Chapter 9: It Seriously Took Him Nine Chapters to Get Introduced
I was so glad to be out of that mental hospital.
Weren't they supposed to help with mental issues? It made me go insane instead. Holy shit, I am so happy that arc is over.
My parents have been holding their admonishments for two months. Even when they visited me in the mental hospital, I could tell it took all their willpower not to scream at me. Now that I was back at my house, they had no such compunctions.
"What were you thinking, Y/N?!" my mom shouted. "Jumping off buildings? I would say it's because of those videogames, but I sometimes play them too just to demolish your father. But I don't feel like jumping off buildings because of them!"
"Mom, but it wasn't because of videogames," I reasoned. "it was because of Batman."
"Of course it was!"
My dad leaned in closer to me and whispered, "Did you feel like Batman?"
"I wish I did."
"Personally, I sometimes have the urge to jump off buildings and web sling like Spider—"
My mom's piercing glare made him freeze.
There was nothing scarier than a mother's overprotective attitude... well, Vina and Layla's angry demeanors are tied for second.
"I mean," my father corrected himself, "that was a very irresponsible thing to do."
"Mom, you have to understand," I said.
"Understand what, Y/N?!"
"I am a growing boy," I began, pressing on my heart with my hand dramatically, "and eventually a boy turns into a man. And when we become men, we suddenly gain the masculine urge to travel the world, learn all the ways of combat, and then come back to fight crime, which sometimes involves us jumping off—"
"You have three seconds to understand me before I whoop your ass," my mother said with a darkened expression.
"Whoa, Mom, you're starting to sound like a Hispanic mom."
"This is a self-insert story so therefore I can become any ethnicity I want depending on the readers." She pulled out a sandal out of nowhere. "Three, two..."
Just then the king felt true fear for the first time...
***
I went back to school as per usual. People stared at me, and I could tell they knew what happened. I ignored their stares, too busy scrolling through my phone to see if there has been any new news regarding videogames that I missed because of that shitty visit to the mental hospital.
Oh yeah, I quickly found out that missing one day is a death sentence when it comes to math.
So imagine missing two months of math.
This is going to be my thirteenth reason why, isn't it?
The first day back at school was... almost normal. My friends welcomed me back. While we walked to school, Alice and Evelyn held Vali's hands at either side of him while Trinity hugged him from behind and clung onto him. My brother was blushing furiously. I groaned and facepalmed. Could he get any more cliché? Anyway, instead of welcoming me back like a normal person, Layla smacked me on the head and called me an idiot, before laughing at me for my befuddled expression.
Then I smacked her back, shouting, "Equal rights, equal fights."
That incited a giggle from her.
A week later all senses of normality returned. I had to grind to catch up to math. I continued having beef with my English teacher.
I'd noticed that Layla had hung around me more. Almost like she was trying to keep me from doing something stupid.
Our conversations became even more autistic than before.
We were on the game grinding for Peter Griffin in Fortnite, when she suddenly said, "You're my homie for real, and if you were a girl, we would probably be gay for each other."
"Lowkey true," I snickered. I could tell there were a lot of things unspoken from that statement. Spoiler alert, it's not because she's into girls. But I didn't know if I was right or not. Who knew, really?
I can't remember what we talked about after that, but I knew it got even more out of pocket. Yeah, that's how stupid it was.
***
The next day, though, was pretty interesting.
The group met up at the halfway point between our houses and our school like we usually did. Vali walked ahead with his harem in tow while Layla and I hung behind.
The two of us were sleep deprived from our all-nighter yesterday.
"It's all for Peter Griffin," I yawned.
"Gotta go all in for him," Layla agreed tiredly.
"Why do you two look so tired?" Trinity asked.
"Y/N is a bad influence," Layla said. "I used to sleep normally on school nights."
"It's my fault?" I said with mock outrage. "Who was the one saying 'Never back down, never what?' whenever I was about to hop off? 'Can't end on a loss,' she said."
She smiled lazily. "Huh, weird, I can't remember."
I mimicked her and rolled my eyes playfully. "Yeah, okay buddy."
Trinity sighed, nervous sweat trickling down her neck. "Layla really is just the female version of him, huh?"
"We're just like Great Saiyaman 1 and 2," Layla said, making me snort amusedly.
Vali smiled at us, chuckling light-heartedly. For some reason, that annoyed me.
When we got to school, groups of girls were whispering amongst themselves.
"Did you see that new student?"
"Yeah, isn't he, like, super hot?"
