Her name, that thing most sacred to a sentient being. The thing that defines you. The thing that carries you. The thing whose worth you can only truly appreciate once you lose it. Word she expected not to hear again, at least not without prior introduction. And yet she heard it. And yet, her ears once again were privy to that simple word, Anastasia.
That was a name she gave herself, for her birthname she remembered not. What her parents named her was a question she always desired an answer to. But, like many things in life, that was something she will never have the luxury of knowing. Yes, her naturally curious mind could, and in most cases, should wander around searching for answers. But now, that was not what had to be done.
She knew what to do, so she behaved appropriately. She turned around to meet the voice, to see the person, that despite all seemed to remember her. The person whose voice she could not recognize, but who could recognize her. She knew it was not an accident, she knew that the name used was intended. Whoever spoke knew who she was, and yet she couldn't say the same. No matter how much she tried, how much she desired she couldn't pair the voice with any person in her life.
It was not Julius's, for the voice lacked the elegance that the knight always presented. It was not Ricardo's, for it lacked the warmth and care she received from him, almost from the first day they met. It belonged not to any of the triplets, for it lacked the enthusiasm and failed to carry that childish mischief they were, oh so known for.
No, the voice was demanding, almost manic. It desired answers, it demanded its request be granted. Yet, there was something else in it. Something that she couldn't put her finger on, something she could only speculate on for now. She tried again to think of the owner's face, to remember their visage. After all, considering the way the person spoke to her, there is a substantial chance that they were, at the very least, acquainted. But it was for naught. She tried, she focused, but only a silhouette was present. She knew this person from before, but, just like with her parents, whenever she tried to remember, only a silhouette was present. nothing more than an outline, and even that caused her a headache.
So, in hopes of her eyes filling in what her memory couldn't, she observed the strange figure in front of her. But such action left her disappointed still. No matter how hard she looked. No matter how hard she tried, the shroud hiding this person's identity wouldn't come loose. The answer always remained so close, and yet so far.
That being said, she was able to conclude a few things based on his appearance. He wore a dark cloak that was some shade of blue. Unlike the rest of his clothes, the cloak was in pristine condition. The bags under his eyes and the general state of disrepair of his clothes implied that this man had struggled recently. But, then again, who didn't in this city. The clothes, albeit not in the best condition, didn't seem cheap. She didn't think they were particularly expensive, but she wasn't sure. The best way her mind could describe the man's apparel was by using the word strange.
The rest of his physical appearance didn't deviate too much from such a descriptor. Albeit taller than her, which means that he comfortably fits in with ninety-nine percent of the population, he couldn't be described as particularly tall. He was slightly below average in that department, as was his weight, although the latter clearly wasn't predetermined at birth. He seems to have been deprived of sustenance, was it self-caused or not remains to be seen. Although looking into his eyes Anastasia can hypothesize. Because those eyes, manic as they appeared, show one emotion clearly...
" Why aren't you answering me? Why are you here?"
Her thoughts were rudely interrupted by the man's voice. That is at least how Anastasia felt until she realized that she had spent the last minute staring at a person without answering their question. Or acknowledging them in any matter. It seems that the time spent alone has taken its toll on her. Such a thing can also be sad for the man in front of her, whose entire body and every word screamed that he had lacked any normal human interaction.
" I am not sure I understand what you are asking me exactly. What is it about me that makes you think my presence is unusual?"
While her vocabulary and diplomatic skills had remained relatively unscathed by the recent events. Such thing couldn't be said about her voice, or for that matter, ability to speak. For it took her more time than one would expect to finish the sentence. Yet the man in front of her seemed not to have picked up on her pauses for thought. He seemed not to have picked up on anything besides the words' literal meaning. So with a voice carrying equal confusion and suspicion, he elaborated.
" Don't play dumb Anastasia. Why is a royal candidate all alone in a shady alley?"
She was quite happy to hear this answer, although she did well to hide it from this man. Her happiness was unsurprising, after all, the only way he could know her status is if he had remembered her despite Gluttony. That happiness also brought forth uncertainty, after all, her plan for the future relied on her being forgotten by everybody. Now that such a conclusion is no longer correct, her plans will have to be reconsidered.
