It was unseasonably warm that late November evening, so the little trio set off in their goat-drawn cart wearing only light jackets. Mcgucket sat up front holding the reins to Gompers the goat (they couldn't afford a horse) while Dipper and Mabel sat in back with their traveling supplies and the memory gun. Dipper was sunk into his book while Mabel busied herself with knitting.
After a while, her thoughts turned to her brother. Dipper was undeniably clever, and had taken after Uncle Fiddle in terms of invention. Not big ambitious things, just fun little toys and tools; like the lantern made with colored glass that they used for shadow puppets, or the wind blower they used to clear the yard of leaves, or best of all, the grappling hook he had made her for their birthday back in August (she had made him a special vest lined with inside pockets) And he was always eager to learn more, especially about the strange creatures that were said to live in the Gravity Falls woods.
"Do you think we'll see anything cool?" he asked when they got out supper, "Like gnomes or tree creatures?"
"Probly not." Fiddle answered in between bites of his sandwich, "This time of year, all them crazy critters are getting ready for their hibernanation.. hibation.. their winter sleep."
"Dang it!" Dipper flipped his head backwards. Fiddle chuckled. "But don't ya'll worry. We'll see plenty of fun stuff on our trip."
They continued on in relative peace. Not much happening. After a point, Uncle Fiddle started singing a song he was fond of. All three of them loved music, although none of them were very good at it.
He sang out:
"Someone to care for, to be there for, I have"-
"Us two." They responded.
"Someone to do for, muddle through for, I have"-
"Us two."
"It seems, we three get along so famously cause-
You two, have me, and I have you two tooooOOOO! OOF!"
They all jerked forward as the cart came to an abrupt stop.
'What in tarnation?" Mcgucket grumbled as he looked over the side. It seemed that Gompers had accidentally wandered off-road into a ditch. The goat, apparently unhurt, was happily munching on some ivy.
"What now?" Asked Mabel. Mcgucket scratched his head; "Well we're too far from town, and the fair is still a ways' away." He peered in the distance. This area was unfamiliar to him and he'd heard stories about travelers getting lost or being attacked. Still, it wouldn't hurt to check.
"You two wait here." He said, unhitching Gompers and climbing on top him, "I'm gonna go look fer help."
####
Mcgucket rode through the woods on Gompers, trying to keep calm. Nothing looked familiar and it was starting to get dark. It wouldn't be long until the sun set and then they would all be in big trouble.
Suddenly he heard howling and turned to see a wolf among the distant trees.
"Huh." He squinted. Is that wolf tiny, or just in perspective?" The wolf growled and ran towards him. "Ahh! Perspective!" he panicked and urged Gompers to go faster.
Other pack members soon joined the wolf. They had had a lean Autumn and were eager for fresh meat. Many times they were nearly upon the old man but each time he managed to drive them off. Once he even twisted around in his seat to kick off a wolf that was snapping at Gompers' tail.
The chase lead them this way and that, until an especially sharp turn caused Mcgucket to fall off his mount and tumble to the ground. Gompers kept running, the wolves hot on his hooves.
Mcgucket sat up and rubbed his back. He felt sore all over. More so than he usually did. This was no way for a man of his age to get around. Standing up, he looked to see a massive wrought iron gate attached to an equally massive wall. Colorful strings had been tied around the bars and strange symbols were carved into the stone. Beyond it, he could see a tall elegant castle built into the cliffside.
The bearded man's eyes widened. "Could it be?" he whispered, looking up at the crest that adorned the gate. He nudged it, hearing the door creak as it opened just slightly. Suddenly, the wolves howled again. Not stopping to think, he scrambled though the opening and shoved the door closed.
Once inside, he took a canteen from under his beard and took a swig. He avoided drinking around the kids but goodness if he didn't need one now. He went up to the front doors. They were so big that they had smaller doors built into them. He went for the one on the left. Opening it with caution, he called out "Hello?" The place was dimly lit, but he could see a bright light a little ways away.
As he walked through the surprisingly clean area, he heard hushed voices speaking to each other. And then a girls' voice called out "Come in, make yourself welcome."
