MICHELLE's POV
"Remind me again why this was a good idea."
She laughed at Anntonia's usual crankiness. Her arms were around herself and she was shivering, the revealing top she'd worn on her date doing little to cover her body or provide warmth at the cold evening of December. So she shrugged off her jacket and put it around the girl's shoulders though she took it with an annoyed huff and that made her bit back a laughter. It was just like her to accept help while still acting like a strong independent woman.
"Of course it is. The sky is clear of clouds tonight so it's a perfect time to stargaze." She answered as she sank down to sit on the ground. Just few meters away from the university swimming pool which is nearby Anntonia's dorm so she thought, they can spend a little more time there before she walk her back home after their little celebration of ditching their dates today. "And because I think we've both had enough drinking for tonight. Let's sober up here."
Anntonia simply chuckled and sank down to sit next to her. The moon shone bright, making the water from the pool almost glint and the sky was clear enough to make out the constellations. Not a soul was in sight.
She then looked sideways at the girl. She wondered if she knew how happy she'd been to get that stupid SOS earlier. She knew it wasn't fair but it wasn't like that between her and Anntonia, so she had no reason to feel the the selfishness she was feeling right now. She dated so many girls in the last few weeks, so Ann was obviously allowed to date, too. Especially since she used her as a decoy to get out of dates that didn't go the way she wanted them to go.
And still. When she mentioned she had a date, she wanted nothing more than to rush over wherever she was and get her out regardless of how it was going. Even if Anntonia had such high standards, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of person you had to be to actually get her to agree to go out with her. And from there, she couldn't help fretting. Did Irfan passed her standard? Was she gonna let kiss her? Hold her hand? Would she let him take her home?
The truth was, she'd already been halfway out the door when Anntonia texted. She had no idea what she would've done but just knew she had to get her ass over the café where her date was. She told himself it was because the girl was her friend and she couldn't just let some random person take advantage of her. She's just a concern and protective friend. Sure, Anntonia could totally hold her own and take care of herself and she actually pitied the fool who dared to underestimate the girl and try to take advantage of her, but then again, she wasn't thinking clearly.
"Penny's for your thoughts?" Anntonia's voice made her flinch, realizing how lost in thought she'd been.
"What?" She muttered.
"You seemed a million miles away. Do you regret ditching your long legged hot chick earlier?" She asked her and nudged her shoulder playfully, clearly mocking her, but she tensed at the joke.
"Hell no," she turned to face her, ending up a bit closer to the girl than she'd anticipated or than it was comfortable or safe. She suddenly gulped when her eyes landed on her lips but tried to hold herself before continuing. "I'd much rather spend the night with you, freezing our asses in the cold of the night than take home some bimbo with delusions of instant commitment." She snorted and then paused, unsure how to approach this situation. "H-How about you? D-Did you regret ditching that sporty Mr. Muscle of yours?"
Anntonia turned away from her, settling her gaze across the glittering water of the pool as she fell silent. On the other hand, she took that moment to look at the girl, as she always did with all the moments when she was looking away. As much as she feared to admit it, she loved these little moments. Ann was so beautiful and so unaware and so vulnerable at the moment and she suspected it wasn't a look she allowed many people to see.
"Nah," Anntonia answered, a weak smile appeared in her face as she wrinkle her nose. "Irfan was a good guy. Decent enough for me to agree to go out with him. But I don't know, he just wasn't—" the girl stopped abruptly, as though she'd just been about to blurt out something she shouldn't have.
"He wasn't what?" She prompted with a furrowed brows, her curiosity piqued.
"He wasn't..." the girl trailed off as her smile disappeared. She shook her head, mostly to herself then she look up at the sky. "He wasn't what I need."
It was clear that wasn't what Anntonia meant to say, but she wasn't about to push her. She knew better than to try to get the girl to do or say something she didn't want to. So she went with it anyway, settling to satisfy her personal curiosity.
"What do you need, Anntonia?" She asked, using the girl's real name and she realized, for the past months, she enjoyed calling her Brownie. But she didn't know her real name tasted better in her mouth and its kind of addictive.
