Chapter 27 - Pity Party
I opened my sleepy eyes. The room was unfamiliar. A lot of things were unfamiliar. The tears started again. I pulled the sheet up and wallowed in self pity.
“You promised,” a soft voice filtered through the sheet.
In surprise I spun to face him. He was sitting on a chair watching me. He was dressed simply in a t-shirt and jeans. His eyes were red and starting at me.
“You promised,” he repeated.
“I promised?” I echoed his words without thinking about it.
“Yes,” his eyes were so full with pain and glassy, “You promised you would forgive me. You said you would forgive me anything. You said you loved me and would forgive me.”
“Yeah, and you said you loved me!” I threw back at him and watched him blanch. “You don’t love me. You have never loved me. It has never been about me! It’s always been about her.”
His whole face crumbled. He looked away from me for a minute before turning back. “You are wrong. You have never been so wrong. Why can’t you see me? Why are you so sharp with everything else but when it comes to me you just don’t see me?”
“Gavin knew didn’t he?” I watched Joel focus on his hands and nod just enough. “Yeah you are right. Gavin worked it out and I was just gullible. How did you find me?” I looked around the room I had no idea where I was, so how did he find me?
“The watch. I can track you through the Dimension Opener. Cissy we need to talk about this. You need to listen to me.”
I sat up in the bed with my back to him. I looked at the watch and contemplated taking it off. Then I thought better of it. I would need to keep it on if I was going to get home and that was suddenly a priority. Yes, home was where I need to be now. I wanted to go home.
“Cissy, please believe me this is not what you think. I love you. You are everything to me.”
“And what about her? You love her right? The only reason you looked at me was because of her, you wanted me because I was her.”
“Yes and no, Cissy. I won’t lie to you, I have always loved you. But that’s where it got confusing. You aren’t the same. You are different. You had a different upbringing. I fell in love with you.” He rubbed his forehead. “Look at me Cissy, can’t you see that it is you I love!”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“I have wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how to tell you. At first I couldn’t believe it. I mean every morning I woke up with you in my arms I had to remind myself of where I was.” He stopped as I let a small sob out. “I am doing this all wrong. When I took this job no one had ever run into anyone from our dimension. The odds were so low.”
“And yet here I am. What a miracle!” I huffed sarcastically through my tears.
“Yes you are. I can’t tell you how much I fought to avoid this. But I was drawn to you. I wanted to know you, to find out all the things that I didn’t know about you. And I did. And then and only then did I love you.”
“So, are you saying that you don’t love her?”
“I did love her. And yes you are the same and completely different all at once. I can’t explain it properly.”
“Joel, I am going to get dressed and then I am going to leave. It’s time I went back to my own dimension. “
“No.”
“No?”
“Cissy I am not going to let you leave me. I am not going to let you give up on us. I will not lose you over this. You promised me and I will hold you to that promise. I love you Cissy and I will fight for you.”
He was standing up with his fists clenched and his jaw tight but tears still ran down his face. I had to stomp on the piece of me that desperately wanted to reach for him and comfort him. I wasn’t ready for that.
“I need to get dressed Joel. I am cold.” I closed my eyes and forced myself to turn away from him.
I felt a weight hit the bed and opened my eyes to find a pile of clothes.
“I found these. They are clean.” Then he turned and left the room.
I fell back into the bed and sobbed into the depths of the pillow. Why? Everything was going so well, why did this have to happen? I knew he was waiting for me but I didn’t care. I drowned in my own pity-party. Only when I had no more tears to cry and I was dangerously close to being dehydrated did I pull on the clothing and try to pull myself together.
When I opened the door he was there leaning against the wall waiting for me. His hands drew me in and before I could react he pressed me to his chest and kissed the top of my head. Internally I battled with the Cissy that wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and let him comfort me. Instead I twisted out of his grasp and continued into the living area of this house. I stopped at the front door and waited. I had no idea what was supposed to happen next. Given my relationship experience at zilch, zip and nothing, this was new ground for me.
He put his arms around me again and slowly edged me to the sofa, “Let me hold you, I hate this. I can’t stand not holding you.” He gently sat me down still in his arms, “What is your favourite flower?”
“Why?”
“Just answer the question.”
“Gerbera.”
“Really? Not roses or orchids?” I could hear him smiling. “What colour Gerbera?”
“What are you doing?”
He smiled at me and answered me, “Hi, I’m Joel Anderson, nice to meet you.” He grabbed my hand and gave it a short shake while still holding me . “So you are Francis King. Because I am going to never leave your side I will call you Cissy.”
