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chapter forty-one: it's all in my mind
{a/n:
guys i am back
tw- mentions of philip banks being a horrible dad
enjoy reading!! voting and commenting boost my motivation a ton :) }
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THE EARLY MORNING November air is crisp and biting, making Adam's breath form tiny clouds in front of him. He pulls his scarf snugly around his neck, trying to shield himself from the cold. Tinker Bell, with her wagging tail and playful spirit, joyfully leads the way through an icy side-walk. Her paws patter against the pavement, leaving imprints on the occasional patch of frost.
Adam has always loved taking his dog on walks, preferably in the early mornings. Being in a daze from waking up some minutes ago, alone with fresh thoughts. It was an odd comfort he yearned for, especially if he'd just gotten into it with his father the night before. (which was pretty common from the ages 12 to- well, the present.)
Though this would normally be considered his 'alone time', Adam had debated on asking Vera to come along. He told himself that he just wanted some company, but really — he wanted Vera.
But, he decided against it at the last minute when he was standing outside of her room with his first hovering in front of the door.
"Almost there, girl." He breathes out, smiling as he leans down to pat Tinker Bell's back. "You know the way."
She continues to pant happily as they approach their home.
A sense of unease washes over him when he steps foot onto their driveway. Through the living room window, he catches a glimpse of his mother sitting on the couch, her face etched with worry as she picks at her nails with her teeth. Concerned, Adam unclips his dog's leash from her collar and urges her to the front door as he quickens his own pace. He enters the warm embrace of his house, the scent of a butterscotch scented candle enveloping him.
His mother looks up, her eyes filled with a mixture of relief and sadness. Yet, she chooses to act as thought everything is normal by quickly stretching her lips into a small smile.
"Hi, honey." She watches as her son starts to take off his jacket. "How was your walk?"
"Cold." The boy answers, tone full of hesitation. He takes off his hat and ruffles a hand through his hair, then hangs it up.
He turns towards his mother, kicking off his shoes. "What are you doing up so early?"
She doesn't answer right away and he assumes she's thinking of an excuse, the silence broken only by the gentle sound of Tinker Bell's tail thumping against the floor.
Adam begins to worry when she sees his mother unresponsive and lost in a daze. He gulps nervously and slowly begins to approach her.
"What's going on?"
"Oh, huh?" She snaps her attention back, turning over to her son with an exaggerated smile. "It's nothing, sweetie! I'm just a little stressed out from all this Thanksgiving preparation. It's been years since we hosted and I just have so much to do-"
"Mom."
The older woman sighs deeply, looking down at her hands as she begins to fidget with her wedding ring.
Her son notices and immediately snaps his eyes shut, trying to surpress an irritated groan and a potential headache. Although he clenches his fists, he manages to control himself. "It's dad again, right? You two got into it?" his words are more of a mumble, but to Edith they're intelligible.
"Your father has just been very tired recently. They've almost doubled his workload and it's just been a lot." But she wasn't even convincing herself at the attempts of defending her own husband. She ends with flashing a quick smile at her youngest boy before averting her gaze to the living room window.
"That's no excuse." His tone is cold.
After a quiet moment, he shakes his head and breaks the silence, "Y'know, one of these days I'm really going to let him have it." there's a chuckle in his voice but it's not the humorous kind.
"Don't speak that way." His mother replies sternly.
She looks back at him, "He's done a lot for you and your siblings. You should be very grateful. Some kids don't even have a father."
"It would honestly be better that way. At least then we wouldn't be terrified every time we enter this house."
Edith looks horrified. But before she can respond, her son is already talking.
"I mean yesterday he almost tried to hit me for brining home a girl knowing that nothing was going on between us. How can a 'loving' father do that? I'm an adult! I've lived under his roof my entire life and there's only a selective amount of times I remember him being a good dad, and all of those moments were things that normal dads do for their kids everyday. They don't have to hide in closets on the nights their fathers drink. They don't have to constantly live up to ridiculous expectations when they're nine years old, and they surly don't have to dream about their dad saying things like, 'I love you' and 'I am so proud of you.'"
Adam's breathing is heavy and his mouth is dry.
Although he's finally ranted about these things that have been weighing on his heart throughout his childhood, he doesn't feel any relief. Just pure and utter guilt. He feels as though he'd just made his mother's pain all about him.
She doesn't react though, and everything is back to being still and quiet.
What Adam doesn't know that Vera has awaken through his little outburst and managed to hear the majority of it from her bedroom. Her heart aches and she lays motionless in her sheets, brainstorming some ideas on how she can brighten his day up. Because starting the morning out with emotional dumping with his mother isn't very ideal.
"I'm sorry." The boy whispers softly. His fists finally let up. "Mom, I didn't... I shouldn't have said any of that."
Batting away some incoming tears, Edith Banks straightens up her posture. Her demeanor changes entirely and she arises from the couch. "I wasn't lying. All of this Thanksgiving prep is really taking a toll on me." She grins and starts her way towards the kitchen, and Adam follows in confusion.