Whatever change they have will almost certainly have something to do with this man, and that brought her some discomfort. The man was clearly not in the right state of mind, if his behavior was any indicator. But, when she thinks about it such a thing can probably be also said about her. Perhaps she herself can't notice it but the people around her presumably can, so it would be hypocritical for her to outright judge somebody for being scarred by their suffering just like she did. The thought of him being a witch cultist crossed her mind, but it was quickly put aside because this man shoved a clear emotion...
" Answer me already!"
She seemed to be testing this man's patience so she decided to answer in a way that would allow her to confirm most of her suspicions.
" I suffered as a victim of Gluttony. Because of that, my name has been eaten and everybody has forgotten me." She paused in order to collect her thoughts and construct the next part in the best possible way, " If I am not being mistaken, you yourself had suffered similarly."
The question most definitely had an effect on the young man. His facial expression revealed an emotion somewhere between surprise and shock. He even unconsciously took a step back while in this unexpected state.
It wasn't hard for Anastasia to determine that this man had suffered the same injustice as her. While his clothes and general apparel painted such a picture, the thing that made her sure was an unusual weapon holstered at his hip. Partially hidden by the dark hood, one could be forgiven if they fail to notice a black bullwhip.
The world is dangerous and many had taken to learning how to defend themselves. Most often, people would pick swords, or daggers, or any such common weapon. But a whip was an extremely rare choice for many reasons, primarily due to a lack of skilled masters and the inability to easily kill an opponent with such a weapon. For those reasons, whips are almost exclusively utilized by backline commanders and strategists, people who are not expected to fight directly. While such things can be thrust upon them by their enemies, men that wield whips usually had guards or skilled soldiers directly below them that they can rely on for direct combat.
All of this comes together to paint a clear picture. This young man was probably a strategist for the local guard's garrison, or perhaps even the regional lord's army. He had the bad luck of having his group attacked by Gluttony, where his comrades that were protecting him died in battle and he lost his name. So now he is wondering around the city not knowing what to do just like herself.
But why can he remember her? She wondered. Perhaps the victims of gluttony can remember each other? But such a hypothesis was dropped almost immediately. If it was true then she would have remembered him as well. They may have never interacted previously but that is unlikely. Firstly he addressed her by her name, if he knew her as simply a royal candidate he would have referred to her by her title, and would have been much more cordial than he is now. In addition, it wouldn't make sense when her clouded memory is taken into consideration. It is hard to explain but while she can't remember him she can remember that she used to know him. She could feel that this man has a place in her memory but can't say where.
While her mind was filled with various thoughts and ideas her speaking partner gathered his bearings and continued the conversation.
" How did you know that?"
The man's voice, although trying to appear though was quite deceitful when portraying his emotions. It was clear to Anastasia that this was a matter of great importance, so the borderline desperation in his voice made perfect sense. How wouldn't it? She herself knew that just as well. She knew how hard it was to be forgotten by everybody, and how earthshaking somebody, at weary least acknowledging that can be. She herself wanted to know how this man remembered her after all. But, her speaking partner was clearly quite shaken by his experiences, and if she is to get her answer she needs to tread carefully. The best way to move forward was to calmly and carefully explain her case, and answer his questions.
" It was not hard to determine that due to your appearance, the weapon of choice, and the fact that you knew my name beforehand." In a more light-hearted voice, she steered the conversation in her desired direction, "The last one was particularly effective. Although the fact that I can't remember you despite knowing each other from before does bring some guilt to me."
Her words seemed to be effective and the young man's reaction was favorable, to an extent. It definitely revealed more of his character as his, almost panicked voice answered her.
" Oh, there is no need to feel guilty. I don't know how I can remember I simply do. Not only you but other of Gluttony's victims. So there is no need to feel guilt."
She got her answer, as unsatisfactory as it was. But, there were other things that she had learned now. The fact that this man's first reaction to Anastasia's question was to reassure her that she need not feel guilt wasn't lost on her. It definitely revealed a lot about his personality and coupled with his other reaction, her overall picture of him started to shift.
