As soon as Minji stood up and walked away from her laptop, Hanni was waiting at the other side of the desk. "Hey... hey... look at me..." Minji whispered at Hanni who's trying to calm herself down by the breath in breath out steps she learnt.
"...it's going to be alright. You've been waiting for this right? Now's the only time and you have to make the most of it. Bring him back to us, to you..." Minji cupped her friend's cheeks gently as Hanni could only nod after breathing out a long one as her head's clouded with the last thing you asked Minji before...
"He asked about me... He..." Hanni was just about to burst herself into tears after her whisper but Minji being there gave her a reason not to break down as Minji's right. It's now or never. "Yes, you see? Yongjae's still thinking of you after all these months." Minji then wiped away the tears lumping on Hanni's eyes as she gave her a nod and a comforting smile.
Minji then went over to an angle that couldn't be capture by her laptop's camera lens but she could see her screen just fine. Seeing that you're somehow not looking at your screen and focusing on your work, Minji signaled Hanni to come over and took her place.
After another long exhale, Hanni quietly walked over to the front side of the desk as her eyes instantly locked at your top figure, focusing on your work without even glancing back at the screen until she safely seated down in front of the laptop. Nervous herself, Hanni's eyes couldn't gaze away from you who still haven't notice her.
She breathed out another long one until her heartbeat's calming down. "Hi Yongjae..." Hanni called out to your name in a softest tone she could express and instantly got a reaction from you. As your eyes gazed back on your screen, she could see how your eyes immediately went wide as you and Hanni shared an eye contact after such, such a long time.
"H-Hanni..." You on the other side of the screen couldn't muster any words as they remained stuck behind your throat. Hanni then gave you a light wave with her smile still intacted on her face. "Yes, Yongjae it's me... Hanni... your bestie."
As your breathing became shaky, you had to lower your laptop screen. "Yongjae please-" You could hear her voice, loud and clear as your hand stopped from closing the screen completely. "...I understand if you don't want to see me but can we at least talk for a bit? You don't have to look at me. As long as you can hear me then that's fine."
"Please..." You could hear her cried out, begging you and you had your face buried in your palms as you're breathing in and out to try and calm your inclining heartbeat while not even knowing what to feel, what to say and what to even do at that moment. Your head's suddenly became a messy wreck. "...I won't ask for anything else. I promise..."
All the guilt, all the pent up frustration caging your mind throughout these months, all the pent up emotions that you're trying to run away from. It's all coming back... It's all flooding back and it's all too painful...
"I'm sorry..." You heaved out what you've been wanting to say for a long time to her. "...Hanni I'm sorry..." No words, no other words seemed to be getting out from your lips as Hanni faintly heard your shaky breaths. "...I'm so sorry."
"It's okay... Hey, Yongjae it's okay... Can you look at me? Please..." She said as she's praying that you'd opened up to her, even just this one time and slowly she saw you lifted your laptop screen and shortly after, she saw your face again.
"Hey..." You greeted her as you're wiping the tears off with your sleeve before breathing out a long one out. "...it's just her she said... I should've known, Kim Minji." You breathed out, still couldn't believe how easily you've been deceive by Minji but yet again... That shows how much trust you put in this friendship of yours. "...hey Hanni."
"How are you Yongjae? God you don't know how happy I am to see you again." Hanni asked as the smile on her face remained and you couldn't get your eyes off her.
Even after all these long months, her smile was and will always be the source of your strength. "I'm fine... I'm-" You then let out a clear sigh. "...no I'm not. No I'm not fine Hanni. God I wish you don't have to see me like this..." You lowered your head, feeling a bit embarrassed with Hanni seeing the state that you're in.
"You and I both know that I have to. We have to see each other again Yongjae or else none of this will even end..." Hanni's soft cry made you shook your head slightly in guilt. "...seriously if you don't want me to see you like this then can I have my best friend back? Can I have the teasing, joking, caring, sentimental foodie named Lee Yongjae back..."