But the serious use of the girl's real name got her attention, making her turn to her with a curious look in her eyes.
"What? Where's this coming from?" Anntonia asked as she turned to look at her.
"Nowhere. Just curious. You said he was a good and decent guy but wasn't what you need. Well, what do you need?" She then shrugged like it was no big deal.
The girl turned away again but she swiftly caught a glimpse of something in her eye that she couldn't explain. She wanted to ask about it but Anntonia stood up suddenly, with a determined look on her face. Clearly telling her that they were done talking about this.
"Let's swim." The girl said, her direction was to the pool.
"S-Swim?"
"Yes," she nodded, her features dead set in stone. "Let's swim." She repeated.
"Ann, it's fucking cold," she tried to reason with her. "And it's almost 1am, we'll get sick or else, freeze to death."
Anntonia snorted.
"Don't be so dramatic. Besides, the dorm is near, we'll warm up in few minutes. Come on. Be a little spontaneous, Michelle Dee."
The the girl throw her a wink, already having shrugged off her jacket she lend her earlier. And she had more arguing in her mind. She thought, this was a bad, terrible, stupid idea. But she low-key loved it. It was the middle of the night. The sky is full of stars and she's with her friend and they're about to swim in a cold water. This was so dumb and beautiful at the same time.
So, before she could change her mind, she stood up and started walking, following Anntonia, while she watch her taking off her top and throwing it behind her, then she kick her shoes, and took off her jeans until she was standing at the edge of the pool with nothing but a pair of underwear. This time, she didn't look away. If she was to see Anntonia in her underwear, she preferred to delay the moment as long as she could or for it to happen when they were already underwater. But after few moments, she finally look away because she's starting to feel things she shouldn't be feeling. And at the same time, she didn't want Ann to see the hungry look on her face as she took in her body and for her to realize that she did, in fact, see her not just her friend but a woman. A hot, gorgeous and dangerous one.
"Don't tell me you swim in a pair of jogging pants." The girl said, smirking at her and that's when she started regretting her decision to follow whatever she planned to do. "Come on, don't be a buzz kill, Michelle Dee. Spontaneous, remember?" She added.
She sighed heavily. Trying to figure a way out but judging by Anntonia's expression, she's not giving her any option. So she started taking off her clothes and shiver when the cold air started wrapping her skin. She got goosebumps.
She sucked in a sharp breath when she felt fingers running smoothly on her rib cage and smell a seductive scent flooding her senses. Only then she realized how close Anntonia standing next to her. Was she purposefully trying to kill her right now?
"This is Apo Whang Od's work, right? When'd you get this?" Anntonia asked in a soft voice as she kept tracing the combinations of the sun and moon and the serpent eagle design from the legendary tattoo artist of the country.
The touches made her skin felt sensitive and she couldn't help but released a shaky breath.
"Last summer," she replied. "Rhian and I went to Buscalan."
"It's pretty," Anntonia said as her warm breath brushed the skin on her shoulder and suddenly, all her senses woken up, alerted. She couldn't help but close her eyes at the arousal she's feeling.
The girl's fingers still tracing her tattoo and she really try her very best to control her self, her breathing. She could only bite her lower lip because she'd never been touched like that. And she doubted she ever would've allowed anyone to touch her sensually like that. Anntonia's touch felt intimate. It felt dangerous. And when her fingers run down to her hip, she shuddered and quickly catch the latter's wrist but she just blinked at her innocently as though she didn't realized what she was doing. And in the dim moonlight, Michelle could've sworn she was blushing. She kept her eyes glued to her face, not daring to let her gaze venture down to the girl's body. She started telling herself that she cared about her genuinely. But she like her in a way more that she could have admit. At the back of her mind, she didn't want her to believe this whole friendship ruse because it seems like it's just a trick to seduce her. But she wanted to be careful not to let Anntonia believe that she was objectifying her. She could safely say that aside from Rhian and Max, she's the first girl she genuinely cared about.
"If you really wanted to touch me, I can strip for you whenever you'd like, Brownie," she said, diverting her attention away from her thoughts and tried to put on her joking face, smirking sideways. "But I'm afraid my neck will miss my head when it's gone. Now, let's just get in the fucking water." She added, acting like her jerk self and just like that, the moment was gone.
