Yunho's life lost its vibrancy ever since he was diagnosed with myocardial infarction. He had lost the will to live, especially after being given roughly six months to live before the fatal disease would claim his life.
Yunho became extremely weak, especially as his condition worsened. He underwent numerous medical treatments and surgeries, but his condition continued to deteriorate day by day. There was no improvement whatsoever, as if all his efforts were in vain.
Yeosang, his lover, felt deeply saddened by Yunho's suffering. It wasn't just about seeing Yunho struggling with his illness; it was also about the limited time they had left together. Was it destined to end just like that? Couldn't they hope for a miracle? Yunho was a good person; he should deserve compassion for a longer life.
Yeosang felt like his own life was useless if he couldn't help Yunho. While he couldn't financially support Yunho, he at least had to provide mental support.
Yunho could only lie helplessly on his hospital bed, surrounded by various medical instruments. Yeosang would spend every day by his side. Well, not every moment, as Yeosang had to go to work. Still, he continued to buy everything Yunho wanted.
Even though Yunho had already resigned himself and didn't desire anything anymore, as he knew his future was limited, Yeosang tried to guess what Yunho might want. There had to be something because if time was short, there must be many things he wanted to do and experience before leaving Yeosang.
"Wow, you could just borrow it from the city library. No need to go to such lengths," Yunho whispered weakly, his voice strained even to speak. It took great effort for him to talk, and it caused more pain in his already aching chest. Yet, he never complained or mentioned it to Yeosang, fearing it would burden him. Yeosang was burdened enough worrying about Yunho's illness; there was no need to add more concerns.
Yeosang sighed and waved his hand. "Oh, it's no big deal. The price is nothing compared to my salary." Even though his wage as a laborer wasn't much. But seeing Yunho's smile, he would pay any amount.
And yes, Yeosang truly had no regrets because he could finally see that smile. Even though it was forced due to Yunho's weakness. His eyes were already dim, as if it was too heavy to open them. His lips were dry and colorless. His once sweet and cute face, now pale without the rosy hue that used to make him look adorable. The face that made Yeosang fall in love.
Yeosang didn't say that he didn't love the current Yunho. He just remembered the first time he was captivated by Yunho's appearance.
"Thank you," Yunho said amidst his weak smile. Yeosang really wanted to cry seeing him. But he tried his best to hold back his tears, not wanting to make Yunho feel guilty. Both of them were careful not to burden each other's feelings.
"Anytime!" Yeosang replied enthusiastically, returning Yunho's smile with a wide one. "Well, now that the book is here, shall I read it to you?"
Yunho nodded on his pillow in response. He watched Yeosang begin to open the book in his hands.
"Once upon a time—"
"Stop," Yunho interrupted with a chuckle. Both of them laughed together. Yunho knew the story's beginning wasn't like that. Yeosang was just being playful. Yunho wanted so much to move his body to get up and reach for Yeosang. To pinch his silly nose. But he had a heart catheterization in his thigh and an endotracheal tube in his nose, making it difficult for him to move. Not that it wasn't difficult, it just hurt. So he chuckled softly.
"If only the producers were more patient and willing to make each Harry Potter book into two films, everything could be shown in detail just like in the books. I'm really disappointed that the Black family tree was only briefly shown. Not satisfied," Yeosang complained after reading a few chapters of the book he bought.
"Couldn't agree more. I'm curious about the visualization. Also about Durmstrang. I wonder what Viktor Krum likes to do there."
Yeosang nodded in agreement, then his eyes returned to the contents of the book, about to continue reading to Yunho.
"Yeosang."
The one called immediately turned, "Yes, love? Is there something you need?"
"Promise to marathon the Harry Potter series with me."
"Oh, of course. Want to start now?"
"No, I'm tired. Can you do it tomorrow?"
"Well, I don't see why not."
Yunho smiled in response. Yeosang continued to read his book, guiding Yunho to slowly close his eyes and drift off. Yunho got the best bedtime story.
When Yeosang heard Yunho's regular breaths, he closed the book slowly, afraid of waking up his beloved. The cardiograph still showed a normal heartbeat. The IV was still dripping and flowing into Yunho's hand. Yeosang felt concern again for how Yunho was attached to various devices all over his body. He cringed at the thought of being in Yunho's position. It must be very uncomfortable.
The book was placed on the nightstand, and Yeosang gently stroked Yunho's forehead with his index finger, giving him a soft kiss.
"Goodnight, my love."
Yeosang also loved to bring Yunho a variety of foods. Salmon and tuna sushi, seaweed soup, fruits, red bean-filled hotteok, and oatmeal milk. All foods suitable for someone with Yunho's condition. He always got regularly scheduled meals from the hospital, but of course, homemade food tasted different.
"How is it? Tasty?" Yeosang asked with hope. He had gone through great trouble to bring all this, and he even prepared some of the dishes himself. He hoped not to disappoint Yunho.
Yunho smiled and nodded slowly. But a moment later, his face changed to a gloomy expression, tears streaming down. He couldn't hold them back anymore, causing Yeosang to panic instantly.
