LONGTAE
All the villagers and forest rangers had once again gathered to bid me farewell on my departure. Sand sat among Doc Nam, Phupha, and Tian just quietly observing the camaraderie.
Rang complained how little time we've spent together, and I affectionately reassured him that I wouldn't take as long as I did before returning for a visit.
My father's reassuring presence strengthened my resolve to do what I needed to do, so I was able to happily say goodbye to everyone.
As the party wound down and everyone made their way home, only Tian, Phupha, and Sand remained. Tian took me for a walk, expressing sadness about my leaving and concern about the true reason behind it.
Embracing Tian, I assured him that everything was fine between Sand and me. I emphasized that I was departing for work, not due to a broken heart. Sensing I wouldn't disclose more, Tian held me close, offering ongoing support. Tears welled in my eyes, and I thanked him for his unwavering presence. Tian had unknowingly helped me through so much, even without knowing about P'Ton or the complexities with Sand.
Phupha affectionately tousled my hair and promised to see me tomorrow as he would be driving me to town where the buses were.
Finally alone with Sand, it had been a few days since we'd spoken in the lake. He'd been rather subdued, though we still shared lunches. However, the late evenings were spent with my father, Tian, and Phupha.
"Do you want me to drive you to town, Tae?" Sand asked.
Shaking my head, I smiled. "There's no need, Sand. Chief Phupha needed to go anyway. I prefer to say our goodbyes tonight."
"Do you want to go to the cliff? You mentioned missing it when you arrived. It might be a while before you can come back," Sand suggested.
He was thoughtful, remembering small details like this. Perhaps it was a fitting way to part, returning to where our story began. I nodded, and we walked toward the cliff. Along the way, Sand had taken my hand into his and I let him. The night sky glittered as brilliantly as ever. It was serene and breathtaking. Sand remained silent beside me, yet his touch was warm and reassuring. Neither of us shared more about our plans after my departure; it felt as though we'd silently agreed that more words weren't necessary, having expressed everything necessary at the lake.
I'd envisioned visiting this cliff with the man I loved, counting stars together. Well he is here now but I guess we won't be counting any stars tonight. Sand's profile appeared pensive yet beautiful. His melancholy adorned him in ethereal beauty, making it painful to contemplate his future absence from my daily life. I'd only kissed him twice and held his hand like this, yet his memory seemed indelibly etched into my being.
Silently, we walked back, hand in hand. Once again, we reached the crossroads between his hut and mine. Sand's eyes were watery but he had not let the tears fall. Somehow, the shine of the unshed tears made his lovely doe eyes so much more beautiful.
"Sand, I'm going now," emotions choked my voice.
He simply nodded, not uttering a word.
"Goodnight, my favorite Guitar Man," I smiled and turned to leave.
"See you soon, my little ShutterBug," he smiled softly and walked away.
Tears streamed down my face, but I smiled. His endearing nickname lingered in my mind.
Sand, I hope it won't be too long.
******
Returning to Bangkok, Jenna graciously offered me a place to stay until I found my own apartment. The bustling sounds of the city, contrasting the quiet of my village, felt jarring. Yet, I swiftly settled into a comfortable routine at work. Surprisingly, the working environment under Jenna's management was excellent. There were only two other senior photographers and three juniors, each assigned to a senior. Everyone was amicable, and the staff were both efficient and kind. Soon, I found an affordable apartment I adored. It had a cozy room, a small living space, and a kitchen. The balcony, drenched in natural light, won me over, and I adorned the space with beautiful plants and flowers. Life in Bangkok this time around was far more fulfilling than during my university days and those devastating years with P'Ton. I had friends, a job I cherished, and a small apartment that felt like home.
Yet, at night, I found myself missing Sand. Though the ache had lessened, thoughts of him lingered, wishing I could see his face. Tian and I exchanged messages regularly, and sometimes he'd share snippets of news about Sand. However, I felt I had no right to inquire for more so I settled for whatever Tian had voluntarily shared over the course of time.
Before I knew it, a year had passed. Work was fulfilling, and I now have regular outings with my colleagues, who had swiftly become cherished friends. It was during one of these gatherings that I bumped into Boston. We were at a recently opened pub, and he was accompanied by an innocent looking pretty boy. As I rose to visit the restroom, he noticed me.
"Longtae?" Boston called out.
"Boston? Hi!" I smiled, noticing his companion's wide-eyed surprise. Glancing at Boston, I queried about his friend.
"Oh... Ai Mew! Quit staring at him. I mentioned Longtae when we returned from Pha Phun Dao last year, remember?" Boston nudged his friend. Ah, this is Mew, Ray's true love. He's undeniably attractive, but I think Sand is more handsome.
