The second I opened the keys to my flat, dread filled me as I carefully searched my way through the mess of clothes, unopened boxes and cat toys on the floor. Once I finally found my coach (the only furniture despite the bed I'd built), Magnus greeted me, jumping in my lap and purring contently. The white British longhair snuggled up to me and my heart broke at the thought of pushing him off in order to clean at least a quarter of the mess before Leah arrived.
"Magnus, I can't", I whispered to my pet. "I have to shower and clean and feed you."
The word feed seemingly made the transition easy as he jumped off my lap and hurried into the kitchen where I felt his bowl of food before excusing myself to the bathroom. I grabbed a hoodie and a pair of shorts from the bag I'd been given, knowing I didn't have the time to search through my clothes boxes for an outfit, before heading into the shower and washing off the sweat of today's training.
Around half an hour later, I tied my wet hair up into a bun and sighed once more as I looked at the state of my flat. Magnus was purring on the coach once more and I realised he would be no help. So I put on some music instead, connecting my phone to the speakers I'd set up in my kitchen, home and bathroom and put on the Kabinenhits-Playlist Syd and I had made a few seasons ago. Choosing not to dwell on the memories or the song Bring 'Em Out to which we'd danced in the locker rooms before every single glame, I began picking up dirty clothes and discarding them into my laundry bag or folding them onto the bed, depending on how badly they needed a wash. Soon after, I started the first load of laundry and decided to tackle the kitchen next. I organised dirty cutlery, washed the dishes and put them away into the cupboards, wiping the surfaces and the sink as I finished. Next, the trash. There was lots of it.
Wrappers of eaten protein bars, banana peels, empty redbull zero cans were loading up on the counters, the floor, the couch and even the bedroom as I slowly worked my way through the flat. By the time a knock sounded on the door, I was tired but my flat looked just the general amount of I haven't quite moved in yet. I sprinted over towards the door, slightly lightheaded and leaned onto the door handle for a second before opening the door.
"Hey", I breathed, greeting the woman in front of me.
"Hi", she grinned, herself looking far more put together than I did. Jewelry dangled from her ears and around her neck, rings were placed on her fingers, her nails were done, her heart straightened to her shoulders. Even her outfit looked better than mine- she was wearing black straight fit jeans and a white crop top, a sweater hanging loosely around her shoulders.
"You look nice", I breathed, voicing the thoughts rattling my brain. She looked up at me, perplexed. God, why had I said that?
"Thanks", she smiled. "So, I heard we're building a wardrobe today?"
And with that, she came into my apartment, taking in the boxes and packed furniture with a slightly worried expression on her face.
"Didn't you say you've lived here for a week?", the blonde asked. I nodded.
"It's just been a bit busy", I excused myself, knowing it hadn't been busy at all. I just hadn't been able to get my ass up in order to get anything done.
She nodded.
"Well then, where should we start?"
We started in the living room, Leah builidng my couch table as I unpacked the living room boxes, placing cushions and a blanket on the couch, as well as propping up Magnus' bed, who took a liking to Leah immediately. He was curious as to what we were doing, constantly snuggling up to Leah's leg or pushing his hand against her hand in order to be petted. Our progress was slowed a little bit as Leah obeyed constantly, scratching the cat behind his ears or petting his side, before I commanded Magnus to leave us alone and he left with his head hanging low, sending me a glare.
"You shouldn't be so hard on him", Leah laughed as Magnus lied down in his cat bed, snuggling up and watching us from a few feet away. I smiled at the warmth in her eyes as she looked at him.
"He needs to be humbled now and then", I explained, knowing very well that my cat was cocky and believed everyone loved him. I wished I was a bit more like him at times.
Leah turned to me, having finished the last shelf for my living room, which I'd helped her with to my best abilities.
"You know...", she started, and I immediately felt nervous as to what she would say next. She looked into my eyes and I lost myself for a second.
"I'm sorry about last week", she explained. "Your team had a great tournament and-", but I interrupted her.
"Leah, it's fine. We did have a great tournament, but you guys were the better team at the end. It's fine, there'll be more tournaments for me to beat you", I attempted to smile.
"We weren't the better team, we were just lucky. But I admire the way you take it."
"Don't want to find myself sobbing in your arms again, do I?", I laughed at the memory, but my laugh sounded shallow. It hadn't been funny.
"Oh, you will. When we destroy you at the world cup", she laughed too, but hers sounded more honest than mine. I grinned.
"Williamson, don't get cocky now. You guys were just lucky."
We laughed together this time, before I unpacked another one of my boxes. By the time the sun set, the living room was finished and I still had the dining table and chairs, as well as my closet and nightstands to do.
"What do you say, we get dinner and than call it a day?", Leah asks as I place the last picture frame, one that held a picture of me and Syd after the semi finale of the Euros, on my shelf. I had dreaded this question all night long, knowing at one point I'd have to have a conversation of this type. But luckily, that also meant I'd had the whole day (in the short pauses of our banter and conversation) to think of an excuse, a better one than the one I'd had for lunch.
