At 0400, Vora woke up abruptly from the mechanical scream of her alarm. She seemed to always be deep in a dream around this time in the morning. It made the early shifts take a little longer to adjust too. Thankfully the First Order knew the importance of stimulants for their productive workers. If any room in the First Order could be referred to as a 'break room', that would be where Vora went to get her coffee. She grabbed a cup and pressed the appropriate buttons to let the drink flow through the tubes of the machine before her. She always filled her cup to the brim so that she could slowly walk away slurping away the surface tension before it overflowed. She'd regularly seen expressions of dismay and judgement from other Starkiller workers when she did this. However, it was usually the only time she'd make it to the coffee machine in the day.
Vora was working another half day. After she finished, she took another aimless walk, making sure to not go down the same corridor as the previous day. She supposed that, if not before, Commander Ren was now certainly aware of her presence on the ship.
Her walk took her past one of the garbage chutes, she watched a crude mixture of dead bodies and wasted food get tossed in. One of the bodies was the man who she had helped save the other day.
He had been cut in half by a lightsaber.
Vora approached the chute and the droids on duty. She whispered 'I'm sorry' as she looked at the dead man's clouding eyes as if he could see and hear her. The sight shook her and her fear was masked by her anger. She pictured the commander and cursed him for his petty need for performative power.
The sight had made Vora more abruptly aware of her surroundings. The sweet images of her first home, Ryloth, were violated by flashing images of the dead man's twisted expression. His mouth seemed to move in her mind saying: 'why did you let him kill me? You knew this could happen.'.
Vora had no answer. She was angry. She almost ran away from the sight of the body, wanting to distance herself from the death and the guilt.
Not long after, she met a few of the other MTs at the canteen where she had to slowly push down her dinner. She told them about the body in the garbage chute. Kenar was also saddened by the news. He leaned in towards Vora and grasped her hand with his own. Her green eyes locked with his blue eyes, neither smiling.
"You're lucky you didn't meet the same fate for speaking up to Commander Ren. From now on we play it safe, okay?" As if his gaze was piercing enough, his words also felt sharp like nails.
Vora nodded. She wasn't in the mood to argue. She had known eventually her brain would reach a limit at the First Order when she was reminded of who they truly were. It was hard to consider leaving when they had destroyed everything she'd ever known or cared about and given her a choice of death or servitude. Being a medical technician at least meant that she could save lives. There was a significance to that which Vora would never give up on. She'd always been able to delude herself into thinking that despite the First Order's true evil, she was still good, or at least good as could be despite circumstances.
After what ended up being a very long dinner due to how long it took her to finish all her food, Vora took herself back to her room. She sat, looking at the wall, thinking of how she could ever escape the First Order. She had only had a few flight lessons in her life and could hardly tell one button from the other. Unless the resistance infiltrated Starkiller and she hitched a ride, she'd be stuck forever.
Vora found herself going for yet another walk, rather than sleeping.
On Starkiller, sleeping conditions, such as darkening lights, were only found in one's room. The rest of the base was in a permanent state of wakefulness and bright lights.
She wanted to go for a walk outside on the cold icy planet of Ilum that Starkiller base had swallowed up with its size. The natural snowy terrain despite its horrific chill would be welcoming as a contrast to the greyness of Starkiller. She walked briskly down numerous halls to find an appropriate exit. Sometimes there were coats on standby by the exits for workers who were doing outside maintenance.
Before Vora could reach the end of the hall which had numerous coats to choose from, she felt herself being suddenly held still in place. She closed her eyes and felt the newly familiar presence of Commander Ren behind her. She tried to rotate herself to face him, but she stayed absolutely still as he came closer to her, announced by his boots stomping against the floor, conveying his distance as getting shorter and shorter before she could feel him right behind her.
"Cursing me telekinetically?" He scoffed. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt about you knowing nothing of the force but clearly, I was a fool. Just the same as I was for hesitating to finish killing that man when you were in my way. You have power hiding inside you."
"Telekinesis?" Vora gasped. It was something she'd never done, at least knowingly. She always told people how they felt and then helped them feel that way. She had never tried to speak into another person's mind... at least she didn't think she did. Maybe she'd done it accidentally to patients. Vora wondered what they'd thought of her. Had they known?
She thought about what Kenar had said. She thought about the dead man.
"Are you here to kill me?"
He laughed. It sounded interesting through the modulator, catching Vora off guard.
"You have the potential to be useful, MT-3." He explained. "I can teach you how to use the force."
It seemed too good to be true. Vora had wanted to learn about the force for as long as she could remember. She'd mourned over all the jedi texts being destroyed. She'd sought them whilst on Coruscant to no avail and the occasional dodgy deal-gone-wrong. Luke Skywalker had gone into hiding after Kylo Ren had famously killed his students. Vora had never got her answers. Even her grandmother had never told her more than what she knew about using the force to help people feel better.
"However," Commander Ren added, "defiance, disruption and being a brat will not help you. I'm capable of punishing or killing you at any moment."
Ah, there we go.
A moment of disbelief and overwhelm took the better of her words,
"Don't worry, no one could take your title as king of tantrums."
Her eyes went wide as she thought of all those who had died for saying less to him.
