My head hurts.
I try to flutter my eyes open, but it's like my eyelids are glued to each other.
Why the hell everything hurts so much?
I raise my hand mindlessly from where it rests on the bed, only to hit something hard.
My eyes shot open.
On the other side of my bed, right fucking next to me, was Rivo.
He was in deep sleep and his hair was all up in his face, but it was definitely him.
What the fuck is he doing here-
And then everything came crashing back to me.
Everything from digging my nails into my scar to Rivo finding me and... Bandaging me.
My fingers hovered above the soft material of the bandage, carful not to touch.
And just like how yesterday's events flooded my mind, another name found its way in.
Viktor.
That's what got me so freaked out, and if I wasn't so fucking tired, I would've continued to freak out about him.
I want to slump back into the bed desperately, but the hand Rivo has around my shoulders reminds me of the stupid mistake I did last night.
I can't remember how much did I tell him, but I definitely remember I did.
It's not like I meant to, I promised myself to never let any of them know about the things that happened, but I broke it in one weak moment.
That thought makes me want to throw up.
I try my best to not wake Rivo up as I climb off my bed.
My feet feel heavy and my head keeps pounding in sync with my heart.
Why did he even stay here?
I recognized the first aid kit Rivo used on the floor, and I gently took it with me to the bathroom.
I closed the door as quiet as I can before mentally preparing myself to look in the mirror.
That didn't help, because the moment I laid my eyes on my reflection, I felt frustration tears well up in my eyes.
You can see the red of blood through the bandage, and fuck, the image immediately changed into a twelve year old me.
I remember the first time I was able to leave the hospital bed and look at the damage he caused, and I remember how I completely crumbled down.
My jaw clenched. Not this time.
Instead of the sadness I felt all those years ago, I feel anger.
I feel angry as I splash water on my face in hope to clean the tears of last night, I feel pissed off as I brush my teeth to wash away the taste of blood in my mouth, and I feel really furious as I peel off the bandage on my neck.
It's been years, and yet he keeps tormenting me without even being here.
Am I really that weak?
The wound is not pretty, not in the slightest, but at least stitches are not required.
The blood stopped coming out, but holy shit was it still painful.
I bite my tongue as hard as I can as I apply the antiseptic cream I found in the kit with shaky hands.
How could there be a man who wants to kill me, and they didn't tell me anything?
I can't just sit tight and trust their guards blindly, I just can't.
Who even is this Viktor? For all I know, he could walk up to me on the street and stab me in the guts, because no one fucking told me what he looks like.
I can't help but feel the doubt rise in me.
Maybe coming here was a mistake.
Letting my guard down together with the euphoria I felt after getting a glimpse of a normal life really messed everything up.
Before coming here, I still got overwhelmed at times but it was never that bad. Never.
Maybe it all was because I let myself believe things are actually working out.
I suppress a scream when I put a new bandage on.
I just... It's so stupid, but I feel somewhat betrayed.
Even if I didn't tell them anything about what happened, I still thought we had a fundamental... Trust.
Maybe they wanted to protect me by not saying anything, or maybe they just didn't think I need to know.
But it doesn't matter. It's my life, and they can't keep me in the dark.
Maybe they just didn't think I'd have this reaction to it.
Maybe they didn't realize how fucked up I am.
I threw the towel aggressively back on the counter after I dried my hands.
Anyway, after Rivo will tell them everything, they'll realize.
I left the bathroom and quickly made my way to the walk-in closet, throwing some pants and a hoodie on to block any view of my neck.
And just after I downed dome painkillers and was about to make my escape, Rivo's eyes opened.
It took him a few seconds to understand where he is, but when he finally did, he sat on the bed and frantically looked around the room.
Until his gaze landed on me.
Luckily, today is Saturday. I don't have to deal with school and actually talking to people, Rivo included.
It doesn't matter that he helped me yesterday, nor that he stayed here with me.
It doesn't matter.
Everything happened because I let myself consider the option of a family, of this family.
"What are you doing?" He quickly got off the bed, trying to shake the tiredness off his eyes.
I picked up my backpack from the floor, stuffing in some nicer clothes and the other bandages I took from the kit.
Ares and Theo are only fifteen minutes walk away from here, and I desperately need someone who I know I can count on.
I need to figure out what on earth am I going to do with the knowledge of Viktor, and I can't seem to be able to think clearly here.
"I'm going out." I muttered, placing the straps of the bag around my shoulders.
