"Where are you?"
"Where am I? Where were you?!"
"I told you I was going out,"
"With who?"
"With friends! Why are you being like this?!"
"You weren't there! I'm leaving, and you weren't there, so where were you?"
2023
They had almost a month off after the UK leg of the tour in February. It was spent in Matty's house, in his bed, giggling under the covers and putting on a performance of middle class suburban love. They stayed up late, sipping wine, cooking in his kitchen, and walking his dogs. A few nights were spent in Cheshire, no longer in separate rooms. Britt and Louis had become closer, texting back and forth with inside jokes that Matty didn't understand.
The band attended the Brit Awards in February. Brittany met them at the afterparty looking so incredible that Matty had dragged her off the dancefloor and into the nearest empty bathroom. He told her how beautiful she was with the material bunched around her hips, and she tried to repeat the sentiment when he was on his knees for her but with a skilled twist of his tongue, she lost all her words as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
She landed herself in a few best dressed lists the following day, and Denise had proudly boasted how gorgeous she was during a taping of Loose Women. The panel continued to question if Matty's love declaration in Belfast was real, or yet another bit during The 1975's show.
""I'm In Love With You," is the name of one of their songs, isn't it?"
"Is that song about her too?"
"Denise, you must tell us something!"
She left the stage that night in a daze, floating down the stairs at side stage and taking off her white coat. He whispered the words again to her that night when they were alone in his hotel room as he slowly peeled her clothes off, taking his time. He promised that he meant them and it wasn't something for the crowd. She said them back after he made her come undone.
At the bands charity show at Gorilla in Manchester, she stood on the balcony with Jordan, dancing with Charli and drinking too much champagne. Matty thinks she screamed the loudest when the opening notes to Menswear had started. They all spend the night in the pub after the gig, playing pool and laughing loudly. His jacket had placed over her shoulders, and his hands wrapped around her all night.
She had sat side stage with Jamie Oborne during the Jonathan Ross show taping, watching him croon down the camera while she mouthed along the words. She laughed after their performance when the band started necking all the alcohol that was provided thanks to their rider, only to find out they had one extra segment to film. Matty had already finished two bottles of wine when the cameras had returned, falling off his chair and onto Ross' lap.
~~~
They spent time in New York, Matty recording all day with Jack Antonoff while she would get lost in a city she dreamed of living in her whole life. She meets Margaret, Jack's fiancé, and they hit it off immediately, leaving the studio together and getting coffee without saying goodbye, too caught up in conversation. Jack comments that he cannot believe Matty is going out with such an extrovert.
"She's Truman Black all day long," he laughed.
She would arrive at the studio at the end of each day, kissing her boyfriend, ruffling Jack's hair and flopping onto the couch, ready to listen to whatever they'd made. Sometimes she'd come in, and Jack wouldn't be ready to show her anything, so he'd pass her a guitar, telling her to go into the other room and practice ("please") so she couldn't hear what he was doing.
Rolling her eyes with the attitude of a child, she would take a pick from the container by the door and go. Sometimes she catches Matty watching her as he speaks to Jack, his eyes averting to her fingers placed along the neck of the instrument or roving over any exposed skin as she sheds her winter layers in the warm studio.
The boys performed at Saturday Night Live, and she gets placed in Matty's direct eye-line with a wink from one of the producers. He sings directly to her, giving the songs that aren't written for her a new meaning, a new purpose. Everyone attends the afterparty, and they make out like teenagers in the corner of the room for most of the evening, oblivious to the rest of the world.
~~~
The other shoe drops in the form of the Adam Friedland podcast. She listens to Matty's episode as she walks through Central Park, and feels like her heart is squeezing inside her chest. He doesn't understand her concerns.
"I didn't say any of that shit," he brushed her off with a wave of his hand.
"Matty, you laughed..."
She'd abandoned the conversation for the time being, unsure how to talk to him about it, unsure of her own feelings for him that were certainly changing.
Their problems persisted in Mexico. The band had done three shows, and while trying to leave the country, they were accosted in the airport. Fans surrounded the van, banging on the windows, the flashes from their cameras creating a strobe effect through the glass. Mark had told everyone to stay in the vehicle and that he'd get Matty out first and get him through the airport quickly. Adam would grab his bag, and the others should be able to meet them at the check in counter.