"He's tall and has fine ass muscles!"
"But I heard he got kicked out of multiple schools because he got into too many fights and hospitalized all the kids."
"Bitch, please, that's barely a bad thing. He can protect me and hold me with those bulky arms. I bet he has a big—"
I turned them out.
But at the moment, a sudden feeling of both dread and excitement course through me.
I looked at Vali, who looked at me. Both of us knew what was up.
"Do you think—"
"Yep."
With unspoken agreement, we began to sprint, hoping to get out of here.
"We need to find him before he burns this place down!" I said frantically.
Vali began to say something, but a grayish-blue blur separated me from him. It took me a moment to realize that I was lugged on someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
And the one carrying me was my cousin.
"Heleakala? What the fuck have you done now?!"
(He's too cool I couldn't find a picture of him)
Heleakala smirked at me. "Good to see you too, cuz," he said. "Sorry I'm late, it took nine chapters of plot for the author to finally add me in the story."
My cousin was broad-shoulder and bulky due to his muscle mass. His skin was a light tan and his hair was grayish-blue. His face was handsome with no blemishes whatsoever. Handsome bastards, am I right or am I right?
One thing you should know about my cousin is that he's overpowered in thirteen different universes.
He's the type of person to reject the Main Character role.
"Enough with the fourth wall breaking, why the hell are you running?!"
Heleakala was running so fast the school was passing by like a blur.
"Oh, I accidentally made girls with boyfriends fall in love with me," he said casually.
"What—" I looked behind us and, sure enough, I saw a mob of angry guys chase after us. "How do you accidentally do that?"
"Hey, blame the plot."
"Can't you take them all on?"
"I can easily, but I don't want to be suspended or expelled on my first day. Not until at least one month of being here."
"Do you take anything seriously?" I rolled my eyes with a smirk. Me calling him out on that has been a running gag for years.
"Tobias says the same thing," he grinned. Tobias was his older brother. "Besides, are you any different?"
"You got me there."
I looked back and saw that the guys weren't chasing us anymore. "What the hell happened to them?"
Heleakala winced. "I think you know what happened."
"Uh oh," I said.
***
"Why me?!" Vali said as he ran for his life, being randomly chased by a bunch of guys he doesn't know.
"Forget about that new kid! My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought you were hot!" one shouted.
"I didn't even know!" Vali exclaimed. "I gotta get out of here."
"This guy has three girlfriends and he's trying to steal ours!" the guy continued screaming. "Kill him!"
"Let's teach him not to fuck with us!" another yelled.
"Turn him into a punching bag!"
Vali had to do a hard turn on a corner. He slipped and bashed into a wall, quickly using it to spring himself back into the right direction. One guy managed to catch up to him and threw a very swift punch at him. Vali yelped and ducked under the strike, continuing to run.
"Don't let him get away!"
A door to a classroom suddenly opened and a guy threw a chair at him.
"Did he fucking teleport there?!" Vali yelled as he leapt to avoid the chair.
"Kill him!"
As he passed by the bathroom, a guy jumped out and tried to tackle him to the ground, but Vali nimbly sidestepped him, and he crashed into the wall.
"How did I get into this situation?" Vali wondered frantically, risking a glance behind him. They were still on his tail and wouldn't stop chasing him.
He was about to enter through the doors to the cafeteria, where kids were having breakfast, but a burly guy blocked it. He glowered at Vali and brought both his arms up to lash out and grab him.
At that moment, Vali felt his Main Character buff activate. He kept running, then jumped to the side, kicking off the wall and sailing toward the guy, still airborne. Using that momentum, Vali jump kicked through him, rolling when he hit the ground to keep his speed, before shifting back to a full sprint.
The mob continued chasing him. He tore through the cafeteria, jumping over chairs, tables, and even other students, desperate to escape. They grumbled and cursed at him as he soared past them.
Vali ran toward the other cafeteria entrance, but a group of boys emerged from it, blocking his way. He panicked and turned around, only to find more guys running toward him. Before long, he was surrounded.
"Oh, you can't be serious," he thought pathetically, looking at his attackers. "Come on guys, we can be reasonable here. I'm sorry about your girlfriends, I didn't mean to!"
"Didn't mean to?" one spat. "Well, I didn't mean to beat the shit out you!"
When the guy charged at him, about to throw a punch, he was suddenly flung away. He crashed into a table and was knocked unconscious.
A lone figure stood in front of Vali, grayish-blue hair draped down like a curtain.
