Thursday was when Marlena got upset at me and now it was Sunday. I wanted to give her some space so I didn't try and find her at school Friday. It was real hard to keep from seeing her but Two-Bit told me I shouldn't be so pushy and I think he was right. Today, I just couldn't stop myself from calling her, though. I didn't want her to think I just stopped caring because she yelled at me a little.
"Hello?"
It was Cherry's voice on the other end and by now she knew what it meant when I called. "Hey, Cherry."
"I'll go get Lena for you."
"Wait, uh, Cherry... I-I hope you don't mind me askin' but... is everything alright?"
The other side was quiet for a bit, not a great sign but hopefully she'll at least tell me something that would ease my nerves about everything. "Johnny, the two months Lena hates the most are May and December. Our mom and her never really got along and my mom gets a little... much this time of year. If she's acting funny just be a little patient with her."
So she's acting this way because of her mom. "Alright... Thanks, Cherry."
"Sure. Hold on, I'll go grab her." The line was quiet again and as I waited, I looked outside the window of our somewhat beaten up old living room and picked at the white, pealing paint on the wall near the phone. "Hey, Johnny. How's it going?"
I shrugged, even though she couldn't see on the other side. "I'm alright."
"I know I've been actin' weird but I really just don't wanna explain it. It's nothin' to do with you and I don't wanna think about it while we're together, can you please just let it go?"
"If you don't wanna talk about it, we don't have to."
"Thank you."
I didn't really know what to say. I really wanted to ask more but I don't want her to get upset again, maybe she'll just tell me later. "You don't work today?"
"No, I usually ask not to work too much before all my tests. Frankie never minds, he don't want work to get in the way of my grades."
"Well... maybe I can help you study or somethin'."
She giggled, "Y'know you need more help than I do."
"You care more about it. I can test you and stuff."
"Is that you sayin' you wanna hang?"
"Well, yeah, sure."
I felt like I could hear the smile in her voice and it made me smile as well. "Well... my parents are gonna be out for one of my dad's work things tonight. Long as you leave by about eight or nine you could come to my place."
We hadn't hung out alone at her place since the day I asked her out so I couldn't say no. "Yeah, How about in an hour?"
"Of course. I'll be waiting."
"Great. Well I'll see you soon?"
"See ya'."
❁
"You didn't even bring your bag?" Marlena asked, laughing lightly as she opened the door for me.
"I'll be alright. I'm here helpin' you." I turned around and waved at Dally who winked and drove off, he already told me for sure he'd come back at eight thirty to pick me up. As I turned back around, before she even let me inside her house I was surprised by a big hug. A warm and fuzzy feeling hit my stomach as I wrapped my arms around her as well. "Sorry if I was bein' kinda pushy."
"Sorry I got so mad," she said chuckling, still not letting me go and resting her head against me. It still felt like something was wrong, like she was sad or something but I didn't say anything, just hugged her until she was ready to let go and gave her a kiss on her head. When she pulled away, she kept a hand interlocked with mine and pulled me inside.
"So what classes do you got tests in?"
She didn't turn around but headed towards the kitchen as she spoke. "Astronomy, statistics, and I got a paper due in my writing class Wednesday."
I knew I wouldn't be much help, I ain't had any of those classes, but I hang with Ponyboy while he's studying all the time so I know that you don't gotta know everything to help someone else. "Whenever Pony has a big test, he tries to explain the stuff to me that's gonna be on the test and that always helps."
"That's cool, no one's ever really helped me study before so I didn't think about that." She grabbed a box of cereal, some peanut butter, and crackers and then looked at me. "Hungry?"
"I'm alright."
She handed me the peanut butter, asking me to hold it and led me up to her room. Even when we were here alone last time, we didn't go into her room so I never saw what it looked like and I was kinda surprised to see a different color on each wall. Posters from a few of her favorite artists as well as some artwork were on her walls. She had a mirror hanging on the wall near the door where her closet was and her bed was huge, covered by a black and green blanket. Across from the bed was a desk where she had her books, backpack, and some other little small stuff that it just looks like she's thrown on there. There was a shelf above the desk which held a personal radio-record player and unsurprisingly, The Who was playing softly.
Marlena sat in the chair before I could but I didn't know if I should sit on her bed so I stood on the side of the desk, looking at all the different book titles. "You wanna listen to anything?"
"Nah, this is fine."
"You like The Who?"
I shrugged, "They're alright, I ain't listened to 'em too much, just a few songs."
With a smile, Marlena nodded. She's dipped a cracker into the peanut butter and before stuffing it in her mouth said, "They're one of my favorites."
She's told me that before in passing but probably doesn't think I'd remember. "Yeah? Thought you'd be more of a Beatles chick," I say jokingly. I also remember her saying how much she didn't like The Beatles but I think it's just because everyone else likes them.
