"What 'cha sitting out on the front porch for?" I look up as the door opens, and my dad steps out. He sits in the rocking chair beside me and lights up a smoke.
"Dad! No smoking near Mama's herb garden!"
"It'll add flavor," he says with a little wink.
"She's going to kill you," I warn.
"Then let's move to the back porch."
The back porch might as well be our living room, where we usually sit, chat, drink, smoke, and everything else. It's always cluttered with magazines, books, forgotten wine glasses or beer bottles, my dad's cigarette and cigar butts, and Daisy's cat toys scattered about.
The front porch, on the other hand, is mainly for show. The wood porch is stained a dark glossy brown and decorated in a classic way. There are two rockers with an end table between them that Mama keeps fresh flowers in. Her raised planter bed sits off the side of the chairs and is full of lush greens, and a cute gnome sculpture with a crooked smile sits next to it.
It's important that she keeps up appearances for those Amazon drivers, I suppose.
"I'm waiting for Brandi. She's picking me up, and we're heading over to see the duplexes for the last time. Next week, they rebuild them."
I ended up so sore after working Monday and Tuesday that I took the rest of the week off; after all. I couldn't even move without groaning like an old fart when I woke up on Wednesday morning.
"They are handling working together, okay then?" Dad asks.
"I guess so," I say with a shrug. "I was fretting over it, but Hunter says Oliver pops in and out all day and is all business. Oliver says they're getting it done fast since they don't have to waste time talking."
Dad laughs. "Stubborn old fools, both of 'em. They ought to talk. They were friends once. They just had too much in common, is all."
He gives me a pointed look with that. "Still do from the looks of it."
"Cute, Dad."
"You got any idea what you're going to do?" He asks and then sucks in a long drag and blows it out. I wish he'd quit; I nag at him about it all the time but to no avail.
"Not yet," I say slowly. "I have a lot on my mind regarding both of them. With Oliver, I had this idea of what our relationship was, and now I'm seeing I was blind to a lot of our problems. The biggest one- "
"Being Hunter," Dad fills in for me.
"No, actually, he isn't. Oliver may disagree, but he and I talked a lot about the past earlier this week, and I thought a lot about what he said and didn't say," I say thoughtfully and then pause to gather my thoughts.
"The jealousy over Hunter was a symptom of a bigger problem. A problem we were both too young and naive to understand back then. Oliver was insecure in the relationship partially because of things about Hunter that I didn't know, but that's not the only reason. It was also because he wasn't getting what he needed from me."
"Don't blame yourself," Dad says.
"No, it's okay, Dad, I own my part. It's not a blame thing so much as recognizing what went wrong. Oliver knew I harbored feelings for Hunter and was so jealous about that for good reasons, but if he felt valued in our relationship, that jealousy wouldn't have been so huge," I say slowly. "I didn't always treat Olly that well. I assumed he would just do whatever I wanted, and that usually involved hanging out with Hunter. I didn't plan special one one-on-one dates, those only happened when Olly planned them. I didn't really do anything after he and I got together to show him my love. I didn't appreciate him like I should've, so his insecurities were literally fed rather than eased."
Dad nods slowly. "That does make a lot of sense, Kinsey Girl, but at the same time communication is everything. Did he tell you he was unhappy?"
"No. That's where he's at fault, Olly should have been talking to me, long before fighting started and he chose to let it fester. He owns that, but I have to own my part in this too."
"That's very mature." Dad compliments me. "Do you see a chance for you and Olly again after all these years?"
"I don't know," I let out a long sigh. "For us to work again, he will need a lot more from me than I gave before, and I don't know if I have it. I'm still very hurt over him leaving."
"Course you are. Hell, so am I. A dad never forgets seeing his baby's heartbroken like that. I'm not sure I'll ever fully forgive him, but I'll always support what you want."
"He had reasons for leaving the way he did... but yeah, it's not something I can just snap and forgive," I agree. "It affected me for years, hindering my trust in people. It's a big part of why Hunter and I never were as adults. I was too scared of losing him like I lost Olly, so I kept those feelings buried."
"A lot to ponder over," Dad says as he carefully flicks his cigarette cherry far from the porch, then sticks the butt in his front pocket. Mama would probably actually murder him if she found a cigarette butt on her front porch.