Shaking off the confusion, Mew finally smiled and shook my hand. "What are you doing here? Aren't you in Pha Phun Dao Village?" Boston was surprised. "Are you on a visit? Is Sand with you?" He inquired.
I shook my head and pointed at my friends table, "I'm here with my colleagues. I've been here for a year now."Surprised, Boston's voice softened.
"Woah! Really! Did you and Sand... ummm... (glancing at Mew) break up?" He asked, as his voice had noticeably gone down.
Smiling at him "Sand and I weren't dating. But he's still in Pha Phun Dao last I heard from Tian."
"Okay... Longtae, what do you do? Can I contact you? I'm sure Nick would be thrilled to see you! He took a liking to you instantly back then." Boston had sounded doubtful to my claim about not dating Sand but immediately perked up at the thought of telling Nick about seeing me again.
"Absolutely! Here," I handed him my business card from my bag. "That's my work email and phone number. If you call me there, I'll reach out to you on my personal number." Running into Boston unexpectedly brought me joy. I felt content knowing I could offer comfort to him and his friends, with my face that is so similar to their best friend's.
"LONGTAE! YOU'RE A PHOTOGRAPHER?" Boston's surprised outburst made Mew laugh.
"Yeah?" I responded, slightly confused.
"I'm a photographer too! We should definitely connect more. We have a lot in common!" Oh, now I recall. Sand did mention one of his friends was a photographer, although he jokingly warned me to steer clear.
Thus began my improbable friendship with Ray's friends. Boston and Nick began to hang out with me when they can. Boston often sought my advice for his projects, and I gladly accepted his suggestions for mine. It seemed that Boston was trying to do with me what he couldn't with Ray. I get the feeling sometimes he forgets that we hadn't know each other all our life because he had treated me like a very close friend from the beginning and I had let him, in fact I was pleased to ease the burden in his heart. He needed to do better with Ray so he can heal and if he needed me to do it with, I was okay. Despite Boston's occasionally sharp tongue and strong personality, he proved to be a great friend. Nick, on the other hand, was calm and amiable by nature. He was an excellent listener and keen observer, allowing Boston to shine as he always did. In some ways, Nick and I were alike, both happy to keep everyone around us happy and so he was the one I turned to when I wanted to engage in something others considered childish. He was the only one I managed to persuade into watching animated films with me. I had also met Top and Cheum, but like Mew, encounters with them were rare. They were kind, and after the initial surprise upon seeing me, they graciously included me in their gatherings and I came to some of them when I my time allows.
Encountering P'Ton was inevitable, given our shared profession. It occurred a few months after I began spending time with Boston and Nick. We crossed paths at a photography expo, a rare instance where Boston and I collaborated.
Approaching me while I took a break from the crowd, P'Ton grabbed my hand tightly. Surprisingly, I no longer cowered in fear. I forcefully pulled away and demanded to know what he wanted. He launched into a speech about wanting me back, which, if it had happened a year ago, might have rattled me or won me over. But now, it did nothing. I viewed his face with disdain, feeling no emotion towards him. He struck me but I managed to defend myself. As he was about to strike me again, Boston delivered a powerful blow to his face. P'Ton fell to the ground, blood trickling from his likely broken nose. Boston was livid, having witnessed the altercation as he was searching for me. He warned P'Ton to never show his face in my presence again, and P'Ton, recognizing Boston, paled in fear.
That night, I told Boston and Nick about my story. Nick had cried as he hugged me and Boston had cursed endlessly, saying he would have broken the arms of that man if he had known. Laughing, I shared that Sand had threatened to do the same. The wounds inflicted by P'Ton had healed; I felt nothing toward him. I was no longer afraid, and I harbored no regrets. It was a part of who I was, not who I had become.
I proudly updated my father on my improved circumstances. I spoke of my newfound friends and how happy I was now, appreciating the freedom that allowed me to make decisions aligned with my own beliefs and what I believed was right for myself.
SAND
Accepting that Longtae was right about us having found each other at the wrong time had proved more challenging than I anticipated.
Our final days together were a mix of joy and sorrow. I made a conscious effort to treasure our remaining time, hoping it would sustain me through the upcoming months without him.
Unlike Ray's sudden departure, bidding a proper farewell to Longtae felt relieving. This one I could do properly. Despite his bright smile during our lunches, he chose to spend evenings with his father and Tian. I understood his need to slowly detach himself, yet my heart ached, yearning to beg him to stay.
