Hyunjin POV
Two days had gone by since arriving back home. The man from the hotel had been arrested and charged with stalking and assault. Turns out he had several previous charges and we had been informed it would be a long time before anyone heard from him again.
There was a tension in the air- things with Woojin were still unresolved and Jisung and Seungmin were often together, plotting the next move. I could tell by Minho's expression and the set of his shoulders that he was not exactly pleased with the amount of time they were together- but since he was usually with them, he also didn't really complain. Exes were like that though- sloppy.
It all made me so much happier I didn't need to worry about exes within the group. I had my men and everyone else had theirs. It was the happiest overall we'd been in a very long time. It made my soul content.
I was in my room, listening to music and working on a sketch. I was debating if I would turn my sketch into a painting- and the thought made me blush. The image on the paper was looking up the line of Felix's body, from a kneeling position- Bin's hand gripped his neck and his mouth was at his throat- but his eyes were on me- and there was something so raw and feral in his gaze. I loved it when he looked at me like that- even if I couldn't put it into words around him yet. His muscles bunched as he thrusted, Felix's mouth gaping wide in bliss as his eyes fluttered closed. The image had been haunting me since that night-before all the madness had started, and my hand moved in quick, sure strokes as I let the moment flow onto the paper. My mind replayed the night, my mouth remembering the feel of Felix's smooth cock against my tongue, the sounds he made deep in his throat as he came- caught between us.
As I drew, I mindlessly started to sing along to the song I was listening to, feeling the vibes "Let it burn just a little, It's better when it's hurts just a little baby, I don't want just anyone to hold (Just anyone to hold) ,I want you and your beautiful soul If you only knew That I'm willing to, Give it all that I have to give
My flesh and bones. It's a burning sensation...."
I started moving, my shoulders rolling to the music- a sudden need to move hitting me. My creative was all over the place, but I was used to that, I stood, dancing a bit as I drew- My hips swaying as I worked- oblivious to everything around me.
I turned- making up a little impromptu choreo to the song and was met with the amused and hungry gaze of my very own muscled baby girl, leaning against the door- his ample arms crossed over his chest as he looked at me. He was dressed, as usual, in all black- adding to the aura of dark, sexy energy that he was exuding. I was startled and my eyes went wide as I hurriedly took off my headphones.
"Hey, Bin." I squawked, embarrassed.
"The dance is sexy. What are you listening to?" he asked, intrigued.
"Just a song that popped up on my Spotify a while back. It's called Man on Fire by Jahkoy, I think." I answered- and I was suddenly hyper aware that we were in my bedroom, just the two of us. And God I wanted his hands on me.
"I knocked, but I can see you were feeling the muse." He chuckled. It's really good." He offered- gesturing to the canvas, and I blushed brightly.
"It's just a concept- I'll probably scrap it." I mumbled.
"The fuck you'll scrap it." He challenged lightly.
"I mean- it'll never see the light of day." I explained halfheartedly.
He grinned and chuckled. "It doesn't need to. It's a private moment- captured from your eyes, remembering a moment that is special for you, my Prince." He started forward, a playful grin on his lips and my heart pounded- the place deep in the pit of my stomach went wobbly with anticipation.
He was inches from me- his breath light on my face- leaning toward me when I asked, "So, what are you doing here?" I blurted- sounding annoyed, not flirty like I had hoped. My brain immediately started to scold me "What the fuck was that idiot- why'd you stop him?"
He pulled away and pressed his lip together. He put his hands in his jeans pockets and backed away a step. "I was going to kiss you simple and ask you to lunch, but..." he paused, doing his very best not to look disappointed "I think maybe I shouldn't have interrupted you." He gave me his little sad smile and turned to leave.
"No- No. I didn't mean..." I mumbled, my hand immediately going to my face in a self-scolding "duh" motion. "I was just startled, Bin- don't go."
"Hyunjin. Listen- I don't want to bother you. I don't want you to be startled or scared when I come to visit. I understand, really." He explained. "I was just missing you. I know you and Lixxie went to lunch yesterday, and the day before you two went shopping, so I thought maybe we could do the same. One on one time can be good." He smiled that heartbreaking sad smile again. "Maybe you guys can go again instead. I get it. I really do." He said so surely, so convinced that I was rejecting him, that my face fell.
He had called me by my full name, not Prince or Hyunnie or even Jinnie. He hadn't done that since we started dating and fear crept up the back of my neck. It wasn't that I didn't want him, in fact, it was how intensely that I did want him that scared me. He had been nothing but sweet, patient and understanding with me and here I was, making him feel like he was unwanted, like I only wanted Felix and not him. Something told me he had a fear of exactly that and I hated that I had made him feel that way. With Felix it was so easy, I wasn't at all conflicted about what we were to each other, or how I craved him. "Babe." I said quietly.
