The bodies holding traits of a survivor lie secretly buried within. It wasn't about the battle or the redemption, it was just the mere concept of surviving. The concept of being able to live freely without fear. I came to realize that freedom in life is not only financial stability or inner peace with one's self, but a general healthy mix of every emotion one could feel. In my little time on time spent on this earth I came to realize that every person in my life was a perfect example of types of this.
Being in a state of financial wealth, but fear of rejection with those important to you, was the weakness I saw in Luke. Being in a state of love but living in the fear of something getting in the way was the weakness I saw in Ashton. Blurring out one's worries through alcohol was the weakness in Maggie. Even Michael's commentary was a weakness of some sort of over compensation. Then neing in denial of everything and pushing things away was the weakness I saw in my mother. I saw many weaknesses in people that I got to know and lately had started to be open about mine.
I was a survivor. I knew that I had endured things that people would never dream of. That was the reality and it was something I had to tell myself every now and again. While Melissa and my own pep talks seem to get me on the road to guilt free enjoyment in life, I still hold the fear that it might get taken away. That is the weakness that I newly had found. I came to peace that my start in life was anything but good, and that there are untold and unknown technicalities of everything to do with it. Although I still feel myself hindered in so many ways, I try to just come to peace with it. That's just how my cards were laid out. I cannot however, get rid of the fear that is implanted in me.
I guess that was maybe why I understood Luke more and more. Although our problems were completely on opposite sides of the spectrum, our fears were similar. Granted, Ashton was scared of things getting taken away from him but it was different. I couldn't feel myself identify with his weaknesses. It was unfortunately too unknown for me.
Calum was already on his way to the bar as I stood in one of the familiar rooms with Michael and Luke. Michael seemed to be waving at everyone, even the people he didn't know, while Luke would glance around every now and again. I myself wasn't quite sure on what I should have been doing with myself, since dancing felt rather odd. I observed a few people and the way they looked, or the way the dressed and it was always interesting just to observe how different people were.
"Looking for Eric? He's not here yet, but don't you worry, he will be here." Michael smirked and I shook my head lightly chuckling.
"I'm just waiting for my drink." I lied so he could get off the subject. Michael was in a mood to get on my case since a few hours.
"Thanks for offering to drive back." Luke screamed since it wasn't possible to hear the other person if you weren't.
"It's no problem, and it is our only option." I screamed back.
"What?" Luke said gesturing to his ear since he apparently couldn't hear me.
I opened my mouth to to scream it again, but he leaned down to me with his hand on my shoulder and his ear by my head.
"I um, I said it's not a problem, I like driving." I said not screaming all too loudly this time.
Luke nodded and opened his mouth to talk but stopped once Calum had returned and pressed a drink into his hand. He mouthed a 'thanks' to him and eventually Calum passed me mine. I did the smell test to make sure there was nothing in it, since I was the driver. Well that was my good excuse at least.
After a few sips and bopping back and forth to music I felt myself in need of some air. I gestured to everyone that I was going to go outside for a minute to myself. Calum and Michael were pre occupied with some girls they just met anyway, and Luke nodded. I felt bad since he seemed quite alone, but I hoped that he would use the time to his advantage and talk to people. Of course who was I to talk?
"Easy on the drinks." I screamed up noticing his glass was almost empty. He laughed and rolled his eyes.
"I'll be fine," He said.
"It seems you make it a thing to drink before your mom gets home."
"I guess I do, but I'm not drunk yet."
"Well at this rate you will be."
"I bet I wont be."
"Bet is a strong word." I yelled.
"What are you suggesting?" He smirked.
"If you're drunk by the end of tonight you're coming running with me tomorrow morning."
"Absolutely not."
"Well if you say you have nothing to worry about, what's the big deal?"
"Fine whatever. I will be enjoying my sleep tomorrow though." He said as I already turned my heal. Luke hated running and waking up early so at least this would keep him from drinking. He knew I was serious and I didn't want to have to play the 'secret hangover' game again.
Getting out of the club was just as difficult as getting in. People are always in need of socializing and talking instead of moving from A to B, which makes my movement from A to B much harder than it should.
I took out my phone and stood by the rope enjoying the air. The club was well ventilated but it was still incredibly stuffy and I hated the stuffy air. I sighed in satisfaction. This birthday was probably the only nice birthday. Contentment was new, but I felt it.