Rivo seemed to be lost for words, only looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.
"Wait!" His hand reached out to mine the moment I opened the door, and his sudden action made me take a step back from him.
"Sorry, I..." He quickly put his hands behind his back, and I tried my best not to show my confusion on my face.
I don't think I've ever heard him say sorry.
"You can't just go out." He stated as if it's obvious, and the anger I felt a few minutes ago returned.
"I can't?" I narrowed my eyes and took a step out to the hallway.
Why can't I? Is it because of the man waiting to kill me the moment the guards take their eyes off me?
I feel like I need someone to say it to my face.
And I need a fucking gun.
"You're hurt, Olive, I..." He trailed off, averting his eyes to my covered neck.
I scoffed and turned on my heels.
"Right."
Rivo, the same guy who's done nothing but make sure I know how much he finds me being here as an inconvenience, is trying to act worried after he saw some blood on me?
What a joke.
"No, wait!" he called again after I began walking towards the stairs, but I didn't listen.
I need to leave so I could figure things out with a clear head.
"Olive, come on!" he ran past me and blocked my way with his giant body.
He's wearing the same clothes he did when he came to my room last night, which were a short shirt and pajama pants.
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and tried to push past him. "Move, Rivo."
"No." He crossed his arms, looking down at me with a frown.
Here is the Rivo I know. An annoying asshole.
"I'm not joking, move the fuck away." I almost yelled, and I could feel my body heat up from the anger.
"Neither do I. You're not leaving." He said, and I just couldn't believe what I'm hearing.
"Oh, you want to play the big brother now?" I chuckled, looking at him straight in the eyes.
He furrowed his eyebrows. "I am your big br-"
"Oh, are you?" I shot, clenching my fists by my sides. "Because I didn't even know you existed a month ago!"
His expression morphed into a blank one, and his mouth sealed.
"What is going on?" Santo's voice came from behind me, but I didn't turn around to look at him.
"Your brother thinks he has the right to tell me what to fucking do." I gritted out, trying to move past him once again.
He didn't budge.
"Fuck you, Rivo!" I yelled and slammed my hands into his chest, frustration clear in my voice.
I need to get out, I need to breath fresh air and I need my friends.
I need them desperately, because I feel like I'm losing my shit here.
"What are you doing? Just move." Santo questioned harshly, now standing next to me on the stairs.
Rivo glared at him. "You don't know shit."
The air around us was so tense, everyone glaring and trying to control themselves.
The easy solution is to knock the son of a bitch down the stairs, but I owe him for last night.
Why can't he continue be a normal person?
"Let her pass." Santo said, and his tone was so commanding I was almost taken aback.
I've never heard him like that.
Rivo's angry posture became even angrier. He pointed a threatening finger at his twin. "Stay out of it."
"Rivo, I don't care what you think you're doing. Move away." I hissed, ready to forget everything he's done for me and punch his face.
"You're not leaving when you're fucking hurt!" He snapped and brought his eyes back to me, causing my breath to hitch in my throat.
It's not like I'm bleeding to death, trust me, I know how that feels.
It's not like I can't walk, and it's not like I wasn't hurt before.
He thinks he's protecting me, but he's doing the exact opposite.
I need to leave.
So, with the anger burning inside me, I kneed him in the groin. Hard.
His hand immediately found the railing, and his whole body crumbled. "Motherfucker." He muttered, and in any other day, I'd take pleasure in it.
But now I had to get out as fast as I could.
I quickly walked down the stairs, not glancing back at him once.
"Shit, Olive!" Santo called from behind me, and I turned around to see him helping Rivo up.
I continued to walk down every corridor, passing by the dining room where I did not fail to notice Alessandro, Amadeo and Riccardo. Duke was sitting next to his feet.
"Hey, there's breakfast-" Amadeo said once noticing me, but I didn't stop to look at them properly.
The door is so close I just-
"Hey, slow down!" Santo grabbed my hand, turning me around to face him. "What did he mean, 'hurt'?"
His eyes scanned my face and body, and when he didn't find anything, I yanked my hand out of his grasp.
"None of your business." I muttered harshly, noticing how the rest gathered around, including a very annoyed Rivo.
"What's going on?" Alessandro stepped forward, looking at the two of us with confusion all over his face.
Great. Just what I needed, the whole fucking squad.
"Nothing-"
"Her neck is fucking bleeding and the idiot is going out!" Rivo yelled, using the wall for support.
