⟡ Ember ⟡
⟡
The last hour before I was obligated to step through the portal, I had contemplated crawling into a far corner of the cave where no life exists. My mom was running everywhere, touching my hair and my face, crying to dozens of people - friends and family. While the other four girl's, their family was relatively normal. They cried, they hugged and they said their goodbyes. My mom always had a tendency to make big deals out of things. I remember when I turned ten, she was so excited I was in double digits that she had everyone celebrate my day. She had the growers make flowers of all colors and sizes, so me and the other kids could make flower crowns. She made the healers make ointments out of our flower crowns at the end of the day, something to use over time and remember. Those who could bend air, my mom had them put on a wind show for us. It wasn't that exciting, maybe if we had something to throw into the air at the time.
Renzo and I had tried to calm down my mom, but it only made her that more anxious. She had hugged us before running off to grab something, and when she returned she handed me a geode. I stared at it for a while, holding it in my hand like it'd fade away at any second. "Ivy put a protective shield over it, she was limited with herbs and whatnot so it's not too powerful, but it should protect you until you can find somewhere safe."
"What did you do to get this?" I whisper. "How are you going to pay her back?"
She swats her hand at me. "It was free, Ivy believes you'll find your mate. She thinks its the first step in the right direction in a .. very long time for us." She smiles, pulling me into her. I hug her back as my eyes find Ivy's. She's sheepishly smiling, watching from a distance. She was Ren's mom, almost a second mother to me. I can't believe how much energy she had to have put into this. She was a basic sorcerer, no special abilities. Most normal sorcerers could place protection spells and make barriers out of thin air. They were a vital part of our coven, despite how worthless they sometimes feel. I give her a small nod, in appreciation, and drop the geode into my bra. My dress didn't have pockets, and I couldn't carry it in my hand everywhere I went - so bra it was.
My dress was originally my mom's, who had gotten it from my grandma who then got it from her grandma. It was old, but in amazing condition. It was a sage green lace, according to my mom it was never this shade of green until recently. Age faded and dulled the original vibrant color. It flowed to my ankles, and hugged my chest. My mom always told me I had more boobs than her, and that the dress would be snug. She wasn't wrong. There was a built in corset, ridges running up my torso. There was a slit in the side that stopped just above my knee. It was beautiful, but I couldn't help but wonder how I looked in it. If it suited me or not.
My mom let me go, stepping back to look at me one more time. A tear slipped from her eye. "So pretty. My pretty baby." She cooed. I held back from frowning, swallowing the guilt I felt building up. I don't know how she still loved me after what I did. How she still thought of me as her baby and how she could stomach looking at me. I ruined her life. "Oh, it's okay. I'll be okay." She assures, running her hand across my cheek. She had thought my tears were for her, which they were, but not for the reason she thought. I knew she'd be okay without me. I knew Renzo would watch over her. I nod once.
"I love you, mom." I whisper. "I'm sorry." I could barely get the apology out, dipping my head.
She lifts my face, her eyes soft as they looked into mine. Deep down I think she knew why I apologized, but she refused to talk about it. She always did. "Don't apologize, I told you i'd be okay. I'm so - i'm so happy for you, you'll be happier up there. You'll have a good life." She sniffs, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. That's what she was thinking about? I didn't deserve a happier life, but she did and I wish I can give her that. No, I will give her that. Even if it kills me. "I love you with my entire heart, Ember." She finally says, easing the guilt in my chest. I was going to pull her into me again, but the ground rumbled almost sending me toppling backwards.
Renzo somehow managed to stabilize my mother and I by placing a single hand on each of our shoulders. He chuckled. "You've always been the clumsy ones." I rolled my eyes while my mom giggled, thanking him. Light flowed like smoke into the cave, blinding everyone for a split second. The portal appeared in the darkness of the mountain, out of nothing but air. It was swirling with the most palest of blue and white, the two colors dancing together like lost lovers who reunite once a year until it became one solid color. Renzo squeezed us together for one last quick hug that I wish lasted a decade. But the absence of their warmth hit me a second later, sending a shiver down my spine.
The portal flickered when the first girl stepped through it, the baby blue shimmer wrapping around her and eating her in one bite. It looked..terrifying. I don't know how she walked in so easily, maybe this wasn't her first time. I watched in silence as the second girl steps in, no hesitation. Once again, the moment she touched the blue it swallowed her alive. My mom shuffles me forward, despite her tear stricken cheeks. "Don't want to miss it, get going." She swats me away like an unwanted pest, looking away from where I stood. I try to smile, but i'm not sure how far it reached.
