"I have no time to hear what you prefer.21 and yet you remain so stupid! Do I have to repeat this over and over again?We don't have the liberty to walk around unguarded! Zafar and Khalid would be waiting for you at the airport to pick you up, without creating any fuss you will board the car and come home.Is that Understood?"Her father's temper evidently reverberated through the phone call and the impending confrontation with him that would occur next day, loomed like a daunting spectre deepening the fear gripping her heart.But that is not what she said,instead-
"Of course,I'll do as told." The line was severed while she gazed into the uncertain abyss of tomorrow, a knot tightening in her stomach, the fear of an unknown future casted shadows of doubt in her anxious eyes.
It was almost as though, the universe had sadistically conspired to shove her back into the very crevasse of cruelty and mayhem that she had pledged to leave behind.She found it puzzling why the father who had delightfully sent her away to impede her presence in his life was suddenly so resolute on bringing her back to Toronto.She assumed it could perhaps be that he had gotten the hint of how she for once was at peace.You could almost claim she was happy too,truly happy in a long long while.And needless to say,how could such a precious and rare phenomenon be allowed by Anwar Khan to seep into his only daughter's life?
She has intricately built a tranquil world for herself, nestling into the art, culture and heritage of the old city.She cherishes waking up to the sound of birds chirping on her window pane. With wide-eyed admiration, she soaks in the delicate hues of the rising sun.It transforms the snow into illuminating entities, while it slowly settles down on the freshly mowed ground around her dorm's drive way leaving an indelible mark of appreciation for the simple yet profound beauty of her life as the student of UOO.The gothic architecture of her university that she adores so dearly and the wholesome group of friends she has carefully embraced into her life makes the shared room of her dormitory more of a home than what the annoyingly prodigal mansion of her father would ever be.
Caught in the restrictive web of circumstance,Meerab found herself with the least choice in steering the course of her life.For someone so resilient and wayward as her it is bewildering how she could fight for anything and anyone but not herself,not infront of her baba.It was the last day in Ottawa before she would be moving back to Toronto, her father however, had shown more mercy than what she expected of him.He assured her that her education wouldn't be compromised.She was promised enrolment into the most renowned law institution of Toronto and though it is not the location that she had planned to settle in for her degree, it is better than being thrusted in between the suffocating walls of Khan Mansion with no autonomy.
Meerab is an individual of dual passion.While her mind strived to effortlessly navigate the intrinsic complexities of legal doctrines her heart yearned to immerse itself in the imaginative realms of literature. The intersection of law's logic and literature's artistry forms the cornerstone of her intellectual identity, creating a brilliant mosaic of knowledge and inspiration that catalyses her academic endeavors with a unique fervor. Hence, following the successful completion of her degree in English literature from University of Ottawa, she was about to embark on the journey of her next goal,LLB.
Relishing her last bit of solitude in the city of Ottawa, she took it upon herself to arrange a small brunch date with her closest mates.Late as usual, Ayra and Mafusa the twins were being waited for,while the rest of the clan Meerab,Saba and Farhan were already seated ritualistically on the third seat from the left aisle of their favourite "Moonrock Grill".
"Ugh I'll kill Mafu and Aaru!How are these two idiots always late?!It is Meerab's last day with us and now we'll have lesser time as a group the more they delay." Meerab's very frustrated roommate chirped in.
Farhan, who though possesses endearing qualities, comes with a touch of massively annoying personality.Occasionally exasperating, his presence is indeed irreplaceable.It is to be noted he's also Saba's maternal cousin which makes it impossible to throw him away in a distant ocean as the rest have often considered doing.He promptly replied to Saba's complaint, "Oh c'mon Sabbi, you are making it sound even worse this way! As if Meerab leaving is not bad enough already!"
Saba rolled her eyes while Meerab giggled but it couldn't really be concealed how her heart crumbled at the thought of separation, carving a void that only more time with them could have filled.Farhan continued, looking at Meerab, "Girl do you really have to go?We all know how excited you were to Join Saba in London post graduation!You literally had it all planned out,and now suddenly this..."