While at first he appeared deranged and somewhat threatening, now he appeared to be more lost than anything. If the though act that he was putting on can be broken by simple observation of facts, then it probably wasn't particularly entrenched in him. No, it must be a recent occurrence, most likely the consequence of his name loss. All of that was probably just a way for him to cope with what happened, a defensive wall meant to protect him from something like that happening again. But, the wall was weak and it would without much resistance crumble to reveal the real person behind it. To reveal a lost man unsure what to do in this suddenly changed world. He was just like her in that regard, and perhaps if they join forces both of them can get their previous lives back.
But such a proposal can not be given immediately. No, more needed to be learned and understood. To that end, she turned the conversation to more lax waters.
" Don't you think that it is a little bit unfair that you know my name without I knowing yours?"
Her voice was friendly, after all, it couldn't be anything else when making such a comment. It seems that it was accepted in such a way by her speaking partner.
" Yeah, sorry about that. My name is Natsuki Subaru."
Natsuki, that is a name she had never heard before, nor does she know anybody whit a similar sounding name. In addition, the family name Subaru was also a mystery to her. But, it doesn't matter now. What does is the fact that her speaking partner had grown somewhat comfortable with their conversation. So she continued further.
" You know that I was a merchant and a royal candidate. But what were you?"
He frowned a little at this question, something that Anastasia kept in mind. But never the less, he answered the question.
" I was half-elf Emilia's knight."
That was an unexpected answer, to say the least. Emilia is quite an unpopular individual, or in less polite words, hated by almost everybody. To imagine that somebody would willingly pledge themselves to her was hard to do. But, then again, from what little she had interacted with her, she seemed like a nice individual. Perhaps a foreigner, something that Natsuki presumably was, that hails from a place where elves are more accepted, could look over her heritage and accept her for her person. The only thing that got in the way of this analysis was Natsuki's reaction to this question, and the way he, almost spits out, Emilia's name. But perhaps this is a recent occurrence.
" Emilia's followers seem like a nice group of people. Why didn't you try to reconnect?"
Subaru clenched his teeth and fist as he answered her question, " I tried but they betrayed me, left me to rot. If I see them again I will kill them all."
Natsuki's anger didn't seem to cause any discomfort to Anastasia. It didn't have any reason to do so. After all, Anastasia understood well where this hate came from, so she didn't pay it too much mind. If the root problem is solved, the anger and hate will go away on their own.
" Why didn't you try to hurt me? After all, you can argue that I abandoned you as well."
She tried to expose his seeming hypocrisy, and in that way show him that the animosity he currently holds might not be completely in place. Many had forgotten and abandoned him, just like many had done to her. But she doesn't seek revenge, because that is pointless. Everybody had forgotten them, and seeking revenge will mean that they would have to turn against the whole world. Such a thing is simply unfeasible and ultimately self-destructive. It is a much wiser idea to simply move forward and try making their lives again, or simply drifting around merely existing, just like she did.
" It is not that they had forgotten me. It is what they did afterward that shows their true colors." He stopped and with a serious, almost murderous expression asked her a question. " You didn't answer my original question. Why are you here in this alley?"
The situation seems to have gotten somewhat out of control. This misunderstanding has seemingly caused him to question her intentions. He doesn't seem violent, at the very least, so no harm is done, just a way to protect oneself from experiencing the trauma again. So Anastasia concluded that being as honest as possible is the best way to move forward.
"I thought you asked a general question, so I answered in general. I apologize if this mistake of mine has caused you inconvenience. But, to answer correctly this time, I am here to stay away from the escaped Sin Archbishop, just like you presumably."
He seems to have accepted the answer in good faith. But, after thinking for a short while he, with a serious expression, asked the most important question.
" How do you know you aren't speaking to him."
The question was preposterous to Anastasia. This man couldn't be a Sin Archbishop, that was simply impossible. If he is one, then she could also be one too. No, everything in their interaction showed that he wasn't one, and she answer the question asked with the only response one could.
" You are obviously not a Sin Archbishop."
