"you know how they say if you spend too much time with someone, you can telepathize with them."
"no one has ever said that, ishan."
"i did. just now."
shubman stirs his coffee, not really wanting to face ishan right now. the latter seems to have no idea about the 'post-embarrassment' embarrassment that shubman's feeling right now. his brain keeps replaying the moment, dramatizing it each time just to make him suffer.
"sorry for...back there," he mumbles incoherently.
it takes ishan a moment to get what shubman's saying. "it's cool. we gang, we tight."
shubman scoffs at his ever so unserious best friend. "yeah, still. i feel bad for cockblocking."
"not your first time this week," ishan mutters.
"huh?"
"nevermind."
it's actually quite sweet of ishan to be having coffee with shubman because- "you said earlier that you wanted to have coffee, right?"
ishan would be a good boyfriend, shubman thinks. he'd never forget promises and try to make it up to you if he ever did. small things mattered to him.
"why were you going to kiss her?" shubman asks. he doesn't know where that came from, don't ask him.
ishan looks at him with amusement. "why does anyone ever kiss someone, shubman?"
"yeah, why?"
ishan pauses. "well, because...you know, for the...vibes?"
shuban almost snorts out loud. "my, my, you're a total amateur, ishu. what are you, asexual?"
ishan rolls his eyes. "and what are you, a manwhore?"
shubman gasps. "you take that back! i am not-!"
ishan shrugs and takes a sip of his americano. it's just a running joke between them, his best friend is a very nice young man, ladies.
"you're just jealous you don't have charishma like me," shubman adds.
ishan laughs. "what charishma? as if being six feet and having dimples isn't the most basic starter pack for charisma."
shubman gives ishan his best smile, putting up finger hearts. "it's alright, ishu, i love you even though you are built like a chihuahua and are three apples tall!" he says cheerfully.
ishan gives a sarcastic smile. "careful there, your words will bewitch me and make me kiss you."
shubman leans forward on his elbows. "well, what's stopping you?"
the sudden forwardness catches ishan a little off-guard. he laughs and backs away. "is that a challenge?"
shubman feels his ears growing warm. this is normal, this is normal. good old friendly banter.
"don't tempt me to make it one," he says, ignoring the weird feeling in his stomach.
ishan looks up at shubman, who's looking at him with an underlying intensity in his eyes.
what's the sudden shift in air?
as if on cue, shubman lets out a laugh.
"we have such a burning chemistry, don't we?"
ishan feels a weird sense of relief. he nods, chuckling. "putting everyone else to shame."
shubman holds out his phone to click a picture of ishan. "twitter's gonna love this. date with @ishankishan51, heart emoji, moan emoji," he says, typing.
"for the hundredth time, that's a sighing emoji not a moan-"
shubman continues to type. "ishan says it's a sighing emoji but i think it's a moan emoji because he makes me mo-"
ishan bursts out laughing. "fuck off, man! do you want them to shout ishan jiju instead of sara bhabi in the next match?"
shubman grins. "ishan bhabi sounds better."
ishan kicks him in his shin, making him laugh harder. shubman loves moments like this. when it's just them and their lame jokes. this is comfort. this is home.
both shubman and ishan decide to go nowhere tonight and stay back in their room. they've had a few too many night-outs and drinks lately and neither one of them is fond of too much adrenaline.
it gets boring real quick, though.
"let's go annoy surya bhai," ishan suggests.
"i've annoyed him enough today. he said he will shave my head in my sleep if i try to disturb him."
"oho, that'll be quite a look on you."
"i would rather not imagine it."
the weather's getting chilly out. ishan is more of a summer guy. but winter's not too bad with shubman beside him, both of them standing in the balcony with comfortable silence sitting between them. shubman's company keeps him warm.
"close to another year ending," ishan says.
"i hate time," shubman whispers.
ishan laughs softly. "that makes no sense."
"yeah, so doesn't the passage of time. why are the days just flying by? i have never been fond of the future."
ishan knows that deep inside, shubman has his own share of self-doubts and insecurities he never speaks of. it might seem to others like shubman is someone who's always excited about tomorrow. challenging it, chasing it.
but all of that, he's learnt from ishan.
because ishan is always moving forward and shubman is scared he'll be left behind.
because ishan is the sun and he's too bright for shubman at times.
"hey," ishan gently nudges him. "at least your future will have me, always."
oh. that's right.
ishan already lives in tomorrow, waiting for shubman, calling out his name.
ishan stands at the end of every finish line for shubman. that's why he just can't give up.
shubman smiles. "i know."
ishan pats his back. "im feeling a little cold, going in?"
shubman nods but he stays there, an unfamiliar feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. he looks at ishan's back facing him. as the distance between them grows, so does that feeling in him.
something has changed inside him in these past few days. he doesn't know what it is but whatever it is, it's confusing the hell out of him.
he thinks back to what happened at the mall. seeing ishan and aditi so close to each other in a way him and shubman can't be. it made him feel...insecure.
it's embarrassing to admit it since he doesn't know the reason for it. or maybe he does. he just doesn't want to say it out loud.
shubman tries to imagine himself in place of aditi. he feels ashamed to be doing so but he does anyway. even if he can imagine himself there, he can't picture ishan. he can't see ishan leaning in to kiss him.
he can't think of ishan looking into his eyes and saying his name softly, like it means something deeper than just his name.
his brain, since it likes to torture him, paints a picture for him. it shows ishan lying underneath him, saying, "shubi, we shouldn't."
"yeah, he'd probably say that," shubman thinks to himself with smile, a hint of sadness to it.
wait.
wait.
hold the fuck up.
shubman almost throws up the moment he realizes that he remembers.
-x-
author's word:
(read the last line please❗)
finally, the moment has arrived.
*dhoomtanana bgm intensifies*
btw "shubi, we can't" was really said by ishan in chp 4. shubman's brain did the courtesy of finally unlocking his memory.
for now, he's remembered their 2nd kiss. i'll write about the 1st one in the next chp, or the next to next.
❗i won't be able to update for a couple of days as i have some important exams coming up. sorry yall, i promise to make the next chp exciting and extra long <3