"You all pretty much acting like I'm moving to the North Pole.Besides,you all can always just show up and surprise me you know? I'm sure Farhan would love to sponsor."Meerab interrupted.Humor is a tool that she had long ago realised comes in handy when in situations uncomfortable to one.She foolishly hoped that is what her friends would do,visit her in Toronto regularly, for she knew her father's whims and she knew how her movements would be restricted in that doomed city. The chances of ever meeting them again were seemingly less, which she could neither admit to the rest truthfully or accept wholeheartedly herself.
"Look who just shut me up for being all emo and shit and here you are making her think of all things unfortunate." Saba replied, smacking Farhan's head lightly.
Their banters were finally cut short by the much awaited arrival of Mafusa and Ayra.It was strange really how Meerab had bonded with them so easily in these three years. What began as casual interactions in the university corridors had organically blossomed into a friendship built on trust, understanding, and the subtle beauty of shared moments that knit their hearts together in an unspoken alliance. Maybe, it is simply a compensation offered by God for what she could not have in her own family,a true connection.She was however, the closest to Saba.Stuck in the same room for the entire duration of her course, Meerab had learnt to trust her with her deepest and darkest feelings while Saba an excellent listener never failed to upraise her morale.
Repetition of lines similar to "We are so sorry!", "You wouldn't believe the amount of traffic that we had to overcome to reach here today!", "Oh Meerab you love us!! Don't be mad." were chanted by the twins in an effort to pacify three infuriated faces glaring at them until they all looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Meerab surely might forgive you both but we would not.How are you two never on time?" Farhan inquired and shook his head disappointingly.
"Okay!Okay! That's enough discussion about bygone matters. This was supposed to be a lovely last meal together,I don't want to waste a single moment fighting over silly things." Meerab bemoaned pouting slightly, for every passing second snatched away a little bit of her remaining ease.
She wished to devour their favourite burgers and fries while gossiping over the obnoxious poetry professor for the 100th time.She desired to have more of their weekly picnics beneath the oak tree of her campus.The further she thought of what she'd miss,the paler her face grew raising the concerns of her friends.
"Are you sure you are fine Meerab?"This wasn't really the first time Saba had asked this question.Ever since Meerab had revealed her decision to move back to Toronto instead of setting out for University of Hertfordshire, London next month,Saba was in disbelief.She remembered how the both of them had enthusiastically opted for the aforementioned university almost a year ago with unwavering surety.
Meerab deflected all of Saba's dubiety .There was no simplistic way of explaining to her that within the constraints of the dynamic she shares with her father,the option of denying what he seeks from her is preposterous.And what he currently seeks from her is her presence in his house,permanently,and she knew she'd rather be subdued by him than face his wrath.
"Why wouldn't I be fine?I'm going home after years!I cannot wait to meet everyone back at Toronto!" While the rest three were quite satisfied with her response,Saba couldn't ignore her high pitched tone and the way she forced out a laugh.She chose to not push it further clearly for the sake of not ruining the day with grim affairs.
After a four hour long session of relishing on coke,fries and their collectively preferred steak while not leaving a single unimaginable topic of discussion untouched, the group decided to part ways and leave for their abodes following a bittersweet goodbye.The bond forged through shared moments now faced the test of distance, and the prospect of leaving behind the camaraderie that had been her anchor left her with an aching chest. Mafusa and Ayra lived with their parents,strict as they are both were expected to be home within 7:30 in the evening, alarming them to call a cab. Farhan's Frat House being exactly a 5 minutes walk from Meerab and Saba's dorm, allowed the leftover three to take the bus back to their dwelling together.
"I'll miss this you know,us travelling together.Even Saba would leave in a month and I'll be left alone." And at that Farhan received a giant hug from Meerab and Saba simultaneously.
"If I have to confess, I'm dreading my return.I don't know what to expect.The least I could hope is my peace retains." Meerab stated, keeping the parts of her questions camouflaged where her thoughts drifted to the shadowed corners of her life.She wondered if more men had been killed entangled in the urge to preserve false superiority,if the splatter of blood on that road still exis- "Earth to Meerab! We have arrived.Where's your mind these days?"Saba dragged her down the bus.
