Tan
I sat down for another round of twenty questions at the hospital cafeteria with my parents, trying to choke down breaded cod and buttered mashed potatoes.
What I really wanted was soup and a steaming cup of Dadi's tea. I could feel a cold coming on, and I really didn't have the time to be sick right now. There was way too much going on between ballet, rehearsals for Blanche's grand opening, helping Krish with his speech, my friends, and, of course, finding quality time to spend with Dominick.
I pushed my plate aside and slunk back in my chair, opting for a sip of black tea instead of the tasteless food.
I caught my mom's curious look from across the table, and I knew she was about to launch into a lecture.
"Is there something you need to tell us, Tanu?" Mom asked, setting down her fork. "Because you're giving me the same look you used to give me when you were a girl, and you were caught in a lie."
I was lying to my parents. She wasn't wrong. But I had no idea what to do. Should I double down on my lie? Or should I come clean about not making principal?
At this point, there was no chance that I was pirouetting my way back into Celeste's good graces. She'd made it clear that I couldn't handle the pressure of the position despite dancing at a principal level.
When I met my parent's stern gazes, I crumbled. I couldn't disappoint them even more than I already had. I couldn't.
"No, mom. There's nothing going on. I've just been really busy."
Which wasn't technically a lie.
Mom and Dad exchanged a look that I knew all too well, and I wondered if they already knew. If somehow they'd caught wind that I wasn't going to be dancing a principal role in the Nutcracker this year.
"You've clearly been busy with the man you brought to Kolkata's? Aarul told us all about your date when we went for dinner two nights ago."
I pressed my lips together and set down my mug. How silly of me to think they cared enough about my ballet career to check out the company website or follow Liberty Ballet's social media page. If they had, they'd know that the cast for the Nutcracker was already posted. And Tanushree Nandy was listed under Snake. Not Sugarplum Fairy.
But no. They were more concerned about who I was eating dinner with.
"Aarul is twice as gossipy as his sister," I muttered under my breath before shoving half a buttered dinner roll in my mouth.
"He said you got onto the back of a motorcycle! A motorcycle, of all things!" my dad angrily said, pushing up his frameless glasses. A clear sign he was about to start his lecture about safety. "How many times do I have to tell you it's one of the most unsafe forms of travel? Had you gone to medical school, you'd have seen what road rash looks like up close, and it isn't pretty! Think about how long you'd have to miss work if you flew off a bike! You definitely wouldn't be performing on opening night, and you just got promoted!"
Wow. I didn't think he could find a way to rub medical school, ballet, and motorcycles in my face at the same time, but clearly, I was wrong.
"You're father is right, Tanu. What were you thinking? Are you thinking?"
I looked over at Krish, who was busy separating the carrots from his peas. Headphones on. Head bobbing up and down as he listened to music. He checked out of any conversation when my dad raised his voice. And I didn't blame him. If I had the ability to check out of this conversation, too, I would.
A few days ago, Dominick had asked me for some pointers on surviving dinner with his mom. Because I couldn't stop telling him my deepest, darkest insecurities, I'd gone on a tangent about never meeting my parents' expectations. After listening thoughtfully, he'd asked me why I kept coming back to sit through their questioning if they made me feel so guilty.
My relationship with my family was complicated. They didn't always make me feel accepted, but I knew they wanted the best for me. They cared about my future and my safety. They'd sacrificed so much to provide me with a better life than they had, and I'd always be grateful to them for it.
I came back because I loved them. I just wished I was good enough to make them proud.
"I'm sorry I've been distant. And I'm sorry I got onto a motorcycle. And for the millionth time, I'm sorry I didn't go to medical school." Tears burned in the back of my throat, and my already congested sinus made my nose drip. I grabbed my napkin and wiped it before finally meeting their eyes. "Things have been tough. That's all. But I'm dealing with it the best I can."
My mother gave me a sympathetic smile, but my father was having none of it.
"You aren't dealing with it at all!" he said sharply. And I recoiled, flattening my back against the cafeteria chair. "You're avoiding your family and sneaking around with motorcycle men. I'm getting flashbacks to your time at NYU and having to pick you and Maren up at that bar you had no business being at."
I'd never live that down. Dragged from a motorcycle bar freshman year was going on my tombstone.
It's not like Maren and I were trying to ride a motorcycle or hook up with a gang member. The place just had a reputation for serving minors and was close to campus. But then Maren got into a drinking competition with some chick in leather chaps, and I freaked out when she passed out in the bathroom. Worried she had been drugged or had alcohol poisoning, I called my dad to help me get her back to our apartment and ensure she was okay.
