I had a name and it was my father's name. I couldn't believe that after all this time of waiting and wishing, I finally knew my father's name. Now I just had to find him, but that was proving to be hard. After I had come home from having lunch with Melissa that day, I told my grandparents what happened and that I had gotten my father's name from her. They had been so excited that they called the private investigator they had hired and told them to find a man named Peter Anderson that could also possibly be my father.
But the private investigator was having a hard time finding a man who had lived here with that name and could possibly be my father. All my hopes of finding my father were going back to the way I had felt before. I was losing hope again that I was never going to find my father. It seemed like he didn't even exist.
I knew he had to exist though because I was here, but he just seemed to have disappeared from existence. And as more time went by and months started to pass by, I felt like giving up. I had talked to Melissa a couple of time since she had given me a name and she was absolutely sure that was the name that Charlotte had given her. My grandparents had tried to get Charlotte to come over so we could talk to her about my father, but she seemed to be avoiding us.
I didn't really get why she was avoiding us, but that's what Charlotte was currently doing. It wasn't clear though if she knew that I knew what my father's name was. I wouldn't really know that until she actually talked to us. It was the only reason I wanted to talk to her, not that I really expected her to confirm that Peter Anderson was my father's name, but I wanted to at least try and get to her answer that question truthfully.
It was possible that Charlotte had told Melissa a different name than my father had given her. I had thought about that, but with the way Melissa described her relationship with Charlotte back then, it sounded like they had been really close to each other. And Charlotte hadn't given anyone else my father's name so it seemed like Charlotte hadn't given Melissa a false name. It was going to be hard for me to believe anything that would come out of Charlotte's mouth with all the lies that she has told me over the years, but for some reason I truly believe that Charlotte had told Melissa the truth about my father's name. I just didn't understand why we were having such a hard time trying to find him.
***
"Are you excited for Christmas?" Nathan asked me as we walked through the mall. There were Christmas decorations everywhere we walked in the mall. None of the stores we walked into had missed the opportunity to decorate for the holidays. The decorations had gone up sometime at the end of November since the last time Nathan had brought me to the mall. That had been with all of our friends. Today it was just me and Nathan.
"No. I hate the holidays," I replied looking at some jewelry as we passed by it.
"Let me guess your mom is the reason for why you hate the holidays," Nathan said as he looked over at me and walked close to me. I had gotten a lot closer to Nathan in the past couple of months, closer to anyone that I had met since coming to California. There was something about him that just made me drawn to him. So, I was hanging out with him more often than I had been in the beginning. I was getting comfortable around him.
I hadn't exactly spilled any of my secrets to him yet, but I was slowly getting closer and it was possible that I could end up spilling one today, which probably would just about how my holidays had gone in the past. All my Christmases, along with all the Thanksgivings I had celebrated, had been spent alone. Charlotte was usually out at a party or hanging out with her friends so she was never home. She had never bothered to spend the holidays with me and I didn't think that was going to change especially when she seemed to be avoiding me and my grandparents at the moment.
My Thanksgiving this year had been slightly better, but it had just been me and my grandparents. They hadn't wanted to overwhelm me with new family members just yet. They would be doing that for Christmas.
Apparently my grandparents hosted Christmas while on Thanksgiving, they usually spent that time with some friends while their children spent their Thanksgiving at other relatives' houses. They sometimes spent Thanksgiving with their children and their families every once in awhile, but this year they were spending Christmas with them so that was when I was going to meet the rest of Charlotte's family.
I was a little bit nervous about meeting them. It was unclear how the rest of Charlotte's family felt about Charlotte, which means I was unsure of how they would feel about me. I'm sure if they didn't like Charlotte because of the way Charlotte was, then they might automatically assume that I could be just like her.
"Yeah she never spent them with me," I finally answered.
"Your own mother has never spent one Thanksgiving or Christmas with you?" Nathan asked in disbelief. I'm sure Charlotte had spend a couple holidays with me when I was younger, but I was too young to remember that. I just know in the recent years I had spent the holidays alone.
"If she did, then I don't remember it," I replied. Nathan nodded his head and then said, "You didn't spend this Thanksgiving alone though, right?"
"No, I was with my grandparents. All their children and their families were at other relatives' houses for Thanksgiving, but I'll get to meet more of my family at Christmas," I said.
"That's got to be better than what you're used to," Nathan replied. I nodded my head and then said, "Yeah it definitely is. It was nice not to be alone on a holiday, but it was also a little weird. I'll get used to it though because I don't want to be alone on the holidays."