The chaotic trio was now reduced to a duo as Farhan made his way back to the comfort of his frat house.Saba could at last ask the question on the tip of her tongue, "Are you truly happy about this decision?I haven't seen you this distressed since you first arrived here. Through the bits and pieces I know, even back then your glum outlook had to do with something about your home.Meerab I'm worried about you,is it even safe for you to live there?Just tell me what's going on."
Meerab's quivering valiance gradually gave way to the weight of suppressed feelings, and finally, in that vulnerable moment, tears streamed down her face.She weeped clutching Saba so tightly she almost expected Meerab to collapse if not held.Taking a deep breath,parting from the embrace she acknowledged, "Some parts of me are too anarchic to revisit.The wounds still ache.If even for a second I allow myself to think, I'm afraid I'd be stepping into the darkness I've fought to leave behind.I have been constantly running away looking for loopholes but could we really run past what's inevitable?I knew someday I'd have to stop,I didn't known it'd be so soon."
"Oh love,you know I'm just a call away right?I am not going to probe you to reveal what you can't but you have to promise me something,the moment you feel your home is not a place for you to be, you'll run again.You say you have to stop at some point but stopping necessarily isn't synonymous to an end.We all need to pause at times to breathe. So my dear Meerab,I know how brave you are, run till you are unfazed enough to end what you are running from and then triumph over all that bends you down."
...
The flight to Toronto was smooth.She tried to clutch onto optimism and wondered if it could mean her journey further would remain bump free.The two guards as promised were waiting for Meerab,she had not seen them before,probably a new addition to her father's ever expanding sentinels.She would have rolled her eyes but instead was hit with the memory of what had turned her father so vigilant and guilt seethed in.
As she hopped in,her luggage was arranged neatly in the trunk by Khalid, as what she caught on to be his name from the conversation between the guards.It was fairly a fine drive until they reached The Bridle Path, a subtle unease settled upon her as she recognised the driver to be taking left instead of the straight route that led to her home. Panic flickered in her eyes, she might not have been on the roads of Toronto for some time now but the familiarity persisted.She figured she was being taken elsewhere.
"This is not the way to Khan Mansion,where are we going?"
"Shahnawaz Manor" Came the reluctant reply.She could sense they have been instructed to not indulge in conversations with her but she couldn't care to ponder upon it,her features etched with shock at the mention of Shahnawaz Manor.This possibly couldn't be the truth,there had to be a mistake.The enmity that had brewed in between Shahnawaz Khan and Anwar Khan, and the agreement that both had signed with severe hostility three years ago clearly proclaimed the restriction of Meerab and her father's entry to the grandiose residence that had once been the place of comfort and joy for her.
"Baba would never ask you to take me there.Do not lie!Where are you taking me?!"Meerab tried to reason with a lot more emphasis than previously.
"We cannot reveal more than what we have been asked to,it is Saab's order to take you there and we are simply doing our job.Sit still please."
How could she sit still?She could not just walk into the manor like the people living there weren't set on eradicating her father's whole existence merely few years ago?She could not walk in like she'd be greeted with open arms.Most importantly,it wasn't fathomable why her father would want her there in the first place.And then suddenly it struck her,what if this was another show down?A final display of power where for once and for all, the vendetta would be settled. More bloodshed,more graves to be dug.Perhaps,this is why she had been fetched from Ottawa.Her father just couldn't snatch the opportunity away from his beloved daughter to witness the massacre.She found it ridiculous to just sit there and wait for things to unfold.She apprehensively dialled up her baba's number knowing he'd be furious that she had disobeyed his orders by giving in to her inquisitiveness.
"Are you on your way dear?" If all that had occurred in the last few seconds didn't astound Meerab her father's tender tone succeeded to.She couldn't recall the last time he had addressed her this way.