I wished I kicked him harder, because in a second, all heads snapped to me.
Amadeo and Alessandro walked fast towards me, and Santo took a step back from the shock.
Riccardo tensed and locked his eyes on mine, and for the first time, I wished I could drive with him just so I'd crash and die.
"I'm fine!" I snapped and backed away from them, "I just need to go out and-"
Alessandro shook his head and cupped my face between his hands. "You can't leave, where is the bleeding?"
I clenched my jaw and shot a glare to Rivo, who looked like he finally realized he told everyone and averted his eyes away from my furious expression.
"I put a bandage on it last night, it's on-" he started, only to be cut off by Riccardo.
"She was bleeding last night and you didn't tell anyone?" he hissed and took a step towards him.
I've never seen Riccardo like that, only mildly annoyed when fighting with Alessandro. But now he looked really terrifying, and that pissed me off even more.
"He didn't need to tell you." I said coldly, and his eyes found mine. I stared at them with nothing but annoyance before speaking again. "It's not bleeding anymore. I'm done with this shit, I'm leaving."
Just as I turned around, a hand grabbed my wrist again. "You need to stay here." Alessandro said sternly, eyes digging into mine. "The wound can open up again, it's not safe-"
I ripped my hand from his and took another step back, my heart clenching. "It's not safe anyway, right?" I smiled humorlessly, looking at every one of them through the curtain of tears in my eyes.
"Not when Viktor is planning to get the fucking job done."
The five of them froze completely, looking at me with wide eyes.
The silence told me everything I needed to know.
They knew, and they didn't tell me.
"Olive, how do you-" Alessandro asked carefully, not moving closer to me in fear I'd just bolt.
The tears are begging to spill down from my eyes, but I don't let them.
"What?" I chuckled darkly. "Did you think I was that naive and stupid? That I won't ever find out there's someone who wants to kill me?"
They didn't answer.
Rivo and Santo were staring at Alessandro with furrowed eyebrows, and while Riccardo just stared at me, Amadeo stepped forward.
"He's not going to do anything as long as you're with us, okay? Everything will be alright." he tried to comfort me, but it didn't help. At all.
"Everything will be alright."
That's exactly what the police officer told us before everything went to shit.
So excuse me for not believing him.
"He's right." Alessandro placed a hand on my tense shoulder. "You are safe here, Olive. I promise."
Every word they say makes the lump in my throat grow.
I want to believe that, but I just can't. People always promised me that I'm safe.
Every time I got adopted, my new family told me that they're there for me, that I can feel safe.
Until they got tired and threw me out.
What will happen if they throw me out? I was fine before I came here. I had a place and Ares, Theo and I were the rulers of our own world.
I can't go back now, not when I caught the eyes of someone who was actually able to take me away once, and won't hesitate to do it again.
"Safe here? As I was when I was two years old?" I asked bitterly, watching their faces fall.
It might have been a low blow, but the anger and the self doubt i feel are clouding up my thoughts.
Alessandro's entire posture became rigid, and his face turned serious.
"What happened fourteen years ago has nothing to do with what's happening now. You'll leave when I say you can, do you understand?" he said sharply and clenched his jaw, a complete opposite to the soft tone he used just a few seconds ago.
Who the fuck does he think he is, telling me I can only go with an order from him?
I lived like that for so many years, and I have no intention to start that now again.
"You can't give me orders, Alessandro." I gritted out, watching how his expression gets angry.
"He's not giving you orders," Amadeo said carefully, noticing the tension around us. "He's-"
"No, I am." Alessandro cut him off with a stiff motion of his hand.
I narrowed my eyes at him, and he did the same.
"I'm your oldest brother, and you are under my guardianship. If I tell you to do something, you listen. Don't push it."
At this point, even a knife couldn't cut the tension.
I looked around at the rest with a scoff, trying to realize if I'm fucking dreaming.
"You're kidding me, right?"
I had to make sure I heard him correctly.
When he didn't take his words back, or said 'My bad, Olive. I definitely didn't plan on making it sound like you're a fucking dog and or a prisoner.', I tilted my head to the side and laughed.
"Oh, man. 'Don't push it'? That's fucking rich coming from you, considering you had to blackmail me into living here!"
My fists were clenched at my side, and the tears I had in my eyes completely disappeared.
All I could see is Alessandro, and it made my blood boil.
"I don't even fucking know you. All of you." I shot, looking around the room and catching their eyes.
They all stared at me hesitantly, not knowing what to say.
