IVY
Opening my eyes proved to be harder than expected. My eyelids were heavy, and my head was sore from the amount of alcohol I drank. The momentary memory of tequila made my stomach twist and clench. I hated myself for how reckless I had been. Regret was slowly beginning to seep back into my consciousness, along with the disappointment that I once again succumbed to this weakness over Rhys.
I was embarrassed at how loose I had been with my actions and tongue. Last night, I slowly lost myself to that teenage girl, vying for Rhys Wyatt's attention. I rolled over and bit down on my blanket to let out a muffled cry. What the hell was wrong with me? I had practically begged him to kiss me, just like I did all those years ago.
Blaine's face flashed in my mind, and I felt like I was going to throw up. My careless actions would ruin their entire family if he ever found out. He'd hate me. Or worse, he'd hate Rhys. I couldn't let that happen. There was no way I could even begin to tell Blaine about that kiss. That hot, mouthwatering kiss that had never once felt like that in all the years I'd been with him. I shook away the memory and convinced myself there was no need to tell Blaine because it would never happen again.
What Blaine didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
I hugged my pillow and watched the clock on my wall tick away. I dreaded getting out of bed for my shift. I did not want to walk downstairs and face Rhys. I could hear him in the kitchen and the sizzle of a frying pan and the drip of a coffee pot. Plus, I couldn't fathom moving just yet. My head was still pounding. I felt nauseous, and I smelled like a brewery.
When my phone started ringing, I fished for it on the edge of my nightstand. The sound was murdering my ears. I prayed it wasn't Blaine calling. There was no way I could look or talk to him right now. I was a guilty mess.
Shit.
It was Blaine.
A pang of guilt coursed through me. I sucked in a raged course of air and clicked to his call on FaceTime. He finally appeared on my screen. His hair was a wild mess, dark purple circles hung under his eyes, and he wore a frown. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. I had a sick feeling that my avoiding him had something to do with it. I couldn't help but stiffen at this observation.
"Fuck, baby. I know you asked for space," he blew a ragged breath and ran his hand through his matted hair. "But I needed to hear your voice and see your face. I am so mad at myself for not telling you about Amy. I'm begging you to please let me back in, Ivy. Please don't end us."
Unshed tears threatened my eyes, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. Seeing him so upset pained me. I wanted to reply, but I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth, so I remained silent. Blaine was safe. He loved me. What had I done?
"Ivy? Are you going to answer me?"
I blinked as his words brought me back to reality.
"Blaine, I am not going to end us," I assured him.
He finally smiled. "Then why did you need space? Are you having doubts about us?"
My stomach hollowed out as I realized it was all my fault he worried about our relationship. I was being distant. I knew Blaine would never intentionally hurt me. He wasn't the problem. I was. I had kissed his brother.
"No, Blaine, I am not ending us," I sighed. "I was just so angry. Mostly at myself."
His eyes widened. "What? Why? I am the one who fucked up. Not you."
"You really should have told me about Amy, but I was also wrong for not telling you Rhys was staying at the ranch. I fucked up too. I am no better, and I'm sorry. It's you who should be mad at me." I held a steady gaze with him through the screen, and he cocked his head to the side, studying me. I wanted so desperately to tell him I kissed Rhys; I wanted to come clean; I did...but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
He broke the silence with a chuckle. "Rhys is my brother. He's family. And one day, he will be your family, too. That is completely different. Rhys is not a stranger."
I kept my face neutral, but inside, I felt a little sick. Of course, Blaine thought nothing of my awkward living arrangement with his older, gorgeous, blue-eyed brother. He trusted me. The guilt made my insides turn.
"Ivy, are you okay?" he asked. "You look pale."
I avoided his worried eyes and wiped away a single tear. "Yes, I'm fine. It's probably just the lighting."
I hated lying to him. I wasn't fine.
"Listen, Ivy, I'm not mad at you, okay? Please don't cry. Can't we just put this all behind us?" he asked.
His kind and apologetic voice made me hesitate. I cringed mentally, knowing I needed to put my feelings for Rhys behind me to have a future with Blaine. I wanted to, but it was...not that simple for me.
"God. I wish I could crawl through the screen and hug you. I miss you so much. These past two weeks have been hell."
I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," he paused and cleared his throat. "I don't like space. Please don't ever ask for space again. I don't think I can handle it."
I nodded and looked at him intently. "I won't. Promise."
