One problem with Espresso was his sleep schedule. He either didn't sleep for days on end or he couldn't find the motivation to force himself out of bed.
Today was one of those days when he just couldn't get out of bed.
He sighed, shutting his eyes tighter as the stupidly bright sunlight forced its way through the curtains and right onto his closed eyes. He turned away from the window, grumbling to himself. He could hear Madeleine in the kitchen, probably making them both food or something. Guilt filled his body as he frowned—Madeleine was up being productive while he was still in bed. But although he knew he should get up and do far more productive things, he couldn't even think about moving from his bed.
Footsteps began to walk down the hall towards the bedroom. Madeleine's footsteps. Espresso forced his tired eyes open as he watched his lover step into the bedroom. "Ah, you're awake!" Madeleine said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He stifled a laugh as he brushed Espresso's messy bed hair out of his eyes. "I'm making some lunch; eggs and bacon! They'll be ready in a few minutes if you want."
A frown crept onto Espresso's face. "But I'm tired..." He complained, pulling the blanket back over his head.
"I know," he heard Madeleine say. "But it's already twelve thirty. I don't want you to stay in bed for too long."
Espresso's brows furrowed. It was twelve thirty already?
Madeleine sighed, pulling the blanket off of Espresso's face. "Could you at least try to get up?"
Silence filled the room.
Madeleine pulled Espresso into a sitting position, letting him lean against him as support. He laughed softly at Espresso's annoyed face. "I know you're tired, but you really should get up. It's not good for your sleep schedule to sleep in too much. And besides, it's a beautiful day today. You wouldn't want to waste such a pretty day, would you?" Madeleine planted many kisses all over his face.
Espresso grumbled as a response, frowning at the kisses he was receiving. He pushed away, falling back down and smiling as his tired head hit the pillow again.
Madeleine looked down at him, smiling. "I know I'm always begging you to sleep, but I didn't mean for you to sleep in this late."
Espresso giggled.
"Come on, please get up?"
Another awkward silence filled the air before Espresso forced his fatigued body up, rubbing the sleep out of his tired eyes. He reached over to the nightstand and put his glasses on. "Alright," He mumbled.
Madeleine pressed another kiss against his cheek. "I'm so proud of you. Would you like some eggs?"
A frown tugged at Espresso's face. Eating. He absolutely despised eating. It was pointless and took up too much of his time. It distracted Espresso from his work, and besides, he was used to hunger. So what if he didn't eat for a day or two? It wasn't like he would starve to death without food for two days. He never understood why Madeleine got so worried when Espresso didn't eat. Sometimes it seemed like Madeleine didn't know the difference between skipping one meal to literal starvation and malnutrition.
"Espresso?" Madeleine asked again, causing Espresso to realize he hadn't responded to his question.
He shrugged. "Oh, I'm... I'm not really that hungry."
Espresso felt Madeleine's worried eyes staring at him. "Love... You haven't eaten in a while. I know I don't normally make you eat since you know what your body needs and I don't, but I'm worried about you." He took hold of his hand, rubbing his thumb gently against Espresso's hand. "If feeding yourself is too much work, I can feed you."
His heart fluttered as his face heated up. "No," He quickly assured him. "No, it's fine. I'll eat."
Madeleine's face lit up. "Oh, that's amazing! Thank you so much—as long as you try, I'll be happy." Without waiting another second, he yanked Espresso out of bed and dragged him down the hall to the dining room. He put him in a chair. "Just sit right there, the eggs and bacon are almost done!" Madeleine said happily as he continued making the food.
A sigh escaped Espresso's lips as he mentally prepared himself to eat. It was stupid, but Espresso always got nervous when he had to eat. Every time he had to eat dinner with his family as a child, it would turn into a fight between him and his father, which would end in a beating. To escape the fights, he would constantly skip meals and go days without food just to not get yelled at by his parents. On top of all this, his father would deny him food whenever he actually wanted to eat, telling him that he wasn't worthy of food unless his school grades were perfect. This resulted in Espresso ignoring his needs until his father felt he had studied enough.
