IV. WHITE FLAG
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KAL'S P.O.V
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It had been over a week since I last saw her and touched her physically. It has come to the point of me driving by the school when she finishes in the hope that I can spot her and then see with my eyes that she is still alive and breathing. When I did go past the school, I would never see her, but I knew she didn't attend any classes after school. But if I didn't see her, nor Scott's car leaving me to go over to the house in a last-ditch attempt, she would never seem to be there either. I will ask questions to get the same responses of that she is out or she is with a friend, then I would ask if she has been to school to get the usual reply that Nichole had left in the morning, and maybe she has gone with her friend back to their house. She shows no concern.
When I was the same age as Nichole, Mum set boundaries and made rules with curfews, but it feels like none of that existed anymore. I am not mad about the situation. I was just worried because nothing was adding up. I felt like Nichole had vanished from the face of the earth, yet everyone around me was shrugging like I was overreacting. And as the days pass, this feeling inside me keeps on growing. No matter how much my friends and everyone around me keep on saying that she is fine and that she is a teenager and this is what they do, the feeling that something is wrong will not budge. It only intensifies.
Not getting information or answers from anyone around me, I was left here to feel like I had no other option than to take this into my own hands to find out what was going on, wanting this sick feeling to stop.
"I am asking for one favour," I spoke to Ben when he took a sip of his coffee and looked around the office at the others.
"Kal, we have spoken about this." He sighed when he looked at me finally, his eyes turning soft. "This has to stop."
"I will, please, do this for me." I pleaded when he let out an exasperated sigh but nodded. "Thank you," I smiled feebly, wishing I could kiss him when I took his face into my hands to let go just as quickly so no one noticed. Finally, I felt that sense of relief I had been longing for.
Out of everyone I have shared my concerns with, Ben has been the only one who doesn't think I'm overreacting. He has spoken to me about what could be happening, even asking about my mum and how Scott is. I guess you could say that he helped me understand why he does what he does, but the same as me, we both see no red flags waving around to pull anything up. Maybe I was overreacting, but I still wanted to know that she was okay. I just wanted to stop worrying and let this go.
For most of the morning, I had been asking Ben to phone her school and ask if she was in attendance. If they needed a reason, I told him to say what we would usually say in this circumstance, that he was following up on a request due to someone being concerned about Nichole's welfare and not attending school. I was not expecting the school to go into detail but at least give the outlined answers to what needed to be known.
I felt like my feet had sunk into quicksand when I couldn't physically move them from where I was standing, my eyes not leaving him as he walked over to his desk and typed something into his computer while he waited. He quickly glanced back at me with a halfhearted smile while his attention turned back to the computer as he picked up the phone and punched in a number, his free hand playing around with a pen while he waited for them to answer.
The moment I saw him take a breath in to start talking, I quickly turned my back to him when nausea kicked in. I tried not to think about it, but I had made this phone call a hundred times before to know how they went. The worst outcome here will be that she has not been at school and is currently not there. If she is not there today, I am leaving work to drive to the house to see her for myself, whether Mum or Scott is there. I wanted this paranoia and uneasy feeling to stop.
He must have been on the phone for almost fifteen minutes, wishing I had been the one to make the call. I know that had it been me on that phone, I would have gotten a simple response while Ben was having an actual conversation.
It wasn't long until the nauseous feeling became overwhelming when I went to walk to the bathroom after he got off the phone and called me to follow him into one of the side rooms. I felt my heart kick start into a frenzy while I kept down the feeling of being sick about what was going on and why I was being pulled away into private, needing to know what had happened that needed to be away from others. I understand he shouldn't have created the enquiry when nothing had been reported, but no one would have questioned him about doing his job that it needed discussing in privacy.
I swallowed down the bile when he shut the door and turned around to face me, asking me to take a seat, to which I declined to stay standing, just wanting him to tell me what was happening.