The plan was solid, and they all knew what to do. Matty got out as planned, and everyone waited for him to clear through the crowd. Getting out, everyone quickly grabbed for their bags, but the fans went insane at the sight of Britt, clambering over themselves to take pictures and shouting her name. She could see Mark and Matty ahead of them, looking back in confusion, and she didn't know what to do.
The band formed a box around her, and moved through the airport as a pack. Approaching the check in counter, airport security were finally able to clear the crowd away, and she could hear Matty arguing with Mark.
"Why the fuck weren't we prepared for this?"
"Nobody could've anticipated this, mate."
"Isn't this your job?" Matty was livid.
"Actually..." Mark looked to the rest of the groups arrival as they exhaled. Brittany sucked in a deep breath and forced an exhale now that she had the room to breathe.
"Britt, what the fuck?" Matty questioned.
Her hands shook as she ran her fingers through her hair and watched as the crowd still shouted their names, her name, through the glass doors.
"Back off, Matty," Ross was frustrated too, but this conversation could wait until they were in their terminal.
"No, this was a fucking nightmare. What the fuck happened?!"
"Can we just check in and deal with this in a minute?" George commanded.
Matty turned away from them and slapped his palm on the counter twice, demanding the attendant's attention.
~~~
They'd gotten through security, checked their bags, and were sat in the lounge, waiting to board. Matty had pulled Britt to the side for a tense conversation. He accused her of not doing her job correctly, of not anticipating their need for security. Though the unconventional choice, she knew she was good at her job and had more than proved it by this point. She was angry, defiant, and unwilling to apologize for something he deemed an error.
Fighting with Matty was like fighting fire with fire. It didn't do anyone any good, and the rest of the band was notably uncomfortable with the confrontation as they sat in the airport lounge. They didn't speak to each other during the flight, sitting in silence, their headphones in.
~~~
They did the South America festival season, and Matty was irritable due to the oppressive heat. He'd snapped at stagehands, complained about anything and everything, and she'd argued with him over things that didn't matter.
They'd had one day of bliss with no shows spent naked on a beach in Brazil. She felt his old self had returned to her that day, laughing and kissing her shoulder lovingly as she lay with him on the sand. He'd drawn constellations on her back, pretending her freckles were stars and telling her how much he loved her.
~~~
In April, Matty celebrated his birthday in Perth. He was tired, exhausted even, and wanted to go home. Touring was beginning to take its toll. Brittany wanted to make the day memorable for him, organizing some decorations for his hotel room and bringing out a chocolate cake with a few candles during dinner at a local restaurant.
He'd smiled and thanked her after everyone had sung but wasn't in the mood for any of it. He'd left early, faking a headache, and sat alone in his hotel room, watching Netflix and scrolling on social media until he felt like his brain was rotting.
The next day he'd apologized as they checked out, giving her a line about being jetlagged and missing London as he handed her his room key. She'd accepted it, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.
~~~
His self-worth was depleting the longer they were on tour. Video after video of his girlfriend appeared on his Instagram timeline, talking about her fashion, talking about what she saw in him, talking about what he saw in her. Then there was the general discourse from the podcast he'd done. Swiping through one particularly nasty comment thread, he deactivated his account.
He feels better once the band reaches Melbourne, Britt's hometown. They had toured here before, but being with her meant he was about to see it all through a different lens. She could show him places she used to haunt, and he was excited.
Instead, Brittany was depressed. She was as professional as ever, and he honestly didn't pick it at first. The bags under her eyes grew dark and heavy, and she stopped contributing to conversation unless directly called upon. The morning of their first Melbourne show Britt pulled out of their plans, lying about meetings with Jamie and some additional duties she had been putting off.
He believed her, kissing her goodbye at her door before leaving for coffee with Adam and Jordan. Later when she was unresponsive to his texts, and didn't answer her hotel door when he knocked, he'd asked Jamie what was so urgent that she'd be impossible to reach all day.
"What? I don't have anything planned with Britt," Matty frowned, confused. "If she's said otherwise, I don't know anything about it."
Brittany met them at the stadium, kissing him hello before rushing around and completing her task list in the evening. He'd watched her, trying to put the pieces together, wondering what she did that day that required him not to be around.
After the show, she snuck from their green room, pretending to be on a phone call as they ate. Following her, Matty found Britt breaking down in one of their unused dressing rooms alone, a hand covering her mouth so that nobody else would overhear her heaving sobs.
Clicking the door shut behind him, she looked up, wiping her eyes quickly with the sleeves of her shirt and turning away.
