Remember all those times when you chickened out of bringing it up with him? Jackie asked herself. She'd definitely made her bed, figuratively speaking; and it was time to take a horizontal position in it.
"Right, yeah, I was going to talk to you about it."
She probably shouldn't have mumbled with a shifty expression, considering the frowned look he was giving her now.
He handed her the letter. "You don't have to, but–" He paused, probably trying to find the right words. "But please, try to tell me if something is wrong."
Jackie stared at him in confusion. "Nothing is wrong. Oh, I just got it." She tapped her finger on the top of the envelope. "I know it says 'Women's Health & Cancer' but I was there for the health part. And I'm well. Totally healthy! Nothing is wrong," she repeated emphatically.
As inexpressive as he was, she could see his whole body relax.
"My mother," he said quietly, "my adoptive mother died of cancer. I don't know any details. Dom told me later that she'd refused treatment." He faced away from Jackie. "I was little, so I didn't understand. Nothing changed. No hospitals. No one talked about anything. I only remember her getting worse. And then she collapsed and died on the kitchen floor when I was at school. Dom found her."
"Oh god," Jackie breathed out.
She impulsively stretched her hands to him - and stopped herself, remembering the night when she'd found him on the steps of her cottage.
"Oh darling, I know you said you didn't want any pity," she exhaled, "but–"
He lunged forwards and wrapped around her, crushing her. She embraced him back, squeezing him as hard as she could.
"It's OK when it's you," he whispered.
Jackie stroked the back of his head. In the next few minutes, while they sat embracing tightly, she almost spoke five or six times; but she held back her questions and her reassurance. He'd once told her that he'd been in therapy on and off since he'd left Fleckney; but due to his ASD, it never came easy to him. Sharing his trauma outside formal sessions would be an even bigger challenge, which made his openness with her only more precious.
"I'm sorry that I delayed you," he finally said, releasing her; his face impassive again.
"It's OK," she answered softly. "I'm in no hurry to leave you." She cupped his jaw and tenderly kissed the corner of his mouth. "I love you," she murmured.
Somehow her confessions - not that she was particularly stingy with them - tended to hit him between his eyes pretty much every time. He blinked, his lips half-opened; vulnerable, raw emotions for once splashing in his dark irises; and Jackie leaned in and caught his mouth in a kiss.
"Jackie..."
She was the one who had to halt them this time. She was already on his lap; and it was obvious that she had but a few seconds before he was going to rip her clothes off. She pulled back, and he made a distressed noise. Jackie placed a few small kisses on his cheeks and his nose.
"I'm sorry, darling, but you are right. I do need to go to work," she said and patted his knee. "Can we talk tonight, about the clinic and the test results? It's nothing bad, I promise."
He studied her and then nodded. "Do you want me to come over?"
"Yeah, sure, either is fine. Or we can meet here - to spice things up," she joked.
"Come over then. I'll cook you dinner."
"Oh, pushing all the right buttons, Mr. Fergusson," Jackie murmured and gave him a flirty side glance, batting her eyelashes.
"Don't do that," he deadpanned, his tone almost sharp. She almost felt taken aback, but she'd been with him long enough to wait for his next line. "We're on the bed, and you're cute as fuck." He gave out one of his funny exasperated chuffs. "You should go. I'll see you at seven."
***
She'd been right when she assumed that everyone at the school would know. Jackie wasn't bothered. She'd made a conscious choice. She simply needed to manage the 'publicity,' which meant inviting the right, strategically picked out teachers to lunch that day, and presenting them with the official version of what was happening. Having Oliver Pemberton - Alexander's former classmate and a responsible adult himself - at the lunch, helped. The man was loud, opinionated, and a sort of a pacesetter among the school staff. The conversation went as well as one could hope for: there was a tad of gossiping; Jackie pretended to grudgingly admit that indeed she'd fallen head over heels after meeting Alexander after ten years and seeing him in a new light; some of the teachers remembered him from before; most knew him as a successful business owner and the football coach. The overall consensus was that 'Alexander Fergusson had never been a child,' and 'Jackie was a jammy one.'
At five past seven she climbed out of the cab and walked down the alley. The door opened before she lifted her hand to ring the bell.
"Hiya," she said, grinning.
Alexander pulled her inside - and to his lips.