"Why? Is it that the taste is not good after all? Oh, forgive me if that's the case. Next time, I'll try harder to learn to cook better for you. If not, maybe I should just buy it." Yeosang didn't mind spending his money if it was for Yunho's happiness.
Yunho shook his head. "It's all delicious, love. Very delicious. Your hands are gifted. It's just..."
Yeosang didn't comment on anything, waiting for Yunho's continued sentence, which was left hanging. Whatever Yunho's next complaint was, Yeosang would fix it.
"I really want to eat meat. It's my favorite food. It feels so sad when I'm not allowed to eat it anymore. Forgive me, dear, I don't mean to not appreciate your gift. I truly didn't mean that. I just miss eating meat so much.”
Yunho's tears flowed more intensely. Yeosang understood it; someone as good as Yunho wouldn't express disappointment in someone's gift. Yunho just desired, more precisely, longed for something he couldn't have.
Yeosang wiped the tears from Yunho's reddened cheeks. Yeosang liked the color that he hadn't seen in a long time. But he preferred not to see it again if the reason was Yunho's sadness.
"There, there, tomorrow I'll buy you bulgogi, but just once, okay? After that, you can eat something else. There are still plenty of delicious foods you can consume." Yeosang finally said this because he felt sorry. He thought once wouldn't hurt. Afterward, Yunho could repay with regular food.
Yunho's eyes sparkled instantly. "Really?"
"Once."
Yunho nodded and smiled. "I promise."
Yeosang stroked Yunho's head. "Smart kid. Now, let's finish your apple." Yeosang had peeled and cut the fruit into small pieces to make it easier to enter Yunho's mouth, which couldn't open too wide. He fed Yunho slowly, waiting patiently until Yunho swallowed before feeding him again.
It's okay, Yunho thought. After all, my time is not long. Shouldn't I be able to do everything I want before I go?
Although Yunho felt tired and weak, Yeosang remained enthusiastic and optimistic.
"Come on, Yeosang, the doctor has already diagnosed me like that. What can we do?"
"What can we do? We can keep trying. Yes, indeed, doctors won't say something without reason. Especially educated people, those who have been in this field for a long time and know more. But you forget one thing. They're also human. Diagnoses can be wrong. I believe with all kinds of medical treatments, regular meals, and another surgery, you can recover. Trust me." Yeosang said it desperately.
Yunho felt frustrated hearing this. He didn't want to break Yeosang's determination, but he also wanted to think more realistically. He didn't want all their efforts to be in vain. So, to avoid mistakes in speaking, Yunho just remained silent.
"Wait, I'll go buy you the promised bulgogi. After that, we'll try together for your recovery, so we can get married and live happily together forever, okay?" Yeosang's eyes were already teary. Yunho's empathy would make him want to cry too, but he had already cried recently. He didn't want to be seen as weak by Yeosang. He still wanted to look strong even though everyone knew how helpless he was.
But at least, until now, he had managed to hide the pain from all the medical equipment attached to his body in front of Yeosang. Yunho must be able to endure other coming pains alone.
So Yunho once again didn't answer, too afraid that it would tempt him to cry. So, he just nodded.
"Okay, while waiting for me, rest first. I'll be back soon."
I've rested too much already, Yunho thought. I need to move a lot, walk, and run.
Yunho couldn't go anywhere except to the toilet. Too much rest and lack of movement were also very tiring, more psychologically tired.
Yeosang kissed Yunho's forehead, and Yunho closed his eyes to feel that touch. Yeosang had let go and put on his jacket before Yunho called him. Yeosang turned around.
"Want me to get something for you? Or do you want to add an order?"
Yunho shook his head. He reached out his hand, making a gesture to reach Yeosang. "Hug."
Yeosang smiled, approached Yunho, and gave him what he asked for. A tight hug, but still careful and full of feelings, for a beloved person, so as not to hurt him.
"Wait a moment, after this, you'll eat the delicious meat you want. I'm going." Yunho extended his hand again when Yeosang had disappeared behind the door. As if not wanting to let him go even for a moment. He didn't know when they would truly part. He still wanted to hold him.
Now that Yeosang left, he could freely shed the tears he had been holding back as much as he wanted.
"Forgive me for always troubling you. I promise, this is the last."
He wanted to wipe his tears, but couldn't.
"Please stop worrying about me. Stop feeling restless. You deserve happiness."
Whether it was the pressure Yunho felt triggering his heart, beating faster than usual, then suddenly weakening drastically, a moment the electrocardiogram showed a straight line, but then beat again with an irregular tempo, so dynamic. Yunho was tired like this all the time.
Meanwhile, Yeosang had just finished buying bulgogi. It's not that he didn't want to cook it himself to make it more special for Yunho, but he wanted Yunho to get what he wanted immediately. Moreover, buying it would taste much better than Yeosang's handmade.
Currently, he was on his way back to the hospital to deliver Yunho's order. No, he wasn't driving anything. The distance from the restaurant to the hospital was only three blocks; he just walked. And because he was in a hurry, he decided to run, not wanting to make Yunho wait any longer.
He still obeyed traffic rules by crossing the street when the pedestrian light was green, but it turned red when he stepped on the road. Everything happened so fast, a bus coming at high speed from the intersection hit him, slamming his body so that the plastic bag containing the food slipped from his grip, and its contents scattered, spilled, as well as the contents of his head.
