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chapter forty-five: why do the holidays always hurt?
{a/n:
puuhleassee don't be a silent reader!! commenting and voting are greatly appreciated. enjoy :)}
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ADAM BANKS WAKES UP to an arm draped along his chest and a legs over his. He feels the body beside him breathing lightly, clinging onto his side with such need it makes his stomach do flips.
As the events that took place earlier that morning resurface in his mind, the blonde finds himself with a reminiscent simper as his eyes flutter open.
For once in his life, he wakes up feeling refreshed and excited to take on what the day brings, even if that includes another screaming fit from his abhorrent father.
The blonde's gaze wanders to the girl who has attached herself onto him in the midst of her dreams, and his smile grows even bigger.
So much for the pillow barrier.
As if it's the most natural thing, he tilts his head down and presses a very light kiss on her temple. It might just be a glisten of his imagination, but he swears he feels her lean into his touch.
Adam allows his head to rest back on the pillow for a moment. He lays there, everything in him softening as he admires her. The way her eyelashes are fanned out above her rosy cheeks, her lips parted ever so slightly as shallow breaths escape past them.
He can't help but reach out a hand, his fingers gently gliding through the downiness of her dark hair.
Is this what people mean when they say they're on cloud nine?
It takes the entirety of his mind to finally detach himself from her, the warmth of her body morosely melting away. Once he is out from the bed and stretching, he notices how tightly compressed her tank top is against her figure from the position she is in. Allowing himself to guiltily take a peak at her perky chest, his gaze is drawn then to the delineation of her veins that protrude from underneath the fabric.
"So pretty," Comes a silent mumble.
Then, Adam walks to his bathroom and shuts the door as quietly as he can.
Several minutes later, Vera awakens when Adam's about done with his shower. She hears the water turn off and she sits up, rubbing her eyes with the backs of her fingers. It takes the brunette a second to emerge from the morning daze, feeling slightly groggy as she yawns and glances around her surroundings.
One thing she didn't catch from the night before was that his room was clean and neatly organized, some attributes most teenage boys lack. The walls are either painted a very faint cream color -- almost white, giving the room a fresh and airy feel. In the corner on the other side of the room, there's a desk with a computer. There's also a stack of books, maybe some sports biographies or magazines.
Her exploration falters short when the bathroom doorknob twists open, and Adam walks out in only a towel, his hand securing the front so it doesn't fall.
The blonde had thought she still would've been asleep by the time he was done.
Turns out, he was wrong. "Oh shit,"
Vera's cheeks turn red as fast as humanly possible. Her eye's widen a little as they drop down to the only thing covering himself before back up to his face, soaking it all in to store in her memory. The way strands of his wet, blonde hair drape in front of his face. Small water beads adorning his tall, athletic body.
All of that muscle...
Thank God for hockey.
She almost doesn't hear him as he mumbles, "I just forgot my, uh, clothes."
"Uh-huh...," The girl knows she should look away since he can get pretty shy, but she physically can't.
He has her flushed and mesmerized.
She watches as he walks to his sleek wooden dresser, his toned back now facing her. She takes both hands and uses them to tuck the wispy front strands of her hair behind her ears, nibbling on her bottom lip ever so slightly.
Once he has accumulated a stack, the boy turns back to her with a tight lipped, awkward smile. He raises his eyebrows a little. "So-"
"Do I need to go?" Vera asks in a quick manner, suddenly realizing what she had been doing. "Because I totally can. I honestly shouldn't even be in here -- not because of last night! No, that was amazing! Wait, I didn't mean for it to sound like that-"
Adam's features squish together a bit in a divert way. Usually, he's the one who makes a fool of himself stumbling over his words.
She doesn't look like a fool, though. It's cute.
Finally, extracting a frustrated sigh, the brunette gently tosses her legs over the edge of the bed and stands up. "I'm just going to...," Adam observes the way she fumblingly makes her way to his door, almost tripping on the deflated air mattress from the following morning.
"I'll uh," she starts, opening the door, "See you soon?"
Stuff a sock in it, dumbass.
"Yeah," there's a snicker in his tone and she mentally slaps a hand to her forehead. "see you soon, Vera."
Like an idiot, she sticks both of her thumbs up and walks out. Once out in the hall, she somehow restrains the impulse of punching herself right in the gut. (Adam stands amused when she leaves. He shakes his head, chuckling incredulously as he closes his door and changes.)