"I'll visit, I promise." I hope. Renzo gives one nod, his eyes welling with it's own tears. I knew he wouldn't cry in front of us, but part of me wished he did. "I love you both." I take one step toward the portal as the third girl steps through. "And please tell Ivy I said thank you." Another step, it felt like danger. A thrill of sensations ran through my body the closer I got, and like a whisper in the back of my mind, I heard someone telling me to step in. The fourth girl disappeared to the other side. I don't turn around, knowing if I did I might refuse to leave. I had to do this. To save them. A sob broke out behind me as I walk into the portal, carrying guilt and hope with me.
Truth be told, it wasn't nearly as exciting as I hoped it'd be. I felt wind blow my hair, the cold leaving frozen pinpoints along my cheeks. Then I was through, stepping into the dark night of a land i've never been on. My eyes were first drawn to the sky, the oh-so-beautiful sky. Little glittering lights painted the night sky, dozens of constellations, dozens of stars. It was like nothing i've seen before. We could hardly see the sky where we're located. I didn't move from my spot just outside the portal for several minutes. The trees, barely seen in the night air but vast and so pretty. I wanted to touch every blade of grass, I wanted to run my hands along every bark of every different kind of tree, I wanted to smell the hundreds of different flowers. Why were we banned from this? Why were we deprived of such -
"First time?" A woman asked from behind me. I lurched forward, not realizing people were trying to come through the portal. She only stared at me, confused. I was acting stupid, I was acting like i've never seen trees before - i'm going to give myself away in the matter of minutes if I keep this up.
"Um - yeah. I've never gone to a Findings before. Never felt the need." I reply, pretending my astonishment was because of the large stone building in front of me. Lights lit up the entryway, welcoming anyone who wished to come. The double doors were wide open, laughing and music and talking got carried through the wind. I stepped towards it.
"It's not as fabulous as others make it out to be, I come for the food and wine." She spoke honestly, walking past me. I watched her retreating figure, her blazing red dress trailing behind her. While more people walked past me, knowing they had come from the portal, I finally began walking. The cool breeze eased all my worry, if only for a few moments. The smell of thousands of different foods I couldn't name hit my nostrils. I breathed in deeply, my mouth salivating with desire. I've heard of their food, of their pastries and donuts and ice cream. They had so many sweet treats, I couldn't wait to get my hands around them.
Stones built a path up to the front steps. The stairs were lined with gold handrails, colorful ribbons wrapped around them for decoration. Flower baskets hung in front of the double doors, several feet above me. I could hardly tell what kind of flowers they were, there were so many. It didn't help that the Growers could only create so many flowers, I always knew there were hundreds, maybe thousands, i've never seen. We had only grown simple, well known varieties, like daisies and roses and lilies and tulips.
I remembered the geode in my bra as I stepped into the boisterous house. I think house wasn't an appropriate word. There was one floor, no rooms except for a single bathroom in the back corner. It was almost like a ballroom, and that was it. Long twenty foot tables laid on the sides of the room, against the walls, filled with foods and drinks. My mouth watered again. Everyone laughing and talking vibrated my chest, the loud voices doing little to ease my racing heart. I've never been in the same vicinity as so many females, for obvious reasons. Everyone wore such different colors and dress styles, some were barely covered and others dressed modestly. The amount of color, all different shades, it was hard to embrace it all.
Going from somewhere so dark, lacking of noise and color..
Someone touched my arm, the touch a soft caress. I jump back, my chest clenching in fear. The man shook his head before walking away, brushing his hands along another girl's arm. I realized what he was doing, once you touch everything will fall into place. My mother's words reminded me, and an unsettling feeling took place in my gut. How many times will men be touching me tonight? I swallow the lump in my throat, walking alongside the edge of the room. Avoiding the people dancing in hopes of not being touched again, at least not before I get a mouthful of delicious food.
There were so many couples dancing together, making me wonder if they were SoulBonds or friends having fun. But when I saw a man brush a single finger across a woman's arm, and almost instantly they spun toward each other - as if they've been searching their whole lives for each other, I knew that most of the couples dancing were not mates. They didn't have the same look in their eye. They didn't look like they were hungry but full at the same time, debating on if that last bite is worth it just to get another taste.
That's how i'm about to look, I thought,
as I looked at the table of food. So many textures and smells. So many glazes and colors. If I could, i'd eat one of everything. "Here for the food too?" A familiar voice questions from beside me. I look over, finding the same female from outside. She had to be around my age, her long black hair was in a ponytail but still reaching her hips. I was almost envious, my hair was just barely past my shoulders despite how long i've been growing it out. "The pastries are the best." She nods her heads towards a plate of flaky bread, some with what looked like raspberries and others with blueberries.