"Yeah, sure is, and all that being said... I can't deny the feelings are there for Oliver. This longing to finish what got cut off so abruptly. But... so is this longing to see what could be with Hunter... I never thought it was possible, and now it is and .. "
I trail off again and then let out a groan. "Fuck, what do I do, Dad?"
"You know I can't tell you that."
"Sure you can. Tell me what you think I should do."
"Nope, you got to find that answer on your own," Dad quips.
"You're really not going to tell me to pick Hunter?" I tease as I arch an eyebrow. "Come on, Dad, he's like your best friend."
"He is my best friend and the son I never had, no matter what happens with the two of you, but you are my daughter. As I said before, it ain't up to me to tell you what to do. That's not my job as your dad."
"It's not?" I say with a tiny smile. "Then what is your job?
"A little bit of annoying you with my jokes, lots of embarrassing you in public, and I plan on upping the ante on that as I get older, by the way. And maybe once in a while, giving you a word of advice." He smiles in that soft way that always puts me at ease. "I ain't here to tell you how to live or who to be with. That's on you to figure out.
I feel myself becoming choked up as I say, "I'm so lucky. You know that?"
"Well, I'd have to agree with you there, Kinsey girl," Dad says. "I'm not afraid to admit how handsome those two men are."
"No, Dad!" I laugh out loud. "I meant how lucky I am to have you and Mama."
"Oh, stop that now!" His eyes get misty as he waved off my words.
"I mean it. I can't imagine what I'd do without you two."
"Oh, Kinsey, we are just so happy to have you home, me and Mama both."
"Me too, Dad. I missed y'all something fierce living two hours away."
"Don't you go doing that again, you here?" he says, and I giggle as I promise I won't.
"Here comes Brandi, have fun!' Dad says as her car pulls up, he pats my head as he stands and then ducks back into the house.
I jump into the passenger's seat and see the smile on her face right away, and it fills me with relief. Billy's hearing was today.
"You look happy. Does that mean it well?" I ponder.
"Kinsey, he did it! Oliver did it. Billy's being released."
"Oh my god, this is amazing! When?"
"He has some meetings and stuff all weekend to get him ready for society, I guess. Stephanie and I pick him up on Monday morning. She is beside herself with happiness and hasn't stopped crying."
"Oh Brandi, this is so great, I am so happy for you and Stephanie and the kids. Did you tell them yet?
"We were going to surprise them, but they walked in on us crying, and we had to tell them, they were pumped, beyond actually. You know how Stephanie can't handle crowds, so she never takes them to see fireworks? She said she would this year with Billy there and Johnny just lit up."
"I am so happy for all of them." Wow what an amazing thing Oliver has done here, he changed all their lives. He really is a hero, even if Hunter did say that sarcastically the other day it rings true.
"Me too," she says, and then she laughs.
"What?"
"I was just thinking that Sara was only nine when Billy got locked up, and now she's a teen he's going to lose his shit."
I chuckle, "tell her maybe don't wear that crop top?"
"No way, that'll only challenge her," Brandi says with a grin. "She a mini-me, remember?"
We pull up to the old duplexes and park in Hunter's old driveway in the center, where Hunter's truck and Oliver's van are parked.
"I can't believe they made it through the week without killing each other," Brandi comments as she and I walk towards the door.
"The week isn't over yet," I remind her; as we walk in, we find the place open and empty.
"Wow, it looks so huge with all the walls gone."
"It's so weird," I agree. "Where are the guys?"
"There," Brandi points to the screened glass door, and I look out to see Hunter handing Oliver a can of beer. They tip the cans together, and then each takes a drink.
"Would you look at that?" Brandi murmurs.
"Here I thought I couldn't leave 'em alone," I say.
They spot us and wave, so we head out to join them. My eyes widen when we walk into the backyard. The amount of trash is absolutely insane.
"Holy crap!" I comment as I take it all in.
"I got my crew coming to clean this all up tomorrow, it'll take them an hour or so," Hunter says.
"I can't believe all the demo is done," Oliver says as he peers past us into the now-emptied house.
"Soon, the duplexes will be something else entirely," I add as I shake my head slowly in disbelief. "It's like the end of an era."