Not knowing whether or not the rest of my family was going to like me because I was Charlotte's daughter wasn't helping me be very excited that I was meeting some more family. I had lived with Charlotte all my life so it probably wasn't that far off to think that Charlotte's brothers and sisters were dreading meeting me because I could have turned out exactly like Charlotte. And I'm sure they didn't want to deal with a person who could be exactly like Charlotte again. They probably didn't even want to see Charlotte ever again.
Unless Charlotte actually got along with her siblings. I had never asked my grandparents about Charlotte's relationship with her siblings because I had just assumed that Charlotte treated everyone like shit since that's how she treated her parents and everyone else that she crossed paths with.
I don't think Charlotte was coming over for Christmas though so no one would have to worry about actually dealing with Charlotte herself. She probably hadn't even been invited to come over for Christmas. I knew that she hadn't been invited to come over for Thanksgiving because my grandparents had mentioned that they had just wanted it to be the three of us. My grandparents had only invited her over so we could talk to her about my father, not to spend the holidays with us. That was the only reason she was allowed to come over unless she had changed her ways. But I don't think she had changed her ways at all. I think she was still the same old Charlotte that everyone here knew.
"You'll get used to it eventually as it happens every year," Nathan said looking over at me and smiling. I smiled back and then said, "I sure hope so."
"So where else do you want to go?" Nathan asked me as we stepped out of a department store into the hallways where more stores were located.
"I don't really have anywhere else I want to go. I've bought everything I need at the moment," I replied looking down at the two small shopping bags I had in my hands.
I had bought a couple of dresses and some nicer looking shoes besides the Converse I wore most of the time to wear along with the dresses. Some of the dresses were just for random occasions that may pop up over time, but one of the fancier ones were for holiday parties or just for parties that require a little more effort than just a simple dress and some sandals. I wanted to wear a dress on Christmas day so I would look nice and hopefully look completely different from what Charlotte usually chose to wear.
Although I don't think any of my wardrobe looked anything like Charlotte's wardrobe, I just wasn't sure if Charlotte's siblings were going to think that. I already looked enough like her, I didn't need to dress like her. And I didn't really have a good idea of what Charlotte wore back in the day when she was a teenager, but I was guessing it was something similar to what she wore now.
There were more pictures of her siblings than there were of Charlotte. Of course, there were school pictures and her clothing looked decent enough, but I didn't know what she had worn when she didn't have to look nice for photos or family events. Her parents had probably made sure that she didn't wear anything like she does now if Charlotte was having her picture taken or if they had some event to go to. My grandparents didn't have control over Charlotte anymore so they couldn't tell Charlotte how to dress, but they probably did tell her she had to dress up for occasions that called for it.
So, while Charlotte may have looked somewhat decent for school pictures and other events, I don't think that's how she dressed on a daily basis. There just weren't any pictures of her on normal days. It seemed like Charlotte didn't spend a lot of time at home, which made sense since she was always out with friends or her latest boyfriend when I had lived with her.
"Is there anything you want to get? How about some jewelry? You were looking at some of it earlier. My sister is always saying how jewelry dresses up your outfit even more," Nathan said.
"Yeah, but the jewelry in that store is so expensive," I replied.
"Well, I'll show you were my sister shops. She says their jewelry is pretty cheap," Nathan said grabbing onto my wrist and started pulling me in the direction of the store he wanted to take me to. It was the first time we had really touched each other.
And it made my heart flutter. I didn't want to be disappointed when Nathan let go of my wrist, but I was. Even though a couple of months had passed since I arrived in California, I still wasn't sure if I was ready to date again. My last relationship was still fresh in my mind, but I knew Nathan was nothing like the guys I had dated. But just because he seemed like a better choice for a boyfriend then the guys I had dated, didn't mean I was ready to jump into another relationship. Getting cheated on twice made you have a hard time trusting people.
And that wasn't just the only reason that I had a hard time trusting people. It was going to take a lot more than my heart fluttering and wanting Nathan's skin again mine to make me get into a relationship with him. I was going to be overly cautious about this until I knew I was one-hundred percent ready to be in a relationship again.
"I'm not quite sure where the jewelry is in this store. I just usually head over to the men's section if I come in here with Emily," Nathan said bringing me out of my thoughts as he let go of my wrist and I looked around to see where we were. I felt the disappointment wash over me as I realized that Nathan was no longer touching me.
"This store looks big," I replied as I glanced around. I didn't see the jewelry just yet, but I probably had to walk further into the store to find it.