IT'S CLOSE TO FOUR O'CLOCK when some of Adam's family members start to arrive. There's a disturbingly amount of faces he's never seen in his life, and he's left wondering if his mother had invited random strangers over for the dinner.
Which, honestly, he wouldn't mind.
That's if there wasn't a ridiculously large amount and they all didn't commend over the fact that they used to change his diapers.
The boy finds himself sitting in a secluded armchair in the corner of the front living room, only accompanied by his newborn cousin, Charlotte, bundled up in his arms.
His Aunt Jillian promised that she would be back within a couple minutes.
It's been an hour, and she was last seen with a wine glass and laughing with his sister.
It's not only her resemblance that matches my father.
Warren notices the dreadful look on his little brother's face from across the room. Excusing himself from a group conversation, he walks over with both hands stowed in the pockets of his dark grey dress pants.
"Have you already started lactating yet?"
Adam sends him a satirical glare.
"I mean, from Vera going back into your room at three in the morning, I think you'll be pumping liters out soon."
"Shut up," the boy picks up a decorative pillow from beside him and chucks it at his older brother's face, knocking off his black-rimmed glasses. (He only wears them on holidays. Extended family says they make him look smart.)
Warren chuckles and takes a seat on the arm of the chair after fixing his glasses, propping a foot on the cushion Adam was seated on. He intertwines his fingers and rests the folded hands on his knee, then sighs, looking around, "Where is she anyways?"
Adam shrugs a shoulder, "I don't know,"
"Have you seen her at all today? Well, of course you did since you two were banging it up-"
"Warren," his little brother warns, "there's children around." He motions to the intense game of Candy Land that was happening a couple feet away on the floor.
"I doubt they can even hear us." He dismisses.
Sawyer, another cousin, looks over his shoulder, "We can, actually."
"Shut up, dimwit. You don't even know what we're talking about anyways, you're like eight."
"I'm fourteen, dude. And you're talking about Adam hooking up with some girl"
Warren leans over and thwacks the kid across the back of his head.
Some minutes later and the blonde is still seated in the armchair. His brother had ditched upon hearing a Nintendo tournament was taking place in the basement. At first, he tried his best to be dismissive of the idea since 'he's a full grown adult,' and all.
But after hearing the words, 'Super Smash Bros' he was a goner.
So, Adam was left alone -- again.
Which is how he liked it, usually. He'd like it more if Vera was here with him, keeping him company while he held this squirming baby.
(Of course, he adored his baby cousin. Just holding her for almost two hours straight with a possibility of a loaded diaper — he didn't want to check — just wasn't the type of thing a hockey player was cut out for.)
In a way, he was slightly worried.
He knew she was around here somewhere, probably making it her mission to avoid him all day.
Yeah, most definitely, but why?
Was it because of this morning? Did he make her uncomfortable? Maybe upset, in away?
It didn't occur to him that he was frowning until someone taps on his shoulder.
"Do you need a break with the baby? You're looking a little... peaked?"
She was wearing a long, cable-knit sweater that is a rich burgundy color. A small, black mini skirt peaks out from the under pullover while sheer black tights adorn her long legs. Her dark hair looks softer, fluffier from the way she'd styled it and two black barrettes are pulling the front strands away from her face.
"So,"
He was staring.
Maybe drooling a little, too, but he couldn't tell.
"Did you need help? Or..."
The boy lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding after being shaken from his daze.
Vera thinks it's because she offered to take the load off his hands, but really, it's because she doesn't seem contemptuous or anything of the sort.
Adam swallows, nodding very subtly as he blinks to reality. "Uh, yeah actually. That'd be great."
He stands up, still caressing Charlotte as the brunette takes his seat. After she was situated, she reaches her arms out and gently lifts the newborn from his hands. There's a brief moment of whining before the baby practically melts into the girl's arms.
The blonde watches as she coos his cousin back to sleep. He takes a spot on the arm of the chair, the same area Warren had sat a few minutes prior.
He admires her for a moment, a grin pulling at the corners of his lips as he rests his chin in his palm, elbow perched on his knee.
She's a natural. I wonder if our ba-
"These Banks genes run very strong." Vera says suddenly. She looks up at Adam, "You two share the same eyes."
"You think?" He asks.
The girl nods. "Yeah. From the sapphire color to the silver-ish green specks around the pupil. They're identical." Her eyes flicker between his. "It's... beautiful, really."
