't avoid all of his triggers all of the time, so he decided enough was enough. He couldn't keep letting his past dictate his future, so he agreed to try couples therapy.
Rowan and Amira's sessions started after the new year. Michelle, their therapist, formulated a plan based on their needs. She determined it would be best to let them have some sessions together and some apart. During their initial meeting, they spent most of their time establishing familiarity and setting concrete goals.
After that, they spent two sessions delving into the topic of Amira's miscarriage—upon her request. She had a few things to get off her chest, and Michelle played her part as the mediator. Amira spoke in depth about her insecurities, and Rowan gave his feedback. Then, they discussed their plans for the future and chose to focus on their relationship.
Amira didn't want to get pregnant any time soon, and Rowan agreed to wait until they both were ready. Until then, they decided to rely on condoms and the pull-out method. Amira knew she should've listened to Rowan when he expressed his concerns about her taking the pill. She definitely learned her lesson and vowed to be more careful this time. Thus, she didn't mind letting Rowan take charge until she figured out whether she wanted an IUD or an implant.
But anyway...
Rowan didn't think he would enjoy therapy as much, but he found it less daunting as time went on. He dreaded sharing his struggles with a stranger until he realized it wasn't as nerve-racking as he thought. On the contrary, it was nice to talk to a third party without worrying about expectations or attachments.
Amira had her first solo session today, which went as well as she expected. She and Rowan then went on a date to discuss it—which they agreed to do after every solo session.
"I cried a lot," Amira chuckled, placing her menu on the table. She already knew what she wanted to order. "But I'm not surprised since I'm a crybaby."
"What happened? What did you two talk about?" Rowan asked.
"Well, I started by telling Michelle I've been feeling stagnant. When I think about taking bigger steps in our relationship, like moving in together, sometimes I get this debilitating fear that keeps me from moving forward."
"Yes, you've told me this before," Rowan nodded.
"Right, and I told Michelle that I feel comfortable being stagnant—which isn't good. I noticed that my need to stay stagnant has only increased since my miscarriage, and I'm not sure why."
"What did she say in response?"
"She said overthinkers tend to have the hardest time making life-changing decisions. She asked me if I had some trauma holding me back, and at first, I said no until I thought about my dad—which I didn't realize qualified as trauma."
"Why not?" Rowan furrowed his brows.
"Because...I mean..." Amira huffed as she shook her head. "Yes, I lost him tragically. His death was very sudden and painful, but I know of people who have suffered worse. At least I got to cherish my dad while he was still alive. At least we had a great relationship—which is more than others can say. What kind of person would I be if I complained about the unfairness of his death when I should be thankful I even had him during the most important years of my life," Amira voiced, looking up at the ceiling. "Ugh, I said I wasn't going to cry again."
"Is that why you don't talk about him around me?" Rowan inquired.
"Oh my gosh, yes. There's no reason for me to ever talk about my dad. Even when I think of a funny memory, I try to keep it to myself."
"Why? Amira, you don't have to do that. I would never ask you to do that."
"I know, but considering everything you've been through, I'd feel extremely uncomfortable reciting any fond memories of him."
"Pain is pain, Amira; you shouldn't compare it," Rowan said, rubbing her back.
"I know. I need to work on that."
"What else did Michelle say?"
Amira turned her eyes back to Rowan. "She asked if I ever got the chance to grieve my father's death, and I said no. I didn't grieve because I was more concerned about my mother's wellbeing. I put her needs above my own, and I had to be strong for her because she wasn't strong for herself," she explained.
"Michelle said I need to grieve my dad's death and fully accept it before I can move on. She said it's not good to open new chapters of your life without closing previous ones, especially if you have unresolved issues. Doing so can cause more problems or leave you feeling confused with nowhere to go—like me."
"That makes sense," Rowan voiced. He could clearly relate.
"I told Michelle I hadn't visited my father's grave since we buried him, and she challenged me to go see him. She said it might help, and I think so too. If not, we will discuss other strategies. She also mentioned that I might be struggling with anxiety, which likely developed after his death. I think my problem is a mix of both. Plus, I'm also scared of losing someone else close to me. That's another reason I broke down so badly with the miscarriage. I couldn't stop thinking about how I would've responded if I was much further along." Amira shook her head. She then paused when their waiter came and took their orders. She resumed talking once he left.