"Now what's a birthday girl doing waiting outside by herself?" I heard a deep voice from behind me say. I turned around and saw Eric smirking at me. He seemed to still enjoy big hats and half open blouse like dress shirts.
"Technically it's no longer my birthday since ten minutes." I said smiling. I was oddly jittery as he stood looking down to me.
"Well either way, you shouldn't be standing all alone. Where are your friends?" He said putting his hand just below my shoulder while nicking his head to the club.
"In one of the rooms. I just needed some air." I muttered.
"I see, I see. So how's about you and me go and enjoy a nice glass of water." He said with a hint of sarcasm.
I chuckled.
"Good idea, the boring kids drinking some water." I smiled.
"Nothing wrong with it. There are no rules on what you should and shouldn't do just because you turn a certain age." He said.
"Very true." I smiled looking up at him. I noticed that I didn't stop looking for a couple of seconds. I immediately turned my face away. I didn't want to stare. But unfortunately the term this time was indeed 'staring'. Great.
"I was kind of hoping you'd call." Eric said once we started to walk towards the entrance. A weird feeling of regret came, because I wanted to call. Or text. Or whatever it is that people do. I wanted to, but I just couldn't.
"I um,-"
"You're seeing someone, aren't you?" He asked, quite invasive.
"No, I, no I'm not." I stuttered. Stop stuttering.
A spark of hope showed up in his face as his muscles positively tensed.
"It's just very complicated. I'm really complicated." I said looking down. I was sure that I sounded as cliche as they came, and he probably wasn't interested in whatever bullshit I was ready to feed him.
"Then we should try to keep it simple." Eric nudged.
If only it were that easy. If only. Stuff like like this is never ever simple. But it was worth a try.
"Simple sounds better," I stuttered again. I needed to stop doing that.
"Much better." I finished. Only this time coherently.
"I mean, a glass of water and a chat that will lead to verbal scrabble is pretty simple isn't it?" He laughed once we both were inside.
"It is."
We went into the room where Calum, Michael and Luke waited. They were having a conversation and I was happy that they were all talking. Eric caught Calum's attention as we walked closer and Calum waved his arm towards us. Luke had his back facing us and turned once he saw Calum react to us.
"Guys!" Michael exclaimed once he saw us up close.
"I was wondering where you disappeared to, but of course, makes sense." Michael winked. I rolled my eyes at his ridicule and took the initiative to sit down on the couch thing. There was a free spot next to Michael and one next to Luke. I took the one next to Luke since Michael wasn't very easy to be around that night.
"Is he always this annoying?" I said to Luke and he laughed.
"Yes,"
"Now you get me." He said. I looked at his glass to find it was half full, meaning he got a new one. He seemed sober so I ignored it.
"You know-"
"Here Peyton I got you a water." Eric interrupted and looked to Luke to move over. Luke looked up at him and raised his eyebrows but sighed and moved. I looked over to him and shrugged telling him I didn't mean to push him out of the way, but that is how it was.
"Thanks." I said blinking a few times. Maybe I was a little bit overwhelmed.
"I didn't want to get a coke, because of the sugar, like, sugar is so bad." He smiled sipping the water. I agreed and nodded, but water at a club seemed a bit boring to me. I always brought water with me just in case, but I always needed a pep of something. But whatever, I thought. Water was better. He had a point.
"Yeah I know, you're on a 'no sugar' diet." I said. I kept looking down. It was a really really weird thing, but he had a really nice face. And if I looked at his face, I would start to feel bad for thinking it, so I avoided looking at him.
"Um, why the big hat all the time?" I asked pointing to the hat. I had no idea what I was saying.
He chuckled.
"Well the hat hides the clearly bad hair day." He said. Calum and Michael weren't even paying attention to us anymore and Luke was clearly listening since Eric pretty much pushed him to the end of the couch.
"So do you have a bad hair day all the time then?" No filter. I had no filter.
He laughed again. Was I funny or did he think I was so insanely socially incapable of having a conversation with the opposite sex without sounding like a moron?
"Kind of. My hair is getting quite long so the hat keeps it in tact."
"So why don't you cut your hair?" What kind of conversation was this?
"Everyone keeps telling me that, but I like it long." Eric said taking another huge sip of his water which probably cost like 7$ in a club like this.
"Well, to each his own." I smiled. and he smiled.
