"What... What do you mean?" I ask
"I mean what I said, Ev. I've had sex with my fair share of women... And not a single one has ever made me so desperate... So needy... So... So fucking hard" he says
I feel the butterflies again...
Unsure of how to respond, I stay silent and chuckle
"I don't even know if I should admit it but I am. Usually I take my sweet time teasing and playing with a girl before I actually fuck her. It makes both her and me feel 10x better and usually I can fuck for over an hour but you.... You did something..."
He rubs his face and stands up, slipping his boxers back on
"You're dangerous" he says, staring at me
"Suuure... Okay" I reply. I really don't know how to respond to things like that. I can hardly even process what just happened... It's like I was in a different world.
"I mean it, Ev." he says, leaning over me once again, his face just an inch from mine
"You're dangerous. You're addicting. I'm going to find a way to control myself because.... I have to.... I need to. I'm determined to control myself next time so I can do to you, just what I'm best at.... Teasing... Then pleasuring"
Next time? What he's best at? Oh lord...
I'm not sure how to handle that information. Do I want there to be a next time? This was great but I mean.... I don't know. Why am I so confused and unsure? My brain is running at the speed of light. He wants me? I want him...
He ventures off to the bathroom and I quickly slip on my shirt and pants, just collecting my underwear and bra before running out of his apartment and back into mine, locking the door behind me.
I don't know why I'm acting like such a chicken... I just... I don't know what to think. I hadn't planned on having sex with him... Probably ever... I just... I need to think and breathe for a bit. I go into my room and change into pajamas and hide under my covers as if I was running from a monster under my bed.
After taking some time to breathe, I get up to grab something to eat. Jay knocked on my door a few times... Trying to get my attention and probably to ask what's wrong but... I couldn't face him yet. I don't fully understand why I'm feeling this way. Part of it has to do with how good that sex was, honestly. I've never had sex that great and never enjoyed being so submissive and obedient. I'm also just unsure of what this would lead to. Friends with benefits? A relationship? Do I want either of those?
I'm supposed to not overthink, but I can't help it. I'm definitely going to need to talk to Jay but... Not yet. As I grab my food and head back towards my room, I see a piece of paper on the floor near my front door...
"It's Jay. I hope you're alright. Talk to me soon, please" it reads
Well at least he cares... He's able to switch between so sweet and respectful and being such an ass and annoying. That's partially also why I'm lost.
I'm just going to eat my food and crash. I don't even know what time it is, but I don't care... I need to reset my brain and body.
-The Next Morning, 7:30am-
I'm about to leave for work, I feel quite a bit better after sleeping. My head is a little clearer, especially after my morning routine and I'm calmer. I decided to write a note for Jay to slip under his door before I leave.
"It's Evelyn. I'm okay, I'll explain later. Talk soon" I wrote
I exit my apartment and quickly slip it under his door before racing to the stairs to head down. I'm not even waiting for the elevator today. I don't feel up to the conversation right now and I don't want to risk him seeing me until after work.
-4:30pm-
I've been sitting in my car for half an hour... Thinking. Of course, during work, all that's on my mind is... Work, so I haven't had the chance to think about how to go about a talk with Jay until now. I know once I get home, I'll probably have to face it, so I've been sitting here doing my thinking until I'm ready... Or as ready as I'll ever be.
Though I can't really come to a conclusion on what to do, I drive home anyways. I guess there isn't too much to think about because I don't know what Jay is thinking. What he wants. I just have to start the conversation and go from there... But what do I want? Do I want a relationship? Do I want friends with benefits? Do I even want any of it at all? Obviously, I'm undeniably attracted to him, and sex was... Mind blowing... To say the least but I'm not sure I could do the whole "frequent casual hookup" thing and I'm not sure I could do a relationship either, at least not with Jay. I don't know him well enough to think about that yet and based on how aggravating he can be, I'm not sure I'd enjoy a relationship with him.
My thoughts wander once again, while my body is on Autopilot, and I don't even realize that I've made it home and am now just standing in front of my door...
I go inside quickly, drop my purse but grab my phone and take a deep breath before forcing myself to knock on Jay's door. I give myself no time to think in between. If I think, I won't do it.
With another deep breath, I knock and wait a few seconds before the door opens
"Hey..." we say in unison
Both of us chuckle
"Can I come in?" I ask, hesitantly
He bows his head and gestures me in, shutting the door behind me. It's the first time I've actually seen his place, even though I was in here last night. I paid no attention to the surroundings. It's simple, cute, cleaner than most guys' homes I've ever met. He doesn't actually have many things hanging on the walls... So, what the hell was all that banging all the time?
My observation of his place is interrupted
"So... We should talk" he says, sitting on his couch
I join him and sit a few feet away on the couch
"Yeah um... I'm sorry about just darting out last night... It wasn't personal, I promise"
He smiles a bit
"I got to say... That was the first time a girl has ever run out on me after sex, it was... Different" I see a tinge of hurt on his face as he says it. I didn't think it would actually bother him, honestly.
"Again, I'm sorry. I just... I was thinking too much and couldn't gather myself, I had to be alone"
He fidgets with his nails as he speaks
"What were you thinking about?" he asks
Well, here we go I guess...