Gosh, you sound like a total creep, V.
Flushed, she turns her gaze away.
But Adam remains looking at her, almost frozen, but in a good way. He rolls his lips together, trying to contain the big smile that was about to break out on his lips.
THE THANKSGIVING DINNER itself wasn't that out of the ordinary — for rich people.
The steady flow of drunken conversations was alluring, and it became clear that this was really just a time for the Banks family to shit on others and their workplace without having to feel guilty because their 'truthful claims' were backed up by snarky, obnoxious laughter.
And though the holiday is called, 'Thanksgiving' everyone at that table just complained on the things they didn't have.
Vera would find herself casting numerous perturbed glances across the far end of the table to Adam, her eyebrows raised with almost every one.
He'd either share the expression or shrug and continue zoning out on his plate.
(Edith had originally put their place cards beside each other, but Philip demanded that they'd be separated. His wife complied after one attempt at reasoning with him.)
"I don't get how Warren and Gracelyn made the kids table but we were stuck there." Adam takes a bite of his banana-crème pie, "While they were listening to all the tiny-people drama and playing games, we got to hear about how my uncle cheated this poor family out of their house and invested in a boat."
"That broke down after like a day and lost all that money." Vera ads on, amused. She points to him with her fork, which has a little whipped creme on the end of it, "I don't know if I told you this already, but your family is very odd."
Adam laughs. "You haven't even seen the worst of it."
Being from the Midwest comes with its perks, like being able to withstand the freezing temperatures while sitting on the back porch swing, eating an assortment of Thanksgiving pies while watching the sun set.
There's a thin layer of frost on the grass as most of the snow has melted away, but there's supposedly a flurry storm on the forecast for the following day.
Vera has a light, knitted blanket draped over her lap. The sweater she was wearing made it tolerable, but the early-winter air wasn't the most comfortable thing ever.
The blonde notices her sharps inhales and he can feel goosebumps forming underneath the fabric of her tights, since his leg is lightly touching hers. Cautiously, sets his plate on an open spot beside him on the swing and wraps a light arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer when her body loosens.
Adam was a little chilly too, but doesn't want to admit it because then he'd have to go back inside.
He'd much rather spend his time out here, away from his family, with her.
But, as much as he tries his best to ignore it, there's still a tensive feeling that lingers between them. He'd like to think she's nervous, and though that's partially truthful, it's not the main reason.
He knows it's because she still doesn't fully trust him yet -- because of that execrable Halloween night.
And he knows that she will never trust him the same until things have been clarified.
The one time he tried bringing it up, she shut it down immediately. Adam knows if, when he tries to again, she'll flee.
But they have to talk about it at some point.
It's almost been a month.
So, if not now, when?
Adam attempts to evenly clear his throat, which fails when a small squeak comes out. Vera's eyebrows pinch together as she looks at him, concerned.
"Are you alright?" She considers slapping his back a few times just in case he was choking.
The blonde nods, "Uh, yeah. I'm fine."
"Okay, good," She smiles, features softening.
It's now or never.
"Listen, Vera, you know we have to talk about..." His voice slowly falters as she promptly comes to recognition with what he's about to say. Her gaze drops down to her hands on her lap, and she picks at her thumbnail.
She opens her mouth, yet nothing comes out.
"We can't just keep this up. We seriously need to talk... I want you to feel comfortable with me when we're together a-and I can tell that you're not a lot of the time."
"Adam-"
"I should've pushed her off."
"What-"
"Cher. I shouldn't have let her manipulate me like that. She said that she knew why I was moved down on the roasters and, me being stupid, followed her to her room like a zany little bitch and I wasn't thinking and,"
Vera had stood up at this point and was heading back towards the sliding door. She thought she was imagining his fingers slowly tangling with his, but the heat surrounding her hand was undeniable. She was carefully jerked back.
And though his grasp softened and she had enough wiggly room to escape, Vera remained put -- looking everywhere else but at him.
He let an unsteady breath escape past his lips as his racing heart started to decelerate. "You know, my sister was pissed. I can't remember the last time she was that angry with me," his tone was a lot calmer as he anxiously played with her fingers, but you could tell he was freaking out, "I'm angry with me."
She slightly turns her head to the side, finally letting her eyes wander to his face, which was stretched with an overwhelmed expression. "Why?" She scraped her throat, trying to get the nervousness out, "Why're you angry at yourself?"