In return for his help, we both got IV's, a stern talking to, and were made to promise never to go back to the bar again. A promise we frequently broke. But, I didn't think this was the time to bring that up.
I normally didn't argue with my parents when I was getting a lecture. But I didn't want them to think Dominick was some...hooligan.
"This is nothing like that, Dad. Dominick isn't in a motorcycle gang. He has a real job. A good one. In fact, he works for the Hope Foundation in the Wish program. He's a good person with a good heart."
Dad's mouth hung open, and Mom's shoulders sank.
Sweet hell. I just realized I'd given my parents way too much information about my new boyfriend. Now, they'd recruit my aunties to research him and compile all his bio data. They'd probably make a star chart for him, too, and rank all his bad qualities against his good ones before faxing it to my parents.
What if they found out about Blanche's club? And about stripping?
Everything inside me ran cold. That couldn't happen. And it wouldn't happen. He didn't use any images of his face at Blanche's and always went by Romeo. It would take someone in my family visiting the club to put everything together and that definitely wasn't going to happen.
When my mom regained cognitive thought, she leaned forward, pressing her palms against the table, and lowering her voice. "Tanu, are you getting serious with this man?"
I picked up my fork and poked at my mashed potatoes, regretting I said anything at all. "Define serious."
"Have you had sexual relations with him?"
"Oh my god. We are not doing this in a hospital cafeteria."
Beside me, Krish snickered, and I shot him a glare. So much for thinking he was checked out. Meanwhile I was getting the third degree.
"Yes, we are, Tanushree!" Dad said a little too loudly, drawing the attention of the people beside us. He dropped his voice. "Where else would we have this conversation? You aren't answering our calls. If things are getting serious, he must introduce himself to us and make his intentions known."
"His intentions?" I angry-whispered back. "Dad, I haven't been hiding an engagement from you. We've only been dating for like a week."
My mother gasped. My dad looked incensed. I still couldn't believe we were having this conversation.
"You've been dating this man for a whole week and haven't said a word?"
Mom nudged him in the ribs. "Hush. I want to know if it's serious."
I was seriously hoping for a code to get called, so my dad had to rush off to the ED. Or maybe my mom's pager could start buzzing so this conversation could be over. Not that I was rooting for a crisis, but something to draw the spotlight away from me. And my sex life.
I could lie, but I was already keeping so much from my parents the guilt was overwhelming. I was twenty-nine. They couldn't seriously believe the virginity I was supposed to be protecting and saving for my future husband had been taken a week ago by a man on a motorcycle. They had to know I'd lost that a decade ago.
"Um, I guess it's serious," I said, adding, "If we're using your definition," under my breath.
My parents sucked in a sharp breath at the same time. Twin looks of disbelief plastered to their faces. Crap. Maybe they had thought I'd somehow saved that marriage.
I was about to call a code for myself. I was the one in crisis.
I'd never talked about dating with my parents before, except to decline invitations to be set up with their friend's sons, and this was a whole new level of awkwardness. The only thing I could gather from their shocked faces was that because things had gotten serious, that meant we were planning on getting married.
"You don't need to send out any save the dates or start planning our wedding. This is new, and I don't want you to make a big deal about it. It's too much pressure."
I coughed into my elbow, and I knew I was deteriorating quickly. Whatever cold was trying to set in for the past twenty-four hours was here. My parents ignored the cough and kept right on talking while I blew my nose.
Dad was saying, "You've never had a boyfriend before, not one that you've told us about, so of course we are taking this seriously."
Mom added, "Not as seriously as you're taking it."
I sanitized my hands, trying not to roll my eyes out of respect, but it was getting really hard. "Oh my god. Please. Stop."
But there was no such luck. They had a piece of new information about my life and it was going to be all they thought about for the next week.
Mom ignored my pleas and went straight for the jugular. "I want you to bring this Dominick of yours to the house this weekend. Take the train. Do not get back on his motorcycle. And don't forget you have to help Krish with his speech class tomorrow."
I knew I was under their microscope now. Which I tried not to do as much as possible. But thankfully, I had a very good reason why I couldn't bring Dominick over to the house.
"Of course I'll help Krish. But Mom, I can't take the train out to Jersey this weekend. Our fall show is on, and I don't have time for that."
Tan 1. Mom 34,243. Not that I was keeping count.
"Fine, Tanu," she said. Defeated but not knocked out. "But you can't hide your new boyfriend from us forever. Sooner or later, you'll run out of excuses, and you'll have to bring him to meet us."