That's fine, I don't want to hear anyone anyway.
"I think you're forgetting what I told you when we first met." I shook my head and turned back to Alessandro, who was looking at me silently.
His green eyes held so much power, but I didn't back down.
"I said that if you want to play 'house', it'll be on you. Remember? I never had a family, and I'll never have one. Us being blood changes nothing."
"Olive-" Amadeo stepped forward and reached for my hand, but I held it up next to my head.
"Don't." I bit the inside of my cheek. "This is absolute bullshit. I was perfectly fine on my own."
No one gave me orders, no one.
I might have had to sell pills for a living and run away every few months from gangs we pissed off, but at least I was free.
I worked so hard on myself to get to the point of actually believing I can control my life.
At first, Alessandro wanted me to stay because I was hurt, but now he wants me to stay just so he could prove a point.
He wants to prove that he can tell me what to do, control me.
But he can't. No one can.
Not anymore.
"We are your family. I didn't mean to say-" Alessandro began with a shake of his head, and he was almost pleading me to believe him.
"What the fuck is even family?" I yelled, not being able to control myself.
"I grew up alone! I had no one until I met Ares and Theo and Jace!" My voice broke and my vision got blurry from new tears.
"I had to learn how fucked up this world is, completely alone. None of you knows the shit we had to deal with, the shit I had to deal with." I aggressively wiped the tears off my cheeks and gripped my bag harder.
"So I dare you to tell me what I can or cannot do, because maybe then all of you will understand how good I survive on my own, like I've always done."
I've been running away from everything since I can remember.
I run away from inconveniences, from memories, from people and places.
And I will not hesitate to do it again if I feel like I'm losing my freedom.
I don't look at their frozen states any longer than I have to, not even turning around when I hear Alessandro calling my name.
I open the door harshly, stepping outside and far away from them.
"You're such an asshole." Riccardo muttered from behind me, and before I knew it, he was jogging to catch up with me.
His hair was messy and he looked like he woke up not long before I did, but his dark eyes looked at me with guilt and concern.
"What do you want?" I grumbled, continuing to dry my face with the sleeve of my hoodie.
I was tired of talking, and I was really hoping my threat would make them back off.
"At least let me drive you, you're planning to go to see your friends, right? You can choose which bike we take." he offered hopefully, hands fidgeting behind his back. "We can drive the pink one you liked."
Ever since I've found Riccardo's hot pink bike under a white sheet in the garage, I begged for him to take it out.
He refused, of course, and kept defending himself by telling how he didn't even mean to order that color.
Even though the idea of seeing his intimidating, tattooed self driving around a barbie bike seems so nice, I can't find the strength to agree.
"I want to be alone." I mumbled and looked down at my feet.
The conversation, or how you'd like to call whatever happened at the house, kept running through my head.
I just felt sick.
"Oh, I..." he stumbled over his words, his eyes following my movements as I pull the hoddie's hat over my head. "Are you okay?"
I think he realized it was a stupid question as soon as it left his mouth, because he cursed under his breath.
"No." I answered anyway, my voice slightly breaking. "I want to get run over by an elephant."
"That's painful." he whispered, and I could feel him glancing my way every few seconds.
"I'm gonna go now." I wrapped my arms around me as I stepped out of the gate.
I know the guards will follow me, and for once, it makes me feel better. "Please tell them not to call me."
I looked up to meet his eyes, and I wished I hadn't.
He looked so guilty, almost too guilty.
I'd be lying if I said it didn't confuse me.
Is there another reason he's feeling like that, other than what just happened?
He looked like he wanted to say something, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly.
After a few moments, I realized he's not going to speak.
"Bye." I tried to smile, but it felt really hard with the tears threatening to fall down my face again.
I turned around and began walking, head low and arms around my body.
Why am I feeling so... Sad?
"Bye." I heard him whisper from behind me, and I finally let the tears fall freely.
I hate crying, it makes me feel so small.
So why does it feel like it's all I can do?
For the entire walk, all I could do is think.
That is until I realized I don't want to do it anymore, not today.
I know the best cure for over thinking, and I'm gonna use it.
It's settled. Today I'm getting shit faced.
Chapter 32!
Wow wow wow what a long one! Almost 4k words, but it somehow didn't feel like it.
What did you think about the way everything went down?
Ayyy at least we gon party soon :)
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Love u and thank you sm for all of your beautiful words, it makes me smile so bad when you leave a comment<3