You're not allowed to be. Only I can be angry with you right now.
Adam abruptly let go of her fingers, standing up as well and towering over her.
Her heart fell when seeing his glossy eyes, but she wasn't going to back down.
"I'm angry for letting her walk all over me," he mutters, "angry for avoiding you from the guilt." He steps towards her, searching for her hand by her side, and gently caressing it, "Angry at myself for leaving you that night, angry at me for loosing you." He sighs loosely.
The boy's eyes flicker between hers, looking for any sign that she's taking this in positively. But, all he gets back is a blank stare.
It's completely silent for what feels like a long time. Each of them looking at one another, both of their eyes starting to sting.
When Adam's hand tightens around hers a bit more, she speaks up, "I... Adam, I really didn't want to talk about this right now."
"If not now, then when?"
She pulls her hand out of his, bringing it up to her chest as she covers it with her other, "Things have been going to good between us." She explains, voice hoarse. "I didn't want to hear what you had to say because it might've ruined it, and I don't want that!"
Adam finally rips his gaze away for a moment, looking to the side before returning his eyes,"How can you forgive me without even knowing what really happened?" He rakes a hand through his hair in a frustrated manner.
Her eyebrows shoot up in offense, "I don't forgive you!?"
"Exactly!" The boy almost shouts, making her wince. "You think I'm the bad person in this, but I assure you, I am not! Vera, that night she came onto me!"
"Oh, of course she did!" Her tone is thick with sarcasm and miff, a tear finally cascading down her rosy cheek. "Why're we back on this topic?"
Adam ignores the last question, jaw clenching at the acerbity temper of hers. "I am not lying!" His sapphire eyes, the ones she called beautiful, were full of rage -- but not at her. At himself for bringing this up, again.
She was right.
Things were going good, and he ruined it.
"Vera," the blonde took another step, his fingers wrapping around her forearms so she wouldn't back away, "if we want this to work, if we want us to work, then we need to talk. I wan't to tell you absolutely everything because I know if I don't, your trust with me is always going to be reluctant and I don't know if I can handle that-"
The brunette's eyes alleviate, eyelashes batting as her shoulders slack, "Adam-"
"I want to fix it so bad!
"Adam-!"
"And I don't know if I'm just being completely blind and insane thinking that you feel the same way I do about you, but at this point, I couldn't give a fuck. I am going to fight because I care so much about you. And, I could walk away and wait until you really listen to what I have to say, and honestly part of me really wants to, but you make me so fucking crazy, I can't!"
He's breathing heavily, that sour feeling still in the back of his throat,"You make me fucking crazy, Vera."
The muted voices from the dinner party happening inside of his house is the only thing that defines this moment as reality, and it isn't a dream it's happening right now. Neither of them give a damn about the snow beginning to fall and the frozen shift that had occurred as the night grew darker.
More silent tears had poured down the girls' cheeks and Adam had some of his own moistening his pale face, the bitter air providing a raw effect on the skin.
Vera's lips are trembling. She is unable to form a single word.
Adam can feel her shaking under his latched hands, which are still holding her forearms until he decides to let go, just to giver her room to speak.
Finally, "I'm sorry."
The aching crack at the end of her sentence makes the boy want to shrivel up on the ground and freeze to death out here. He watches, devastated as she rushes to the sliding door and hurriedly throws it open, not even bothering to shut it as she runs off.
It's then Adam finally lets out the sobs he was trying ever so desperately to hold in. The suffering strikes him so hard he has to sit back down on the porch swing, and he buries his face within his hands.
Why do I screw up everything?
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mari speaks!!
okay but for once in adam's life, he's right.
they really needed to talk -- but it wasn't the right execution. poor guy just got straight into it and it blew up in his face
also, i am listening to the live version of 'i know it won't work' by gracie abrams while writing and i'm just thinking of adam saying these lyrics and man i am like sobbing almost but idk... (eyes are indeed stinging)
i promise you guys i'm not going to have another 10 chapters until they 'make up' or whatever. it'll be very very soon :) and you'll all love me for it bc, yay!
pls lmk what you thought of this chapter!!
thank you all for reading! I hope wherever you are, that you all have a blessed day or night commenting and voting are greatly appreciated! they boost my motivation sm
(just another reminder that i do have another banks fic coming out very soon!)
not edited***
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