"What's going on?"
She gave him an incredulous look.
"Nothing! Everything is fine," the way she folds her arms around her middle, holding herself, and her red eyes tell him otherwise.
"Are you cheating on me?" He angrily whispers. It was the only natural conclusion he could come to.
"What? No! Why would you think that?!"
"You lied to me today," she stills, knowing he's caught her out, and he crosses his arms over his chest. "Jamie said you didn't have any meetings."
"I'm not cheating on you," she exhales sharply. "I just needed to be alone for a bit, and I didn't know how to tell you without it turning into this," she waves her arm in the arm, guesting to the space between them.
"You didn't need to lie about it," he runs a hand through his hair. "I'm a big boy, and if you wanted to be alone, you just need to say so."
She nods, and the room turns silent as he waits for a further explanation of her behaviour. He doesn't look away when she meets his eyeline, and she almost looks ashamed when she answers.
"I'm having a hard time because you were so excited to come here, and I've been dreading it," she begins. "It doesn't feel like home anymore, and I feel like a fucking tourist in a city I've spent my whole life in."
"I thought that since being here, maybe somebody in my family might try and call me," she wipes away the tears that start dropping from her eyes. "I thought maybe they'd hit me up for money at least, and I've heard nothing."
"I had this stupid thought that maybe it would be like a movie, and my mum would move heaven and earth to find me," she takes a deep breath. "I thought she'd find me and tell me that she's sorry and that she misses me, but she hasn't, and I'm here, and she doesn't care."
He's trying to be understanding and sympathetic, but he cannot for the life of him figure out why she thought this. From everything he knows about her mother, the last thing that woman would do is apologise for anything.
He's not stupid, so he doesn't say any of this, just nods his head and wraps his arms around her when she apologises for lying to him.
~~~
She hires a car for the two of them before their second show in Melbourne so she can drive him around and show him where she grew up. Its also an apology for her behaviour and some quality time spent together that they clearly needed. She kisses his knuckles when he wraps his fingers around hers on the gear stick and drives like a maniac along the familiar routes of the highways.
They go to her old coffee shop. The barista still remembers her order and greets her with a hug and tears in their eyes. As they wait for their order, Matty points out the picture of her performing in Kentucky hung on the wall behind the coffee machine, and her jaw drops. The café doesn't let them pay, but he drops a $50 in the tip jar as they leave anyway.
She shows him her old school, flipping her finger up at it as she drives, and then the McDonalds she worked at when she was 15 for her first job. She points out her old apartment with Ravenna, who was due to arrive back in town later that evening for their show and the field she gotten drunk in for the first time. She'd laughed as she told him stories, but he was slow to find them funny, feeling overwhelming sadness instead with every anecdote.
Slowly the car pulled down a suburban street and stopped in front of a house with a stained glass windows and a green picket fence.
"This is where I grew up," she whispered as she admired the property. Grass grew long between the pavers, and bougainvillea vines trailed along the porch roof. Christmas lights drape over the railing, and he thinks of his mother's house in Cheshire and how Brittany's eyes lit up the first time she'd seen it.
There aren't any cars in the driveway, and it doesn't look like anyone was home. Matty opened the door to their rental, hopping out and shaking her hand off his arm as she tried to stop him. He walked through the garden quietly, his boots crunching the gravel underneath, and when he rang the doorbell, he felt confident there wouldn't be an answer.
It was the middle of the day, and her sisters should be at school and her mother at work. After a moment and no sounds coming from the other side of the door, he reached under the worn mat at his feet and found a silver key. He held it up to show his girlfriend, and Brittany launches from the car, panicked. She begs him not to open the door as he slides the key into the lock, sharply twisting it to the right.
The door swings open.
Brittany grabs for his hand before he could step inside. Pausing, the scent of her childhood home overwhelmed her as she looked down the hallway. He thinks he can almost see the ghost of her former self, rushing home from school, dumping her backpack, and running straight into the back garden to play. Matty folded his fingers in between hers, and she tore her eyes away from her melancholy as they stepped inside.
The lounge room was simple, consisting of an old leather lounge set that had seen better days and some mostly dead plants in the corner of the room. His eyes travelled along the photos adorning the hallway walls, school photos of her sisters and what he thought might have been a recent wedding photo of her mother and her new husband. None of them included her. She let go of his hand to see out the back door, searching for something. There's an unused playhouse in the back corner, its wood rotting from the elements and the door swinging on broken hinges in the breeze.