On his last night in the village, everyone gathered to bid him a safe journey back to Bangkok. Longtae was clearly beloved, maintaining a sunny disposition throughout the gathering. I know he must be breaking inside but Longtae's bright smile had been permanently plastered on his face the whole time.
Tian, Phupha, and Doc Nam's subtle glances were disconcerting. Doc Nam, perceptive as always, refrained from prying further.
After everyone left, I asked Longtae if he wanted to visit the cliff. It might be a while before he could see it again.
Nervous yet hopeful, I reached for his hand, hoping he'd allow me to relish in his warmth for a little longer. Surprisingly, he allowed me, and I held it tighter than necessary, fearing he might change his mind.
Words were no longer necessary, aware that our most vital sentiments were shared in the lake, we remained silent. Tonight, each other's presence sufficed. I gazed at his beautiful face under the starry sky, recalling the first time I called him beautiful. But he was, he still is, and even more so now, if that's possible. His face, etched in my memory, and his radiant smiles will accompany me, especially in this place where I first encountered him for the countless, lonely nights to come.
Instead of bidding farewell, we said goodnight and see you soon with our silly nicknames that we had come up on one of those days we had simply chilled out in my hut. Tears streaming down my face as I walked back to my place, missing him already.
*****
Initially, life became harder after Longtae left. Everywhere I turned, I felt the weight of sympathetic gazes. Even the Chief, who usually refrained from meddling in others' affairs, approached me one day, urging me to cheer up and assuring me that things would improve. I wanted to sink into the ground out of sheer embarrassment. Did I truly look that miserable?
The villagers began bringing me additional provisions—newly dried tea, surplus vegetables from their gardens, and freshly picked fruits. Doc Nam, who usually called his wife during lunchtime, started joining me on mine. Tian, Phupha, and some rangers made it a point to include me in their evening activities. Initially exasperated, I eventually relented, realizing that this was their way of caring. These people genuinely cared for me. The village and its inhabitants exuded so much warmth, offering solace that was incredibly healing.
Gradually, the nightmares subsided. Thoughts of Ray still crossed my mind, but the pain no longer pierced me as deeply. Longtae's words had found a place in my heart, breaking through my deaf ears, reminding me that Ray's passing had given me a new purpose, and that Ray would want me to be happy. Wasn't losing Ray punishment enough? I didn't need to continue punishing myself.
I immersed myself in providing medical care to those I could help. Before I knew it, over a year had passed since Longtae departed, and I had spent two years in the village. Tian and Phupha occasionally mentioned Longtae in our conversations, but I resisted the urge to inquire further. I had promised Longtae I'd be ready when I sought him out.
As I reflected on Ray and the circumstances surrounding his death, the guilt that had once suffocated me gradually diminished. I began recalling the fond memories we shared and the remarkable person Ray was before that tragedy.
Doc Nam was surprised when I expressed a desire to train some villagers in first aid and basic emergency care. When he asked why, I explained my intention to return home when I was certain that the villagers could handle emergencies adequately. The following month was spent recruiting volunteers and devising a comprehensive program. I made trips to town to print materials and guides. For the subsequent five months, I found myself thoroughly enjoying training the volunteers. Perhaps I should consider pursuing this permanently when I return to Bangkok?
Before I realized it, nearly three years had passed in Pha Phun Dao Village, and I had been away from Longtae for two. His radiant smile remained vivid in my mind and had been a source of strength until the day I bid farewell to everyone.
The villagers wept, and so did I. Their kindness had contributed immensely to my healing. I profusely thanked everyone and promised to return at least once a year to conduct further medical training. This way, they wouldn't have to wait for outsiders to volunteer. Doc Nam expressed pride and happiness in my dedication. I thanked him for being more than just a senior. Tian and Phupha's smiles were knowing; somehow, they understood my intentions. Lastly, I expressed gratitude to the Chief, likening him to a father figure. During one of our shared dinners, I opened up about growing up without a father. He expressed sadness for me, like how sad he had been to watch Longtae grow without a mother. He also assured me that while my mother might be saddened, she would also be proud of raising a remarkable son on her own. I had hugged him and thanked him then, because those were words I needed to hear.
Three years after I arrived broken and carrying in my almost brand new jeep nothing else but my backpack, I finally left Pha Phun Dao Village in my now three year old jeep, with a much larger luggage, glancing at the rearview mirror- baskets of Vegetables, Fruits and Tea Leaves that had been cheerfully placed by the villagers as farewell gifts and a MUCH, MUCH lighter heart.
🌱Side note from the Author: 🌱
Only a few chaps left to this Fanfic my readers.
I hope you've enjoyed this so far.
Thank you for staying with me as I tried to write a story for Sand and Longtae.