"You look wrecked," Hunter comments as I drag myself into the kitchen. He's standing at the counter near the coffee pot, and when he sees me, he fills a mug for me.
"Thanks," I shoot him a dark look.
"Darlin even wrecked. You're beautiful." he hands me the mug, and I eagerly take it from him, blowing on it to cool it.
"Nice save, Casanova."
"I thought so," he smirks as he lifts his steaming mug to his lips and takes a small sip.
"Still haven't gotten a new coffee pot?" I quiz with a tilt of the head and a small grin as I set my mug down at the table.
"I like my coffee better with a side of my little Darlin," he responds.
"You are too much!" I giggle as my cheeks turn scarlet.
"There's the blush that makes my day."
"Put your charm away," I scold.
"Never," he winks.
"Where are my folks?"
I glance around the empty kitchen. I can smell rolls, so I know they were here. I lift the oven to take them out, groaning slightly from my stiff muscles.
"Your dad took your mom out for breakfast. You alright?"
"I'm so sore," I groan as I stretch my arms out. "It feels like I worked out with The Rock or something."
"Doing what we do all day you pretty much did," Hunter says. "Why don't you take the day off? Oliver said he'd pay you for the week regardless of what you work. Take a day."
And leave the two of them alone in Hunter's old house all day? Not a great idea this soon.
"I'll take some ibuprofen and be good to go by the time we get there," I assure him. "I want to earn this paycheck. It's the first one I've had in a while."
"You are, you worked hard yesterday until you had to leave."
"I'm sore in places I didn't know I could be."
He laughs, "Well if you need a massage later, you know where to find me."
"I may take you up on that," I say and his eyes flicker some, sending goosebumps down my arms. An image of Hunter's hands all over me nearly melt me. I sink down into a chair at the table, blushing deeply.
Hunter is busying himself in the kitchen, with spreading some peanut butter on rolls as I feel my face finally return to its normal shade.
"I'm still so shocked that Julian actually confessed," Hunter comments, he sets a plate down for me and one for himself taking the chair next to mine.
"Me too," I agree. "Maybe in the end, he did realize he cared, at least enough not to drag me down too."
"Or they offered him a better deal for someone bigger than him."
"That's probably more likely."
I pick at my breakfast roll as Hunter wolfs his down. I was up most of the night.
The first part of it was worrying about Brandi. She's not okay. Stephanie is right about keeping Wade in town to watch him. But after Stephanie said that, even long after, Brandi was pouring herself glass after glass of wine. She was halfway through a second bottle when I left, and I had only had two small glasses myself.
The worst thing about it is there's nothing I can do for her. I can't stop Wade from getting out. I hope Oliver can get Billy out. Billy and Brandi may have bickered a lot as kids, but they are twins, and they have a special bond. She needs her brother right now as bad as his wife and kids do.
When I finally made my overworked mind shut up, sleep came with weird and confusing dreams.
As weird and confusing as that damn kiss was last night...
That's Oliver, though. Weird and confusing. I don't know him anymore, do I?
Honestly, I stopped knowing him when I woke up to that text message on that fateful New Year's Day. The Olly I knew never would have done that. At some point the night before that Olly died. That's truly how it felt to me, and I mourned him as if he did.
I just wish I knew why. I'm missing something. I know we fought badly that day and it wasn't just that fight. We had been having the same fight for some time, and I knew going to Hunter's would make it so much worse.
Oliver's biggest thing when we sat and talked boundaries was not going to Hunter about our problems. The flirting, the darlings, the little hugs, hanging in Hunter's room alone, all were things that bugged Oliver, so we stopped all of that. Well, mostly, we slipped sometimes. But we tried hard to be respectful of what he was asking us.
But those things weren't the big thing. The thing that Oliver hated more than anything else was me talking to Hunter about us and our problems. It was something he told me privately was a major thing for him. I had a very hard time with that.