There was a door in the hallway that catches his attention, the only one closed in the whole house. He has a feeling he knows exactly what it would contain when he twists the handle.
It was empty except for a bed that was clearly used for guests now with pressed towels on the end of it, like it was a hotel. The walls were bare except for the telltale oil stains from posters she must have stuck up. He wondered who she considered special enough to look at everyday when she was growing up.
"Matty," she softly whispered from the doorway, eyes drifting along the empty space. "Can we go?"
He follows her out of the house, shutting the front door behind him and leaving the key where he found it. Pulling away from the curb, they only make it halfway down the street before she pulls over quickly. Brittany turns around in her seat, watching a car as it parks across her old driveway.
Two young girls appear from the backseat, looking every bit like their matching photographs in the hallway. He's suddenly struck with how much they looked like Brittany, brunette hair and full of attitude. The older girl slams the car door, throwing the driver their middle finger before stomping inside.
A few moments later, a woman gets out of the driver seat. She's tall, standing in stiletto heels that don't quite match the suburban setting. Her bleached hair straightened, and her knock off handbag slung loosely in the crook of her elbow. Brittany turns around in her seat and starts the car again.
She's silent for a few minutes before confirming that the girls were indeed her sisters.
"They don't look like how I remember them," she sadly remarks, and Matty grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together.
"And the blonde?"
"My mother. She looks exactly like I thought," she laughs humourlessly. "Stepford Wife."
During soundcheck, later that evening, Britt asks if she can sing that night. Polly has no issues, but Matty was less than keen. She'd been acting like everything was fine since they'd gotten back to the hotel, brushing everything aside and riding him until he felt like his eyes were going to fall out of his head. It had been rough and angry and amazing, but he thinks she might've needed it more than he did.
~~~
Rav had then arrived, and he pretended not to notice the multiple empty bottles of champagne in the dressing room before the show and how his girlfriend slurred her words a little. Ross had given him a look when she was laughing a bit too loudly at jokes that weren't overly funny.
The rest of the band agree to let her sing, cheering for her first hometown show performance, and he feels outnumbered. She wears a skimpy black dress, one that was usually reserved for after show parties, and sings better than he's ever heard. As he introduces the band between songs, the crowd goes predictably insane when he says his girlfriend's name. Though, the roar sounding from the audience when he tells them she's from Melbourne is unexpected.
Britt's ego had stepped in then. She'd left her spot on the stage, taking over his microphone and starting a crowd chant that must have been an Australian thing because he and the boys had never heard it before. It honestly had annoyed the fuck out of him, it wasn't her show, and she was acting like all these people were there because they'd paid to see her.
He'd pulled the mic out of her hand after that, rolling his eyes when she winked at him. Smacking her ass, he pointed her back to her place on the stage and returned to the setlist. She knocked the gig out of the park, her excitement electric and made for one of the best shows of the Australian leg thus far, according to the reviews.
~~~
After their show in Brisbane, they all piled into the corner of a bar, playing pool and drinking heavily. The weather was significantly better than the previous states they had performed in, no longer freezing to their bones or drenched from the unrelenting rain. Britt had been throwing back lagers with Ross all evening and explaining the difference between English and Australian football.
George passed her his pool cue, excusing himself to the bathroom, and she leaned against the table, sipping from her drink.
"No, so, ok-" She knew she'd probably drunk too much when she tried to put her glass back on the table and miscalculated how far away it was. Adam had caught her as she stumbled, and they'd both laughed.
"Australian football- AFL! You can use your hands, right?"
The group laughed as she slurred, stumbling across her words and trying to declare which sport was better. Leaning back against the pool table, a man she'd never met appeared opposite her. He said something about buying her a new drink, but she'd laughed, telling him no and going back to her story with her friends.
Instead, the man boxed her in against the pool table, placing his arms on either side of her and pressing himself against her lower half. She tried to push him off but couldn't. The guy wouldn't budge. Panic started to rise in her chest when he lowered his face to her neck and his hand to her bare waist under her shirt.
Suddenly the stranger was ripped away from her and was sprawled on the floor. Ross pushed her behind him while he shouted for security to remove the man. George returned, watching the scene unfold in front of him. His eyes darted between her and Matty, who was still standing at the bar none the wiser, chatting to fans who'd recognized him.