Yunho was still waiting for Yeosang to return. Until night, he waited, but Yeosang didn't show up again. Even after two days, Yeosang still didn't come. Making Yunho extremely worried. What has hindered Yeosang? Did he get a sudden job that couldn't be left? So he didn't have time to inform in advance.
Yunho looked at the Harry Potter book on his nightstand. He remembered Yeosang promised to marathon-watch the Harry Potter series with him since two days ago. But Yeosang still hadn't come.
And who came was Wooyoung, with a gloomy expression. His eyes were swollen, and he wore a formal suit. In his hands, he carried a plastic bag labeled a bulgogi restaurant nearby. Making Yunho curious.
"Wooyoung."
"Hi Yunho, how are you?" truly superficial, because everyone also knew how bad Yunho's condition had been for the past few months and wasn't getting better.
Wooyoung moved the rice, bulgogi, and kimchi into a clean bowl there. There was only one, so he piled everything. The cold kimchi was placed on the edge so as not to obstruct the smoke rising from the still hot rice and bulgogi. It looked very tempting.
"Yeosang told me that you really wanted to eat meat. So, I bought this for you. Come on, eat."
Wooyoung was about to help Yunho adjust his sitting position, but Yunho asked first, "Where's Yeosang? He said he would buy it. But why did you buy it instead? Where is he now? Why didn't he come back here or at least inform? What is he doing?"
Wooyoung knew he couldn't keep hiding all of this. Sooner or later, Yunho would find out, even if he didn't say it himself. The image of Yeosang's lifeless body in his mind made him remember it again, making him mourn again. He couldn't imagine if Yunho found out.
Yunho saw Wooyoung's trembling body, his hands clenched tightly on his thighs, trying to hold back tears but failing. He roughly wiped away the tears falling onto the back of his hand as his head hung down.
"Wooyoung, what happened to Yeosang?" Yunho didn't dare to guess, although half of his brain believed that something terrible had happened to Yeosang.
Reluctantly, Wooyoung told him everything. He actually didn't want to. Yunho was already suffering so much. And news about Yeosang would only add to his suffering. And indeed.
Yunho didn't want to believe; maybe Yeosang was fed up taking care of him, so he gave up and ran away, leaving Yunho uncared for. But Yunho trusted Yeosang's feelings too much, and he knew he couldn't accept this bitter reality. So, he cried as much as he could. His chest felt even more painful. Wooyoung tried to persuade him to eat, but Yunho insisted on refusing. He just wanted Yeosang.
Yeosang was no longer by his side, and he would never return. He wouldn't fulfill his promise to marathon Harry Potter with him. He wouldn't wait for him to recover, get married, and live happily together forever. He wouldn't. Yunho felt like his world was shattered without Yeosang. His life had lost direction and no longer had a purpose. If he had fought before because Yeosang supported him, if Yeosang was gone, what was the point of living in this world?
What Yunho said earlier was true. That was the last time he would trouble Yeosang. The kiss and hug when Yeosang was about to leave were also his last touches.
Yunho showed the same symptoms as the last time Yeosang left. His heartbeat pumped dynamically, suddenly becoming too fast, then weakened to show a straight line on the electrocardiogram for a few moments, making Wooyoung very panicked. Yunho's heartbeat returned as Wooyoung pressed the button to call the doctor and nurse. Yunho's body convulsed, and his breath seemed labored.
Wooyoung was asked to wait outside, and reluctantly, he complied. He could only wait for news after Yunho was treated, which would take who knows how long. But Wooyoung waited faithfully. Until finally, after some time, the doctor came out and informed him that Yunho was being treated while being given a sedative, so Wooyoung could go home because Yunho was still in the process of treatment.
A few days later, Yunho woke up, but he began to give up on his illness and no longer tried to recover.
Wooyoung tried to feed Yunho, even tempted with delicious meat, but he refused.
"Come on, Yunho, you have to eat. Yeosang will be sad if you're like this. Always remember that he wants you to get better. We all want you to get better. You don't want to disappoint Yeosang and make all his efforts for you in vain, right?"
Yunho didn't answer and kept refusing. Even the doctor and nurse tried to persuade him, but he still refused to eat. It was impossible if they used force on a patient who was already very weak. Now they could only rely on the IV connected to Yunho as his only source of nutrition.
Yunho couldn't let go of the deep loss and sorrow, making Wooyoung more concerned about Yunho's condition. For a while, enduring only with the help of the IV, Yunho became even thinner, and even his cheeks became gaunt. Yunho, who was known for having chubby cheeks even when his body was slim, now having a gaunt face was something extraordinary, in a negative way.
At one point, his symptoms reappeared. His heartbeat became very dynamic, racing too fast, making his body convulse, and his breath became labored, then weakened very weakly until the electrocardiogram showed a straight line.
However, this time, the heartbeat did not return.
The doctor had tried to revive him, but all efforts were in vain. Yunho had reached the point where he could no longer hold on. His six months were up.
Yunho finally passed away, carrying his sadness with him.