I had three best friends, I was dating Olly so I couldn't talk to him about him, and Brandi would always side with Olly, so that left Hunter. I needed his advice at times. So as much as I tried to stop confiding in Hunter, I found it impossible and kept doing so anyway.
I know Oliver would be livid when I went to Hunter that night. Especially with so much of that fight being about Hunter. I do get his anger, even if I don't fully understand it.
... but none of that justifies Oliver leaving me like that. It just doesn't. I didn't betray him. I never would've, and he knows that. So, what am I missing from that night? I know I won't be able to find it all these years later. My brain was fuzzy enough then, much less now.
The only one with that answer is Oliver.
"Where'd you go, Pretty Darlin? You look a million miles away right now."
"...I kissed Oliver," I blurt out, "or he kissed me, I guess... I don't know... "
Even now, I can't keep anything from Hunter, but I also can't look at his face, so I stare down at my roll instead.
"Okay..." he sounds tense but reaches for my hand, gently squeezing it. I look up and find nothing but a calm understanding in his cobalt gaze.
"It's alright. I told you I was here while you figured this out, didn't I?"
"Well, yeah but..."
Why do I feel so guilty about it? There's no reason, literally, and Hunter just confirmed that, and yet... I do.
You don't have to tell me," Hunter continues. "I'd rather not get a play-by-play. Unless... there's a reason I need to know."
There's a nervous flicker in his eyes at that, and I squeeze his hand back to assure him.
"No, I mean.... it was a two-second kiss, that confused me more than anything."
"Two seconds?" A small grin plays at his lips, but it's gone as quickly as it came, replaced with a serious look.
"Look, none of this is going to be easy for any of us. But the last thing I'm going to do is make it any harder for you." Our hands remained clasped as he speaks quietly. "So why don't we say you only tell me what you think I need to know, when I need to know it?"
"That's fair," I agree. "I just feel like kissing you both... it's so messed up."
"Does it suck, yeah. But we're in this situation now because Oliver and I didn't put you in it then. That's on me and him, not you. Things are going to get tense, we know that, but I'll deal with it, the best I can, because I have a chance, and that's more than I ever thought..." he trails off, his eyes slightly misty.
He clears his throat, squeezing my hand one more time before releasing it. "At the end of all this, I want you to be clear. Even if... it's not me."
I nod slowly and silently as there isn't much I can say. He's too good to me with all this. I know that much. I don't deserve Hunter Wilde. No woman does. No wonder I never thought anyone was good enough for him.
"But Kinz," he says after a moment. "I was wrong back then when I thought he was better for you, he wasn't. He hurt you in a way I'd have never, and still would never. Far as I see it, he don't deserve a second chance, but that ain't my call to make."
I sigh softly, honestly, I can't even wrap my head around words like second chances, when there are still so many questions about that night.
Before I can even begin to clear the confusion from my head, I need some answers from Oliver.
***
Oliver's van is already parked outside Hunter's old duplex when we arrive.
"Hard hat, gloves, and glasses," Hunter stops me at the door. "We're tearing a lot of walls out today."
"Why aren't you wearing all this stuff?" I whine as I look at the pile of stuff in his arms.
"I'm not a klutz," he says to which I make a face at him and then I duck past him so he can't make me put the stuff on. Being short can be handy at times.
"You almost fell off a ladder yesterday," he counters.
"It was a wobbly ladder," I say as I step inside. Oliver who is standing near the counter, looks up at my voice as we walk on.
"It was not a wobbly ladder," Hunter argues. "And what about slicing your thumb open on day one?"
"Not my fault either. That was a fluke."
"A fluke? Hunter said to leave the stuff on the ground alone, and five minutes later, you're bleeding," Oliver says.
"We didn't ask for your input!"
"I am," Hunter says. "Tell her to put the stuff on, Oliver."
"Kinsey, you once sprained your ankle on a bunny slope. Put the gear on," Oliver says.