Security had asked her if she was ok, if there was something they could do, and she shook her head, grabbing her bag and storming out of the venue. Adam caught up to her, throwing his jacket over her shoulders and waiting for a taxi to take them back to their hotel together.
~~~
She stopped coming to nights out at Mark's, the band's security, request. They didn't have the ability to keep everyone safe when she and Matty were in the room anymore. Matty came to their room after the night in Brisbane, asking why he had to find out what happened from George and not her. She rolled over and pretended to be asleep.
Things weren't the same since didn't have their tour bus anymore. It wasn't required since they traveled straight to the hotels from the airport. Britt and Matty went back to sleeping in separate rooms after he'd gotten frustrated by her morning routine and her alarm that blared at 6am every day.
She was grateful for the space herself, sick of hearing him cough and splutter every morning after getting out of bed and hearing the door open and shut at all hours of the night because he was desperate for another cigarette.
The shows mostly ran themselves, and the stages didn't need to dressed anymore since the house set was left behind in Ireland. Britt felt entirely useless except in the mornings when getting everyone out of bed and working with Jordan on social media posts. She mentioned this to Jamie Oborne, saying she had free time if he had anything else she could do.
He suggested jumping onto another tour that needed an extra set of hands instead.
She considered it secretly and accepted it after another passive-aggressive argument with Matty over something banal. She saw the looks shared between the band whenever she and Matty entered the room. She could feel the eggshells they were all walking on around them.
"You're leaving?!" He accused as he stood in the doorway of her hotel room, packing her suitcase.
Jamie had accidentally revealed the news before she had a chance to talk to Matty about it, and she could see him pushing his nails into the palms of his hands and how he held his breath to keep from screaming.
"We just need some space from each other right now," she whispered, pulling his fingers out of the fists he created.
~~~
She was assigned the last few dates of Bea's opening set with Taylor Swift's The Era's Tour. Leaving The 1975 after their first night in New Zealand, she would join them again when they arrived in Manilla.
Or so she thought.
Taylor had found her during soundcheck, calling her name and running over excitedly. She found herself in the singer's dressing room later, catching up on the last few months like they were old friends.
"How're you and Matty?" the blonde had asked over breakfast one morning.
"We're doing really great!" She fights through the lump forming in her throat as she speaks, the words drenched in deceit.
A new contract lands in Jamie Oborne's inbox on her last day before heading to Manilla. Taylor had demanded that she stick around, offering her a "general tour assistant" role for the rest of the North American leg.
Matty had seemed genuinely excited for her when she spoke to him about it, telling her that she should take it.
"A tour like Taylor's is rare, and if you get to be part of it, then you'll be a part of history," he explained over the phone during a late night FaceTime.
She had no problem signing on the dotted line after that. It was only after she said goodbye to Bea and her band that she had no idea when she'd see her boyfriend next.
~~~
She helped whichever department needed extra hands. Lighting, sound, and costumes, she even spent a day in the merch tent selling t-shirts to overexcited fans. One day she joined the dancers, helping with their blocking on the stage after setting up in a new stadium, and they taught her a few of the moves so she could follow along with them. She'd squealed, nearing falling off her prop chair as the platforms rose suddenly, and everyone laughed.
Standing on Taylor's mark as everyone moved around to their next spot, Brittany surveyed the empty audience. It was larger than anything Matty or the boys had played on, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Taylor performed multiple nights in a row to a sold-out crowd. Britt couldn't ever dream this big.
~~~
(Before every show The 1975's "About You" sounds across the stadiums. She always thinks of her boyfriend, smiling at her on stage in Kentucky as they sing together. Sometimes it makes her heart race in excitement as she counts the days until she sees him again.)
(Lately it's starting to make her miserable.)
~~~
She and Matty had been playing phone tag for days now, the time difference between each country the band traveled to and the times she wasn't busy never aligning. He'd made his frustrations known over a voicemail when she again missed his call. She'd tried to hold back her tears when he'd apologized for yelling.
"Baby, I just miss you."
~~~
Matty had texted to say he was boarding his flight from Manilla to Nashville, and not 20 minutes later the front page of The Sun was revealed. Taylor and Matty were allegedly together. Taylor had texted immediately stating it wasn't true, and Brittany believed her. Matty didn't have the time to call her back, let alone carry out a secret relationship with the most famous woman on earth.
Later that evening, the memo she'd been waiting for crackles over her walky-talkie.
"Brittany, your guest is in VIP."