Eric had such a bright smile. I couldn't stop thinking it. I didn't allow myself to, but I had re-pep my brain every five seconds to think that it was okay. Melissa said it. I keep saying it. But damn, his smile was nice.
"Do you want to dance?" He asked once he saw my glass almost empty from my awkward drinking in between words. To dance or not to dance.
"I don't know-" I hesitated.
"Let me rephrase that, do you want to dance, in a simple not at all complicated way?" He said. I started to laugh at his effort.
"Yes. It is my birthday after all." I smiled and got up.
"Well technically not for.." He said looking at his phone.
"Sixteen minutes." Eric teased smirking.
"Right." I rolled my eyes while trying not to smile. Unfortunately I did.
-
My arms and chest glistened with a thin layer of sweat as we finally came into the light from the dance floor. We had danced for two hours. I didn't feel the time go by whatsoever until I looked at my phone to reveal the incredibly late hour.
Once Eric and I left to go dance, I was incredibly nervous. While I had agreed to it because of his wit, I knew that being alone with him would make me feel uneasy. I didn't know what to do in those situations. But I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that he somehow knew understood how I was feeling. I mean, he couldn't have fully known, but he understood that as simple as he was trying to be, he needed to be simple from a distance.
With that being said, the music was more than okay and he had an insanely infectious personality. He clearly didn't care what people thought of him. He stood out for sure when it came to everything. His clothes, his hair, his shoes, even his way of being. I had never seen someone be as polite as he was to people, and I only saw him for the second time. People would step on his feet and he would apologize. Somebody spilled their glass and dropped it, he helped pick it up and took the glass to the bar. I found myself smiling most of the time and I didn't even care. He was refreshing. He, was that what I- and many people in my life- weren't. Simple. He was simple and I liked it. I think I did. I think I liked him.
Calum and Michael both found us after an hour or so and we danced with them too. Dancing was just jumping around and singing along to the songs. It wasn't something that you could imagine from 'Footloose' or something. It was fun. During the three minutes of the song, I was able to just focus on me, on the song and on the people around me. I actually enjoyed it.
Michael was back to the Michael I thought I liked, since he completely ruined the persona I imagined him to have. Maybe that was the way he was, but I understood why it got to Luke. But he was kind of a friend in a sense and I guess he was that one friend who had the right to say and act the way he wanted because he was him.
Luke however, was no where to be found. He didn't want to join. Every once in a while I said I needed the bathroom and asked Luke to come dance but he didn't want to. No matter what I tried. I felt bad, but he didn't budge. He was coming in and out of the club doing whatever, but he mostly sat on his phone. I saw him talk to a couple of girls, or better said, a few girls came up to him and wanted talk or whatever and I catched him roll his eyes overtime. Strange for someone who had an awkward case of sexual frustration.
Ashton texted me to make sure I was okay since he knew what I was dealing with. I insured him I was fine, but him and Maggie got into a big fight. He got scared when she ran off and eventually found her on the side of the road crying. I held my breath during my very long 'bathroom break' when I read that message. We were going to meet and he would tell me the whole story, but the short text seemed dire enough.
Either way, we were back at the room and Luke was sitting beside a bunch of people who he was clearly ignoring and playing on his phone. I took another huge sip of water and looked to Luke.
"We're probably going to leave now." I yelled over to him and he looked up from his phone looking quite tired. He just nodded.
"Already?" Eric walked over and put his arm around me. I panned my eyes to it and blinked accepting it. It was an arm. It was a shoulder. I was fine. All was good.
"It's almost 3." I said looking up since he was insanely tall.
"The night is still baby young." He sang. Literally.
"Baby steps remember?" I smirked.
He sighed.
"Baby steps." He winked. I felt this feeling like I wanted to throw up when he did that.
"So are we going or not?" Luke snapped a bit loudly sighing simultaneously.
I wrinkled my face and looked at him on the couch.
"Yes we are, relax." I snapped.
"Christ Peyton.." He sighed and rolled his eyes. Obviously pissed.
"I need to pee so," Luke said again getting up.
"No problem, I'll take Peyton out. Nice seeing you mate," Eric said smiling handing Luke his hand and Luke walked off not even taking a second glance. I huffed in disappointment.
"Yeah let's just go out he'll meet us by the car." I said, my tone not very pleased.