"It is. There's a whole another floor filled with clothes. This store is mostly for women, but they're starting to branch out into other areas of clothing," Nathan said.
We started walking further into the store and I looked around at the clothes that were hanging up around us. I stopped to look at a shirt that caught my eye and checked the price. It was a pretty good price and as I checked more prices, I was liking this store even more. I would have to remember to come back here the next time I got paid. Most of my paycheck from the last time I had been paid was pretty much gone with all the dresses and shoes I had just bought. I would be able to buy some jewelry still, but with the way I kept stopping to check out clothes, I knew that this store wasn't going to be easy to leave. Their clothing items were really cute.
"Here's the jewelry. I'm going to go look at the men's clothing, alright?" Nathan said bringing my attention back to him. I looked over at him as I put back a dress and then nodded my head. He left me alone and I went straight for the jewelry, not even daring to look at more clothes because I'd probably end up buying them and then I really wouldn't have any money for jewelry.
"Well, well, well, look who we have here girls," I heard someone say. It sounded a lot like Alexis' voice and when I looked up, I found her standing before me with Bethany, Isabelle, and Nicole. It had been a while since I had heard anything from Alexis.
And I had begun to wonder if Alexis had actually given up on trying to get me to stop being friends with Nathan since she hadn't tried anything since she egged my car, but there was always a part of me that was on guard just in case she did try something. Because I knew in my heart that Alexis hadn't given up that easily, but she had taken a long time to show her face around me again. She must be planning something really big if it was taking her this long to send out her next attack. And maybe now she was here to warn me about it.
I don't think she would have followed me especially since she had no idea where I lived. So, it was possible that Alexis didn't even know that I was here with Nathan.
"What do you want, Alexis?" I asked her, trying to make my voice sound as kind as I could. I didn't want to start anything that would make her stay longer than she wanted to. Plus, I was having a really good day and I didn't want it too ruined with Alexis' presence. So, the quicker I could get rid of her, the better.
"You know what I want," Alexis replied taking a step forward towards me.
"Nathan is allowed to be friends with whoever he wants. And if he wants to be friends with me, then I'm certainly not going to say no to him," I said moving to look at some of rings they had.
"That's all you're ever going to be him, a friend. If you become more than that, then you're going to have to answer to me," she said moving around. I think she was trying to get my attention back on her and not on the rings that I was looking at. Desperate much?
"That's not your decision either. It's not my fault that Nathan doesn't want to be with you anymore," I replied picking up a ring to look more closely at it, but Alexis knocked it out of my hand and I watched as it fell to the floor.
Deciding to put my attention back on Alexis and pick up the ring later so I could get rid of Alexis, I looked over and raised my eyebrows at her, waiting to see what else she had to say to me. This girl seriously didn't get that she couldn't control everyone. Maybe those three girls standing behind her and some of the school, but she wasn't going to control me. I wasn't so easily persuaded. It took a whole lot to persuade me and you actually had to know how to persuade me to get me to do something. And Alexis didn't know how to do that. Plus, I wasn't going to allow her to persuade me to do anything.
"You better watch yourself, bitch! You have no idea what I'm capable of," Alexis said viciously as she narrowed her eyes. She actually seemed slightly scary this time, but just slightly. The more she tried to stop me from doing something, the more I wanted to do it.
"You should really watch what you say, you know that right? Someone might think that you're willing to do some serious damage to me with the words you just said. You're basically saying you're capable of anything, like you know, murder?" I said innocently. Alexis backed away from immediately and looked around us as did her friends to see if anyone had overheard us.
"This isn't over. He's mine. I'll win him back, just you wait and see," Alexis said turning back to me when she was satisfied that no one was watching us.
I laughed and said, "You still don't get it do you? He doesn't want you. And as long as he doesn't want you, then you're out of luck. But don't worry, I'm not going to be his girlfriend. Well at least anytime soon. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm just looking for friends."
Alexis turned around and walked off without saying anything. Her friends gave me glares, like that was really going to scare me, before they hurried off after Alexis. I sighed when they were all finally gone and then bent down to pick the ring Alexis had knocked out of my hand to look at it before deciding that I didn't like it enough to buy it. I went back to looking through the jewelry until I found some pieces that I could wear with every outfit. Eventually I would buy more colorful jewelry, but for right now I bought what I could afford and that would also go along with all my outfits until I could buy more jewelry.