This statement had him stunned once again. The only movement he showed was the rapid blinking of his eyes. He didn't seem to be angry or distressed in any way, which made Anastasia glad. She didn't understand why, but this was clearly important to him, and she was glad that she brought a positive change to somebodies life.
But the moment of appreciation wasn't for long. While they were talking a big man, by all accounts a thief, had snuck up to them. Despite his size, he took advantage of the fact that they were deep in conversation and ignorant of their surroundings to make his move. With one arm he grabbed the boy's shoulder and with the other placed a dagger to his neck.
" Give me all the money you have or your boyfriend dies!"
Anastasia, after the initial shock of being taken by surprise pass, was able to calmly observe the situation. She saw a hooded man who was tightly holding a seemingly unresponsive Natsuki. ' Poor thing, he must be petrified.' she thought as all the possible ways of dealing with this situation crossed her mind. She had dealt with such situations before. She is after all a world-class merchant with a lot of money, and where there is money there is trouble. On the other hand, Natsuki was, presumably, a strategist. Somebody who keeps away from direct fighting, but commands those who specialize in combat. His weapon, after all, serves to keep opponents at bay until one of his underlings can bail him out.
Now he was abandoned and there was nobody he could rely on for that. But he needn't worry, Anastasia was sure of her abilities, and this thief is nothing more than a nuisance. She will deal with him without any issue, and perhaps, in doing so. Regain the trust she had seemingly lost.
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It is often that one doesn't understand what he has until losing it. But, for Subaru, the opposite seems to be true as well. For he truly didn't know how much he needed to hear these words until he heard them." You are obviously not a Sin Archbishop."
He took it for granted that everybody will forever see him only as that, a Sin Archbishop. In his mind, there was no doubt that until the end of his days, if such a thing is even possible for him, he will be referred to as one of the monsters he hated the most.
Emilia, the woman he used to love said so. Beako, his beloved spirit said so. Garfiel and Otto, the friends he even thought of as brothers said so. Yet Anastasia Hoshin, the woman he was merely acquainted with, and of whom he didn't have any particular affinity. That is not to say that he hated, or even disliked her. No, he recognized her talents and thought of her as a great potential ally, but not a close friend.
So why was she the only one to say the truth? She didn't need convincing, she didn't need explanations. She merely said those words like they were an obvious fact, which he stopped believing is true. So why didn't they believe him? Why didn't his family take his words, and believe his explanations?
Why?
Why?
Why?
So why is it that when he lost his name? When his achievements were forgotten. When his worth to the world is forgotten. Anastasia Hoshin, the woman he saw, as a sly fox, is the only one to see the truth. Only one to normally talk to him. The only one to seemingly accept him.
Was she lying to him? Was she manipulating him just like they did? Was she trying to use him just like they did? That would make the most sense, but somehow, that is not true. All the signs point to the fact that everything she told him now was true. Her appearance was the evidence, of her being abandoned just like he was. Her claim of misunderstanding perfectly explained the accidental lie she had told him.
She seems not to desire revenge on her camp. Perhaps that is due to her personality, or the difference in the circumstances that led to her name being eaten. Nevertheless, she has as well suffered, if not in an exact way, but similar enough to him. Perhaps he can trust her? Perhaps she is the key to his future after taking revenge on Emilia and her camp. It would be wonderful if he could find a friend to share this otherwise lonely new life of his. Who knows, perhaps eventually something even more than a friend? But in a perfect balance that was his mind, such thoughts couldn't remain unchallenged.
' She'll betray me. Stab me in the back as they did.'
' She might not. After all, is it not worth the risk? To end my inevitable loneliness before it began.'
' She will attack me the moment she gets an opportunity.'
' I have my authority, I can defend myself if it comes to that.'
' She will betray me.'
' She won't'
' She will'
' She won't'
' Will'
' Won't;
' Will'
' Won't'
The storm that was in his mind was temporarily stopped by an outside voice. He recognized it to be Anastasia's, but something was different. Was her voice always this melodic? He wasn't sure, but he knew one thing, it was beautiful to listen to. He could and would just listen to it, but unfortunately for him, the beautiful sound was replaced with not-so-one. The voice sounded like it belonged to a man. He didn't have much time to think about it before he found himself flying to the ground. Because of his state, he had no time to brace for a fall, and that left a painful hit as a consequence.