"Oh thanks. For a minute there I thought-" but when he reached the next room –the parlor- as he remembered- no one was there. Just a table set for a dinner of one.
"That's funny." He said as he leaned down to inspect the meal. Roast beef with potatoes, his favorite. Not knowing what else to do, he sat down and started eating.
"My wards are back out on the road." He said in between bites. "We were on a trip through the woods but our cart got stuck in a ditch and my goat was chased off by wolves..." He paused, hearing some agitated whispers coming from somewhere close.
"we waited too long! now it's too late to get him!"
"wendy what do we do?"
"hold on, I'm thinking, I'm thinking." Against all reason, the voices seemed to be coming from right under the table.
He lifted the tablecloth and the strangest sight met his eyes. An axe, a hammer, and a feather duster were all standing upright and talking to each other! They looked at him (with their eyes!) and then the hammer chuckled; "Uh, hey."
"Holly slip-slapping skullduggery!" Mcgucket exclaimed and pulled out his flask. "The drink's finally getten' ta me! I'll never touch another drop!"
"Exactly!" said the axe in a woman's voice (the same one he'd heard earlier) "This is all an illusion caused by too much imbibing! You'd better leave soon before-"
She was cut of as Mcgucket picked her up by her handle. He examined her closely. She was a double-bladed axe with a green scarf tied around her shaft. On her flat side, instead of his own reflection, Mcgucket saw the profile of a young freckle-faced woman.
"Extraordinary." He whispered, than looked down. The hammer was tapping gently on his leg with his head.
"Excuse me dude, but you said something about having kids?"
"Huh? Oh yeah ya heard that." He gently set the axe girl down and straitened up. "I'm starting to wish I'd brought them with me. They'd have loved it here."
He walked around the room, his meal completely forgotten. At one area he saw an entrance to a sitting room. It was dimly lit, but still lovely. There were potted plants, mounted animals, a bunch of sad clown paintings, and a big table full of strange trinkets. There was also an armchair with a face embedded in the cushions.
"Would you like to sit down?" She asked in an old womans' voice. Mcgucket stared at her for a second, and then said "Thank you Madam, but no." as politely as he could. Now he knew he wasn't dreaming. He wasn't this creative.
"Okay, I take my nap now." She said and leaned over, reclining herself.
Behind him, Mcgucket could hear the little objects chattering to each other in worried tones. Something about telling someone something. He almost turned around to ask what was up, but then he saw the table.
There were some beautiful contraptions; among which was a machine round and tiered like a rich man's wedding cake. Mcgucket was instantly intrigued.
"What a cute little doo-dad!" he exclaimed as he examined it, heedless of the frightened looks thrown his way. He noticed a wind-up key on top and started turning it. Like clockwork the top tiers spun around and cheerful music filled the room. So entrancing was it, that no one heard the approaching footsteps until it was too late.
"See something you like?" came a voice. Mcgucket turned around, and wished he really were dreaming. There stood the silhouette of a large hulking creature wearing a tattered cloak.
"In some counties this is called breaking and entering." The creature said in a low gravelly tone. The tools gathered around him, trying to get his attention.
"Master, don't do anything rash."
"We didn't mean for him to come this far!"
"I was just about to get you!"
The strange beast came closer, walking on all fours like an animal. Mcgucket stood frozen in shock, unable to look away. Up close he could see that this "Master" had lots of fur, and horns, and big sharp teeth.
"What are you staring at?" the beast demanded.
"Staring? Oh no I wasn't staring. In fact I have te-terribible eyesight. Now if ya'll don't mind. I'll jest-
As he spoke, he fearfully backed away. Not seeing where he was going his back bumped into the table where the music box was still playing. That bump was enough to jostle the machine, which as everyone turned to look fell on its' side, rolled off the table, and fell to the floor with a crash.
The beast gazed at the ruined heap of metal, then back at the bearded man. "I really liked that tune." He said with forced calmness, than lunged.
Mcgucket squealed as the beast grabbed his beard and dragged him off. "Wait wait wait! You don't have to do this I can fix it!"
"You can't fix anything!" the beast snapped. And as the frightened objects watched, he dragged the man out the door and into the hall.
The song "You Two" is from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.