She'd dropped what she was doing and started running through the concrete halls and onto the field. Her lanyard flashed, and security grinned when they opened the back of the tent for her. She'd been excitedly talking all day about Matty's arrival, and now he was finally here.
He stood by himself in the corner, watching the show. He turned when he heard the material door flap back into place, and she launched into his arms. He greeted her with the biggest smile she'd seen from him in months and kissed him, her legs wrapping around his waist. She wasn't great with public displays of affection, getting embarrassed by all of the eyes on her, but she thinks she'll make an exception just this once for him.
During Lover, Taylor sang towards them, smiling as Matty wrapped his arms around her, swaying slowly. Unfortunately, she was still at work, so she could only stay with him for a portion of the show, having to leave him during the Evermore set. She tried her hardest to ignore the frustration on his face when she kissed him goodbye, promising to return as quickly as she could.
~~~
The rest of the weekend, Matty followed Britt around the stadium as she tried to complete her work. He was trying to catch up on the touches he'd missed and fill her in on things that had happened during his shows. She could only half listen, trying to do a good job so that she impressed Taylor and her team.
"You're not listening."
She stopped what she was doing and exhaled.
"You're right. You're totally right. I'm sorry," she kissed him apologetically.
"I just really need to get this done. Why don't you go and get a coffee or something, and I'll finish this, and then I can stop and have lunch? We can go out. Find a café or something? We can try and find that bar from last year?"
Matty looks visibly dejected but nods. Kissing her softly, he moves down the concrete hallway. After getting a coffee, he sat in the kitchen area for an hour, scrolling on his phone, still free of social media, before taking off to find his girlfriend again.
A few of Taylor's band members had found him and invited him back to the bands green room. Soon, he forgot about their lunch plans, getting lost in the chatter and catching up with Phoebe. Britt had entered the room after a few hours, and she'd looked at him surprised, like she'd forgotten he was there.
She had.
Phoebe had offered him to join her set for the rest of the weekend, and he'd accepted. Brittany seemed too busy to spend time with him anyway, and he enjoyed feeling useful. By the end of night three in Nashville he could play all of his friends songs and learnt most of Taylor's setlist from standing in the VIP tent alone, waiting for his girlfriend to make time for him.
~~~
He was meant to stay for a few weeks, following her on tour, but he felt lonely. He missed his house, and he missed his dogs. He didn't want to do this every weekend with her, following her around like a cuck.
"I changed my flight home," he mentions as they sprawled in their hotel bed. Sweat still stuck to his skin, and Brittany's hair a mess from his fingers. She rolled off him at his words, pulling the sheet to cover herself.
"To when?"
When he flies home the next day, she wonders if it was revenge.
~~~
In May, the new episode of ATPOAIM comes out and Britt watches it alone from her Massachusetts hotel room. It was the standard footage she'd expected from what Matty had explained when they last spoke, but when he uttered the words "I need a girlfriend," she was furious.
She forwarded him a screenshot of the scene with a question mark. He ignored her message until the next day, explaining that it was "just a bit" for the short film, that he was "acting." For the first time, she admits that she isn't sure how much longer she can do this with him.
~~~
In July, she spends her birthday in Seattle with Taylor. Someone arranges a giant sheet cake backstage, her name in frosted pink cursive and what looks like over a hundred candles covering the top (she just about bursts her lungs trying to blow them all out in one breath).
Matty sends her a bottle of champagne, the same one he'd bought her for Christmas the year before, and a simple note. She'd thought he'd write something more meaningful than "Britt, Happy Birthday. Love Matty" but maybe she was asking for too much.
Taylor doesn't say anything when she reads the card over her shoulder, but she doesn't hide the disappointed look she shares with the Haim sisters fast enough. Brittany feels embarrassed. She pops the bottle and shares it with anyone who has an empty glass and attempts to distract everyone into thinking she's having a blast.
Matty was somewhere in Europe or maybe New York. He'd called her earlier in the week to drop the news he wouldn't be there for her birthday with an apology. The band was just "really busy" recording their new album and interviews. She was exhausted too and had been looking forward to spending the day with him, but she agreed, and they'd planned to meet another time.
She lets herself cry when she's in the shower that night. Her mascara runs down her face, and she's drunk off champagne from a boy that apparently loves her but couldn't even make the time to call her on her birthday.
~~~
In August, Taylor watches the calls between Brittany and Matty become less frequent. She watches as Brittany ignores her phone with a sigh when he finally does ring, and how Matty leaves her friends texts on read for days before responding.