He turned, his attempt to try to leave before one of us was hurt halted, looking at me confused. "Don't think blatant use of a generic pet name is going to confuse me. I'm not sure what kind of fluke happened when we were traveling- but never mind. It is clear to me exactly what you want." He swallowed and I watched as his face contorted- trying so hard to be stoic as he said the words that broke me. "And it has never been me."
It was like someone had turned the sound off in my ears- I heard only a high pitch ringing as my heart clawed its way up my throat, refusing to believe this was happening. "No." I croaked, shaking my head. He didn't stop retreating, his wide back to me- acting as though he hadn't heard me. "Fucking damn it, Bin, stop." I gritted out- swallowing back the tears that threatened.
"I won't interfere with you and Felix. You make him so happy it hurts." He said flatly- not looking at me. "Fuck it hurts." He said quietly- I almost didn't hear.
It hit me that he was going to leave. That he would sacrifice his own happiness to give me what he thought I wanted. But he didn't know. He didn't know at all. My feet were moving, even if my body hadn't caught up. My hands were reaching for him, my mind screaming "Don't go, don't go!" I grabbed his shoulder and with strength I didn't know I had, turned him toward me- revealing his tear streamed face. "Binnie, I-" I tried and his hands were at the collar of my shirt- ready to pull me close or push me away- I wasn't sure.
"Say what you mean, before I do something I'll regret..." His voice cracked- all remaining composure lost.
I pushed my door closed and walked him backwards until he was pressed against it. I looked down at him, my eyes full of unshed tears as I tried to form the right words. "I'm so bad at this with you." I admitted- thinking the truth would get me... somewhere, at least. "It's so hard for me to show you how I really feel." I added, and he looked at me, listening intently- still tense with rejection. "Especially just the two of us." I said sheepishly- no knowing if the admission would make him angry or clarify what I was trying to say.
"Why?" he said in a voice so small and scared.
I let out a long, shaky breath and told him. "Because it scares me. I don't know how to be around you. I can't be touchy- I can't be distant- I can't be me- I have to be someone else."
"That doesn't make any sense, you fool." He scolded- a bit of teasing back in his voice, which made me so happy. "Tell me what I did to make you feel uncomfortable- we've talked about this- you aren't interested in being a bottom- I get that. Everyone is happy regardless... you didn't know your kinks; we are discovering them together. You've never been in a real relationship- well dammit I am trying desperately to give you those experiences- but you only want to do them with Lix." It was like a dam broke in him- all his thoughts came pouring out, with a barrage of fresh tears. "We have never, not once been together just the two of us since we started dating. Before it was no issue, but now- you won't eat with me unless Felix is with us, you won't watch a movie unless someone else is around, you won't take a nap with me. And you jumped out of the shower awfully quick the other day. As soon as Felix was done, so were you. And sexy time, just us? Forget it- I've given up on that happening. I know you and Lix have slept together without me- he's told me- not to tell your secrets, just being respectful of our relationship. I mean tell me, please, is there something wrong with me? My body? Am I too much?"
I was at a loss- he was right. For all the times I had been in one sided relationship- trying desperately to receive any love back from my partner- and hating that it hurt so much, I was doing exactly that to Bin. I gave Felix every ounce of the boyfriend experience- dates, gifts, silly little texts and kisses every chance I got. But Bin- sweet, adorable, attentive Bin. He got good morning texts in our group chat, and a cold shoulder anytime we weren't with our third. It was him who gave me the boyfriend experience. He bought me flowers, sent me lunches and treats- remembered to get me my favorite drinks for rehearsal. And I knew he had issues with his body image. I hadn't ever meant to make him think I wasn't attracted to his body. It had been what had attracted me in the first place- shallow, but true. That killed me inside maybe more- since his sculpted body had been my muse lately. "I'm so sorry." I spoke- hoping it helped even a bit.
"You never have to be sorry, Hyun. You have to tell- me, what scares you, exactly?"
"How much I love you." I say earnestly.
"I can't believe that." He shook his head. "You love Felix- it's obvious, but me- no. Maybe you lusted for me for a while..." He said convincing himself.