"Honestly... Just what to make of the situation. You were talking about 'next time' while I had barely come back to process life again and so while I was trying to pull myself out of a mental coma, I was flooded with questions about what was going to happen... I wasn't sure if this was going to turn into a sexual relationship, or even a regular relationship... I don't know what you're looking for and I should've just asked but I have tendency to overthink and overwhelm myself"
He smiles slightly
"I'm guessing you're probably just looking for a casual hookup type of relationship and I'm honestly not sure if I want that" I continue
His eyes lock into mine rather quickly when I say that
"What makes you think that's what I want?" he asks
"Well... I mean... That's just kind of the vibe I got from you, honestly. I have heard at least 2 women here before and as far as I know, you're not in a relationship... At least I really hope you're not, considering..." I explain
He looks vaguely offended
"One woman, both nights and no, we're not in a relationship. I'm not. That doesn't mean I'm not looking for one" he says
I'm a little surprised. Oh god... Does he want a relationship with me?
"I'm not totally sure what I'm looking for honestly. I just knew I was attracted to you and wanted you. I couldn't decide whether to take you out or take you to bed but before I had made that decision, you kind of made one" he says
"Based on how you acted last night, I assumed you wanted just a casual hookup and not a relationship. Not to be stereotypical but women typically don't just sleep with a guy so quickly if they're looking for a relationship... At least in my experience"
I guess he's right
"I'm not sure what I wanted. You kissed me and I'll admit, I did want to fuck you... So I didn't really think, I just acted" I explain
"Well things went how it went... Now what?" he asks
"I don't know..." I reply
"Me either" he says
Well, that's fucking helpful....
"Could you see yourself going on a date with me?" he asks
"I'm not sure... I'm kind of used to you being noisy and pissing me off so I haven't really viewed you in any other way" I reply
"Understandable... I think it's time I be honest about the noise by the way" he says
Finally. What, was he building a secret bunker? Oh god... Is he going to lock me in the secret bunker? Was that his plan all along?
"As you can see, I do have some things hung on my wall... But the majority of the bangs, me turning up my volume on my TV and playing music really loud... Was all to get your attention" he says
I'm sorry... What?
"My attention?"
"Yeah... I know, I probably should've just talked to you... Initiated a friendship or maybe just asked you out or something like a normal person but... I'm not great with that. I haven't initiated a friendship in many, many years and I don't usually ask women on dates" he admits
"You just fuck them twice and make them loud enough for a whole block to hear?" I tease
"Yeah... That... I was kind of just fucking her to keep my mind off you. Not mature, I know... That's why it only happened twice, also because it didn't really work. Her being loud was just how most women are when I'm with them... I was just struggling to figure out what I wanted from you and for the first time in my life, I was insecure and doubting myself about getting a girls attention so I kind of just resorted to acting like a... Well, a child, really"
Woah... So, he really just liked me... Wanted my attention... And felt too insecure to approach me? That's a first.
"Jay... Uh... I don't really know what to say" I reply, honestly
"It's okay. I don't know what response I expected anyways, I just wanted to be honest with you, like I was last night. You did something to me that no woman has ever done. I can't explain it. Not just in bed but also in general. Like I said, I usually don't get insecure around women or even hesitate to go after them, and I don't ask them on dates either. I don't think I'm a 'fuck boy' or anything, I've just never met a woman I really saw potential for a relationship with so I never bothered with anything more than sex. The fact that I was considering asking you on a date, scared me a little" he says
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to like... Flood you with all this, I just wanted to be honest and I... I still don't totally know what I want, and I was hoping you'd know what you wanted so maybe I could just follow your lead and see how it goes" he continues
This is a lot to handle. I'm not sure what I was expecting but this wasn't it.
"It's alright, I appreciate the honesty" I reply
"I'm sorry that I'm not much help since I don't know what I want either..." I continue
We stare at our laps in silence for a moment. Usually in a situation like this, at least one of us would know what we want, or we simply just wouldn't be in this position so this is more difficult than it should be.
"I have an idea. Why don't we go on a date and see how things transpire?" he says
Interesting idea... But I guess it's not too bad.
"If we have a good time then we could do more and just let things play out. Maybe it'll help us figure out if we truly get along and like each other enough for a relationship or even just a casual fling" he says
"That's not a bad idea" I reply
"Well, someone had to make a smart decision, seems right that it was me" he teases
Cocky, ass.
"Okay shut up before I change my mind"
He grins and nods
"How does Wednesday night sound? 6pm? Or would you prefer a weekend?" he asks
"Wednesday is just fine, I'm off work at 4pm" I reply
"I picked that up" he says
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
"What's your plan?" I ask
He chuckles
"It's a surprise. No hints" he says
"Oh come on... I'm impatient, that makes me terrible for handling surprises" I pout
"Too bad, learn to be patient" he replies
Fair enough but fucking hell.
"I'll pick you up" he grins
Funny.
I laugh in response
We exchange goodbyes and I head back inside my place, spending the next few hours really trying not to overthink and ponder not just about the date but about the whole situation. To my dismay, I'm not very successful.
I have to admit... I'm way more excited than I expected to be.
Wednesday can't come fast enough.