***
They stumbled into his flat, kissing and groping. It was dark inside, and she dug her heels into the floor and twisted out of his hands.
"What is this?" she asked, looking over his coffee table, with about a dozen platters of what appeared to be dishes of Japanese cuisine - and candles scattered between the plates, as well as on the floor all around it.
Jackie saw his face grow aloof, and she rushed to reassure him.
"Darling, this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Oh, and the food looks brilliant!" She grabbed his hand and gave it a small shake. "I absolutely love it!"
"I like staying at your place, but you said coming here would 'spice things up,'" he grumbled. "I want you to enjoy dating me."
Jackie burst into disbelieving laughter. "Darling, you can't even imagine how much I enjoy dating you! You make me so very happy! And you properly don't have to try any harder... but please, don't stop!"
She tugged at his jumper, encouraging him to bend down; pushed her hand in the thick, heavy curls on the back of his head; and rubbed her leg to his.
"Are most of those dishes cold? Can we eat... a bit later?"
***
Jackie sat up with a groan.
"I'm too old for all this rolling on the floor," she murmured, locked her hands above her head, and stretched, arching her back.
"It wasn't safe to leave the candles unattended," Alexander said levelly. He lay on his back, his eyes closed. "And there was no time to put them out."
"There was time, you just didn't want to wait," Jackie pointed out, leaned down, and kissed the tip of his nose. "And don't think I hadn't noticed how these cushions were already here." She poked some sort of a thick duvet, on which they had just spent about forty five minutes, partaking to a certain enthusiastic athletic activity.
"They are shiki futons," Alexander said and sat up as well. "It's easier to sleep on the floor when you travel. Your body needs to be used to it." He paused and then added, "I like your bed the most."
Jackie smiled widely, crawled up to him, and climbed on his lap.
"Can we just eat like this?" she asked and nuzzled his jaw. "I'm starving."
"Of course." Alexander picked her up under her arms and arranged her, facing the table, her back against him. "This should work." He patted her hip with her left hand - and then gave it a hearty squeeze. "Do you need anything? A shirt?" he asked.
"I think I might be losing my inhibitions with you." Jackie chuckled. "And you're so warm."
She shimmied her shoulders, rubbing her shoulder blades to the hard muscles and the coarse hair of his chest.
"Behave," he rumbled into her ear.
Jackie snickered and pecked his cheek. He pulled some sort of a thin quilted duvet out of a drawer of the modular and arranged it around his shoulders and their lower halves. Jackie traced the beautiful floral pattern on it with her index finger.
They ate for a few minutes in silence. As always, it was a pleasure to watch his deliberate, meticulous movements. He poured a cup of green tea, took a large sip, and offered it to Jackie. She snorted.
"I remember how your friend, the landlord, said that you wouldn't eat anything someone else tried," she drew out and accepted the cup.
He predictably feigned deafness and continued eating. Jackie realised she was ogling the man, like a sixteen-year-old with a massive crush - and decided to just roll with it.
"You're so cute." She brushed her thumb to his moustache, wiping off a dab of mayo. "And perfect. You're absolutely perfect."
His jaw stopped moving.
"Let me know when you're done eating," she said, watching him over the rim of the cup. "I've got a favour to ask."
"What sort of a favour?" he asked after swallowing.
"A shag one," Jackie answered without missing a beat.
Alexander put down his chopsticks.
***
Much later, after the 'favour' and then a shower, they finished their meal and made tea. Alexander brought them a bowl of ice cream each, and they returned to the same position on the futon.
"Oh my god, this–" Jackie stuffed another spoonful in her mouth. "This is the best thing I've ever tasted in my life! What sort of sorcery is this?"
Alexander chortled. "Caramello salato. A Tuscany recipe. I lived there for almost a year. One of my favourite places in the world. San Gimignano, Pienza, San Quirico d'Orcia. That bloke I was to collaborate on the farm sanctuary project? He's from Lucca. I stayed with his family a lot. Biking there was the best. Stopping for a picnic."
Jackie held her breath, unwilling to interrupt a rare chatty moment from him.
"I'll take you there," Alexander continued. "Next Autumn, yeah? We should go in October."
"Yeah, I'd love that," Jackie whispered.
Alexander went back to his ice cream, and Jackie quickly finished hers and put the bowl aside.
"Alexander, regarding the letter from the clinic–"