"I think the era already ended, but I guess it's symbolic in a way," Oliver comments.
"It is symbolic, Hunter says. "We should all toast to it."
"Let's," I agree.
"You want a beer, Brandi?' Hunter asks as he opens his cooler and when she nods he tosses her one. "Sorry Darlin, coke and beer is all we got."
"Coke is good," I say, and I hold out my hand as he hands it to me and I pop the top.
"To good old days, of curb sitting. Popsicle eating, annoying Shar while she watches soaps, annoying Kris by eating all her snacks, and all the other fun and trouble we got into." I declare as I hold up my soda in a gesture of cheers.
"And to us," Hunter says. "Old friends."
"Here, here," Oliver agrees with him.
"Cheers!" we all say as we clink our cans.
"I know I wasn't actually friends with y'all during the duplex days, but I'm still glad to be part of this," Brandi says with a soft smile.
"You were sort of with us during the duplex days," I point out. "Besides, after Zoe left town, Hunter's became the party house when yours couldn't be used."
"The last time we all toasted like this, wasn't it here?" Hunter asks.
"It was," I recall. "We all had a glass of champagne before we went to the homecoming dance senior year."
"Homecoming," Brandi says with a shudder. "I'm glad we all went to the dance as a group, though, we did have fun until that monster showed up. It was our last dance, the four of us."
"Yeah, nice that the four of us went," Oliver agrees, and I shoot him a look.
"I had to fight tooth and nail to get you to agree to a group homecoming," I remind him.
"I know you did, Kinz," he says with a slight laugh. "I admit now that you were right. It was our last big memory as friends."
"Sucks it ended like it did, though," Hunter comments.
"Yeah," Brandi says with a sigh and a faraway look in her eyes, and I can see those memories about to hit her.
"Forget homecoming," I say. "Tell Oliver about prom and how you nearly got Nate suspended."
"Wait -what, Nate!? My friend from Mathletes?" Oliver asks, and Brandi's face relaxes as she chuckles at the memory.
"Yup. I made him take me to prom," Brandi tells him.
"Made him?"
"It took a lot of convincing," Brandi says with an eye roll. "Talk about an ego killer, but I refused to take no for an answer. I wanted to go to prom, and Kinz refused to go."
Oliver shoots me a quick look, but I avoid his gaze. He damn sure should know why I didn't want to go to prom. It still turned out to be a nice night anyway, and my gaze shifts to Hunter momentarily at that thought. But I quickly refocus back on Brandi as she shares her prom story.
"I wanted to have my senior prom moment. I refused to let Wade take that from me. I needed a date and didn't want to go with any guy that would expect jack shit from me, so Nate it was. But I did not expect him to be so anti-dance. Jesus, did I have to beg."
"Nate hated anything that he considered, sheep activities, dances included," Oliver laughs. "Why didn't you ask Jerome? He would have been too shy to say no."
"He had a date already," Brandi explains.
"What!?" Oliver's eyes nearly pop out of his head, and all three of us laugh.
"He started seeing Gracie Tolson not long after you left," I say.
"Wow, I missed a lot, Oliver shakes his head. "How did that happen? He'd have to speak to her."
"I think they bonded during a school project or something," I say and Brandi nods.
"Yeah Nate was so annoyed over them," Brandi agrees.
"Oh I bet he was," Oliver says. "So what, you almost got Nate suspended? How?"
"I convinced him to pregame with me," she confesses. "Just a few shots, and he really enjoyed his first taste of alcohol. He was spinning around the dance floor, dropped his glasses and stepped on them. I was having the time of my life, though, it was hilarious until Mr. Smyth came tearing into us for it. Luckily I was still fairly sober and Nate was such a good kid until then, he let us get in a cab and go home."
"How'd you get Nate to drink?" Oliver looks so stunned by all this.
"They're called boobs Oliver," she says shimmying them a little, which makes him blush as he looks away.
"I am still having a hard time seeing this. Did Nate flip out after you all got in trouble?" Oliver asks.
"No, he was still pretty drunk. We left and spent the rest of prom watching those Star Wars movies y'all liked so much, and you know what? It was a great night. I hope Nate's doing well somewhere."