"Which - which one is your favorite?" I asked, unable to decide. One of each?
"The cheesecake one..right there." She pointed, her long red nails had silver gems glued to them. I pick up the crumbly square, almost drooling over the smell. She laughs, leaning into the table. I hadn't realized the color of her eyes til now, black. What was she? "Never had pastries before?"
I shake my head, shamefully. Then as if life depended on it, I bit into the pastry with a moan. It melted in my mouth, falling apart. It was sweet, soft and so good. I could cry at the taste. I ate the rest of it in two bites, reaching for another. "Who made these?"
She shrugs. "Not sure, everyone brings different stuff every year." She watches me take a bite, then she grabs one for herself. She rips a part off, popping the sliver in her mouth. "What's your name?"
Do I trust her?
"Ember, what's yours?" Is this how you socialize? I've only had to talk to my coven who i've grown up with, it didn't feel awkward. But right now, I feel like if I say the wrong thing -
"Zoya, Zoya Crowe."
"Do uh-" I pause, looking into the crowd of people. So much dancing and grinding, so little clothes. "Do most people find their SoulBond?" I couldn't help but ask, knowing every year my people came back mateless. The girls always looked so defeated, so tired. I'm beginning to realize why, it was beautiful here. It felt like a privilege to exist around these people.
Zoya makes a throaty noise, scanning the building. "A lot of them, I wouldn't say most though." She looks back at me. "If you want to find yours I can assure that stuffing your face at the food table won't do you any good. Only few people come over here, they're too focused on finding their SoulBond or having sex with any female that will put out. Considering the amount of dry humping that's going on out there." I cringe, looking away from the crowd. It was a lot.
I swallow the last bite of my pastry, looking at the other desserts and dishes. Another hand grazes my upper arm before the man keeps walking, just barely missing Zoya's arm as she pulls out of distance. The man doesn't seem to notice he hadn't touched her, only keeps walking to the next female. "I hate that."
"So do I." She groans. "Sometimes I wonder why I come anymore." She starts walking off, back to the front doors of the building.
I don't know how much time passes, but I do know I ate far more than I should have. My stomach was overly full, I felt bloated and sleepy. The last bite of my blueberry donut was still a faint taste in my mouth, trying to convince me to eat another. Fortunately, I force myself to separate from the endless buffet and closer to the people. If I stay by the food any longer I might throw up.
The atmosphere changes, a soft buzz of electricity wrapped around me and inside of it smelt of sandalwood and vanilla. I welcomed it with open arms, the sensation easing all my anxiety and worries of tonight. I walked further, not into the crowd but alongside. If someone wanted to, they could reach out and touch me. Disgusting throaty moans were heard from somewhere inside the mass of people, it seemed I was the only one who didn't like it. No one else paid any attention to it. This was nothing like I imagined it. I didn't expect everyone to be eating each other's face off, I didn't expect to be touched by random strangers every few minutes.
Part of me wanted to leave, wishing I walked out with Zoya but I couldn't. I needed to save my people, and by doing that I needed to find my mate, and with this intoxicating smell - I might end up trading my life for whatever it was that smelt of this. It was divine, and I knew that whatever the smell was coming from - I'd eat. It was probably another amazing dessert, hand rolled and glazed. I made it another few steps, seeking out the source of the smell before someone stepped in front of me.
I made a startled sound, stepping back. Black eyes stared down at me, pools of onyx waves. The man in front of me was - there were no words for describe him. He was devilishly handsome. I had half expected him to touch me right away, as every other man had, but he just stared at me. His face was almost unreadable, every emotion flickering away just as quick as they had come. I couldn't place a single one of them. His sharp jawline and soft stubble, his dark hair was tied into a bun. I would fall to my knees if he asked me to.
When I realized I was staring, I dropped my gaze attempting to step around him but he cut in front of me again. He stepped closer to me, and if I didn't smell it before..I did now. He was the sandalwood and vanilla.
His hand reached up so quickly, I didn't see it happen til he was gripping my chin - tilting my head up. The electricity I felt in the air earlier was now solely at the point of contact, swirling and spreading under his touch. They soared through my veins, lighting every nerve on fire. Waking up every sense of mine. He breathed in deeply, blinking. Then, his hand moves from my chin to caress my cheek. The touch was so gentle, but he looks the complete opposite of what that is. Yet, the warmth and buzz in my body grows, turning hot as he drags his fingers across my face. "You were under my nose the whole time." He states under his breath, and I think every muscle in my body tightened with pleasure at the sound of his voice. Bleed me dry.