I hate it when they team up on me, but it's preventing an awkward acknowledgment of that kiss, so I'll take it. I put the stupid stuff on to appease them, even though neither of them bothers to do the same. Macho hypocrites.
"You did get a lot done in here yesterday," Oliver comments to Hunter. "We can probably get this whole unit finished today. At this rate, the demo will be done ahead of schedule."
"Came along pretty quick, but the damn kids fucked things up bad in here," Hunter comments. "The fire pit they set up caused some structural damage to the subfloor in the living room. I can fix it when we start the construction next week."
"I'll bring the plans over tommorow," Oliver offers. "They're making good progress at the bookstore today too."
"When you looking at opening it?"
"Hopefully, within a few weeks. The biggest hurdle is the apartment because it wasn't set up for one, so all plumbing and stuff has to get done yet."
Apartment?
"Apartment?" Hunter voices my thought out loud.
"Yeah, the one above the bar is a little ... dated," Oliver says with a slight cringe. "Besides that, I'd rather have my own place here."
"You're moving back here? Permanently?" Hunter asks with an obvious tension in his tone.
"I'm not sure exactly how permanent, yet..." Oliver says, looking at me, but then he quickly looks away. "I'll always need to keep my New York place, near headquarters. But I'll need to be around here too, as things get going."
Hunter nods, and I can see this isn't good news in his mind, but... to me, it's a sign. Oliver said he wanted to reconcile our friendship, and having a foothold here is a good start. Every day since he got here, I keep expecting him to disappear again.
We move into the living room so Hunter can point out the damaged areas to Oliver.
"Speaking of the bookstore," Oliver says slowly. "I'll be starting interviews by Friday..."
"For what?" I ask and then laugh at my own idiocy when he gives me a duh look. "Oh, to hire people, right."
"You got any retail experience?" Oliver asks.
"Wait, what, me?" I ask wide-eyed. "You'd hire me?"
"You need a job. I need people," Oliver says. "It won't pay much. It's just a cashier position, but it's something to get you started."
"Really? That would be amazing." I feel myself getting a little choked up.
The debts will be gone soon, and I'll be making money. I finally see the light out of the deep, dark tunnel Julian trapped me in.
"Why don't we talk after working today. We'll finalize all that, and we should..." he trails off with a nervous look on his face.
"Talk?" I offer.
"Yeah," he says sheepishly. "Dinner, later?"
"Done," I agree.
A loud smash makes me jump, and I look over to see Hunter smashing a sledgehammer through a wall.
"Tell us how you really feel," Oliver comments.
"Just getting the job done while you play hero," Hunter says and then smashes it again.
Shit... Hunter tried to offer me work, too and I turned it down. But his offer was silly... I can't work for nothing. He gets that, right? I glance at him in time to see him smash the hammer through the wall again.
Oliver smashes into the other end of the wall crashing a huge hole into that side. I watch them work, mesmerized as the wall becomes nothing more than ripped-up paper and studs. I wonder how long it took someone all those years ago to build these walls. A lot longer than it took to smash them down, I'll bet.
It's not all that different than a relationship. Some take longer than others to build, some are stronger than others, but any of them can be knocked down in a mere second. But the roots are still there, and even though it won't be like it was, it can be rebuilt. Maybe even into something better than it was before.
Maybe I'm being a dreamer... but these guys loved each other once.
Hunter was the big brother Olly always longed for. He admired and looked up to him. There was always so much pride in Oliver's eyes whenever Hunter scared off Billy, Gabe, and Laine.
And Hunter, he protected Olly as fiercely as he did me. Olly was the little brother he never asked for but was so proud of. He'd tell anyone who would listen about his how his buddy was a genius.
Those feelings for each other didn't just disappear with the years, any more than Oliver and my feelings have.
***
"Is this your old end table?"
I hear Oliver's voice coming from Hunter's old room. However, I use the term room loosely now with all the walls gone.
I step in to see Oliver running his hand over that age-old table.