"Yeah, me too..." Oliver offers her a smile, but it looks slightly sad. "I'm glad he made sure you had a good time."
"He did," she agrees. "Did you go to yours in Florida?"
"No," Oliver says as he shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down at the ground. I wonder if he felt regretful that night, or sad? Did he hide away like I... well like I tried to do?
Brandi's phone chimes, pulling us all from our memories. "It's Stephanie, I should get home, she's freaking out wanting to get the house ready for Billy. Oliver, I'm still so grateful. You have no idea what you've done for all of us. ... thank you."
She throws her arms around him, and he catches her easily, holding her as he says. "All I did was right a wrong."
"You changed our lives," she stresses as they part. "Wade's release date is coming up, and I'm worried, but at the same time, I feel so much better now, knowing Billy will be here in town."
"After the way, Billy smashed Wade's face in that night. I doubt he's going to want to come anywhere near." Hunter assures Brandi.
"I sure hope so," Brandi tosses her beer can into the pile of trash.
"We aren't going to let him near you, Brandi," Hunter says as he glances at Oliver, who has a worried look in those deep brown eyes of his, but he nods in agreement.
"We got you," Oliver agrees.
"Right now, I'm going to focus on the good, and that's Billy," she says. "I'll see y'all later."
We all say goodbye as she takes off through the side yard. Oliver also finishes his beer and mimics her by throwing it into the pile, and Hunter's can follows his. I dump the rest of my sugary drink out, having had enough, and toss mine after Hunter's.
"Speaking of all that, I need to make some calls," Oliver says. "Thanks for all the hard work this week, Hunter. I'll see you Monday at the bookstore, Kinsey, and I'll have your check for this week too."
"Thanks, Later Oliver," Hunter says.
"See you Monday! I can't wait!" My first day of work, I am so excited!
Oliver smiles and then he pulls his phone out staring at it as he takes off.
Wait, what calls is Oliver talking about? Billy was agreed to be released what else does Oliver have to do?
"You ready to head home, Darlin?" Hunter asks.
"One second," I say as I step back inside, and Hunter follows.
"It's so different, one huge open space," I comment as I walk towards the center of where the living room used to be.
"I still see it though," Hunter says as he comes up behind me, his body warming mine as it draws closer. "The plaid couch, the ugly rug, the coffee table you spilled nail polish on."
"I see it all, too," I say softly. "Soon, it'll be all different."
"Yeah, it will," he wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.
We stand there quietly for several moments, committing to memory all those things that used to be here, and all those moments that took place.
"All that talk about senior prom got me thinking 'bout ours," I murmur.
"Yeah, me too," his lips hover close to my ear. "Should we take a little walk through the orchard when we get back to the farm?"
"Let's go," I agree, the orchard is the one place that no one can ever take away from me.
***
"Hunter, where are we going?" I hold tight to his hand as we walk across the field towards the orchard, confusion making my head swim.
"You'll see."
"...but... the orchard?" I question as he leads us down the path into the orchard. He comes to a stop, and he smiles down at my bare feet.
The last thing I expected tonight was Hunter calling me and telling me to put on a pretty dress and meet him in the backyard. It took a lot of convincing on his part to get me to leave my bed. I am not a big fan of that these days.
But he swore up and down he wasn't tricking me into going to prom or making me go anywhere, so I came. I didn't feel like actually picking out a dress, instead I'm wearing a long white nightgown with no shoes, no makeup, and hair I only half tried to get the tangles out of.
Hunter is dressed up, sort of. For Hunter, anyway, he's wearing a pair of black jeans that fit him well and a flannel that he has buttoned up and tucked in. His hair is freshly cut, but he kept it sort of long, so those little pieces still fall over his forehead like I like. Erin always made him keep his hair short, I like it much better a little long, and ever since I mentioned that he always keeps it a little shaggy.
"Yes, the orchard, pretty Darlin. Come on, let's go a little farther."
"Why?" I ask as he takes me by the hand and pulls me along.
He doesn't say anything until we reach the clearing by the McIntosh apple trees and come to a stop, and he turns to face me.
"I know you don't want to go to the dance," Hunter says. "But this is your last year in high school, and prom is a huge deal for girls."
"Not me."
"That's not true. You're just sad that Olly's not here."
