My finger tips hovered over the brailler, my tears freezing.
I ignored the blood that probably smeared my skin and instead focused on the words in my mind. Words that weaved themselves like spider webs and fought to sprout out of me to breathe.
Perhaps one day, when everything broke apart, and I took that last breath, Papa would think to publish these pieces. Maybe then he would finally approve of me. Maybe then, he wouldn't think to be cold or abusive. But nothing like this ever ends well.
'The taste of a woman so divine
breaths mingled, wrapped in her vines
But their moving
soul-soothing
Blindfolded, a lick of her venom
a black lie from a serpentine demon
Now she can see
through the eyes of the middle garden tree
Poisoned apple, scaled-skin face
A splinter, Lucifer's cage falls and breaks
Eden never felt like home
until she was sheltered in a reptile's tomb
Melodies echo in her heart chamber
glowing from the sky like a Northern star
dreaming of pythons in her sleep
summoning her fiends from the deep
A queendom so pure
she strived to leave in peace
but what will she do when she eats the fruit?
Lie back below the man, or elope with her beast?
The war goddess guides the blind eyed
while them, pry into the jungle
for the victims of their love
A viper to treasure, to hold, and to kill
For the first time, the devil had bargained.'
I was a cove of secrets set aflame whenever I was in Averista's arms.
I wanted those wildflowers to engulf me and never let me go. Wrapped in them, I transcended into a new form of existence in an alien realm, but found solace within its confines.
And Averista was here to take me home. She was here in peace, to get me out of this place. With her, a last kiss felt like a new beginning. Maybe nothing really lasted forever, but I wanted her hands to be tangled in my hair and her clothes scattered in my room for good. I wanted to see her again after the world ended.
Her movements, even when we were fully clothed, brought me a million emotions and unbelievable pleasure. It was crazy. Like the many times I attempted to stay above her, I found myself underneath. And it was the greatest feeling of being alive—to be wrapped around with nothing but wildflowers. In the love she made, I was a corpse with a beating heart.
When the fulfilling feeling of her fingers slithered out, it left me empty and needy. Desperate. She had something on me; I swore. Something I couldn't figure out. Something that managed to make me forget everything, like she promised from the beginning.
'Greed fills her heart
she breathes life into her lover
But creeping dust eaters are unforgiving
Only in her arms, they find their freedom
to be held, to be loved.
Everything she touches becomes hers
Held, loved,
Children let out to save a world they destroyed
from the strains of a sea deity
They crawl above her head
ruling the world like little heathens.
She knows what they are
when they don't know who they are
cold-blooded, a graceful ghost
a dead man thrown right into the ring of fire
But not a sight ever seen
she only views things through her spear.
And she remembers everything
except her mother's face
She can feel everything
but she only finds beauty in carnage.'
As the saying goes, if you truly love someone, then set them free. If they return, they were yours from the beginning. If they don't, then they never were. But I didn't want Averista to come back to me after all of this.
I wanted her to run away. I didn't want her to be like me, ruptured and enchained.
"You should stay away from me." My words came out strained, like I didn't mean them. Maybe I didn't.
"Why?" Averista had her hands on each side of me when she asked that, hovering over my body. I loved it when she was all over me. I loved it when she left her scent on me.
My lips quivered, pondering the right response.
"I am dangerous for you."
Averista let out a little chuckle that made me want to forget everything, pull her into me, and entwine our bodies into one. If that was even possible. She just sounded so beautiful. She was beautiful. No matter how much I chose to back off, everything about her never failed to arouse me.
"So am I." she marked before going back to kissing me.
I gave in to her touches, feeling myself melt away from every single little thing she did. She could sit back and do nothing and I would be driven to my peak just from that. I had come to terms with the fact that I was nothing before this girl. I may be godless, but with Averista, I worshipped one thing—Medusa. And it scared me to lose this new religion. This contradicting faith.
It scared me to lose her.
I felt Averista's smile when she pecked my nose. She wrapped her hands tight around me before whispering, "I won't ever let you go, Phoebe."
As if she had read my thoughts.
I took a long, deep breath of her skin, filled with horror at the next time I could smell her so closely and feel these wildflowers in this way.
"Never?"
"Never." she kissed my forehead. "I love you."
For the first time, I was scared to reply to those words.
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