Word Count: 1675
~Onyx
I settle into my seat, facing my mother.
Her back is straight, that cold, methodical look on her face. She's like this when she is doing business, which is essentially what this is.
"Let's approach this from an angle devoid of any feelings, shall we?" Her voice is clipped as she adjusts the pages in front of her.
I rub my temples, wishing this headache would fuck off.
"Fine."
"Lexa."
"Not yet mature enough to rule beside me," I say honestly. We are too far into this process for me not to be smart about this.
This meeting is about deciding who is to be my wife. My mother and I have accepted love is not a factor in this, so whoever is going to be my wife is whoever is best suited for the job.
Mother slides the top paper off, turning it over.
"Willow."
"I haven't had much of a chance to get to know her yet," I admit, rubbing the back of my neck. I need more time with her.
"Alessandra."
I look down at my hands, my head pounding. Alex would be an easy choice for many reasons, but also the most difficult. Maybe her being here would keep Sienna around, but the guilt of being near the girl would kill me.
"Too interested in love and not being a Luna," I decide, wincing as mother turns her page over.
"Violet."
"Quiet, unassertive. Other Alpha's and Luna's would eat her alive."
I realise it's been mostly flaws with these women, but it's the truth. Being in such power requires rare qualities that aren't found in many.
Mother sighs, turning the pages back over. "Well then. Who has the most overwhelming benefits?"
My fingers tap against the table as I think.
"Lexa is out of the question. Her father is handing his business to his son shortly, which puts her position of power and wealth into question. It's not worth the risk," I announce.
"Fair enough," she muses. "Shall we send her home?"
I pause. Sending Lexa home would mean sending Kayn home. With him, goes Sienna. Letting her go is the right thing to do, but I'm holding on desperately at this point.
"Not until I've made my final decision."
Mother takes Lexa's profile and tears it clean down the middle. The sound makes me wince, so final in what it represents.
"It's a simple decision."
I press the heels of my palms against my eyes. I guess that means I need to move on.
"Alessandra would be a fair, good Luna," I say carefully. "But I will never love her like she deserves. Keeping her here will cause resentment and distrust, which won't allow us to present as the united front that we need to."
I lower my hands at the sound of mother tearing the page up, letting its remnants flutter back down to the table.
"Makes sense. She's out."
"Willow comes from a noble family, but from what I've noticed she is aloof. It's not enough to decide she's not an option, so I'll need time."
Reluctantly mother slides her profile to the side, although her eyes narrow slightly. I'm asking for time I no longer have.
"And Violet?"
My leg shakes under the table as I tap my foot incessantly against the ground.
"It is possible that I can work on her confidence. She's intelligent and knows a lot about how this Pack runs, due to her father's position as one of father's old advisors. She has a lot of potential."
Mother places her profile with Willow's, my reasoning satisfying her.
"You have a week to decide on a wife."
Panic erupts in my chest. "Mother-"
She holds her hand up, silencing my protests like she would when I was a child. They die on my lips, but I won't be able to push down my feelings much longer.
"I know I seem cruel, but this is for your benefit. Alpha Zion's eyes have turned to you, and he wants the territory your grandfather obtained from him during the Fifth War," she says calmly. "You need an heir, and soon."
I drop my head into my hands. "Yeah, I know."
My life is always at risk. An heir assures my people there's someone to take over power were harm ever to befall me.
"Perhaps in your next life you'll find love," she adds softly.
"Lucky me." It's not fair.
My heart aches. It feels like death is pulling my ribs apart, reaching in with its slender fingers to grab it and squeeze tightly.
Mother clasps her hands together on the table. I can't tell if she truly feels sorry for me, or if she's glad I've finally bent to her will.
"I hear Sienna is planning on moving."
"She is. I'm happy for her," I force out. I am, genuinely. I just wish her being happy didn't destroy mine in the process, but I'm willing to sacrifice my future for hers. It's not even a question.
"I believe you are, truly." Mother reaches out and rests her hand atop mine. "But I know this hurts you, son."
"She's my best friend. I haven't had to be without her for nearly ten years," I breathe.
Mother's stare is heavy. "Do you love her?"
"Of course."
"No. I mean love her," she clarifies.
I pause.
I've never been verbally confronted with such a question. The thought has briefly crossed my mind and I've shoved it aside, knowing it only hurts to acknowledge it.
My relationship with Sienna has always been complicated. Easy in some ways, but complicated in others.
We've always avoided any romantic moments, but we've lived with the obvious, burning tension between us. It's easier to avoid our feelings than play around with them when they are liable to hurt us.
But am I in love with Sienna?
I see Sienna, and it's like an immediate wave of relief. It's like I was in pain and I didn't know it until she entered my presence and relieved me of it. She consumes my very being. She exists permanently in my thoughts. It's a sweet, addictive torture.
"I think I am in love with her," I tell my mother gently.
She looks away for a long moment, considering my feelings as both a mother and as an ex-Luna.
"The sacrifices we must make for our Pack are cruel, aren't they?" She murmurs.
I see genuine guilt for her birthing me into a life I have no other choice but to comply with. She knows that in some ways I am blissfully lucky, and in others, I suffer immensely.
"I want to enjoy being Alpha. Instead, I find myself thinking about the ways I can get out of doing this," I tell her earnestly.
"You were born for this. It's in your blood," Mother insists with a sad smile. "More importantly, it's in your heart."
She's right, it is. I love being Alpha, and I love serving the members of my Pack. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if there is something I would like more...
Like a marriage born from love, not an obligation.
"So is Sienna," I say.
"I never wanted to marry your father, as you well know. But I came to love how he ruled, how strong he was," mother muses, squaring her shoulders back. "I may not have been in love with him, but I found so much joy in being Luna. I have no regrets."
That's all I want for whoever I ultimately choose. But being Alpha may never be enough for me.
"She's all I think about," I breathe, the desperation bleeding into my voice.
I've tried not to resent my mother for this life, but it's hard. None of us know what would happen were I truly to marry Sienna, but I could make it work. I would show the Pack how better I can lead them when I'm actually happy.
Lucia will never take a risk, though. She would rather see me unhappy than stray from tradition.
She stands from her chair, sweeping around the table. She glides into one next to me, taking my hands in hers.
"Were customs not so important, I would encourage you to follow your heart," she says softly. "I wish more than anything that Sienna came from a strong, Noble bloodline."
Raw, aching emotion grips my throat, creating a lump almost impossible to swallow past.
It's no longer a want I have. It's a desperate need, and to resist chasing after it is taking a physical toll.
"But she doesn't," I whisper, a tear I didn't realise had gathered in my eye rolls down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away, hating my mother's pitied look.
"No, which means you must pick another. As hard as that is, you're strong," she assures me, offering a smile that only makes my stomach turn. "You need to let her go."
I open my mouth to respond, but a blood-curdling scream echoes through the manor.
My mother stiffens, looking at me with wide eyes. "What was that?"
I launch from my chair. "Someone is hurt."
I don't wait for her to catch up. Following where I think the sound came from, I head upstairs and toward the guest wing. As I draw closer to Willow's room, I hear sobbing coming from behind the door.
Drawing in a breath, I turn the knob and step inside.
Willow is lying half off her bed, her body slumped and limp, her skin discoloured. On the floor is a pile of vomit, and beside that, her sister's hunched form as she sobs hysterically.
Yet another girl is dead. Murdered.
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~Midika 💜🐼