"Not sad. Today, I'm mad. I've been cursing him out in my head since I woke up today."
Sometimes I'm mad, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I'm totally numb. It feels like a dream I can't wake up from. A nightmare actually, four months and not even a text message from Olly.
"Well, stop, okay?" Hunter takes a step closer and places his hands on my shoulders. "I want you to have one good memory from your senior year. So we're having our own prom right out here."
"What? You want to dance out here?" I ask, bewildered as I look around the little clearing, lit up by all the stars shining brightly above us.
"Better than a school cafeteria full of sweaty teens."Hunter offers a sheepish smile, and it's adorable, and I can't help but giggle.
"But we don't have any music."
"I know. I didn't bring any because any song I choose will just make you think about Olly, and I want you to take this one moment and put him out of your mind, okay?"
"How?" I whisper.
"Close your eyes," Hunter says, and as he pulls me into his arms I do.
"Do you hear that?" He asks as he slowly starts to sway our bodies, rocking them gently back and forth,
"Hear what?"
"The sounds of being out here. Turn off your mind for just a second and listen to it."
He falls silent again, and I let myself stop thinking for once and just listen. The wind whistles gently, rustling the leaves of the apple trees around us. Our feet crunch over the fallen leaves and twigs on the ground as we dance, the faint sound of fireflies can even be heard buzzing ever so faintly in the distance, and all of it is soothing, a song in its own way.
Somehow, I do manage to forget about Olly and my heartache, and as Hunter whirls us around, to the sounds of nature. It's sort of magical and it feels like everything around us is part of this special moment with us.
A smile my first one in months touches my lips.
***
"Come on, Little Darlin'," Hunter says as he pulls me into the clearing. Suddenly, we're eighteen again, and it's prom night. I even considered slipping my shoes off but, in the end, opted not to.
When we reach the clearing, words aren't needed. Hunter pulls me into his arms, and we begin to sway. We've danced a thousand times now, and our bodies move with each other so easily.
Like that night, I close my eyes and let the sounds of nature be our song. I clear my head of everything that has been swimming in it and sink into the moment with Hunter.
The peaceful quiet of it all wraps my body up like a comforting blanket, just like it did that night.
Words remain unneeded as we dance until we're exhausted, just like we did that night.
We leave the orchard hand in hand, but Hunter slows his pace as we get closer to his trailer.
"Come stay with me tonight," his voice is husky as he whispers in my ear.
His arms are one of my favorite places, and all I want to do right now is to melt into them, close my eyes, and drift off. But-
"Hunter .. I can't," I say in a strained voice. We come to a stop, and he strokes my cheek softly as his eyes wash over my face.
"Just to sleep, Darlin."
"I know... but—"
"We've cuddled together plenty of times. You know I wouldn't make a move that you're not ready for."
"I know," I say quickly. "But Hunter, when you were with Amber, and I was with Julian, we didn't sleep together or cuddle in bed."
"But you are not with Oliver. Y'all are just talking," Hunter points out.
"No, I'm not, but I have feelings for both of you, and I told you both I wouldn't cross any lines," I say gently. "I know we won't intend to do anything when we get into bed, but it's different now that we've kissed. It will be tempting to lay together now, and you know it will."
"You're right," he says as he lets out a small sigh. "But I miss you in my arms."
"I miss you too," I confess.
"What if... I don't have even one more chance to hold you?" He asks, and a vulnerability in his voice nearly drops me to my knees.
I want to reassure him, but I can't.
Instead, I step closer tiptoeing to reach him as I wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips softly against his. He holds my face gently in his hands as he deepens the kiss. My hands find the little hairs on the nape of his neck, and I twist them through my fingertips as my lips move along with his.
This is different than our first few kisses; it's not as explosive or hurried. Instead, it's soft and slow as our mouths explore each other. Our tongues dance like old lovers as the stars shine down on us. I forget everything in the moment, and all I know is Hunter.
I think maybe I could live off kisses like this. Who needs food, water, or even air?
Turns out we do need the last one as we're both breathless when he pulls back, just slightly. His cobalt gaze washes over my face as he drags his thumb over my swollen lower lip.
"One more," he says, and then his arms pull me flush against him as his mouth claims mine again.