Another guy tried to attack Heleakala, but a fistful of sand was thrown in his eyes, ceasing his charge. Y/N came out of the nowhere and knocked him out with the good 'ol one-two combo. He and their cousin stood side-by-side as they faced down the attackers.
***
Back to Y/N
Confession time: I don't actually know how to fight. I beat Gabriel by doing what he didn't expect.
But I was good at improvising.
"Oh, sweet, we get to beat up Vali and that new kid," one guy said with obvious delight. "But who's this loser?"
I walked up to him with a blank expression.
"What, asshole?" he spat in my face. "You mad I didn't recognize you? What, are you gonna fight me or something? Come on then!"
"Look over there." I pointed behind him.
"Huh?" Him and the entire cafeteria turned to where I pointed. "I don't see anything—" he froze when he turned back to me.
I disappeared.
"Where did he go?!"
Then I karate chopped his neck from behind him. He fell unconscious on my feet.
"What?! He just disappeared."
"I have the power of bullshit on my side," I announced.
I went back to Heleakala, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and patted it.
"Now that we're together again, nothing can stop us," he said with a grin.
"What? You gonna cause trouble or something?"
"Me? Cause trouble?" he asked innocently. "Of course I am."
I smirked. "Think we're fighting too many people?"
"Nah, I'd win."
"Get them!" the guys shouted and rushed us.
That's when all hell broke loose.
There were about twenty guys trying to beat us up. Fifteen of them went after Heleakala. They ganged up on him, but he dodged, blocked, and countered all their punches and kicks, knocking them away like they're ragdolls. They couldn't touch him as he flung them all away. He grinned ferally as he effortlessly punched through their ranks, not being hit a single time.
"He's a monster!" the penultimate guy said, before throwing a punch of Heleakala. My cousin easily dodged it and punched him in the stomach so hard he flew into a trashcan.
The last guy lost his nerve and began to run.
But Heleakala chased after him, overtaking him in three seconds. The guy being hunted down began to cry in fear. "Wait! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Spare me!"
But Heleakala showed no mercy as he grabbed him by the shirt, began to drag him toward the American flag hoisted at the back of the cafeteria. He proceeded to give him the biggest wedgie known to man, stretching out his underwear to nearly impossible lengths. The guy began to release tears rapidly as he let out a high-pitched yell. Then Heleakala hung him from his underwear on the flagpole.
Meanwhile, I fought off the last five guys. They could easily overwhelm me with numbers, so I used my gamer brain and my knowledge of Assassin's Creed.
I kicked a chair at the first guy, tripping him over. He hit his head on the ground and slumped unconscious.
I pulled a banana peel out of my ass and threw it at the ground and watched as the second guy tripped and fell.
Asshole #3 and #4 rushed me at once, so I pointed at their shoes and said, "Your shoelaces are untied." They looked down with a "huh" and realized they weren't even wearing shoes. So I showed them their shoes, which were in my hands, and threw it at their heads. They promptly collapsed.
Just don't ask how I got their shoes.
The last guy and I circled around each other, waiting for the other person to make a move.
"I don't know who you are, but you're fucking annoying. I'm gonna beat you to a pulp!"
Then I sprang forward and shouted, "Boo!"
He got startled from the sudden action, which gave me the time I needed to close the distance between us. I flicked him on the forehead and he got so scared he backed up and tripped on the banana peel and hit his head on the table.
Heleakala and I met at the center and inspected the carnage.
"Lightwork, no reaction," he said with a grin.
Vali came running toward us. "Heleakala! Why the hell are you here?!"
"Got kicked out of my school."
"Again?"
"Yep!"
My brother scanned the massacre with wide eyes. "How did you guys do this?"
"It's only twenty guys," Heleakala said as if that was no big deal. "It was pretty easy."
Vali looked at him and sighed.
The principle took that time to appear, looking furious. "And what has happened here?"
The three of us looked at each other. "Oh shit," we said at once.
"You three!" the principle boomed. "To my office, now!"
"Sorry principle, but I am not getting suspended," Heleakala said.
"Oh, don't think you can escape."
"Oh, really?" Heleakala began to crouch, as if he was about to jump.
"Uh, cuz, what are you about to do?" Vali asked cautiously.
"Sorry guys. MY PEOPLE NEED ME!!!!" Then Heleakala jumped so high he crashed through the ceiling and was gone without a trace.
We looked up at the hole he made with blank stares.
"Did you really fucking abandon us? You traitor!" I yelled after him.
Yeah, we got suspended.
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Every chapter feels like a fever dream.