"You know that I'm still here Hanni." You replied to her as Hanni just let out a silent sigh while your head remained low. "My best friend doesn't look as miserable as the one I'm seeing now..." You let out a clear sigh as you couldn't even deny her. " If you say that you're still here then I'm also here Yongjae. I was here yesterday, I'm here today and I'll be here tomorrow and the day after that and everyday I'm just as miserable as you. But after everything that happened, just like you're always there for me when I needed you, now it's my turn to be there for you..." You could only listen to her. "...I'm here for you."
"Hanni..." Then out of no where you couldn't help suddenly remembered. "...what about Jun? He won't be please at you for doing this.." You lifted your head and you could see the disappointment in her expression and at that point you knew something happened. "What did he do to you..." You asked rather sternly and Hanni could only sigh.
"I don't want to talk too much about that imbecile other than he didn't love me for real..." Her statement suddenly made you felt a stint of rage inside your heart. "What did he do? Hanni what did he do to you." Your mind showered with scenarios that you don't even want to imagine him doing to her and it gets worse every second.
Hanni then sighed out as she remained silent for a few moments because she had to remember that day in the café with a lot of regrets. "...he only went out with me because it was a dare from his jerk of a friend. He didn't ask me out because he's interested in me. He toyed me Yongjae. Jun didn't care for me nor did he have any sort of feelings towards me." As she noticed the sharp change of expression on your face, she held her hands up, signaling you to calm down.
"Before you say anything... are you going to rip his face off with something perhaps?" Hanni asked as you just scoffed out in anger. "I'm going to kill him. I'm just- God..." You grunted in frustration as Hanni let out a laugh and instantly calmed you down a bit. "And the list goes on.... Just bear in mind, there's a line in front of you. Minji wants to smash him with a trowel, Yongbok said he wanted to use a shovel instead of a trowel and Haerin... Haerin's too grim for me to say..."
"You know what, now that we're talking to each other, I'll just tell you everything. When Jun came into the conversation, we talked for a few days and out of no where he asked me out and I didn't even tell you this before but he wanted to go out with me for a month..." You were quiet surprised to hear the truth. "Hanni I think most people could see that if someone ask you out and wants to do it for a month only is kind of sketchy don't you think?"
"And that's why I'm constantly in regrets about it..." She let out a soft whine with a pout and you had to look down to hide the light smile on your face before facing her again. "...but was it solely my fault when throughout my whole childhood all the way to my teenage years and now we're in our twenties I've been spending it with you? I never fall in love with anybody all my life Yongjae. Having a boyfriend never even cross my mind because all of the time, you're there with me somehow made me feel enough..."
"...and out of no where someone just casually asked me out and I was left in the unknown. And to make it worse, I was still unsure of my feelings at the time. I thought having the one month thing is a normal thing to have so I agreed with a heavy heart." Hanni shed a few tears as she wiped them all away. "...in the end, I got tricked. And in all honesty I deserved that."
"I'm sorry that it turns out like that. God I even left home just because I don't want to be in the way of you two. I thought that he will be treating you well, treating you better than me. I'm sorry..." As the guiltiness doubled and the regrets tripled, you couldn't help but feeling like an utter fool out of yourself.
"There's no way you would have known Yongjae and I was at fault as well okay? I should've seen his true self the first time he lied to me but because I never know how to love someone before, I still put my trust in him and now I paid for the price. Deservedly so." Hanni had her eyes looked away from yours for a split second.
She then had her eyes looking back at you who had your head down before she heard another sigh came from you. "It's been hard for you isn't it Yongjae?" Hanni then asked calmly after a short silence. "Yeah..." You could only exhale. "...but in all honesty. I can't say that I don't deserve all of this because in all honesty, I lied to all of you, I ran away from home, from you and I broke our promise..."
"Hanni I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I betrayed our promise. I even left on your special day. I thought that... I believed that..." You leaned back against your seat, eyes staring at the ceiling. "...I believed what I needed that moment was time, I thought I needed to get away and detach myself from everything, from you..."
"I was wrong..." You reverted your eyes back to her. "...the only one I needed is you. Every steps I took here, every place I went to, there's no place filled with you. I thought that I was moving on but after months of staying in the same miserable state as I am now... It's like I'm watching the bright parts of me crumbling down and I can't do a damn thing about it."