I wanted to roll my eyes. He was being difficult, and he had every right to be. I hadn't made any of this easy on him. I was so stupid sometimes, he made me stupid. No- it wasn't fair that I blamed my fears on him. I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek- collecting the salty wetness of his tears on my lips. He stopped talking, inhaling sharply, holding his breath, waiting. I hated that me kissing him was still a surprise- that he still felt like it may never happen again. I kissed his other cheek, and then his lips- nudging them gently until he opened for me. His hands at my collar constricted- griping the fabric as he held me to him. I ran my tongue along the roof of his mouth, causing him to shiver slightly. I poured all the words I couldn't form into that kiss- my lips moving with his as our tongues spared. He was tentative- wary, waiting for me to end it, but I was in no rush to do so. I kept kissing him until the taste of his tears had melted away and I was out of breath. Until my hands were in his shirt, running over his stomach and sides, pulling him to me, desperate and frenzied. We broke from the kiss, panting and needy.
His eyes were so bright- looking at me, waiting. "I said- I love you, Binnie." I repeated and he bit his bottom lip shyly. "I am scared everyday of how much I want you that I have been pushing you away- guarding myself from I don't know what." I kissed his nose, then each eyebrow, then his lips again- quick but with conviction. "Don't leave. Please." I begged, staring into his eyes. "I need you, Bin."
He hands moved to the backs of my thighs, lifting me like It was nothing, and my legs wrapped around his waist as he kissed me this time, walking us across the room to the stool that sat by my easel. He sat, and I was in his lap- one hand in my hair and the other on my ass. He kissed me like it would be the last time, like he was memorizing every second to replay over the next decades of his life- as though he thought we'd never fit together just so again, and I prayed desperately that it wouldn't be. His mouth trailed along my neck to my ear as he whispered. "What exactly do you need, Prince?" He pulled me against him and I gasped when I felt him strained against the fabric of his pants.
"Prince." My mind sang. I hadn't lost him. My head fell back as his teeth grazed my neck, taking my breath away. "I need your kisses." I said and he responded with a sound of approval, kissing my collarbone. "I need your smile, and your laugh." I sighed, his hands running over my back to keep me from melting off his lap. "I need your voice waking me up in the morning." He tilted his hips and I felt him press against my groin, making my mind go a bit fuzzy. "I need your sweet little gestures." I said, my voice going shaky. His mouth feasted on me, his arms lowering me to the floor gently. His hands pushed my shirt up, and his mouth continued kissing down my stomach as he worked at the zipper of my pants. He knelt between my thighs; each leg draped over his hips- the vague remnants of tear tracks still visible on his face. His lips were pink and swollen from kissing. My God he was beautiful. I reached out, my hands going to his pec and bicep respectively and I whispered. "I need your body."
He paused and looked down at me. His hands froze, resting on my hips. When he didn't speak, I added. "I need everything you are willing to give me, however you want to give it." I was vulnerable and honest, and I worried he would think I was lying.
"It's already yours." He said, leaning over me. "You just have to take it." Our eyes were locked on each other's and before I could ruin the moment with more words, my mouth was on his, pulling him to me- wrapping my legs around him. He rolled, pulling me on top of him and we were a mass of writhing bodies, desperate limbs tearing each other's clothes off. We crashed through my room- knocking over my easel and paints- sending a spray of color through the air and onto us- speckling our now bare chests. I smiled at him as he laughed loud and unabashed.
My hands went to the spattering of blue and red- my fingers trailing the color over his chest and stomach, and I was overcome with the sight. He was a masterpiece- and he was mine. He laid under me, watching as I worked- my fingers moving trough the paint, circling his nipples, causing him to breath slow and steady- trying to calm himself, and over his skin in adoration. My hands were at his waistband- the need to feel more of his perfect honey skin against mine unbearable. He groaned as my mouth followed my hands.
I ran my tongue along the crease of his groin, turning my eyes to look at him. He watched me, as he always did- like he was in awe of any attention I gave him. I caught his thick cock in my mouth, running my tongue over the throbbing pulse on the underside. He groaned and his hands clenched at his sides, wanting to touch me- but he wouldn't with my permission. I ran my paint covered fingers up his body and grabbed his hand, placing it on my head, nodding my consent as I sucked him. He tentatively curled his fingers in my hair, shuddering as he did.
"You are amazing, my Prince." He sighed. I wanted more though; I wanted him- writhing as he screamed his release for me. I moaned at the thought and his fingers clenched, tugging my hair lightly. I swirled my tongue over him and pulled back, looking at him.
"I want you." I panted "Right now." I rasped.
He looked at me, biting his bottom lip. "Yes." he sighed back. "Please."
I stood, pulling him with me and led him a few feet to my bed. "I want you to ride me, if that's okay." I added, desperate to watch his body using mine to find his pleasure.