"But that was the extent of my session today. I have more to unpack, but I like where we've started. Are you excited for your first solo session next week?"
"I wouldn't call it excitement, but I'm ready," Rowan chuckled.
"Nice. I'm excited for you. Michelle has her work cut out for her," Amira teased.
"Yes, she does."
"Make sure you start small. We're not rushing this process, so you don't have to go as deep as I did. Take your time, and don't overwhelm yourself."
"I won't," he nodded.
.....
After the restaurant, Rowan took Amira to a nice luxury five-star hotel.
"What are we doing?" She smiled, squeezing his hand.
"Something spontaneous."
"Spontaneous?"
"Well, spontaneous to you, but I planned it," he corrected himself.
"Of course you did."
Rowan led Amira inside and straight to the elevators. "Aren't we supposed to check in and get a key?"
"I already did."
Amira laughed. "Of course you did."
Once they got to their room, Amira looked around before stopping in front of the king-size bed. "This is beautiful. How long are we staying?"
"Just the weekend."
Amira swept her eyes over the room again and nodded when she saw two duffle bags sitting off to the side. She quickly went to them and grabbed the pink one—placing her bag on the bed and unzipping it.
"You think I don't know you?" Rowan watched as she searched through its contents.
"I'm just checking." Amira dug through her hair products before bypassing her underwear, toothbrush, bonnet, and more. She found two outfits at the bottom of her bag and examined them before pulling out a pair of UGGs. Rowan had them stowed in a separate compartment.
"I guess you do know me." She was about to close her bag when she noticed one of her bathing suits. Amira gasped and pulled it out. "Can we get in the pool tonight? Is it still open? I bet it's super nice."
"It doesn't close for another hour."
"Is it indoors?"
"Yes, it is."
"Great. We should go swimming." It didn't take much convincing to get Rowan to change into his swim trunks. Amira then got herself situated and fixed her hair. She pulled on her cover-up and stepped into her slides while Rowan waited patiently by the door. Then he took Amira upstairs to the pool.
They rinsed off in their designated locker rooms before proceeding into the main area, which had a stunning view. Amira found a nice spot by the window and sat her belongings on the chair. Rowan followed suit before using the steps to enter the pool. Amira was about to do the same when he told her to jump instead.
"Will you catch me?"
"Of course."
Amira squatted near the edge and held out her arms. Rowan smiled as she got closer, practically laughing as she dropped into his arms instead of jumping.
"Don't laugh," she giggled, securing her limbs around him. Rowan wasted no time ducking under the water, causing Amira to shriek in response. Her voice echoed briefly before they went under.
A few seconds went by, and Rowan stood back up. Amira then gasped as she wiped her face. She knew Rowan was about to submerge them again and quickly wiggled out of his grasp.
"Come here," he instructed.
"Nope. Come get me." Amira tried to swim away, but Rowan was much faster on his feet. He caught her before she could get too far and dragged her body back to him. The swift movements caused some water to enter her nose, and Amira winced as she tried to stop the burning sensation.
"You good?" Rowan asked, lifting her out of the pool and placing her on the edge.
"Yes, I'm fine." She dipped her hand into the water and splashed him. "We should race to see who can swim the fastest."
"Why? We already know who will win."
"Oh, please." She splashed him again.
Rowan and Amira were oblivious to the people around them. They didn't care how silly they looked or how loud they were being as they fooled around and got lost in the moment. The past three months have been extremely chaotic, so the least they could do was have fun.
Although they've encountered many obstacles, Rowan and Amira have learned to embrace them—gaining valuable knowledge—in the process. It was still early in their healing process, but things were slowly improving. Rowan and Amira have been developing both as individuals and as a couple. More challenges were likely ahead, but they were learning productive ways to handle and conquer them.
Once the pool closed for the night, they grabbed their things and went downstairs. As they left, Amira got on Rowan's back, and he carried her to their floor. They soon exited the elevator and made the long trek to their room.
"Let's fuck," Amira giggled, whispering into his ear. "But not before we shower. I need to wash this chlorine out of my hair."
Rowan chuckled as he stopped at their door. "Alright."
.....
A/N: This story is basically finished. Stay tuned for the spicy epilogue.