"...I don't mind losing things, my keys, my little notebook, even my first poem book. But losing you? That's a whole different story, I don't want to lose you Hanni, I'm scared to lose you. I had many people asking me what I wish for my birthday today and deep down I simply wish that I can be next to you again even if it's just for one last time... and I'll smile at you as if I'd never shed a tear for you..." Hearing that instantly making Hanni's eyes teary while she's trying to remain strong throughout the whole night.
"Then hurry up and finish that programme of yours and come back to us-" All of sudden, you could hear Minji's raised voice came from behind the laptop as you and Hanni couldn't help but let out a light snickers. "...If you don't want to then I will get myself on the plane to Australia and have your head locked tomorrow before dragging you to the airport and get your ass back to Korea."
"I will come back alright~" You raised your voice as ranting with Minji always happened between you two but that's just how your friendship with her are. "...I'll be back by June and when I'm back I want free waffles and ice creams. If not, then I'm staying here." You just had to annoy your friend to the point where she instantly went over to the screen and shot a glare at you.
"Do you really want to leave this little lady here...?" Minji then gave Hanni's cheeks a gentle pinch, earning a whine from Hanni. "...how cruel..." And at that point there's no meaning in trying to win against Minji. "That's not fair. You're using a secret weapon..." You gave up as Minji won this time. "...just a few more months okay? I'll be back."
"Okay cut it out you two... Bickering over a video call...jeez" Hanni then stood up as she walked away from the screen. "Haerin-ah, can you bring it up now?" You heard Hanni's voice from the distant. "Is Haerin with you two as well?" Minji just nodded at your question. "She's probably talking with Yongbok. Don't mind them, they're a happy couple."
"Move over to the side please Miss Minji~" Hanni's voice greeted you back as she came back with what seemed to be a cake box. "Right now we're celebrating your birthday and look at what I have bought for you here..."
Hanni then carefully took a cherry cake out from the box as she placed it in front of her. You saw the cake and immediately you're smiling like an idiot while she's lighting up the candles. "How am I supposed to blow on the candles Hanni?" You asked as she just formed a playful light smirk.
"Send him in~" Hanni raised her voice as you're confused before suddenly the door to your room was swung opened and you saw Yongbok walking in with a cake and lit up candles on top of it.
"Happy birthday to you~" You turned over to the screen as you then saw not only Hanni and Minji but Haerin was there, singing their hearts out while Yongbok joined them for a live version of your birthday song.
You could only lean against your chair as you couldn't help but chuckled silently while feeling grateful and thankful for them to be doing this. Suddenly it felt like all those months of tormenting sadness and painful loneliness were slowly blown away by this sense of euphoria, a sense of home you got from these group of cherished people.
As they'd finished singing, Yongbok placed a similar cherry cake on the table. "Make a wish Yongjae~" The three girls said from the other side. "Make a wish buddy." Yongbok said with a smile as you gently blew out the candles and the cheers from the girls was so loud, it echoed throughout the room.
Yongbok had his arms around your neck from behind as he's patting your chest a few times. "Welcome back Yongjae." You nodded at your friend as you looked over to the screen and had your eyes locked with Hanni's who's smiling so calmly. "I'm back..."
"Thank you. All of you..." You whispered as you instantly felt the heavy burdens in your shoulders being lifted slowly, the uneasiness in your heart was slowly dissipating and the smile that seemed lost months ago, had finally returned to you...
After a long meaningful time spent with Hanni and the rest through the video call and a few slices of cake were enjoyed, you're now laying on your bed with the memories of tonight remained floating inside your head peacefully.
Still couldn't believe everything that happened tonight, you couldn't find yourself able to sleep as you're still feeling the euphoria after spending meaningful times with the most important people in your life. But at the same time, you felt like there's still things that you wanted to say to Hanni.
Something that you want to tell her personally yet couldn't before as your heart was still remedying. Now that everything had calm down, you wanted to talk to her more as you're still longing to hear her voice after months and months of running away.
Staring at your phone, it's already passed midnight by now and you're now contemplating. But knowing Hanni, you believed that she's probably still awake at this point in time so you without thinking too much, gave her a video call while you're sitting up and leaning against the headboard.
