To have, and then not to have. Hardly could there be a worse thing. Especially when what is lost, is something one desired for their entire life.
Anastasia Hoshin, a former royal candidate and undisputed merchant queen knew that too well. Until two months ago she had everything aforementioned, but that is not what mattered to her. The only thing that mattered to her, the only loss that truly brought her pain, was that of her family.
Julius, Ricardo, the triplets, she loved them and still loves them all. They were the closest people to her, the ones that meant everything to her. But now, thanks to Gluttony, that is no longer the case. Her feelings meant nothing anymore, for they knew not who she was, they knew not what she meant to them. And that is what hurt Anastasia the most.
Her family was made up of loving people, even now if she would approach them, they would accept her as a member of their group. Part of her wanted to do so, to be with them once again, to make new memories with them once again. But, a larger part accepted the bitter truth. As sad and depressing as it was, the truth was that her family no longer exist. The people that made it up existed, and the personalities that made it the warm place that it is, still existed, but Anastasia no longer exists.
Even if she would follow a more hopeful part of herself, she would still be nonexistent. She would interact with them, perhaps they would become close friends, but a family they could never again become. For the memories they shared and the events that bonded and forged them, no longer existed. Or they did exist, but she is no longer a part of them, violently ripped out by Gluttony.
Just like in her oldest memories she was alone. Weak girl walking the streets with no purpose or possession, baring the clothes on her back. She had all, and now she has nothing. Through her cunning, she made herself one of the world's wealthiest people. Through her kindness and care, she made herself a family, something she always desired, something she always wanted.
When she was a young girl on the streets of Kararagi she often found herself thinking of her parents. Her mind was filled with questions. Who were they? What were they like? Why did they abandon her, and if they didn't, what happened to them?
She knew not the answers to these questions, and in all likelihood, she never will. But, that didn't stop her from asking them and imagining what the answers were, dreaming of one day knowing the truth.
To one of the questions, she could swear that she knows the answer, but for some reason, she could never fully recall it. Whenever she would try to remember what they looked like, she could almost remember. She could see their silhouette, she could see some details, like her mother's long hair. But, their faces were like in a fog, she knew they existed, she knew what they looked like, but for some reason, the image, like ripped off, simply couldn't manifest.
And now after more than a decade, after all that she had done, all her Victories, all her failures, she once again finds herself there. All alone, filled with questions, but only with memories to serve as a form of an answer.
She is a smart woman, she knows what to do, and how to do it. If she would try in a few years she could once again be a successful merchant. If she tried real hard, she might be able to find a new family. But, why do it?
What is the point of all that effort if it can be taken away so fast and viciously? Why struggle when you know that it will be for naught? Why try when you know that ultimately you will fail?
Gluttony stole her name, stole everything she made. And if she would try again he would steal once more.
So she resided herself to walk the streets of Pristella. No purpose, no meaning, no goals, just existing. If she would to suffer at the hands of Gluttony once more, she wouldn't lose anything of importance. For her life will have no meaning reliant on others, because it will have no meaning whatsoever. And if Gluttony would to take her life this time, then so be it, it held no value after all.
That will be her future, that will be her way. But for now, she should walk. The city is large, and there are many places to get lost, to not be seen. She could do with something like that right now, the danger has not yet gone.
There had been an attack on the knight's barracks, and the captured Sin Archbishop had escaped. Wonderful news for Anastasia, after all her life couldn't possibly get worse. It just had been destroyed by one of those monsters, and yet now another one is potentially to take it. Whatever, it mattered little now. She will do what one is to do. Not for any particular reason, simply to act, to do. Her life has no purpose, so neither will her actions.
She decided to go to a back alley, usually not a smart idea, but now it could pass. The missing prisoner is unlikely to use this road, the witch cult way is loud and gruesome. So such a man would have no use of back alleys and other less direct methods of traveling. No, he would probably use the main road and make as much mess as possible while at it.
So she traveled, the alley is grim, and the people she will meet here even grimmer. But, such is the city, and such will her life be. Nothing can be done about it, nothing that can be made brighter. From now on, the best she could hope for is for things to remain the same since they can no longer be better. She reached her peak in life two months ago, and from now on only way for her is down.
But her depressing thoughts were interrupted by an unhinged voice.
" What is somebody like you doing here Anastasia?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'They are here!'
'No, they aren't!'
'Yes, they are!'
'No, they are not! It's been more than a month since I last saw them. And there is no reason for them to be here anymore.'