He saw Anastasia come to him, seeming worried for him. Strange really, he just felt there is no reason for such concern. Yet her beautiful aqua-green eyes showed primarily that emotion. ' Since when do I think of her eyes as beautiful', was a thought that shortly crossed his mind before that ugly voice could be heard once again.
" You got him back. Now buzz off and don't even think of calling guards."
As a response, Anastasia's calm voice came, "Of course, as we agreed."
He turned around to see a cloaked man carrying a dagger in one hand and a coin pouch in the other. Did this man just rob Anastasia while he was lost in his thoughts? It seems like he did. Did the thief use him as a hostage? But how did something like that happen? How didn't he notice it? He doesn't know, and he realized that he doesn't care. In a motion that was more instinctual than thought out he commanded.
" Give her back the money you took!"
He, as gently as he could, pushed Anastasia back as he was rising to his feet.
The thief seemed amused at this happening and whit a crooked smile responded.
" What are you doing? Playing a knig..."
He was so close to finishing his sentence when an indescribable pain struck him. He couldn't understand it, one moment he was making fun of a weak kid, and the next moment excruciating pain hit him in his left leg and right arm. In addition, he could feel what in comparison could be described as an inconvenience on his forehead that he believes is bleeding. The pain was so great that he fell to his knees while struggling not to scream, something that came to him harder and harder to do.
Subaru slowly approached the fallen man with a hand raised and clenched into a fist. Such action wasn't necessary for his authority to work, but he did it anyway. He found that doing so made it easier for him to concentrate when transferring wounds. In addition, it made it abundantly clear to his victims that he was the one making them suffer. But, while all of the above is true. The most absurd reason for this decision is not out of practical necessity and is more in line with Subaru's age. He simply thought it looked cool. While there were many practical reasons for this action, he couldn't put it out of his head that it looked intimidating. To this man that was breaking due to the pain it certainly did, provided he even noticed it in his agony. On the brighter side, the cut on the forehead he gained when thrown to the floor is now gone.
When he got to the man he expectedly tried to take the pouch from the thief's hand. But it had proven to be harder than anticipated. The man in his pain had clenched his fist too hard for Subaru to get what he wants. In frustration, he kicks him while speaking.
" Just give me the pouch and I'll let you go!"
The man seemed to have heard him, as proven when the grip lessened allowing Subaru to take Anastasia's coins back.
When he had gotten what he wanted Subaru turned his back on the thief, and examined the bag. He opened it and saw that there were indeed gold coins inside. Once satisfied he cut the connection with the thief's Od and calmly gave his last command.
" Get lost."
He didn't need to turn around in order to confirm the man's compliance. No, through his authority he could clearly see the man's Od, and it was getting farther and farther away at an impressive speed. ' He is quite a good runner', Subaru humorously thought as he deactivated his authority. He slowly brought his gaze back to Anastasia when he saw something he didn't expect, confusion.
He expected her to be scared, possibly to run, but this was strange. It is then that he asked the question he probably should have before doing all of this.
" This is your money right?"
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This was quite unexpected. Anastasia was able to get rid of the thief while giving him only one-fifth of the money on her. She considered this to be a decent result, so one can understand her confusion when the young man that she rushed to aid. The young man that she thought was paralyzed with fear, pushes her aside and proceeds to torture the poor thief.
One moment she is thinking about how to best reassure Natsuki of his safety and the next one she is watching him effortlessly retrieve the money she gave. It wasn't a nice sight that was for sure, the man looked like he was suffering in unimaginable agony. His ability to not scream was quite commendable.
What made this situation most disturbing were Natsuki's eyes. When he had turned around to inspect the pouch she could, for a split second, see what appeared to be a subtle red glint in his eyes. She had seen something like that before, Lust had the exact same glint in her eyes when she confronted her.