She groaned, "Everybody likes The Beatles but they're just alright." I chuckled at her. I kind of suspected that she was high when she put peanut butter on her cracker and then sprinkled cereal on top. That suspicion was later confirmed when she went down three separate times for more snacks. I didn't mind but I wasn't sure how she'd get much studying done if she was high. She proved me wrong though. It took a bit to get focused; random questions kept coming at me when she would start reading her book and sometimes she'd just completely stop trying and spin around in her chair for a little bit. With Ponyboy it was real straightforward, he studied and then he was done but for Marlena, it felt like studying was a cycle of focus then messing around then more focus.
It was only six thirty, I'd been at her house for two and a half hours and Lena got through her study guide for Statistics, halfway through the unit for Astronomy, and hadn't even touched the paper for creative writing. "I think I'm good to call it quits now," she announced.
I furrowed my brows at her, confused. "You didn't even finish."
"I'll be fine. I'm bored. Mind if I smoke?" she questioned, pulling out a small, dark, glass jar that had a tiny paper bag in it.
"Uh, no. Your parents won't care?"
"I don't do it inside."
She took me out to her backyard and the sky was already dark. One thing I don't like as much about December is how early the sun sets. Who came up with daylight savings anyway? Their yard was a nice size, pretty green grass and three big trees with few leaves and the ones left were brown and curled up like they were gonna fall any moment. The air around Lena felt kinda heavy right now and if she didn't wanna talk about it, I at least wanted to be there for her somehow so after she lit her joint, I grabbed her free hand and moved closer to her.
"Y'know. Johnny, sometimes I wonder why you're even into me." The statement was made after a moment of silence, just listening to the light wind blow and the sounds of her inhaling and exhaling. I could hardly believe what she was even saying. Marlena Valance wondering why someone would like her? Let alone me? I didn't even know what to say.
"What?"
She shrugged. "I mean, I ain't even all that great; I say dumb stuff and a lot of people don't like me and I can be hot headed and embarrassin'. Sher got lucky because she's so beautiful and she got my dad's chill genes but I'm just alright, and I got my mom's stupid insane gene instead." It felt like she wasn't talking to me, like she was just venting. A far away look was in her eyes, illuminated dimly by the back porch light. She looked absolutely beautiful and the idea that she didn't even realize that was kinda crazy to me. The idea that she had insecurities in general was crazy to me, she sure didn't show it.
"Well, I've seen insane and it sure ain't you."
"You hardly know me. You don't even know what I was like a year ago. Everybody knows that I'm just... difficult to be around sometimes." I thought weed was supposed to make you chill out but it felt like she was only starting to feel worse about herself. I'd never really seen her so unhappy as I have this last couple weeks and I just hate that I can't make it better.
"You ain't difficult to me."
"Not yet." I didn't know what else to say at the moment. She took a puff from her joint which was only half the size now, maybe she'd relax a bit after. She let go of my hand and sat down on the loveseat they had sitting on their deck, facing away from me with her head on her free hand. "I hate December."
I stayed standing against the wood lining the deck and looked at her even though I couldn't fully see her face anymore. "Why?"
She began to pick at the ends of the shirt she was wearing, it had a couple of loose strings and she, anxiously, began twisting and tugging them. "My grandparents always made a big deal about Christmas and it stressed my mom out and so all of December she just always would pick fights with me because she always wanted things to be perfect and we all know I ain't even close to that. When they died I thought it'd get better but it only got worse." She sighed and put out the joint on the ground. "Last year she was so bad I didn't come home for days, I did lots of... tryin' to escape." I remember thinking that all socs had good parents and loving families and happy home lives, that was the way it seemed from the outside, but what I never thought I'd see was the way that soc families can be damaged too. "It's weird, most of the year she's okay but December comes and it's all back to how it used to be." She was essentially telling me what was wrong without telling me exactly. At least she was comfortable enough to give me a hint now. "I know I said I didn't wanna talk about it. It's the grass, I start thinkin' a lot if there ain't no distractions."
"I don't mind."
She sighed again, a deep and heavy sigh and I now moved to sit beside her. Both of her arms wrapped around my arm and Lena put her head on my shoulder. I don't even know how long we sat there, the chill in the air caused her to shiver but she didn't move and I gave her my jacket. "Y'know you're real comfortable to be around."
"You think so?"
"You're just so good and you listen to me talk about loads of dumb crap and you don't judge me or make me feel ditzy or like I'm too much. I love... bein' with you." She typically talked fast but slowed down, almost like she was stopping herself from saying something else and that may have made my heart beat a little bit faster.
I never had someone always complimenting me and telling me I was so good. For some reason, her saying it to me all these times is almost making me believe it. "I like bein' with you too."
"For now."
"Y'know, Marlena," I began, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her closer to me, "I like you 'cause you're bold and never afraid to be yourself. That's real tuff, I wish I could be more like that. You're also real kind and understandin', not to mention it's a blast hangin' out with you. Ain't no reason I can think of that I'd ever wanna not be with you. Hell, I got lucky you even talked to me."
She didn't move, it hardly felt like she reacted to what I said but she squeezed my hand and said, "I'm lucky. You don't even know how great you are."
"Maybe we both got lucky."
She finally looked at me, a small smile on her face, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. We went back to comfortable quiet until we heard the sound of the front door opening.