You had your night lamp turned on at the side of the bed as instantly she picked up the video call. Her room was still bright with lights as she gave you a smile before covering her face with her palm as she chuckled. "Whatsupp~ Couldn't sleep?" She asked as you nodded with a smile.
"You too?" You asked as she just shook her head. "It's still 10 pm here by the way so I'm not sleepy yet." She then noticed the look on your face and instantly she knew. "...you forgot that you're not in Korea huh? Korea's two hours behind Australia remember?"
"That explains it... I'm getting dumber every year..." Hanni just gave a light laugh as it was so infectious that you had a good laugh as well with her. "You're doing your work?" You asked as she just shook her head before wearing her usual glasses. "I'm just doing some reading right now."
"Oh is it..." You're expecting something as she then showed you the poem book you've written for her. "This one? No I haven't read it." She clarified as you're a bit relieved that she finally have the book with her. "...I wanted to read this before but when I read your letter, I decided that I will only read this when I'm next to you."
"How long have you been writing this book for?" She asked as you could only smile in remembering the date. "Since the last year of high school. So it's been a year plus since I started writing it."
"I see..." Her smile was soft but sincere as she instantly wrapped her arms around the notebook. "I can't wait to finally read everything in here... I even cried my eyes out when I read your heart warming letter. I wish I'd seen it too that night by the camp fire. I wish I could see you the way you saw me that night..."
"I have regrets in my life, but the biggest of them all is that I wasn't able to tell you how I truly felt. I spent so much of my time being your best friend, too much in fact, while hiding my real feelings because I was scared of losing you..." You tried not to choke on your tears lumping behind your throat while you could hear her soft sniffs.
"Every laugh, every moment we shared, I wished they meant more but I'm just scared of telling you and ending up losing you. Eventually because of it, it led us into this mess I made..." Your statement just made her shook her head. "Don't say that. This is not entirely your fault Yongjae. I am a firm believer that everything happened, they happened for a reason. This is a part of our story Yongjae. Whatever happened between us before, I'm sure they're making us realize how much we needed each other. Right?"
Hearing her somehow lifted up those guilts, those heavy burdens away from your shoulders again as you could only nod at her with a soft smile. "I miss you..." You whispered as she looked at you in the eyes with her smile remained. "Me too... I miss you every day and every night. I miss you so, so much." She whispered as you just wanted to give her the warmest of hug but unfortunately it's impossible at the moment.
"I thought that..." You sighed out silently. "...I thought that I needed to move on from you and by going here, I thought I will have all the time I need to heal myself from everything. But up to this point, all those months I've spent here..." You then couldn't continue as you're trying to keep the tears away.
"It's okay Yongjae..." She tried to comfort you as you immediately shook your head. "No, I can't keep it in me any more. Even though I've been trying to move on but now I realized that I somehow wasn't moving on. That's because moving on means that I'm accepting a future without you, and that's something I'm not ready to do. I don't want to imagine a future without you, I can't..."
"It's like trying to imagine a world without colors or a book without words. I'm scared, more scared than I've ever been my whole life. Because imagining a life without you means losing the only happiness I knew and I'm not sure how to survive in a world that has lost its color..." You poured out what's been stuck inside your heart with sincerity as Hanni's trying to control her emotions while listening to you.
"Can we start over Yongjae?" Hanni suddenly asked as you're confused. "W-what do you mean?" You asked as she's wiping the tears off her eyes. "Can we be strangers again? Let me introduce myself, we can laugh and talk and relearn what we already know..." She breathed out as she tried her best to keep the smile on her face.
"...and we can come up with new inside jokes between us and we can create new memories together and, and..." She let out a few sniffs. "...and maybe we can give each other a second chance?"
"Yongjae I'm sorry that it took me too long to realize your feelings, I'm sorry that I ran away from my own feelings even though deep down in my heart, it knows that no one will be able to care for me the way you do. I'm sorry for causing you pain these past years." Hanni's voice came as a soft whisper filled with guilt as she's trying to control her tears from running down again. "...I want to be with you. I want to be pampered and cared for by you. I don't want to run away again because I made up my mind. I want the idea of us together. I want us Yongjae."