Kylo Ren reached out, wrapping his gloved fingers around the front of her throat. He applied no pressure at first. Vora still couldn't move. He was making her aware of how helpless she was in that moment. She could feel him feeling the fear that was circulating in her blood. She wondered how much he was enjoying it.
He began to constrict his hand over her throat, and she began to choke. He twisted her to face him.
She wondered what expression was on his face as he watched her panic before him.
"If I d-die with you proving my p-point, then I'm h-happy to go." She pushed herself to speak.
"You're cute."
He let go of her neck and she took a deep breath in. She hoped that the air returning to her face and lungs would account for the flush in her cheeks after he called her 'cute'. It felt like a very out-of-place comment.
"I can train you to become a powerful asset to the First Order. One day even a new Knight of Ren if you prove yourself worthy."
Vora had vaguely heard of the Knights of Ren. They were not often on Starkiller. The rumour was that they were other jedi-turned-sith like Kylo Ren who had decidedly followed him after his attack on Luke's jedi children.
"Does that involve killing innocent people?" Vora looked up at where she expected his eyes were. "Because as you may have noticed, that'd be quite the paradox for me." She leaned forward slightly, trying to assert herself in the space. It just made her closer to Commander Ren as he refused to falter. She tried to console herself when she found herself inhaling the smell of his clothes. There was something oddly pleasant to them, warming. "You're right. I cursed you for killing that man. I didn't know you could hear me. I saw the dead body of a man me and my team had put so much work into staying alive after he was hurt by you. I suppose his revival and your public humiliation I caused you yesterday meant that you felt it necessary to kill the man as a lesson to those who defy you."
Vora could tell, through feeling, that Commander Ren hated having his actions explained to him. Vora felt no shame in holding Commander Ren accountable for his actions. No one else in the First Order seemed to. She would probably get berated by the Commander for being 'defiant' but, then again, perhaps she truly was perceived as valuable with her use of the force.
She almost wanted to laugh in the moment at the fact that she could do so much more than she'd ever realised. She wondered if her grandmother would be proud – or had she known more than she'd ever told Vora? The nervous energy was probably the only thing keeping her together in that moment.
"Yes. I killed a man to remind defiant subordinates, like you, of my power. I killed all those jedi children too. We are currently days away from the creation of the Starkiller laser that will, like the deathstar before it, destroy entire planets in the flash of an eye. You, as a member of the First Order, are no special life-saving case." Despite his reputation for outbursts, he spoke confidently and cruelly. Although Vora was no longer being choked, she was still being held in place. Still powerless.
"I am doing what I can as a captive of the First Order." Vora spoke through gritted teeth, finally tired of everyone in the First Order who wasn't a stormtrooper being an assumed volunteer. "I am who I say I am. You are not going to break my spirit when it was broken long ago when I saw my whole family and village dead at my feet and had to accept that I couldn't save them."
"If you'd only learnt how to use the force, then maybe you could have."
The words stung. Vora knew he was right. She could have resisted the attack and defended everyone if she'd had the advantage the force could bring.
The past couldn't be changed.
Commander Ren, once again, studied her and did not speak. She wondered if he was trying to read her mind. Was that where that weird feeling was coming from? It was a dull pressure on her head, like early dehydration.
As if to answer her, he said: "Good. That is correct. The past cannot be changed. But wouldn't you want to have that power to know it could never happen again?"
"I've lost all I have to lose now."
"Not yet. I can feel it in you. The want to fight, the sanctity for your life. They drive you."
Surely, he realised that she was thinking of leaving the First Order. Surely, he knew that she was mourning the murder of her family and friends at the hands of the First Order. Yet he spoke like he was understanding her and convincing her to join something that he believed in. It wasn't the First Order. It was power.
She felt his emotions. He was surprised again. She assumed he was hearing her thoughts as she put it all together. She didn't want him to hear her thoughts, so she started to frantically think of the same words 'get out, get out, get out!'. She tried to think of a way out of the current situation.
"Commander. May I continue my walk now or are there further matters to discuss?" Vora asked, not knowing how better to conclude.
After a second of what seemed like the Commander ruminating over her question he answered, "Dismissed." then motioned with his hands and Vora was flung back through the door and into the snow. As the door slid shut, she watched Commander Ren walking away.
Vora shouted frustrations in his direction. Due to security reasons, the door she'd be cast out of did not have a communications panel. It only opened with a maintenance keycard which Vora usually found in one of the coat pockets. She would have to walk a few minutes before finding the door with a radio to request entry. Her uniform was already wet from the snow and threatening to freeze. Walking proved to be very slow as she sunk down with every step she took. It was useful to take snowshoes. Her work boots were at least waterproof.
Vora estimated it had been thirty minutes by the time she started to feel weak. Her shivering had reached its highest point, and her heartbeat was slowing down. Her feet and fingers felt completely numb and she'd tucked her hands in her armpits, trying to gather the last bits of warmth her body could offer.
Vora looked up at the white sky. Her view was suddenly eclipsed by a woman with soft kind eyes, brushy dark eyebrows, and a thin-lipped smile.
"Grandma?" Vora's throat hurt from the cold air. The woman seemed to smile in recognition. "Did you know?" It was the only thing Vora could think about. "Did you know I could do those things?"
The woman's smile seemed to falter, then she herself faded away.
Vora felt herself drifting off too.