His smile spread slowly as his eyebrows rose. "Your wish is my command." He said and pushed me back on the bed, wasting no time pulling my pants off and straddling my hips. He searched briefly in my nightstand and found what he was looking for. He coated his fingers in the slick lube, stroking my waiting dick. I groaned and laid back against the pillows. I was grateful for him taking the task, I didn't think my paint covered ones would be helpful. That and they way he touched me made me weak with need.
He leaned down and kissed me as he reached between us, lining me up with his entrance. "Just for the record." He murmured. "I love you too." His mouth met mine and he eased himself slowly onto my cock, carefully- since I had failed to prep him. My moans were muffled by his mouth- he was so unbelievably warm and tight- It made my vision swim and my heart pound. He started to ride me- rolling his hips expertly- like he had been made to do so. My hands gripped his waist, held him as he bounced and swiveled finding a pace that drove me mad . I watched- enthralled that he was mine. I loved having all his muscled perfection writhing on top of me- chasing his pleasure on my cock.
"Holy fuck." I groaned. "You're perfect." I whimpered and he speed up, making my breath catch and my toes curl. "So fucking sexy." I complimented and his hands were running over my chest and stomach- spreading the paint over me as I had with him. His hands cupped my face, and he watched as I fought for control.
I put my hands on his hips- felt them rolling under my finger fluidly. "How does he move so effortlessly?" I thought and he changed his rhythm- making me moan loudly. "I'm going to cum soon, Bin." I warned and he rode me harder.
"Hold on for me, Prince. Please." He begged and I knew he was close- I watched the pulse in his neck jump- a caged thing desperate to be freed. He planted his hands on my chest, and I was thrusting up into him desperately. He met each movement with his own and then he was moaning- so close, I could feel him clenching around me-making it nearly impossible to hold out. He was glorious in the throes of passion, and I was more than happy to be the one giving it to him. "Oh Prince, yes." He groaned and he came, releasing, hot and sticky, seeping down the length of his cock- reminiscent of ice cream melting in the heat of summer.
"Oh Fuck." I hissed, following him over the edge- pulsing deep within him.
We stayed together, fused- just the two of us. My heart leapt at that. "How did I do, Prince?" He asked- wanting praise.
"You are the sexiest cowboy I've ever seen." I smiled, the image of him- naked, astride my hips, wearing a cowboy hat flooding my brain- making my fingers itch to get drawing.
He smirked and leaned down. "Well Yee Haw." He whispered and kissed me. I laughed, rolling him to the side, nuzzling his nose with mine, my arms wrapping around him.
"My Cowboy." I tried out the nickname and smiled. He blushed beautifully. I held him, reveling in his happy sounds as I pet his hair and tangled my legs with his. For the first time, we were content- just the two of us, and I didn't want it to end. We snuggled into each other until I felt the paint on my skin drying- becoming tight. He was almost asleep when I caught his lips for a kiss. "Did you say something about lunch?" I asked and his head lifted.
"I did." He said, nodding happily.
"Is it okay if we order something?" I asked- my fingers touching the drying paint on his chest. "We really should shower this off- and..." I trailed off- suddenly shy.
"And what?" he asked.
"I would really like to paint you in the nude." I said quickly.
He smiled devilishly. "Did you just say you wanted to paint me like one of your French girls?" he joked- referencing Titanic from our latest movie night- Felix's pick. I rolled my eyes but laughed.
"Yeah- I guess I did. I mean I've drawn you lots- but it's always from memory." I explained, starting to get out of bed.
"Oh?" he countered. "And where are these drawings?"
"Let's shower and order food and I'll show you." I promised. I knew I couldn't make up for the weeks I had neglected him, but I was happy he was giving me a chance to start. "Am I forgiven? I asked- needing to clarify that he wasn't leaving.
He scooted to the edge of the bed and swung is legs over the edge, so he sat looking up at me. He reached out and grabbed my hips, pulling me to him. I stood between his legs and his head rested on my stomach. "It is easy to forgive the ones you love." He said low, tracing the drying paint on my hip bone with his fingers. "Do you forgive me for being needy?" he asked, and I laughed.
"I wasn't meeting your needs, and I am sorry. I promise I won't do that again." I paused- knowing how my brain worked and amended my statement. "But if you are feeling neglected, ever, I need you to tell me. Don't wait until there are tears- I hated seeing you cry, my love." I whispered, running my fingers through his silky curls.
He looked up at me, eyes huge and a happy smile on his lips and nodded.
"Shower?" I asked, pulling him to a standing position. He let me lead him to the bathroom where we stepped into the hot steam, letting the water wash away any residual fears.