***
The next day I was hanging out with my friends, I had finally started calling them my friends a little more than a month ago, on the beach. We were waiting for Nathan to arrive, who for some reason had told me that he couldn't pick me or Kimberly up today. So I picked up Kimberly myself and drove us to the beach we were going to with the help of Kimberly. I probably would have gotten lost if I been trying to get there myself. But thankfully Kimberly knew the way and we hadn't gotten lost. We had arrived before everyone else and had found a place to sit down while we waited for the others. Eventually Cameron, Jennifer, and Kelly came to join us, but we were still waiting for Nathan, who was over an hour late. None of us knew where he was or when he was coming to join us.
"You don't think something happened to him, do you?" Kelly asked sounding worried. Cameron had tried calling Nathan a couple of times, but he hadn't answered. Jennifer and Kelly had also called him, but they hadn't been able to get a hold of him either.
"Cameron, do you have one of his parents' numbers?" I asked him. He looked over at me and nodded his head before saying, "Good idea. I'll call his mom. She's probably home."
We all grew silent as Cameron started dialing Nathan's mom's number and then put his phone up to his ear. I looked back at the ocean as Cameron started talking on the phone to Nathan's mom. He hung up a few minutes later and announced that Nathan had left his house over an hour ago to go run an errand before he came to hang out with us at the beach. I listened to my friends as they discussed what Nathan possibly had to do before he came here. They probably going to come up with a whole bunch of reasons why Nathan was late, but we wouldn't know the truth until Nathan showed up and told us what was going on. And it wasn't too much longer after that until Nathan showed up to join us.
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," I heard Nathan say. Kelly gasped and I looked over at Nathan to see why Kelly had gasped. Hanging off of Nathan's arm was Alexis. And she was smiling evilly, like she had just won the game. I realized that she might have been the errand that Nathan had to run, but why Nathan had gone to see her was still a question that needed to be answered.
"What is she doing here?" Cameron said, obviously not happy that Alexis was here. I don't think any of us were happy to see Alexis, but I didn't make that known right away. I wanted to see what Nathan was going to say to explain why he had brought Alexis with him.
"Cam, you really shouldn't speak to your best friend's girl that way," Alexis said still smiling the same way she had been since I looked at her. This could not be happening. Nathan could not be dating her. He had better correct Alexis on that because Nathan didn't need to get hurt again.
"Wait, what?" Cameron said not believing Alexis either. I looked over at him and saw that he was looking over at Nathan waiting for his answer.
"Please don't tell me she's your girlfriend again, Nate," Jennifer groaned a few seconds later.
"Yeah, I decided to get back together with Alexis. I hope you guys can all support me," he replied as I watched his face. Not only could I tell that Alexis was waiting for me to drop my jaw, which I didn't, but I could tell that Nathan was avoiding any eye contact with me. I couldn't tell what he was feeling since he kept his voice neutral.
I felt like something had been pierced through my heart when he confirmed that Alexis was his girlfriend. And I knew then that I liked Nathan more than I had realized. It wasn't also hard to figure out with the way Alexis was smiling that she had planned to get Nathan back somehow. I don't know how she convinced Nathan to be her boyfriend again, but I definitely realized that this was her next move to try and put me in line so I wouldn't fight back anymore and would listen to everything she said. And while I hadn't seen this coming, I wasn't going to let her think I was jealous that Nathan had chosen her over me.
I had after all told her that I didn't want a boyfriend and while I was seriously fuming with the way she was touching Nathan, I kept my feelings hidden because that was what I did best. I wasn't going to let Alexis Warren get the best of me when she had won the one thing that had finally made me feel something other than hate. I may be hurting inside, but no one was ever going to know that especially not Alexis and not Nathan either.
"You can't be serious, Nathan," Jennifer said in disbelief.
"I am serious. I've decided that I want to give Alexis another chance. And for right now I'd like to keep my reasons for myself, just know that Alexis and I talked for awhile. She explained herself and after hearing her out, I decided that it was good enough to give her another chance," Nathan replied looking at Jennifer. He was still avoiding looking at me. That was okay though. I stood up, which made everyone look over at me, including Nathan.
"Aren't you going to congratulate us?" Alexis asked in a seriously annoying perky voice. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her.
"Of course, congrats on being a couple. I'm guessing you're going to be hanging around a lot more?" I asked. She nodded her head.
"That's what I thought. Well then in that case, I won't be hanging around anymore. I don't think you and I are exactly cut out to be friends so I'm going to leave. Nathan, I don't think we can be friends anymore if you're going to date her. I can't support you after knowing a little about what happened the last time you two were together," I replied. I bent down and grabbed my things before I walked away from everyone.