"She is at school, but they transferred me through to her year head, Miss Coldroy, and all she reported in response was that she has been absent for a few days for sickness, which she is presenting currently, but nothing else was said with no further concerns other than absence, Kal." He spoke softly.
I glanced at the clock on the wall to see it was a little before midday. "I am leaving before three, I will—" I began to say.
He cut me off and stood up, shaking his head from side to side. "No. I can't allow that." His arms crossed over his broad chest.
"I need to see her." I just needed to touch her to know that she was okay.
Being present at school is one thing, but that still didn't tell me if she was okay. I do not care how many people will scream at me and tell me she is when I need to see it with my own eyes. If anything, Ben having that phone call had increased the panic inside of me instead of reducing it.
I could see that he was talking to me, but there was no sound in his voice as my ears felt like they were not registering until he waved in front of my face to bring me back into the room when the volume resumed as if someone pushed a button to unmute
"I have done what you asked. Nichole is fine and at school. Kal, this needs to stop." His voice turned stern when I began to feel frustrated.
I looked at his blue eyes before I nodded and left the room to go straight to my desk, not wanting to argue about this when he did not understand the urgency of this situation. I was leaving this building regardless of what was said, and I'll deal with the consequences when they happen, but right now, that is not my priority of concern when Nichole is. And I had to make it through the next two hours.
For the remainder of the time, I kept my head down and stayed quiet, Ben taking glances at me now and then while I tried to focus and finish the report to get it done so they could move forward with the case.
That is something I could never wrap my head around. I am a social worker. My job is to protect children, raise concerns and push for support, so why is no one taking me seriously here? If I am overreacting about this situation, then I want you to prove me wrong. I would much rather you do that than for me to find out something is happening. As I have previously stated, it has been over a week since I have last seen or heard from her, and if she is at school, I need to see her and see that she is okay. This feeling needs to be squashed and extinguished so I can stop threatening and thinking something is happening and that something is wrong. I knew that if there were any concerns and the school couldn't reach our mother, I was listed as one of her emergency contacts.
Regardless, if I am overreacting, then either way, I need to see her physically and not just hear from someone else that she is fine and that the phone call to her school did the opposite of calming me down.
Once the time pushed on to half past two, I packed up my necessary items, double checking that my drawers that held the files were locked, watching people look my way when I rushed to get out of the space and out of this building, hearing Ben call my name when I finally stopped in my tracks with my teeth gritted together as I spun around to look at him.
"Last time, I need to see her." Not to say anything further when I turned back around to leave through the door, not having the time to keep going in circles with him.
I threw myself into my car, not having time to buckle my seat belt when I was out of the car park, not having a plan other than to get there before her school finished to see her alive, hoping that once I saw she was okay, this feeling will stop. This constant feeling of dread and that something was wrong kept me up at night with the nagging at the pit of my stomach when all I wanted to do was suffocate them, hoping that if I saw she was okay and talked to her, then I would stop feeling like this.
I sped my way to her school, not wanting to get stuck behind the rush hour traffic and miss her, not wanting to take the chance. When I arrived outside the gates, I pulled into the layby opposite and got out of the car to wait, feeling my phone vibrate inside my pocket when I threw it into the car and ignored the calls.
I waited for what felt like a lifetime when I heard the school bell from in the distance ring, feeling my body straighten out as I waited for them to start filing out. I had waited for almost ten minutes as my eyes searched for her face amongst the crowd, my heart leaping into my throat when I finally spotted her. I called out her name and waved my arm as I walked into the road.
I felt my heart stop when her eyes locked with mine, my body freezing when I saw fear fill her eyes at the sight of me and panic written across her face. It felt like my heart was in a vice as a sharp pain panged through my chest. Her body language was that of a deer caught in headlights when she broke the gaze as Scott pulled up in his car. A surge of emergency hit me when I quickly closed the distance between her and me as I reached my hand out to take her arm to pull her towards me, but she moved back before I could touch her. The clamp returned to my heart when my breath got caught in my throat.
She was scared of me.