“No, really - what are you doing?”
“Since you don’t believe me, I am going to prove to you that I love you. I am going to court you.” He frowned a little as I shook my head at him. “I hope the next dimension has a florist. I don’t think Gerbera’s grow wild around here.”
I groaned softly. “Don’t Joel. Just take me home.”
“No. I love you and you love me. We love each other and I won’t let that go. You will forgive me Cissy because I am going to keep you to your promise.”
“No Joel. This isn’t that easy.”
“Why?”
“Because it isn’t.” I stood up out of his arms and walked over to the window. “When are we leaving?”
“What do you want me to do Cissy. You tell me and I will do it.”
“Take me home.”
“I am working on that. But I am still not going to let you go.” His hand found mine and he led me out of the door. “Yes, let’s go. I am hungry and this place is lacking florists and romantic restaurants. Do you like dancing? That’s what I will do, I am going to take you on a date.”
“Do I get a say in this?”
“No. Can I ask one question Cissy? What did you think I was going to asked forgiveness for?”
“I don’t know.”
“You must have had a theory?”
“Radioactive spiders!” I scoffed a short laugh but caught his look, “Sorry, that was a joke, you won’t get that.”
He smiled at my smile so that disappeared.
“You agreed to it so quickly without know what I was asking, you must have had a worst case scenario?”
“Not going home. That was what I thought. You said earlier that you would have to use up favours to get me home. I thought I was forgiving you for not being able to get me back.”
“And this is worse than that?”
“Yes.”
He turned to me and took my face in his hands. His lips gently caressed mine. But I dropped my head and my eyes knowing that I couldn’t do this. Mum was right. I was strong enough to tackle a physical assault but an emotional one was something I was totally unprepared for. I had no idea what to do. I had no experience to draw on. I had no idea what to do next. I was out of my depth, lost and scared.
“Joel, I can’t.” I glance up into his eyes and saw the pain. “I can’t. It hurts Joel. It really hurts. Please don’t push me on this.”
“I won’t push you but I won’t let you push me away. We will survive this. Understand that. I will be here for you but you have to let me in.” He looked directly into my eyes as he spoke and it was clear that he meant every word. “I truly love you and I know that you love me. I am not going to let you go Cissy.”
I just stood there. I wanted to fight him. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to slap him and hurt him like I was hurting. But instead I stood there like a useless thing. He was right. As much as I didn’t want to admit it he was right. I did love him. I would always love him. But that wasn’t the issue.
I stepped away from him looked around and started to adjust the settings like Joel had taught me, to bring up a dimension gate.
“What are you doing Cissy?”
“Leaving.”
He put his hand over mine, “Let me do it. But before we go, there is something we need to talk about. If we can find one in the next dimension then I need to take you to a doctor.” He looked down at his watch and when he glance up at me I could see the guilt in his face.
“Why?”
“Well, we didn’t, I didn’t use any protection. I am sorry I didn’t even think about it.”
“You are not, you don’t have any...”
“No! No, not for that reason! I can’t have you getting pregnant. I should have been careful.”
“Don’t worry about that.” I said quietly and when he frowned I quickly told him about the contraceptive injection I had been given at the hospital.
“I really love your dimension. Remind me to thank your mother.”
“No!” I blushed.
He laughed gently. “Come on then, lets get going. I have some serious wooing to do because I really want to take you back to bed and ...”
“Joel!” I interrupted
“Well it is the truth.” His smile was cheeky and sultry all at the same time and I couldn’t help but feel that little thrill of desire surge through me. Instead I turned away.
“Are you going to open this gate or am I going to do it?”
“Fine, and just for the record, I definitely love you more,” and with that he laughed as the dark clouds circled.
When the gate split the air he took my hand and with the essence dulling my senses I didn’t resist him as he took me in his arms and kissed me while falling sideways.
When I next opened my eyes we were through the gate. I must have slept through the whole jump because I was in Joel’s arms and he was smiling at me.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured as his cheek brushed mine.
“Yeah, I bet you say that to all the ... me’s!”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Come on sleeping beauty, you are going to want to see this.”
He dropped my legs allowing me to stand up but kept his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in tightly to his chest. I didn’t fight him because I was feeling quite shaking on my feet and I was a little preoccupied by what I was seeing.
“We are home?”
“No. This isn’t your dimension. This is D152. It just looks the same.”
And it did look the same. We were standing in what looked to be the same place we left, the day I jumped into the gate after him. The back of the school hall, the oval with its bleachers, the access way to the car park, it was all here.
“So,” he smiled, “Let’s go to school!”