Just a reminder, madraya means "Mother." Also malen'kiy means "Little One."
ᗰY OᖴᖴIᑕE IS EᗰᑭTY and dark other than the dying light of the fireplace. Not a second prior, Alina was standing right beside me, looking down at me with those glittering brown eyes. It is nice to know she still feels my absence or else she wouldn't seek out the tether at all. It is also useful to know she is still well. Ivan informed me yesterday that Alina has most likely crossed the border into Shu Han given they searched all the paths of the bordering Ravkan towns with no sign of her. My hands clench into fists under the desk as I think about my failure to find her. I was away for days in search of her, but she must have taken a rural, faraway road to evade me.
It was on the fourth day that Ivan informed me of the likelihood that she crossed into Shu Han. Ivan's undying loyalty to me saved him from death this time, but he knows I will make good on my promise if any harm comes to her, to my Alina. The threat still stands, making him all the more efficient in his work. I will not allow him or any of my soldiers to rest until she is rescued. The same goes for me. What little sleep I've had has been due to my body demanding it.
I know Alina wouldn't want me to be weighing my tactics to get her back. She thinks she has found a solution, but she should know by now that I will do anything to have her by my side. I will not live a lonely eternity anymore. Not after glimpsing a future with her, a bright future where I might actually get to be happy. She makes me feel like I deserve happiness.
I won't lose her again.
There is a knock at my door, too quiet and timid to be Ivan or one of my Oprikniki. I bring myself to my feet and open the door. I look down to find bright blue eyes staring up at me. A long sigh escapes me. "It's late, malen'kiy. You should be in bed."
Amelia fiddles with the sleeves of her night dress. "I can't sleep. Not without madraya."
I let out another long breath. "I know the feeling. Come here."
She lifts her arms and wraps them around my neck as I pick her up and make my way to the chair at my desk. After I sit, she settles in my lap, curling into me as close as she can. In the beginning, giving this type of affection was forced on my end. Now, it almost feels natural as my hand drifts up and down her back in a soothing manner.
She looks up at me with a question burning in her eyes. I cock my head and mutter, "What is it?"
Her brow wrinkles and her gaze falls to her lap. "Did madraya leave because of me?"
My face wrinkles from the initial shock of her question. I guide her chin up to look at me and ask, "What would make you think that, Little One?"
"Well. . . ever since I showed my other powers, things haven't been the same. You and madraya started fighting. Then, other countries started fighting us. And right after that lady snuck into my room, madraya left."
"None of that was your fault, Amelia. Alina chose to leave." I grit my teeth. "For Ravka. She thinks she is doing what's best for this country." I try to control the bitterness seeping into my words.
She sighs and buries her head into the spot where my neck meets my shoulder. "I know she will come back," Amelia murmurs. "Because she loves us. And love always wins."
A curious smirk creeps up my face. If only it were that simple. I envy the mind of a child, how superficial yet optimistic their outlook on life can be. "Perhaps it does," I whisper in response but when I look down, she is already half asleep in my arms.
This child, sleeping effortlessly in my embrace, does not know the depth of how she affects me. Without Alina, everything is pointless. Everything except for this child. She is not of my blood, yet somehow, she wove herself into my life, just as Alina did, and a life without her would be a bleak one. That is why I wanted her to carry the amplifier after all, so that she may live longer than any other Grisha, so that we could remain a family thereafter.
Ravkan folklore claims that Ilya Morozova still walks this earth and that he sees all. I don't believe he is some god as they make him out to be. My grandfather was a madman, ingenious yet destructive in his work. Time has revealed that to me. But perhaps he saw the progress I've made ever since I found Alina. Perhaps the amplifier he gifted Amelia was really a gift for me, to be able to have the family he never could.
I will make sure we remain a family now. Me, Alina, and Amelia, forever. And someday, possibly a few more if Alina will let me.
***
This room must have been a designated sewing room. It has been long since forgotten, but there is still a wooden spinning wheel, blue and red scraps of faded fabric, and a rectangular table pushed in the corner with a few needles scattered across the dusty surface.
My stomach growls ferociously. I am unsure of how long I have spent up here already. Peering through the slit in the wall does not do me much good. There is another turret blocking my view of how high or low the sun's position is in the sky.