"Nichole?" my voice sounded smaller than it should have when she kept looking between Scott and me.
"I need to go." Being the only thing to leave her mouth while she tried to walk around me. I blocked her and placed my hands on her shoulders, feeling her flinch when I touched her.
I looked into her dark green eyes to feel like my sister was no longer there. It was like I was looking at a stranger. Nichole would always greet me with a hug and a smile. None of that is present. She looked terrified and beaten down. I felt like she didn't even want to speak to me.
"Can you talk to me, please," I demanded rather than asking as she stopped and looked at me, panic written across her face. "What is going on?" I just wanted her to talk to me when all she did was stare at me.
"Nichole!" I heard Scott call in a low voice.
I watched her demeanour change at the sound of his voice, the expression on her face wiped clean when she stepped back from me as I turned around to look at him. I stood taller than I felt when I stared him down, while he wore a hard, cold look on his face when I could see his jaw clamped shut. I stopped Nichole from walking around me for the second time.
"Please," she barely breathed out in a whisper. Her voice sounded like a plea for me to let her go.
"I'll drive her home," I called back, not breaking eye contact with him.
"Please. Don't." Her voice slipped through the chatter of others when she walked away from me towards him, this time allowing her to get around me.
"Nichole," I called after her when she didn't give me another look when she got into the car with him.
At that moment, I pushed the pain to the side when all I felt was a wave of anger. I do not know what bullshit he had been feeding her, but either way, this is not my sister. I was tired of listening to everyone else using their usual excuse of her being a teenager for how her behaviour had changed. Whatever was going on, this was not normal teenage behaviour. It was not normal for my little sister to be afraid of me when I have always been her rock and best friend.
I watched him pull out of the space while I jogged back to my car, not letting this slide when I followed a few cars behind back to the house, wanting to get to the bottom of this shit. If Nichole is angry at me about something, she can say it to me in words, not avoid me and ignore me.
If something was happening at home, why couldn't she tell me so I could do something about it? If it is because I have done something wrong, then say it to my face so we can solve this, and I can fix the problem I made. Not vanish from the face of the earth.
At the same time, I have no idea what he is saying or doing to her. I wouldn't trust that man as far as I could throw him.
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NICHOLE'S P.O.V
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"Please. Don't." I forced out when I felt my throat choke up as I walked around her, my mind screaming at me to jump into her car and take me away.
It felt like my heart stopped when my chest tightened, pushing the air out of my lungs with the thought of inhaling might make me crack as I slowly suffocated in silence.
I could hear her call my name as I climbed into his car, forcing my mind to shut off once I closed the door, leaving any emotion I had left inside me outside with Kal. I already knew what was coming my way. However, the thought of my sister thinking that I hated her scared me more than anything he could put me through. The need and want to run into her and throw my arms around her was impossible to ignore, but having it physically beaten into you and taught to remain still and ignore any impulse was now too ingrained. I had to force my brain to ignore what my heart wanted, no matter how much I wanted Kal.
Nothing good comes from what the heart wants.
I kept my mouth shut when he pulled away from the school, my leg suddenly feeling hot when I turned my head to the sound of a slap, seeing his fingers digging into my thigh to the point they were turning white from how hard he was grabbing my thigh.
That is going to leave a bruise, I sarcastically thought to myself.
"Why is she following, Nichole?" his voice emotionless with maybe a subtle hint of annoyance.
Or was he anxious? I asked myself the question as he dug his fingers into my leg harder to get a reaction from me.
"I didn't know she was going to be there," I spoke in a monotone.
How was I to know? I haven't seen her for almost two weeks. If anything, he has probably spoken more words to her than I have.
During the drive home, I kept checking the side mirror to see that Kal's blue car was still following us when I started to feel sick inside with dread. Part of me wishes she would stop and go home because, in the end, I knew that nothing good would come from this. And at the end of the day, she gets to leave. I don't. I have to deal with the consequences that happen once she is gone.