"Ba-baba,the guards are saying you have asked them to take me to the Shahnawaz Manor and -"
"Oh yes,we are all waiting for you.It's Bhai and Bhabijaan's wedding anniversary, they are pretty adamant to put the cake cutting session on hold until you reach.See you soon, Zafar would inform me once you are at the gate and I'll send someone to accompany you to the ball room."
He didn't wait for a reply,she wasn't sure if she could have replied, for her words were tangled in her mouth.Her preconceived notion shattered, leaving her with a profound sense of incredulity.Her father spoke as though,there never had been rigorous animosity between the two brothers,that there haven't been a blood feud tormenting every single being in the family.
She had been in Toronto for an hour,and her twisted fate had already begun playing tricks on her.She simply plugged in her earphones,putting on music.Her eyes closed, she anticipated her arrival at the dreadful location.
...
The heavy doors of the enormous manor swung open as Zafar typed a passcode on the keypad attached to it. The air carried a scent of polished wood and wealth, unfolding the vastness of the mansion before her like a labyrinth of elegance.The neighbourhood of Bridle Path is distinguished for its extraordinary buildings.Undoubtedly,amongst all,the Shahnawaz Manor stands class apart,having that sophisticated-aristocratic look to it.Being confined to the small stretch of her dorm room for so long,the expanse of the structure before her seemed limitless.She had almost forgotten the breathtaking beauty of her uncle's creation.
As extravagant as it is, it is a place where her past echoed leaving Meerab feeling like an unwitting guest stepping into a realm where time itself seemed to stand still,flooding her mind with possibilities of what could go wrong next. Her thoughts were dismantled by the sound of approaching footsteps.Instead of sending a guard her father had arrived at the parking lot himself.She was unsure of how to respond to the sudden affection and attention exhibited by her father,she simply hugged back as he initiated one.Taking her hands in his own he led her to the venue, "Come my child,your presence has been eagerly waited for." He said with an unusual grin not leaving his face. In that suspended moment, the girl found herself at an unexpected crossroad,faced with the unpredictability of her existence.
Stepping into the grand foyer of the ball room adorned with opulent chandeliers and polished marble floors,she was instantly engulfed with a feeling of being misfit among the resplendently dressed men and women dancing to the tunes of soft melodies. The walls, embellished with mirrors, and intricate frescoes, exuded an air of timeless grace.The murmur of conversations and the rustle of elegant gowns created a symphony of sophistication and she could only imagine how gravely out of place she looked sensing the occasional judgmental glances of the guests.Even her father was modishly dressed! It wasn't her fault that she had been randomly dragged down from the airport to a ball.She was in a light pink satin set of trousers and buttoned down shirt ,the white tank top inside partially visible.Her hair was a mess,with nothing but exhaustion visible on her face.It made her want to scream and hide.She would have but her self scrutinisation was interrupted by the old couple.
Her Khan Baba and Mannat Begum have always had a regal charm to them,the one that compels people around to be in awe of their stature.
As soon as they caught the glimpse of Meerab and her father, they came rushing by with much eagerness .This entire scenario appeared like a big fat joke to her,she knew her sanity would be at stake when she left Ottawa but this felt like a whole another set of complications that she could not unravel yet.Hesitantly she greeted her uncle and aunt,grappling with the shift in her understanding of the situation.
"Meerab,look at you?What a beautiful woman you have turned into!How we all have missed you!" Neither part of that sentence seemed believable to her but she modestly smiled at her uncle's words and muttered,"Happy Anniversary Khan Baba and Begum, you two look gorgeous tonight."Her aunt charitably replied, "You Meerab,have always been so kind and well spoken,you instantly remind me of Dilnaaz."And at the utterance of her mother's name the remaining will of Meerab to feign normalcy disappeared and she could sense her father stiffen.
To release them from awkward tension Shahnawaz Khan glancing at his watch and looking back at Meerab spoke up, "Murtasim would be here any minute now,we'd waste no seconds in cutting the cake as he arrives and begin the actual celebrations.Oh we have so much more planned than what you see right now!" Turning to his brother he continued, "When I tell you,you are lucky, better believe me Anwar.Look at Meerab, coming from a different city and still managing to be on time. On the other hand my eldest son could not, even on a day so important to us, end his meetings early.He should learn something from his brother,Murshad has been present here since the afternoon greeting all the guests diligently,let me call him here."