"Yeah," Hunter says. "I didn't even realize it had been forgotten. When I moved back in here, I rented the one on the end. The only one that was still being maintained."
"I wonder if there's anything still in it," Oliver ponders.
"Hopefully not food," I grimace at the thought.
"Might be a joint in there you should see," Hunter jokes.
"Twenty-year-old pot, sounds healthy," Oliver comments. He has to force the drawer open and a cloud of dust flies into the air when he does.
An image of me opening that drawer all those years ago flits into my head.
So much hope... and then.
My eyes fall to the spot on the floor I collapsed to. I didn't think anything could hurt that bad, and it still hurts sometimes.
"Your old wallet chain is still here," Olly says with a slight as he pulls out. "You thought you were so badass."
"Shut up. I was a badass." Hunter is laughing as he looks at it. "I can't believe this is still here. I thought I grabbed everything that mattered from that drawer."
Everything that mattered... a warm feeling comes over me as my gaze finds Hunter's. "You mean like the photo?"
"It's faded as fuck now, but I still have it.," he confirms. "Like everything else, it's somewhere safe."
"What photo?" Oliver asks and then narrows his eyes. "Wait, are you talking about the freshman one Brandi took of you and Kinsey? You told me you got rid of that."
"I tucked it away," Hunter says.
"You were so full shit," Oliver mutters.
"You are calling me full of shit? You got pissed over an old fucking photo, and I tucked it away. What's your problem?"
"No, I told you to get rid of it because she was my girlfriend, and you said you would. But like everything I asked, you'd promise to respect me and do the opposite."
"Oliver... don't," I say.
"Are you really rewriting history right now?" Hunter questions. "I went out of my way to respect you."
Oliver lets out a loud, scoffing laugh.
"You don't even know the meaning of the word respect. You manipulated us every chance you got," Hunter accuses.
"Hunter..." I sigh to no avail.
Their eyes are locked on each other, and they are each rigid and tense where they stand.
"I'm getting tired of that word being thrown around, Hunter. I never manipulated Kinsey."
"In a roundabout way, you did. You sat there and dried her tears when all you had to do was tell her the truth. You let her be heartbroken because you wanted to pick up the pieces," Hunter says. "That's the difference between you and me, Oliver. I'd break my heart a dozen times if it meant she was happy."
"Always playing the martyr," Oliver comments. "You had a voice. You should've done something about it."
"Now you're just talking out of both sides of your mouth. I should have said something to her, but I didn't respect you. Which is it, Oliver?"
"Stop fighting," I beg.
We all freeze. The last time I said those words, I passed out directly after them, and then everything changed.
The air becomes heavy and fraught with tension.
"We're almost done here. Let's just keep going," Hunter breaks the silence.
***
The day was long and quiet after that tense moment in Hunter's room. The polite one-word answers Oliver and Hunter were tossing back and forth were the only words spoken, and after that day, a part of me wished I had stayed home.
Although I think being there did prevent anything from getting any worse, and truthfully, today I felt Oliver needed to hear some of what Hunter said to him. There were times in the past when I felt Oliver was blinded by his jealousy, and unfair in how he reacted because of it.
Now that we're older, I hope he can look back with a more open mind, too.
New Year's Eve, 2002, I did everything in my power to scrub that horrible night in my brain, and now here I am all these years later, ready to relive the godforsaken day.
I pace back and forth through the kitchen, my boots clicking on the hard floor.
I dressed casually for dinner, jeans and a blouse with my boots, only because I'm too sore to try on everything in my closet. I'm second-guessing it now though. Oliver will probably show up here in a suit worth a mortgage payment.
"Fuck it, this time, I'm having the damn shot."
I just love Kelsea for Kinz she is so inspired by her this song may not fit perfect but it's pretty close to where Kinsey is at right now, she's healed from Julian but confused what to do next. I did do a nod to this song in the chapter when Hunter took her to dinner too as this fits for both guys too.