Those were the boys thoughts, but no matter how much they had sense. No matter how much he knew they were true. There was still a voice of doubt in his head, a voice that repeated a possibility, no matter how unlikely it was, that his former friends were still here, and that scared him.
It scared him that they might be here. it scared him that whenever he thought of them he could see their smiles. That a part of him wanted to forgive them, to be again with them, to experience the warmth and friendship they once gave him.
But, his logical part knew the truth, there was no friendship, there was no warmth, there were only lies. He was lied to every day that he had spent in this world. Every moment that he cherished, that he considered dear to his heart, a mere falsehood. If he returns to them they will gladly accept him, he does not doubt that. They will accept him, so they can betray him once again, only this time much worse than before.
Everybody he ever knew betrayed him, and they will do that again given the opportunity. There are no friends, there are no alliances. There are only lies and deception, finished off by treachery. His authority is the only thing he can put his faith in, for it is the only truth. It is consistent, does what it is supposed to do, no more no less.
They hurt him once, and they will do it again. He can still remember the pain, he can still feel the sadness, and he can still sense the emptiness when they broke his heart. But what is most important is that he can not survive to feel that again. He was lucky this time, but the next time he might not be.
The only silver lining of this entire debacle is the fact that he still exists. Perhaps they can't kill him for good, perhaps they can't make him surrender what he doesn't know. But he can be defeated, and he almost was. Betrayed by those he cherished the most, betrayed by those he lived for. Without them he had no reason to live, but now he at least has some purpose, some goal. He knew that revenge was a fruitless act, but what else could he do?
Now nothing, he can escape the city and go wherever, perhaps one day satisfying his desire for revenge. And then what? He didn't know, and he didn't mind. Emilia and her camp seek to hurt him, so he will destroy them before they get the chance. He must kill them, or else they will kill him.
It was terrifying, he knew not where they are, nor when will they attack. He could only wait and hope to be able to overcome whatever scheme they have in place to kill him. So the best thing is to seek them out and kill them, that way this fear will finally be gone.
Now he knew what to do, at least immediately. He will try to escape from the city, and then go to the Miload mansion so he can end this fright.
Now that he thinks of flight, his mind can't but go back to the time when he escaped Pristella's prison. Yes, he can remember a particular scene. One of the guards, once Subaru had killed his colleagues around him and heavily wounded him, begged for his life. He claimed how he was not going to hurt him, how he isn't even going to remember Subaru's face, just as long as he lets him go. At the time Subaru, driven by his authority and desire for vengeance, paid no mind to these words and simply killed the guard.
But now it is not the same. He thinks that that act may not have been necessary, that he could have spared the guard. Then he proceeds to feel guilt for his action, after all leaving him alive wouldn't have had any negative consequences. But then he remembers, amidst the begging, the guard also mentioned his family, and how he loved them. Upon remembering that Subaru's guilt dissipates, to be replaced with anger. The guard tried to manipulate him to stay alive, he lied to him. There is no compassion, there is no friendship, there are only lies and treachery. No good deed ever remains unpunished, had he spared him the guard would have tried to backstab him. He made the right choice, no matter how hard that may be to process.
He killed the guards and destroyed their conversation mirrors, so it will take weeks before reinforcements arrive. That being said, one can never be too careful. Especially when you have a reason to suspect anybody and everybody. So it will be best for him if he takes to the back alleys. Most people won't see him there and those that do he can deal with without many complications.
Pristella is a nice city, beautiful even. But like any other, look behind the curtain and a different picture shows itself. The way was decrepit, but it will do. The people were of all types, but one person he could almost recognize. And then he saw her clearly, Anastasia Hoshin, Julius's mistress.
'What is she doing in here?'
'It must be a trap!'
'It makes no sense, why use a royal candidate as bait? Somebody else could do just fine!'
'She must be, there is no other way. I must destroy her now!'
'But why are her clothes worn out, why is she so skinny, why is she so sad?'
'It is just a trick, an illusion. If their smiles were fake, then why her tears can't as well?'
'It just doesn't make sense!'
His thought, chaotic as they were, rushed to him in a whirlwind of emotions. He knew not what to do, if this was a trap the best thing to do is to kill her and spring it. But if it wasn't, then he will be no better than those traitors. Killing an innocent person who seems to have suffered recently, just like he did. He didn't know what to do, nor why was she here. 'I guess I could just ask her.'
And that is what he did, with a voice demanding an answer he spoke,
" What is somebody like you doing here Anastasia?"