At this point, most of what was being said became incomprehensible to her. In the midst of the bustling gathering, Meerab felt the weight of anxiety settling upon her like a heavy shroud. She terribly needed to excuse herself and process the sudden outbursts of happiness and reconciliation around her.She nervously articulated the words,afraid that one wrong move could offend her father."I'm so sorry but would you all mind if I excuse myself for some time?" She forced a laugh and continued,"I do look homeless right now and while I have no ball gown,I surely could look less tired.I'll quickly use the washroom and return in five minutes."
"Oh sure Meerab,we understand.You go and freshen up."Her uncle assured her and with that she departed immediately.Navigating the crowd and frantically trying find an isolated space, she could feel nausea building up.Desperate for an escape, each step taken by her was fueled with the urgency to distance herself from the overwhelming social whirlwind and regain composure.This part of the manor was a recent addition, the ball room didn't exist when she had last visited. The grandeur of the unfamiliar hallways and towering doors added to the challenge, as she discreetly explored one section after another in search of a an empty room.
With the restrooms swamped with half drunk people and no secluded corner at sight she made her way to the upper storey.Grateful to find it free of gathering, much to her delight she could see three rooms.She grabbed the knob of the first room in her sight,impatiently twisting it,but in vain.She quickly realised it was locked leaving her with a growing sense of frustration.
She had been so strong the whole day, refusing to succumb to the weight of the moment she moved to the next door and grabbed the knob again.Rattling it, unlike before she swung the door open swiftly, her face lightening up before shifting to absolute horror in no time.
Meerab gaped at the sight welcoming her,leaving her glued to the spot while her cheeks turned crimson with sheer embarrassment.Startled by the sudden intrusion, the half undressed girl gasped loudly, her eyes widening with annoyance.While she stopped fumbling with her uncle's eldest son's blazer,dropping it to the floor,his vision shifted to Meerab.Seeming fazed for a minuscule second he quickly recovered and embodied indifference, it did nothing but intensify her discomfort for how could he be so callous about the situation?
Awkward silence hung in the air as Meerab,the unexpected spectator stood, processing the scene that had unfolded before her. To add to her distress the girl was fuming, simultaneously trying to cover herself up.She barked at her in a tone that otherwise would have woken up the defiant side of her but she remained dumbfounded.
"What the fuck?Do you not know how to knock?" She wanted to say something sensible,or something smart or maybe apologise? All she could do was stand like an idiot and gawk at them.
Murtasim on the other hand seemed to have no sense of shame.He made zero efforts to have the decency to button up his shirt again, his chest almost bare with the white shirt clinging loosely.Tired of the commotion,he had a look on his face that implied boredom.He unexpectedly jeered, "Are you blind or are you too dumb to realise you are intruding?Leave."
Something about his condescending tone had prompted her to finally articulate a coherent sentence,"Excuse me?Quick advice,if you cannot stand interruptions in your urgent endeavours DO NOT BE DUMB enough to leave the door unlocked." Meerab had once allowed her own father to belittle her years ago and it turned into a never ending saga of agony.She had since then fixated her mind on the fact that, never in her life again she would let another person walk all over her, like her baba does.
Meerab had declared all that she had to,there was nothing to apologise for,striding out of the room she slammed the door behind.As she scurried down the stairs, she pretended what she had just encountered was merely a fragment of her over active imagination.
...
(A/N : So here goes the first chapter of the novel:)There is something that I want to incorporate in my books since a long time.I always listen to songs that I feel mirror the vibe of the chapter while writing them.I'm thinking about listing them in the beginning of each chapter.Do try listening to them while reading.
For this chapter it'd be: Me/ U Deluxe edition.
Be mindful of the fact that this is essentially an enemies to lovers book where the enemies part would not be treated casually.Read only if this is something you are okay with.)