She can sometimes hear them fighting through the hotel walls, trying to make solid plans to see each other. Trying to hold onto a relationship thats now lasted longer over their devices than it ever did in person.
She catches Brittany wiping away another set of tears one morning as she's making a cup of tea in the kitchen of their greenroom. Taylor doesn't ask how her friend is anymore, doesn't offer words of wisdom or a shoulder to cry on. She does wrap her arms around her though, holding her, shielding her from the pain for just a moment.
~~~
Brittany meets Charli and the rest of the boys in San Francisco after the end of the North American leg of The Era's Tour. Taylor contracted her further, her team boasting to Jamie about the incredible job she'd done since arriving and refusing to let her go for the Latin America leg. She'd get almost two full weeks off before jetting off again and was looking forward to spending some time with her friends and her boyfriend.
Their first night all back together was spent in a club downtown, the bass thumping and the drinks pouring. She wanted to stay with him for the evening in their hotel, trying to convince him as she slowly pulled her dress from her body. He'd promised her, "later," with a dark look in his eye, and she'd believed him.
She'd overdone it in excitement once they got out, laughing at Charli and George's jokes and dancing with Ross like idiots, taking up too much space on the dancefloor. Matty had seemed annoyed by her behaviour, moving away from her slightly whenever she sat next to him.
She was drunk, but he was angry. Security had to intervene when they'd started arguing, removing them both and putting them into a taxi. When they'd gotten back to their room, she'd gone for a shower to try and sober up, and when she'd come back out, Matty hadn't been in the room and neither had his belongings.
When he met everyone for breakfast the following morning, he revealed he'd booked another room for himself. Charli pretended not to listen in the conversation occurring next to her at the table, but Brittany felt her friends hand squeeze her leg in support.
A glimmer of hope shone through after The 1975's headlining set. Matty had walked off the stage, pressing his lips to hers and taking her back to his dressing room. It was rough, his hands gripping her hips none too gently, and she winced in pain when his thumbs left bruises. The orgasm that comes on so strong that she almost faints is enough to forgive him.
~~~
Charli takes Brittany out to a few thrift stores the day before she's due back on tour with Taylor. She's prodded for information about Matty, prodded for the real story of the last few months.
"We just need to spend more time together," she lies as she tries on another dress. "The time difference thing is such a killer."
Brittany is glad her friend can't see her through the changeroom door, barely holding the tears back, her hands shaking with anxiety over the choice she knows she needs to make soon.
"You're such a fucking liar," Charli spits.
Brittany zipped up the vintage low rise jeans she found in a bargain bin and let the tears fall. She looks at herself in the mirror. She doesn't like what she sees anymore. Doesn't like that her eyes are always red from crying and that she feels terrible that she doesn't speak to her boyfriend often but feels worse once she does.
"I think we're done," she defeatedly whispered.
~~~
Matty doesn't return to their hotel room the night before she leaves, and she sleeps alone. He doesn't text her back, and she tries her hardest not to think about what he's doing or who he's with. George and Charli meet her in the lobby to say goodbye in the morning, and she's so grateful to them for not saying anything about how bloodshot her eyes are.
The phone call from Matty comes after she's already flown to New York and is awaiting her connecting flight to Sao Paulo.
"Where are you?"
She scoffs, wiping the tears as they leak from her lashes, "Where am I? Where were you?!"
"I told you I was going out," she can hear the irritation in his voice, and it only makes her more frustrated.
"With who?"
"With friends! Why are you being like this?!"
"You weren't there! I'm leaving, and you weren't there, so where were you?" Other passengers in the boarding line watch her as she has this confrontational conversation over the phone in the middle of the terminal.
He's silent, and it's like she can hear him realise his mistake.
"I'm done," she whispers.
One of the flight attendants starts walking in her direction when the final boarding sign starts flashing on the screen.
"What?"
"I can't do this with you anymore."
"I stay out for one night, and what? That's it? We're done?" He's so blind, and she's so stupid. Even in the heat of the moment he still can't see what he's done. What he's doing to her.
"Britt-" He starts, but the flight attendant tells her that they can't wait any longer, that she needs to board now.
"I have to get on the plane, Matty," Brittany hangs up.
During the flight, her tears dry up, and she feels numb. She tries to pinpoint when she and Matty fell so out of touch with each other, and there's no one moment that stands out against the others.
They just weren't meant to be.