A plate of eggs and bacon along with a cup of coffee was placed in front of Espresso, snapping him out of his thoughts. Madeleine smiled down at him. "Here, love. Tell me if you need anything else, okay?" He sat in the chair next to him and began eating his own food.
Espresso stared at the plate of disgustingly greasy bacon and mushy scrambled eggs. He didn't deserve to eat this yet, and besides, he wasn't even that hungry. Of course, he was grateful Madeleine took the time out of his day to cook him this, but, God, he didn't want to eat it. He took hold of the fork, mushing the eggs around a little, trying to find the motivation to take a bite.
He felt Madeleine staring at him, and his cheeks heated up. Madeleine was probably embarrassed at how pathetic Espresso was. Honestly, what kind of person struggled with eating like this? He knew he was being stupid and weird, but... It was just so hard to eat. He felt like he didn't deserve it. He hadn't earned his food yet.
After a minute more of Espresso pushing his eggs around the plate, Madeleine spoke. "Could you take a bite for me, please?" He gently asked, reaching over and holding his hand.
He glanced over at him. "...Yeah. Sorry." He didn't want to upset him by not eating, so he hesitantly took a small bite of the scrambled eggs. They were gross, but it wasn't the worst thing he had ever eaten. He swallowed before his body had a chance to reject it.
Madeleine grinned. "Good job!" He praised him. "I'm so proud of you."
A smile forced its way onto Espresso's face as Madeleine praised him, even if it was for something silly. He took another bite. The food felt good in his empty stomach, which had been craving food for days now. He still felt guilty about eating it, though.
After ten minutes, Espresso had finished all of the bacon and most of the scrambled eggs, although he wasn't happy about it. He scraped the remaining eggs into the trash as Madeleine washed the dishes.
He didn't deserve to eat—not yet, anyway. Espresso knew he wasn't good enough, and eating was a privilege he didn't deserve.
"I'm proud of you."
"Hm?" Espresso looked over at Madeleine.
He giggled. "I'm proud of you," Madeleine repeated. "You're doing amazing, and I'm so, so proud of you."
"...For eating breakfast?"
Madeleine smiled. "Well, not just for eating breakfast, I mean for... Everything. You're trying really hard to take care of yourself lately—not that I don't love helping take care of you, but..." He smiled as he brushed the hair out of his eyes. "You know. You're doing so well, and I'm just proud of you."
Espresso stared at him, tears stinging the backs of his eyes. He blinked to clear them. "...Oh," He whispered, his face heating up at the unexpected praise.
Madeleine stepped up and wrapped his arms around him. "I mean, compare yourself to you when you were, like... Sixteen. You never even bothered to eat, you were starving yourself for days. Remember?"
Espresso's eyes trailed away. He remembered. While his teenage years were full of trauma and abuse and neglect... He sort of missed when he was younger. Back then, he could starve himself or overwork himself and nobody would care. Now, he had Madeleine worrying about him for just skipping a single meal.
"...But now, you're trying. You're eating pretty normally and your sleep schedule is a lot better than it was." Madeleine kissed his husband's cheek, smiling at Espresso's embarrassed face.
Another sigh escaped Espresso's lips. "It's hard, though."
He nodded. "It's hard. And it will always be hard, but you're trying! You're trying, and that's all that matters."
Espresso stayed silent before giggling, kissing Madeleine softly. "I don't deserve you," He whispered, burrowing his head into his shoulder.
"Oh, don't say that, silly!" He smiled, holding him tightly as he ran a hand through his lover's hair. "Of course you deserve me. I love you so much, Espresso."
Espresso stayed silent, staying in his embrace. "...Tell me you're proud of me again," He whispered, blushing.
Madeleine smiled again. "I'm proud of you. I'm so, so, unbelievably proud of you." He gently rocked him back and forth. "You're perfect in every way, and I love you more than anyone or anything."
The praise was making Espresso very flustered, and he giggled, still hiding his face. Praise always made Espresso feel so loved and happy to an extent where it probably wasn't normal. It was since he was hardly ever praised as a child, so now when Madeleine did it, it made him feel happier than ever.
He kissed his cheek, smiling at his face. "I love you, Espresso."
"...I love you, too."