"Hanni-ah..." You called out to her as she hummed softly with her eyes not leaving yours. "...I love you so much." And that moment was when Hanni couldn't contain her tears of joy as they're running down her cheeks instantly. "...even after 137 days, I couldn't erase my love for you. I love you so, so much Pham Hanni..."
"Hurry up and come home okay? I want to be in your arms, I want to feel safe again... I love you so much, God I really, really do..." Hanni cried out as she's wiping the tears away and smiled again weakly. "...I've tried imagining life without you and instantly that thought broke my heart. I can't live a life without you in it Yongjae."
"Just a few more months okay...? I'll be video calling you everyday and every night from now on so that you won't feel lonely anymore." You comforted her as she nodded before she just chuckled slightly.
"Why are you cackling? Is there something on my face?" You asked with a chuckle as she just shook her head. "I can't keep it in anymore, you look so great with those ear piercings." Hanni already noticed your piercings during your birthday celebration before but decided to keep it to herself.
"Do I fit into your ideal type now? Or am I missing anything else?" You asked with a teasing expression as she just shook her head. "Nope. You're the one. Nothing more, nothing less. You're the perfect guy for my ideal type and I will never entertain other guys that don't have your name, your face, your height, your personality, your love for poetry, your surname, your address, your sense of humour and your car."
"So does that mean that no one can even come close?" She nodded eagerly to your question. "I only want you now. And knowing that you've sacrificed so much for me, then other men can just dream of being with me as they didn't know how hard it was for you throughout all these years."
"You know what, I'll read one of your poems right now... I'll pick a random page..." Hanni then got the poem book that you wrote as she flipped it opened on a random page and she immediately read out the poem written on that page...
I realized that I love you
when the mere thought
of loving anyone else
seemed impossible
like trying to replace
the sun with a candle
We were friends,
laughing in the daylight
until my soul whispered your name
in the quiet of the night
our hands brushed,
and it struck me like lightning
to the heart
how could I not see
that love was here from the start
We were a forest of feelings,
unexplored you were the
spring rain to my drought
in loving you,
I've become more than I ever dreamed about
Hanni breathed out and her smile couldn't be more visibly happy and relieved before she closed the book and hugged it again then looking back at you who's smiling after hearing how beautiful she read out the poem you've written. That awakened the long rested dream of yours and made you want to take a pen and a paper then start writing poems for her again.
"I love you Yongjae. Thank you for writing this treasure for me. I can't wait to read it next to you, safely in your arms and my head resting on your shoulder, while I read out the poems for us all night." She kept the book safely in her embrace as you nodded your head.
"That time will come and I will make sure you're safe and sound with me. And we can add tteokbokki in the mix as well." You joked as she just squealed at the thoughts of tteokbokki like she always did and you're happy to hear it again.
"Still not sleepy?" You asked as she just shook her head slightly. "Are you sleepy?" She asked as you just chuckled lightly. "A little bit. But we can keep on talking. I can stay awake for a few more minutes."
"No, it's time for you to sleep okay my dear?" She moved her face closer to the screen as now only her eyes were visible, her playful glare made you laughed silently before nodding.
"At least remove your make up before bed okay?" You teased her, earning a cute whine from her. "I know~ I was about to clean it off but you called and I want to look good while talking to you okay~?" The sassiness of Pham Hanni was back just as you remembered her.
"I'll go to sleep now okay?" You then slowly laid down back on your bed as she nodded. "Sleep well my love. Dream of me okay?" She leaned her face closer and she gave her screen a kiss, as if it meant for you. "See you tomorrow mini Pham." You teased as she just pursed her lips while you snickered. "Good night my love, my world, my everything. I'll dream of you and me."
"Good night my poet, my soul, my universe. I love you to the moon and back..." She gave you the brightest of her smile. "...and I will honor today's date, 20th February 2024 as the start of something special for you and me. The day I finally dated my best friend."
There you go ladies and gentleman. We made it~ And it took bloody 38 chapters to get here. But was it worth it? The rollercoaster of emotions, the highs and lows, the laughs and the tears? Oh yes it is really worth it for as a writer and I hope it is too you all as well.
So no more worries, I'll definitely be going all out in writing the fluffiest rest of the chapters in this story as me, myself have had enough with angsty chapters. So cheers~ I'll see you in the next chapter. Peace!