Good. Because the moment was starting to be dangerous. What we have right now is easy and fun, I didn't need to go around ruining that. She thought.
"Good to know you keep that in mind." Anntonia muttered, moving past her and started dipping her feet in the water.
She just watched her as she let out curse after curse and as it took her minutes to even advance to where the water came up to her calves. She was so endlessly entertaining and, despite herself, she often learned how easy it was to just get lost in simply watching the girl unfold before her.
"A-Are y-you coming i-in or w-what?" The girl called out to her, her teeth started chattering. "I-It's n-not even that c-c-cold."
"Yeah. Sure. I can see that." She sarcastically agreed as laughed whole-heartedly and made a dramatic jump into the pool.
"You just gotta do it all at once, Brownie," she cooly said when she resurfaced as she winked at her. "Little by little gives you time to feel the cold and change your mind."
It occurred to her that she wasn't just talking about the cold water in the swimming pool. Anntonia must have realized it, too, because she looked at her with a mixture of emotion she had never seen on her expression. She did her best not to read too much into it and keep that little metaphor to herself , cursing her own mind and heart and the realization that, as true as that metaphor was, she could never take the leap she wanted to take. Not with Anntonia. Because she know for sure that she would surely drown and she wouldn't survive it.
And tonight was so odd. So very odd for both of them.
When she reached forward and took Anntonia's hands, her eyes never leaving hers. She then slowly pulled her forward, laughing at her every gasp she made as she slowly dipped herself into the water, but never breaking eye contact, until they were standing where the water came up to their chests.
"It's so cold! Goddamn it!" Anntonia whined as she shivers in the the water. Her hands squeezing hers tight.
"Do I need to remind you that it was your idea?" She teased as the next step Anntonia made brought her over and planted her right arms on her shoulder.
"Why do we ever listen to my silly ideas?" The girl tried joking, but she couldn't help but notice that the girl was a bit breathless.
Fuck! This was unbearable.
Anntonia's waist was a perfect fit for her hands and her small torso was pressed against hers, their tangled legs treading the water as they swim backwards to the deeper part.
"Why'd you go out with Irfan?" She suddenly blurted out before she could say or do something stupid. Not that asking that question had been particularly smart either.
She heard the girl sighed, but she couldn't help but notice she wasn't scolding her or putting her back in her place.
Maybe, just maybe, she was feeling tonight's weird vibes, too?
Maybe she wasn't crazy after all and there was some silly chemistry between them even if she couldn't act on it.
"Because I wanted to," the girl answered stubbornly and it was enough for her clenched her jaw.
"That's not an answer."
"I didn't know I owed you one," the girl retorted, trapping her playful in the face but she hold her serious face.
"You don't. I just wanna know."
"Why?"
She suddenly got stuck at the question. Speechless, to sum it up. But she forced herself to shoot her a sly, teasing grin, knowing fully well how awkward it must have looked.
"Maybe I just want to know what gets your rears going. What kind of a person can get under your skin."
In her thoughts, what was she didn't ask was that if she stood any chance at all of getting under her skin. But the girl didn't take the bait. She just narrowed her eyes at her as her hands came up to fully wrap around her neck to keep herself from floating. At this point, she wasn't breathing properly anymore and lying to herself that it's only because of the combination of cold air and water.
"And why would you care my personal life?" she challenged. "Dee, I know we're friends. You're the one who suggested that. But nothing's changed, right?"
Yes, nothing. Her mind answered.
No. That's a lie. Said her heart.
Nothing had changed. She thought.
Everything had changed. She did want to be her friend and didn't want to mess it all up. But she'd never thought it would prove to be so difficult. She had never thought she'd get to have her so close and not be allowed to pull her closer still. She'd never expected to want to pull her closer. She thought she'd be able to control herself but things was taking some turns she'd never seen coming and she didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. This friendship was taking its toll on her. But then again, what was another little white lie?
"No," she said, hoping Anntonia couldn't see through her forced smile. "Nothing's changed."
Except everything. Shouts her whole being.