"Mom?"
The woman turns around. "Why don't you go run some errands for me? It would really help!" She turns to leave but stops herself, "Oh, and take Vera with you. I would hate for her to just waste away in her room."
With a small sigh, Adam accepts that his mother doesn't want to speak of her husband anymore.
What happened earlier that morning must've been serious.
"Okay," he says softly, nodding. "I will."
Edith smiles at her youngest child and fans away some blonde strands of hair before gently cupping his cheek. Adam leans into her warm touch, savoring this small moment.
"My sweet boy." She mumbles before placing a small kiss on his forehead and heading back to the kitchen.
The boy sighs then heads up to his room to get ready.
VERA'S EYES SCAN through Edith Banks' grocery list for the fifth time in the past three minutes. The women's handwriting is kind of — no, really hard to decipher, and she finds herself rotating the paper just to see if she'd written it in a secret language.
Adam sits in the drivers seat. He can see what she's doing from his peripheral vision and is trying not to chuckle. He thinks she looks so cute in her hat and mittens — and the confused expression on her features add onto his admiration.
"I can't tell if this says napkins or potatoes."
He scrunches his nose. "Why's that?"
The brunette fixes her posture in her seat, and leans over a bit so he can see the list when he glances down. "Well, here," she points at the words but all Adam can focus on is how close she is, "the first 'o' has a tail — I think. But then I get a little confused here, like is it a 'k' or a 't'?"
The boy takes his eyes off the road for a split second to steal a glimpse. His lips break out into a grin as he looks back in front of him.
"It's neither. She wants cranberries."
Vera audibly expresses her shock and confusion by saying a long, "Huh?" with her voice a couple octaves higher than usual. She turns to him with a squished face, "How can you tell?"
He shrugs while pulling into a parking space at the supermarket. "I'm her son."
"Oh... well, I guess that makes sense."
Adam doesn't know what changed, but Vera seems a lot more bubbly today. So much so that it was beginning to frighten him.
He tries his best to stay on the bright side, telling himself that she just needed to get away from Westbrook for awhile. But all attempts for a positive mindset failed, and the doubts always followed. 'Maybe it's because she's just not interested anymore.'
And though that might not be the case, he decides to try something new — coming to terms with it and being prepared for the worst.
Fulton would be so proud.
"You're actually so slow." Vera was already standing in front of the enterence when Adam finally stepped out of the car.
He playfully rolls his eyes as he catches up to her.
The girl giggles softly and rolls out a shopping cart, setting her purse and mittens in the slot where the flip-up child seat is. She unfolds the list and begins walking, not bothering to wait for Adam.
The store was filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread and the vibrant colors of seasonal produce. It reminds the both of them that they skipped out on breakfast that morning, and Adam made a mental note to grab something to eat on the way home before they left.
Vera grabs a can of cranberry sauce from the shelf. Before putting it in the cart though, she turns to Adam with a look of skepticism. "Do you think she wants canned cranberries or like, a bag of the actual berries?"
"I don't know," the blonde shrugs, hands stowed in the pockets of his jeans, "but we should probably get both — just in case."
She throws in a bag.
It's like this for the majority of the shopping trip; Vera grabbing something off the list, turning to Adam for approval in his mother's favor (which he usually doesn't have a strong opinion on) then puts it in the cart.
That was until they reached the baking isle.
"I don't understand why we can't just get the Nestle ones." Adam sighs, grabbing a bag of chocolate chips that were in arms reach. His eyes wander to the top shelf, where the gourmet baking chocolate was.
Vera shakes her head in disappointment, which makes the boy look at her. "Nestle tastes like burnt plastic compared to Guittard. Trust me, your mother will be on top of the world when all your relatives praise her for the 'rich ganache' on her cake."
"I'm only trusting you on this because you're a baking expert, or whatever." He jokes while putting the bag back.
"I'm flattered on how highly you speak of me." She considers bowing but that might be too much. Instead, she gets herself into a position where it looks like she's bracing herself, then motions him with a couple fingers, "Now lift me up."
Adam's whole face squishes together. "What? No, let's just wait for the staff."
"Why? You don't want to touch me?"
His eyes widen. "No! It's uh, of course I do wait-," he chuckles nervously while she looks deadpanned, "We could get kicked out for roughhousing. Plus, what if I drop you?"
"You wont." Vera assures. "And no one will notice if we do it quickly."
"I don't know if I can manage that."
"Oh, stop being such a baby." She glances in both directions and grins when she sees that they're in the clear. "I don't see anyone watching."
Adam bites on his lower lip and looks back up at the aforementioned item, where even though he's tall, is unable to reach it. "Are you sure she'll like them?"
"Banks, it literally says 'Guittard chocolate chips' right here." After motioning to the grocery list, she places her hands on her hips. "Now be a good boy and hoist me up."
Resigning to his fate, he obliged by bending down slightly. She goes around behind him and wraps her arms around the base of his neck and her legs around his torso. He quickly stands up with ease and Vera takes her sweet time looking for the 'semi-sweet' kind.