To distract myself from my thirst and growing hunger, I take what little is left of the fabrics and spread them out on the ground to lay on top of. When I settle on the floor, I take in the chamber more fully. It is circular with a tall ceiling and exposed rafters. The wall is made of chilly concrete that is chipped and cracked from a lack of care put into this room. Besides the sewing materials, the only other scenery in the chamber is a golden-framed painting on the far wall of the Shu Han Queen. I wouldn't be surprised if she placed it there herself to remind me of who won.
It is better than the torture chamber I imagined I would be placed in during my journey here. Though, that doesn't mean I've escaped death either. Queen Leyti means to let me rot in here. Unlike the Fjerdan King, Queen Leyti knows I am immortal. I cannot be killed in the conventional sense, but if I am left with no access to sunlight, I will grow weaker and my immortality will wither to dust, just like me. That is, if my thirst doesn't kill me first.
The thought of being alone in this room makes a shiver run down my spine. I hate the thought of dying here. However, I made my choice. This is my fate, the only one a Sun Summoner can receive, and one I should have received long ago if it weren't for Aleksander saving me time and time again. He is the only one in this world who benefited from my existence. Otherwise, I started wars and made a mess of our standing with Shu Han. Not that our standing with them was ever anyhing less than rocky, but I certainly made it worse.
The creak of old wood sounds from right outside of the door to my prison. I stand up and inch closer, listening closely. I didn't see a guard stationed by the door before I was thrown inside, so it can't be that. There is another creaking noise and then what sounds like heavy keys clanking against the door's lock. To my surprise, the door swings open to reveal one of the soldiers who captured me from the tavern and brought me here. He is the scronniest of the three that speaks the best Ravkan. In his hands, he holds a small loaf of wheat bread and a metal mug of water.
My brow scrunches up when he places it in my hands. "Eat it," he says. "You must be hungry."
He must notice my wary look because he quickly adds, "My intention is not to poison you. Please, eat."
My painfully dry throat pleads for me to drink from the mug, so I allow myself to bring it to my lips, gulping the water graciously. I sit back down on the blue and red fabric and start in the bread. Half of the loaf is already in my mouth before I notice that the soldier shut the door with him inside. I look at him curiously. "Why did you come up here?" I ask with a mouth full of bread. "I assume Queen Leyti isn't allowing visitors."
"No," he answers quietly. "If I get caught, I will be severely punished. But. . . I wanted to ask you something." He would risk his life to ask me a question? I wonder silently.
I nod for him to continue.
He comes closer and kneels in front of me with such an anguished expression that it startles me. He says, "Why did you allow yourself to be captured?" As I open my mouth to spout some denial of his claim, he adds, "You could have easily escaped me and my cohorts. We only had guns. You are the Sun Summoner. You could have disintegrated us where we stood if you wanted to. Even now, you can melt the lock on that door, yet you stay. Why?"
"I see now," I respond simply, tucking the last of the bread in my pocket for later. "You are another fool who has put your faith in me. I suggest you leave before you get caught. I don't want another person hurt because of me. Go, please."
His anguished eyes grow wider. "You have lost faith in yourself."
There is a long silence that follows before I say, "I have a question for you too."
He nods his head, eager to hear my query.
"Why do you pour your faith in me? You don't even know me."
"You are the Sun Queen," he answers simply, as if there is no other answer to give.
I laugh at him. He is very clearly bewildered by my reaction. "I am a twenty-year-old girl who has never had any political experience before becoming Queen and I have only known I am Grisha for a few years. There are plenty of others who would be much more qualified to rule Ravka instead. There are only two people in this world who rightfully have faith in me, but after allowing myself to be captured to end this war, I'm afraid I've failed them too."
Tears start to sting behind my eyes. I look away and whisper, "You need to leave before you are found here with me. Please."
The boy wrestles with the decision before standing up and dragging himself to the door. Before he leaves, I call out, "Wait! What is your name?"
He turns one last time and says, "León," before shutting the door, leaving me alone in the room once again. The only sound is the whistling of the wind as I am left to my thoughts.
_____________
Aight, so things are about to go down. Poor Alina is depresso espresso ☕ just like me during finals week. But Alina is going to get her eyes opened pretty soon, so stay tuned, and thanks for reading! Love you all. <3