After we said our goodbyes, I worked up enough nerve to shower, put on my uniform and walked into the kitchen with damp hair. My shower was a good place to gain composure and sort through my thoughts. Rhys was nowhere to be found when I stepped into the kitchen. A pang of sadness pierced my chest. I looked at the stovetop to see a pan of half-eaten scrambled eggs. Coffee was brewed, and a plate of toast was on the countertop. He clearly hadn't waited for me.
I headed toward the coffee pot and walked past the patio doors when Rhys's dark, wavy hair on the deck caught my attention. He was sitting on an Adirondack chair, puffing a cigarette and staring into the distance. I watched him for a moment as he put his cigarette in a nearby planter and sipped his coffee. I took a deep breath and slid open the patio door – I could do this. I could talk to him about what happened and fix this weirdness.
"You're awake," he said, not bothering to turn around.
"Rhys..." My mouth tensed up, and I suddenly I couldn't speak.
He turned to face me. "Yes?" His tone was almost harsh, and I considered turning around and going back inside. After what happened, I should be able to talk to him. I needed to be able to talk to him.
"I decided not to tell him," I said and met Rhys's eyes.
He cocked his head to the side and looked at me like I was crazy or something. "Tell who about what?" he asked, and it pissed me off that I could hear the smirk in his voice.
"Blaine. If you were worried, I would tell him we kissed; rest assured, I'm not. It wouldn't do any of us any good. It was a mistake. We were drunk, and it will never happen again."
"You're right. It won't." Rhys coldly replied and took another sip of his coffee.
I gaped at him. Was he seriously going to act like this was all my fault? Like I was the one who needed to be restrained from him?
"You think I don't feel guilty, too?" I raised my voice, and my heart rate picked up speed.
His cold eyes flashed up to mine. "I'm not the one who cheated on him."
Angry tears threatened my eyes, and I bit my lip, praying they wouldn't shed a tear in front of Rhys. "I had to lie to him this morning. I've never lied to Blaine- "I shouted, and he raised his eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "You've got some nerve – "I started but decided against it. He turned away from me and took another sip of his coffee.
"If you couldn't own up to it, that's on you," he said over his shoulder.
"Don't you dare judge me, Rhys," I spat at his backside, trembling.
He turned his neck to face me. "I'm not judging you, Ivy. He hides things from you; clearly, you feel comfortable hiding things from him. I'm simply implying that if that's the kind of relationship you want with Blaine, then by all means, don't be honest with him. This has nothing to do with me."
"I did you a favour by keeping my mouth shut. Do you think I want to have secrets from my boyfriend? Because believe me, I don't -"
He glanced up at me and cut me off, "Ivy – if you want to pretend like nothing happened. Then okay, we can pretend like nothing happened. Just like we pretend nothing happened between us three years ago."
I gaped at him, not able to respond with humiliation and anger twisting inside me.
"You're being such a jerk. I thought you'd appreciate how I've decided to deal with this. For everyone's sake -"
He cut me off again with a scowl. "Let's make something clear, Ivy. You aren't hiding shit for anyone's benefit except for yours. There's a reason Blaine's never knew what happened between us in the past, and now he won't know what happened between us now...that's fine."
My face heated, and tears threatened my eyes, but I sniffed them back and inhaled a deep breath. Why was he being such an asshole? Rhys leaned back in the chair and glanced over at me. "Don't you dare stand there and act like you're the one doing us a favour?"
My voice tremored. "You think I'm doing this for me? It would destroy him if Blaine knew what happened between us, then or now."
"Relax Ivy. Last night was just a drunken kiss. It meant nothing. At least not to me anyway..." he drawled.
"Nothing ever means anything to you."
His dismissal sparked something fierce inside of me. It reminded me of our past and how I always felt I was never good enough for Rhys Wyatt; so much for playing it cool.
"You know why, Rhys? Because you have no feelings. And I'd be damned to let the good Wyatt brother get his heart broken because you don't have one."
We both sized each other up in our silence. My heart was beating a mile a minute, and my chest was heavy with each staggered breath. Rhys grabbed his mug and placed his palms on either side of the chair.
"Are we done here?" he asked.
I nodded, feeling like an idiot for my outburst. I took a step back and sniffled at the realization that we were a toxic mess. When would I ever learn?
He got up, walked past me, and slid open the patio doors. He didn't bother looking back when he stepped inside and placed his empty mug on the counter. Moments later, I heard him open the garage door and his Range Rover pulling down the driveway. I wouldn't say I liked how we were leaving things, but I knew it was for the better after what we had done. I'd finally gotten the closure I needed.