It wasn't long until we were outside the house when he got out, making sure to slam the door as my body remained sat down in the seat, my fight or flight not kicking in when I physically could not move. I watched him walk to my door when he opened it and dragged me out like I weighed nothing.
"Walk," the tone in his voice sounded threatening when he shoved me forward, my feet tripping when I fell to the ground onto my hands and knees, feeling his hand hit my back as he pulled me back up to my feet like a rag doll.
Through blurry eyes, I looked at the blood prickling through the skin of my palms, adding this to the many other wounds I needed to clean on my body. Once we got into the house, I felt my hearing go muffled when he shoved me inside as he went to close the front door, and Kal barged through it before she got locked out.
I know the moment Kal moved out into her house, he had the locks changed the moment she left, meaning the only way for her to come inside was to have an invitation, not just walk on in, but if mum is at the house, then she would always be allowed in.
I saw her point to my hands, her head snapping at Scott, not hearing what she was saying to him when all I could hear was my heart beating in my ears while I heard myself breathing from inside my head. My mother appeared around the door to see what all the commotion was about, a smile on her face when she saw Kal, only to see it disappear when Kal snapped something her way.
"Nichole." I heard my name being called by one of them when I looked over at her.
I could feel myself crumbling when all I could do was shake my head no and walk away before I broke, my knees wanting to give. I didn't know which direction to take, the stairs or going straight to my room when I could feel myself hesitate before I sat down on a step out of view, listening to them both argue until I heard a door slam shut with aggression. I had no idea who it was that left, but I could guess it was not Scott when I heard his heavy footsteps on the floor. If I wasn't already exhausted, I would probably be crying right about now.
I was in the corner of the ring, waiting for my K.O. to come.
That was when he stood in front of me, feeling his hand hit my throat when he grabbed my neck and forced me onto my back, my one hand trying to fight and push his face away from mine, but it was to no use when he still came close to me.
Before I could try to speak a word, I felt him throw me forward as I fell a couple of stairs, his hand grabbing onto the back of my shirt when he dragged me along the floor, feeling the clothing start to cut into my throat and my windpipe while I tried to stand up. He threw me inside my room and slammed the door shut, locking it when I kicked my feet against it with everything I had. I did not know if I was angry, upset, scared or a mixture of everything, just knowing that I kicked the door as hard as I could with the thought of Kal fresh inside my head before I heard the latch unlock and open back up...
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I groggily stirred awake when I could feel the pressure at the bridge when I tried to breathe through it, while my head throbbed every time the blood passed through my ears. Just everything hurt. Not in the aching sense this time. Everything was physically hurting. And at the back of my tongue, all I could taste was something salty and metallic.
I tried to push myself up and roll over onto my side when a sharp pain ignited throughout my ribs and back, a strangled noise of pain escaping from my lips. My hand went to my face when I touched my nose a little too hard and let out a whimper at how tender it was, trying to remember what happened when I kept coming up blank. I felt like I had missed time.
The more I tried to remember what happened, the more panicked I started to feel when my hands touched my shirt, and it felt wet and clung to my skin. I rubbed my hand underneath my chin, feeling it was sticky when I tried to dry it. I shifted myself into the small strip of light that came from under the door to realise it was blood. That was when I let out a cry of pain, my teeth sinking into my arm to shut myself up when I let out a muffled cry that tore through my chest.
At that moment, I had made up my mind. Now I am done. I am giving up. Scott had won.
If it could be physically possible, I would be waving my white flag above my head. I had no more fight left in me. There was nothing more he could do to me other than torture me in ways that he had not already done.
I lay on the cold, sticky floor and allowed myself to cry the tears I had been holding in, my teeth biting into my arm harder to keep the sobs from escaping when I knew if I bit any more than I was, then I was going to be going through flesh.
I was over praying to a god that didn't listen. I was over begging. I guess that all I could do to check all the boxes was to bargain with the devil, except I had nothing else left to give. Whatever he can find, he can have.