"Do you want me to call an Uber for you guys?" Eric asked, still having a firm hold on me with his arm as we exited the club.
"No no, I can drive. We took Luke's car so.."
"Oh you drive?" Eric asked slightly surprised.
"Yeah, I do."
"Cool. Very cool." He said as we stood still. We were outside the club and walking towards the cars. It got quieter since we started to leave the crowd of people and into the parking lot.
"You're quite cool." He said once we stood by the car. I smiled and touched my hair. I stopped touching my hair once I realized I did it.
"I'm the opposite of cool, but you're sweet." I chuckled.
"No, you're pretty cool. Not to mention stunning." I smiled too wide for someone like me and felt an embarrassing amount of heat go towards my face. No, not again.
"Oh c'mon," I rolled my eyes.
"Only speaking the truth." He put his hands up.
"So how about this time, you give me a nice, simple not at all complicated text tomorrow. And maybe we'll go get totally not complicated food and go to a very not complicated beach or something." He smirked and I smiled again for the effort.
I stood there and came to the conclusion that I really did want to see him again. I wanted to be with him and that was something I didn't know. But now I felt like I wanted to get to know the feeling.
"Sounds perfectly not complicated." I said.
"Great." He said smiling really wide. He had this one dimple overtime he smiled really wide. I had to look away again.
"Well I hope Luke is on his way because I can't stand here too long," He started to say, now more quietly.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I really want to kiss you, but that is way too complicated for today."
My breath hitched a bit at the thought of a kiss, but I saw myself being able to imagine it. Just not now and not today.
"Oh,-"
"Don't worry, keeping it simple remember?" He laughed lightly punching my arm playfully.
"Yeah-" I started to say before hearing a profanity behind Eric.
"Shit." Luke said as he tumbled into the bumper of the car.
I went over to him in confusion as he wiggled up but lost his balance again. He just laughed that time as he attempted to get up.
"Luke what the hell?" I said looking down.
"Relax Peyton. You need to,"
"Relax." He whispered the last word while motioning his hands and over exaggerating. He was laughing at himself since apparently it was funny.
"Great." I muttered in annoyance.
"What's wrong?" Eric asked as I continued to sigh.
"He's drunk. I need to get home." I said getting the key.
"I promise to text this time."
"Alright. Drive safe yeah?"
"Always." I said getting in the car and waving from the window. I waited for Luke to get his seatbelt on and then I drove away.
There was silence for a good ten minutes before I decided to speak up.
"Well you got drunk." I said kind of amused.
"Thank you Captain Obvious." He laughed again. Luke never laughed this much the last times he was drunk. He was a different drunk this time.
"Well you know this means you lost the bet."
"I guess I did."
"Oops." He said so over exaggeratedly as he popped and hissed every letter.
"So at 8 we're going running." I confirmed. I knew realistically that it probably wasn't going to happen since he would never be able to wake up before 8 when it was already after 3. Especially if he was drunk.
"I guess we are."
"Yep." I said as a last word since I didn't know what to say. He was acting weird and being difficult again and I realized it didn't last very long. I sighed and thought about my pretty awesome birthday and how genuinely happy I felt. Bad mood or not, he did give me that.
"Thanks again for the whole thing today, it was definitely my best birthday" I said.
"You're welcome. Glad it was." He whispered sounding almost sober. But then laughed again in his weird state.
I just continued to drive and thought; what the hell was going on?
(AN, so Ive had times when i didn't update and there have been long periods in between and I've apologized but what the fucking fuck happened this time. It was virtually impossible to tie since i am constantly on vacation. Sounds like a stupid problem I know, but i am currently back home in NYC with the family and my laptop is broken so I'm always borrowing my uncles and i never have time to do that. I go acrylics so cant type on my phone, another stupid problem but yeah, I wrote an update and apology telling you guys go sorry i was and that i am still here and i was so happy with the comments from you guys! I felt so happy that some people still care. More is coming, I wanted so much more stuff for this chapter but i wanted to give you something so thought i would do the typical thing where i give you the first part and just separate it since I'm such bad updater. hope you like it. There will be at of a time jump in the next few chapters since i like to get into detail and details mean time and i want to get on with it so expect that. More of this scene and the time jump is coming in the next chapter and i am continuing on it now as we speak. But i need to give you guys something so here you go. Sorry for this long ass AN. Love you all -Liz)