"Almost done?" He asks.
The brunette lets a hum vibrate past her lips. "I don't know. I kind of like it up here."
Adam lets out a gentle scoff, but not without a smile playing on his lips as he bends back down.
She gets off with a giggle. "See? That wasn't all that bad."
Their eyes meet and both of their grins slowly start to fade into something more serious. Everything seems to be still then, and only the sound of their hearts beating break up the abrupt silence. In that fleeting moment, they both felt the unspoken desire to lean in closer.
"No." His whisper is almost inaudible as his focus is only on her lips. "It wasn't."
"Adam..."
As their lips were about to touch, Adam's shoulder nudges against a bag of flour that was barely on its shelf. It falls in between them, landing on the floor with a hard bang and sending a cloud of white powder into the air.
Both of them take a quick step back. "Oh, shit!"
A staff member who seems to take his job to seriously rushes over from the next isle, his face red with irritation. "That's it! You two are causing too much trouble. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave," he exclaims, hastily pointing towards the exit.
They exchange sheepish grins before bursting into a fit laughter, both faces flushing.
Adam inhales a mist of flour that had risen up and he sneezes, which makes Vera's guffawing more prominent as she's hunched over with both arms wrapped over her stomach.
"Do I have to call security!?"
Vera wheezes. "Security in a Kroger is the funniest thing I've ever heard."
Needless to say that didn't impress the worker. Both of them were hooked by the arm and practically dragged over to the enterence of the store, and despite the circumstance they were in — neither of them gave up their cackles.
The girl was teary eyed when entering the car. She uses the side of her index finger to wipe her under-eyes, her chuckles dying out. "It wasn't even that funny."
"Maybe it was because he kinda looked like Cartman!"
Vera gasps and her giggles are back, "I knew he reminded me of someone! It was the voice, too!"
They're both rolling in their seats and flinging their bodies around uncontrollably, experiencing the best kind of laughing fit anyone can have.
"Oh, God, I'm going to piss myself." She squeals, breathing out harshly to compose herself.
Adam rakes a hand through his sandy blonde hair as he sighs contently, allowing his snickering to snuff out. He hasn't laughed that way in a long time. In a way, it definitely made up for his rough morning.
At the same time, they both turn towards each other -- faces bright red from their hysterics, and now because of their tender moment in the baking isle that continues to remain unsaid.
"Did you get into Warren's stash or something?" The boy asks promptly, his expression still joyous but without an ardent smile. He continues as she sneers, "You've been a little more giddy that usual."
Vera just shrugs a shoulder. "I just felt like being a little more expressive I guess, but I can totally dial it down if it's getting annoying-"
"No." He replies without hesitation. "No, I like it."
"Good." The girl nods, staring into his sapphire eyes.
Adam has been waiting for a good moment to bring up the elephant in the room. He feels like once it's finally cleared up, everything between them will be chill again -- whether she wants to try something again or not. The boy respects whatever she decision she makes regarding them, but all he wants is for them to be genuine with each other.
He sniffs and rubs the tip of his nose with the back of his finger, taking a chance to glance down for a moment.
Vera senses that he wants to talk about something serious and her features deflate. Her eyes remain on his face.
"Listen," He starts, glancing back up at her. "Vera, I honestly don't get why you wanted to come over for Thanksgiving. You didn't even give me a chance to explain what happened that night," as soon as he said that, the girl looked away, "but if you don't mind, I want to. I need you to know what went down and how... how Cher-"
"Adam, I don't really want to talk about this right now." Her expression is stone cold. "I'm sure you're going to tell me absolutely everything and I don't think I'm ready to hear it."
"But I didn't-"
The brunette shakes her head. "Don't." She looks back over at him with poignant eyes.
It's silent for a moment before she clears her throat. "We should probably go to a different store and get everything again because... you know." She motions to Kroger with her hand.
The boy nods once, hiding the dishearten and humiliation on his face. "Yeah, okay."
And now Vera feels bad.
She remembers the dejected event from this morning and reverts back to her idea of making him happy. "I'm kinda starving. Ooh, I know Coborn's have free samples every Tuesday, we should go there!"
"Whatever you want." He flashes her a small, despondent smile before pulling out of the parking lot.
"Yay!"
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mari speaks!!
whoops. i took another long break!
pls don't hurt me.
this is kind of a boring filler but i tried to incorporate a little adam x vera fluff as an apology for disappearing again! (i wrote it in the span of like two weeks so everything is all over the place)
and i am also sorry for the moment adam had with his mom. uh, there might be more in the future and philip will make an appearance so brace yourselves...
also, i have another adam banks story in the making and i am literally so proud of it!! i'll let you guys know more details as soon as it's ready to be published.
thank you all for reading! I hope wherever you are, that you all have a blessed day or night commenting and voting are greatly appreciated! they boost my motivation sm
puuuhleeeese start leaving your genuine thoughts on chapters!! i love reading them :))
not edited***!
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