"Well, if you check the fridge", I explain as I hurry to the kitchen and open my fridge, "you see I've got nothing here. I was planning on running to the grocery store before Leah the builder ambushed me", I laugh, shutting the door and walking back over to my couch, where Leah was occupied petting Magnus.
"Oh that's alright, we can order in", Leah smiled, unphazed by my comment. I halted.
"I still need groceries, Leah. Otherwise I won't have a breakfast tomorrow", I attempted to explain, silently begging for Leah to leave my flat right then and there. It was close to 10, I was tired and not in the mood to have this conversation. She seemed to get my sense of urgency as she carefully placed Magnus onto the couch.
"Oh, okay then", she sounded disappointed. Damn it.
"I'm sorry, Leah. Another time?", I proposed gently, not wanting to disappoint the girl.
She nodded. "Yeah, sure. By the way, Beth and Viv are having a team dinner tomorrow, so I'll see you there?", she asked, grabbing her keys from the coffee table before making her way over to me. I nodded. "Yeah." It came out as a whisper. Guilt gnawed at me as I waved goodbye to my teammate who was now gone, and my flat felt horribly empty as I fell down onto the couch next to Magnus.
"Oh, Magnus. You get me, don't you?"
As if to literally answer my question, he jumped off of me and walked over to his little cat bed, laying down with his back to me, purring gently.
"Oh, fuck off", I scoffed at him before my phone began ringing. I answered the face time call immediately, seeing my best friend's face on the screen.
"Syd!", I yelled, surprised by her call but also relieved to see her. It seemed as though we were interlinked, she'd called me at the exact right time. There was hunger forming in the pit of my stomach, and mixed with the guilt of kicking Leah out and the memories of last week's events, I needed distraction. More than anything.
"I told you I'd call", she exclaimed, as if insulted by my surprise.
"Exactly. You never do what you say", I laugh, leaning back on the couch to grab a blanket and drape it over my legs.
"How's London?", she asked, looking at me with a smile on her lips.
"It's good, yeah", and so I began talking about our training session today, about Katie and Beth and Viv and how they were all horribly nice to me, and about Leah, who'd helped me the most today.
Sydney smiled knowingly.
"So, Leah Williamson, huh? Our arch enemy?"
I scoffed. "Oh, she is not. She was at least the slightest bit of nice in comparison to the other Lionesses", I showed quotation marks at the mention of the English women's team, which Syd and I had also thought was stupid.
"Ellie! She snatched our trophy, that is not nice", she exclaimed, and even though it was just a funny remark, I could see the pain still evidently in her eyes, as it likely was in mine. I took a deep breath.
"We really lost, huh?"
Syd didn't answer. Silence dwelled for a while, neither of us finding the words to talk about what had happened. Sure, Poppi had spoken to us and so had Martina but no one had ever really said it out loud. That we had lost. What we would do next. It was all just a big question mark.
"How is Bayern?"
"Eh, it's weird without you."
Guilt gnawed at me again, knowing I'd left my best friend alone in such circumstances. Sydney wasn't exactly alone, she had Klara Buhl, Linda Dallmann, Lina Magull and other friends of hers, but none came close to the friendship we'd had. Sydney and I had been like sisters, never being seen without each other, constantly scoring and assisting each others goals, always making the play together. We harmonized. That was why Arsenal had wanted Syd as well. She had declined, of course she had, and I couldn't even blame her for it. Bayern was her home, and at one point it had been mine. Now, things had changed for me.
"I bet Alexander is in a better mood, now that I'm gone."
This, too, was meant to be a light-hearted joke, but Sydney's expression changed and I knew I had said the wrong thing. She was silent.
"Listen, Ellie, I have to go right now. Klara and I wanted to watch this new show and-"
"It's okay, Syd", I sighed. She knew it wasn't okay.
"I'll call you again, okay, tomorrow, same time?", she asked, hope lingering in her voice that our next phone call wouldn't go as horribly as this one had.
"I can't, tomorrow. Team dinner", I explained, huffing slightly hopeless. It was now that I truly realised what it meant, being so far away from my best friend, possibly playing against her in the Champions League, and how we were both moving on. I knew what show she was watching with Klara- it was one of those shitty reality TV shows Germany's RTL II showed, and I knew she hadn't said the name out loud because we'd always watched them together. But I couldn't dwell on that now. I had my life here. In London. This was my home now.
"Okay, then you call me, okay? Or text me", she bargained, making me nod with a slight smile on my face. I couldn't let Sydney go completely. I knew I couldn't.
"I will. Bye, I love you", I said before hanging up the phone, not awaiting her answer.
I couldn't find sleep that night. Instead, I tossed and turned until my phone screen told me it was three in the morning. Even then, my sleep was disturbed and as I finally peeled out of bed, I realised I might as well have not slept at all.
As I stared into my bathroom mirror, I realise not even concealer could hide the circles under my eyes, sighing as I knew what was about to come- Arsenal media day. To say I was ready for it was far from the truth.
VIVIEN SPEAKS!
don't hesitate to vote and comment if you liked the chapter!
second chapter second chapter second chapter!!
it's a short one sadly but i hope you still enjoy it <3
germany plays tonight and i am scareeeeed
i still love leah & ellie so much :)