While disturbing this didn't change her overall opinion on Natsuki's position in the cult, or lack their of. He wasn't one of them for a simple reason. The cultist in general and Sin Archbishops, in particular, are feared monsters. But, while everybody is afraid of them the reverse is not true. They lack any form of humanity and with it, they also lack fear. Fear is something only humans have and Natsuki has it in abundance. His every decision is made out of fear. The desire for revenge, fear of being hurt once again by those who betrayed him. Aggressive front, fear of being hurt by strangers. Even now when he had taken the money back his eyes and words carried a fear of a different kind, fear of mistake.
'Well, at least I will not have to take care of the cut Natsuki got on his forehead', was a thought that crossed her mind before answering Natsuki's question.
"Yes." The awkwardness of the scene crossed to Anastasia's answer and because of that, the word was more elongated than it had to be.
Put at ease by the answer Natsuki asked the question that seemed to be bothering him for long.
" Why did you do that?"
Anastasia was confused by the question. After all, it could mean a lot of things and she wasn't sure of the answers for some. So naturally, she asked him to elaborate.
" Did what?"
Whit a serious expression on his face he answered.
" Why didn't you run away?"
The fact that he expected her to simply run away shows a lot about his mentality and perception of other people. But such a thing is not completely unexpected, truthfully it is a small miracle that she hadn't developed such a mentality herself. Nevertheless, she had to answer and she did.
" You were in need and I had the ability to help, so I did."
Natsuki didn't seem to be most convinced by her argument so he further inquired.
" You want something from me. What is it?"
Anastasia studied his expression carefully. He seemed to be somewhat agitated and quite defensive. But, that being said, there was no sight of him desiring to hurt her. That brought a small smile to her face because that meant she can be honest without any serious consequences.
" You are correct. I wish to give you an offer Natsuki."
Somewhat curious he asked.
" What would that be?"
Readying herself for a short argument she drew a breath and spoke.
" I would like to help you reconnect with your camp."
This clearly angered him, but his pacifistic stance with her didn't change. With a wave of anger in his voice he demanded.
" Why would I want to live again with those lice?"
Calmly and with a voice that bordered on maternal she answered.
" Because that would get rid of your fear. Because you will be able to leave your hatred behind. If you think you were able to hide your fear from me, you are wrong. While others might be blind it is clear to me that your every move is made due to fear."
For the third time in ten minutes, he was once again stunned by the short woman. That being said he wasn't completely gone this time, so with a lower voice, he was able to ask further.
" Why would you do so?"
She sighs and truthfully answers.
" I'll be honest my reasons are quite selfish. I don't know how you broke apart with your camp, but I can guess it wasn't a peaceful one. In comparison mine was quite uneventful, they simply disappeared and I hadn't seen them since my name was lost." She inhaled once again and continued, " You are the only one in the world who can remember me and It is obvious that if each of us hopes to get normal lives back we will have to work together. I believed I could live without any reason, without any purpose just existing. But, I was wrong the moment an opportunity showed, you showed, I understood the error of that mindset." She looked him in the eyes before finishing, " I believe that If I could help you get your family back, then there will be a chance for me to do the same. Perhaps one day our families will remember us, but until then, I will have something else."
He had calmed down by now, and his appearance carried something that looked like sympathy.
" They will not remember, no matter how much time passes."
Her gaze fell to the ground for a minute before she looked up again and spoke.
" Then I will at least have a friend."
Natsuki seemed lost in thought at that answer. She couldn't determine what exact emotion he was feeling, but it was obvious that there was some kind of conflict. Nevertheless, after a few minutes, he looked back at her and with a voice as calm as possible answered.
" Wary well. But I am in charge."
She snickered at this as she turned around and started to walk in the direction of the city.
" Before doing anything we should find an inn to reside temporarily. We will also need new clothes. Especially you."
Subaru offended at this comment snapped back.
" Are you talking about my appearance? Look at yourself, you are as pale as a ghost."
Without turning around she fought back.
" I will have you know that pale appearance is considered beautiful in high society. While looking like a thief isn't in any."
Confused and somewhat panicked he shouted. " I don't look like a thief."
With a giggle, she countered, " But you did demandingly shout at little ol' me."
He growled as he admitted defeat, " I will get you one day."
So they walked and bickered. Knowing where they were heading, but not where the faith will lead them this unlikely couple pushed forward.